40s + Shorties: THE Bachelor Breakdown

Whew; we know it's been a minute, but the fact that this is an hour and a half long podcast, with special (unexpected but welcome!) guest Clare, and the fact that the editor got really sick last week really threw a wrench in our schedule. That being said, we cover EVERYTHING there is to cover about Colton's, uh, unorthodox "fantasy suites" episode. How awk it was with Tayshia, to how nuts Cassies's dad was, to the bonkers ending that is finally, finally, here. One of the most dramatic Bachelor episodes ever, and it's not even hyperbole this time! (Expect the finale episode in your feed later this week.)

This might have been one of the more boring Hometown episodes that ABC has ever given us. The highlights of the episode weren't even from the contestants, it was two of the fathers! Then again we are suckers for anyone who sees through this show's b.s. Skydiving was cool but that lasted all of 15 seconds. Anyway we talk about it all on this episode of 40s + Shorties.

Listen, I'm really too damn tired to be able to write a funny and/or coherent synopsis right now, but let's just say that Colton basically interrogates every remaining girl about "who isn't ready for marriage" and then this whole episode is the result. Tayshia (sp? I'm not checking) and Kirpa go hard on tattling. Cassie and Caelynn (sp? same thing) go hard on calling everyone else lying liars who lie. Let the catty backstabbing begin!

Wow ABC the outcome of that Onyeka Nicole drama was totally worth milking into two separate weeks... NOT. At least they get back on track with Colton receiving three ominous warnings from girls on their way out that someone *spooky voice* "still in the house" isn't actually ready for marriage. Well duh dude you have like 4 twenty-three-year-olds left. Anyway, we talk about Colton beginning to become unglued as we look forward to Fencegate 2019!

The producers are at it again with a freaking "to be continued" episode. And its about the most asinine drama between two nobodies (harsh, but seriously folks). Meanwhile Heather gets kissed (yay!) and Cassie canoodles (booo!). I'll get over it somehow...

Don't have a lot of time to write this because we recorded late so just listen to the episode. It's a good-un.

Oh god it's week three and we're finally getting some real flare-ups. Caelynn and Hannah B are going behind each-other's backs to be at each-other's throats... or something. It's all very murky. Colton's got some decision making to do. Caitlin gets bounced because, why? Heather is a little button-pusher. Girls in swimsuits. 10 year old kids, for some reason (those last two things weren't the same date, thankfully). Just another week on ABC's The Bachelor.

OK we've successfully recorded two episodes on time, in a row. We're very proud of ourselves, so you should listen. At the top, Corinne makes the stunning discovery that she may be more of a talker than even yours truly, so that's a big development in the growth of the friendship generally. We also cover crappy dates, awkward dates, and dates with girls that ain't been kissed. Good luck Colton!

IDK. Colton is the Bachelor. We kinda talk about it. Kinda talk about a bunch of other stuff too. Lots about food for some reason. Anyway, we're doing this thing again, so ENJOY!

Hey all its Part 2 of our drunken recap for Rachel's very disappointing final episode. We left off just as we were about to talk about the final dates, so hop back on this wild ride of Bachelorette punditry.

Hey y'all we've got a completely unplanned two part finale for you this season: Competitive Clare guest hosted and we all just yammered for far too long to make it into one huge episode, so we're breaking up our incisive analysis of everything Rachel did wrong in this last episode. Kidding. Sorta. Either way, enjoy Part Un and look for Part Deux in your feed soon.

Instead of starting with fantasy suites this week, we start with...meeting the family! Just what every guy wants to hear. In this episode we do less forgetting where we are but a lot more googling things. Oh, and it's Rob's birthday. Partay!

Its HOMETOWNS WEEK! Rachel gets to meet the fams of the four remaining men, which is entirely boring and uneventful for three of them. We do break down Eric, Bryan, and Peter's hometown dates, but this was really the Dean episode as ABC dives into one of the most gripping moments of TV this show has ever produced, and it has nothing to do with romance... or the lead.

This week we get 3 1-on-1s, 1 3-on-1, and an absolutely delightful amount of singing from Rob. We also learn how Corinne likes her coffee, how much Rob likes dinosaurs, and how good we would be at editing this show. Because we would.

The second half of our double-header: we finish up the Lee and Kenny fiasco before heading off to Denmark for lots of Wiking games (sic). Rachel is still mercilessly eliminating her suitors, especially those who don't take Sebastian's advice and just kiss the girl.

Hey Friends, its part 1 of 2 of a crazy packed week of Bachelorette. Our local ABC affiliate completely messed up our recording schedule, so we're a little extra loopy and tired for this episode, but it's always worth it for our adoring fans. In this episode: Kenny and Lee have a "fight," Jack Stone and Rachel are NOT "Lawyers in Love," Bryan and Rachel make out in the air, and we go on multiple tangents. What else is new?

Between Dean's heartbreaking history and Lee being a garbage human, ABC didn't give us much fun this week - so we had to make our own! Join us for fun with alliteration, boat dates, and trying to find out what the heck the word is for a blimp pilot.

In the freshman season of 40s + Shorties, we recorded but failed to post the finale episode of JoJo's love journey. Corinne's dad (one of the few listeners who actually doesn't watch the show) insisted that he wasn't mad, just disappointed, and vowed to boycott the pod until we got our act together. Well today is Big Mike's birthday and since ABC withheld a fresh Rachel episode from us this week because the "NBA" had a "basketball game," we're bringing this one out of the archives to attempt to win back his love and listenership. Happy Throwback Thursday, and Happy Birthday Dad! (PS: apparently we already had a Meatloaf conversation and completely forgot about it a year later, so you're not going crazy, we just acted out deja vu in real life...)

Week three of this glorious show which appears to be obsessed with unnecessary censorship. Rachel, for her part, absolutely does not want these men censored, because both her group dates involve gratuitous male toplessness, for the benefit of our whole watch party. We get more DeMario, we get Ellen, we get mud wrestling; what more can we ask for.

Tune in this week to hear Corinne and Rob argue over who’s responsible for Copper’s leg injury, whether or not Lee is wearing sweatpants, if Peter is pulling a power move, and if scorned lover Lexi is parroting producer lines. Oh, and Rob continues to make this a lawyer podcast. WE’RE ON TO YOU, ROB.