How much should I say about myself in my marketing? A guide for psychologists and therapists on using self disclosure to reach and educate people
The power of self-disclosure for psycho-education
My head was in my hands as I sat down at my table and tried to contemplate eating lunch. A year ago I attended Janet Murray’s 2020 sorted content planning event and it was the first time I had spent a night away from my children. My phone was buzzing every two minutes with a dilemma or an issue relating to my daughter’s behaviour. My daughter, Robyn, is a wonderful and spirited character and I appreciate every atom of her hyperactive self. BUT she can be a real challenge to look after. I am often very very tired and I was not surprised to hear that not all was quiet on the home front. Worry, and a healthy dose of “mum guilt,” washed over me like a tidal wave and I started to crumple. A woman I recognised from my online coaching group sat down next to me. I knew we were about the same age and that she had three kids and she looked kind so when she asked me “are you OK?” I told her my worries truthfully. In that moment I’d forgotten I was a psychologist. We were just two mums laughing about the craziness of kids and the ridiculousness of mum guilt. Then she asked me what my business was. I uttered the words “I’m a psychologist” and it felt like a confession! I laughed and muttered something horribly self-deprecating, straight from my self-critic. To my surprise, she looked emotional. I asked what was going on for her and she told me straight “it means so much to hear that a psychologist struggles with parenting too.” She told me that parents that access our services often feel really judged. She explained that they often walk out of our offices and think if only they could “be like us” they wouldn’t have the struggles that make their lives difficult. I had exploded that unhelpful facade in one moment of vulnerability.
I use ACT and CFT most of the time as my main therapeutic models so I have seen this moment before. The moment someone actually accepts that they may not be a defective specimen for struggling with life sometimes. Self-disclosure in therapy can be really transformative when done in a thoughtful way and it can be in our lives and in our content too. When I talk about content today I am talking about blogs, podcasts, social media posts but also online courses, books or other resources you might create. Anything you put out into the world with the aim of educating people. It makes sense to me that when we are trying to educate people, illustrating our points with an example of our own psychology can normalise experience and encourage compassion and acceptance.
It is, however, also important to consider your use of self-disclosure carefully because there are some pitfalls that we can fall in to. These are mostly the same as the pitfalls of self-disclosure in therapy but I think the effect can be amplified when we are creating online content because technically what we create could be seen by ALL our future clients. It won’t be, but it could!
Some pitfalls of self-disclosure
Disclosing for my own gain not the client’s (making it all about ME)
Inhibiting the client’s ability to bring their struggles to me as they start to see me as vulnerable and want to protect me
Alienating clients by sharing stories that emphasise our differences/my privilege
Igniting curiosity in the client that encourages questions that I don’t want to answer, therefore making a rupture in the relationship more likely.
Encouraging a sense of “friendship” rather than a professional, supportive relationship that exists for the benefit of the client. This could leave the client feeling they need to support me, repetition of the clients “usual” patterns in relationships and also to the blurring of boundaries across the board.
For that reason I have created a system I use to “check” my self-disclosure before I use a story for a post.
The system for safe self-disclosure
I rarely come up with stories to use for psycho-education “on the fly” because my mind won’t always be up to the job when I need to find a story to illustrate a key learning point. I therefore keep a list of stories that I think could make good examples for psychoeducation in my project management tool, Asana. When inspiration strikes me I just make a quick summary of teh story and a note of possible angles I could take. For example, after I had a panic attack in Morrisons wearing my mask (when I recovered) I just jotted down the story and the angles “normalising a panic attack,” “the fear of judgement” and “the importance of breathing out.”
This will also speed up your content creation as when you need to write a blog or social post you will have ready-made ideas that you can use.
The test for helpful self disclosure
When I am planning a piece of content I will go to my ideas board and select a couple of stories that could fit. I then ask myself the following questions before using any of the stories from my ideas board.
Is this a scar or a scab? By this I mean is this something that still makes me feel vulnerable or is this something I have moved on from sufficiently that I can reflect on it with only autobiographical emotions. In the vast majority of cases I will only share stories that are scars, that I have moved on from and learned from and that don’t make me feel vulnerable to share. There are some exceptions to this but I tend not to break this rule online and if I am thinking about it I would discuss it in supervision first.
Would I be OK with my most boundaried client hearing it? Because they might...
Will it benefit the reader to hear it? How?
Is it relatable for the reader or might I risk alienating them?
What is the minimal detail I can include to tell the story?
How to use your story
Obviously, there are no rigid rules but, just as I would in therapy, I tend to use self-disclosure when I am illustrating a new concept so I tend to include the story at the beginning of a piece of content (much like I have in this blog post). This helps engage the reader from the beginning but also makes sure that it doesn’t take up too much space in the session. I finish the story and move into action for the reader to take. Placing the emphasis back on to their experience and making it clear that my story was solely for the purpose of helping them.
Still scary?
If you want to think more about self-disclosure with the support of other psychologists and therapists creating online resources like blogs, social media content, podcast and more then you should join Do More Than Therapy membership.
Our supportive community is a great place to bring questions about self-disclosure and we are also running a business and content strategy course from mid- November where I will help you to create your personalised framework for safe self-disclosure in your content.
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