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I know you've heard the term: compartmentalize.  Maybe you've even heard it glorified and bragged about by people. I'm so good at compartmentalizing my life!  And while it can be an effective coping strategy - that is all it is a copying strategy. It helps you survive. However, I'm tired of surviving.  I want to thrive.  In this episode, I share how I keep mindful of the danger of compartmentalization and a few strategies I've used to become a more integrated, congruent person.  

You asked - I'm answering.  You wanted to know how I do an evaluation of my life, how I make connections, how I know there is something off and how do I dig deeper into what that is and find clarity.  In this episode, I share with you two of tools I use to identify what is off in my life.  These tools have helped me for years in identifying where I need to put my focus and energy.  I hope they help you as well!

I'm resurrecting an episode that had gotten lost in the archives. Family relationships are hard! We enter recovery thinking that they will get better - that everything will get better!  We don't always realize that things don't get better right away.  We have to work through so much of the patterns and cycles that we've been in for a long time!  Many people ask me how I can still have a relationship with my family when things are so dysfunctional?? Here is my answer!

Jackie and I are EXCITED about what we are doing with One Layer Deeper (1LD). Are you looking to go one layer deeper in your recovery? Then maybe one of our intensives or webinars is right for you!  In this episode we talk about how our family of origin contributes so much to our relational template.  This template is the foundation from which we operation. It is the template for how we engage with others around us.  When this relational template is damaged, it takes hard work to change it and thus dramatically transform our relationships. You can do it!  We want to help! http://onelayerdeeper.com  

The first step of connection is departure.  - Delta Airlines We change, we have to, or we spend the rest of our lives fighting the same battles!- Captain James T. Kirk (Star Trek: Beyond) What do these two quotes have to do with each other? They are two quotes that have resonated as truth with me the last few weeks. The beginning of the year is always a reflective time for me and as I've been thinking about you, I've thought a lot about what departures I need to make in my life.  I hope this helps you connect!

Let's keep talking gaslighting!!  In this episode we will continue our conversation about what gaslighting is, how you know if that is happening to you, and how to get out!!  That is the most important - how you get out of this situation.  

Have you heard the term gaslighting? Do you know what it means? Are you currently or have you been a victim? In a recent coaching conversation, I was reminded of just how dangerous this behavior is and how damaging it can be to our lives.  In part 1, I share a few examples from my own life of gaslighting and define what gaslighting is and where the term comes from.  In part 2 - next episode - we will dig into the details of how it manifests and what to do about it!  

Do you ever feel like everyone is pulling you down or holding you back?  Yeah - crabs do that.  Learn what crab mentality is and how it shows up in recovery as Amy shares some of her crab moments. Let's be builders!

Every semester I give the same "speech" to my math students as we begin class together.  This fall, as I was sharing it again, it hit me just how recovery minded the whole thing is! Hard to believe I didn't catch that before.  I share it with you to help you build hope for the big task that is recovery and as insight into what exactly we are all working to recover from!  

Getting current is one of the first skills we can gain in recovery. In learning how to share our current reality, we learn how to accept where we are.  Once we accept where we are, we can actually make changes. Change can only happen when we accept our current situation. Getting current is how we begin to do that. In this episode, I share the importance of getting current and the obligation we have to do that in healthy adult relationships. Also - I want to get current with you on what has been going on for me the last few months.  

Continuing our deep dive into Step 10, Amy discusses the third concept from Step 10 - When we were wrong, we promptly admitted it.  Step 10 is the time we really start to focus on the present moment and our present life. We have cleaned up a large portion of our past and are ready to really focus on the present.  This means we become more and more aware of our actions in the moment and how they are impacting ourselves and those around us.  Step 10 gives us tools to build awareness and how to mitigate the impact of our current actions.  We stop fighting with people and we start admitting we are wrong. 

Everyone has a right to speak their truth. If others don't agree with you, that doesn't invalidate your truth. If you don't speak your truth, it becomes toxic sitting inside of you. These are three realities that I've experienced over the last several months. Especially the last one. When I don't speak the truth of what is going on inside of me and what I'm experiencing, I end up at the bottom of a shame pit I dug for myself.  That is where I'm at today and that is why I need to speak that out loud.  It helped me so much. I hope it helps you as well!

Did you know that Self-Care was finally added to the dictionary? You now have a legitimate resource to help you prioritize taking care of yourself. If it’s in the dictionary – it’s real! Now, we need to look at what the definition of self-care is and what areas of our life we need to maintain and upkeep ourselves. It’s so much more than a pedicure or a night out with friends. Listen to Amy discuss what she is doing on a daily basis and how to re-define self-care for yourself. 

The Implementation Dip is a massive part of the change process.  It has been studied in education for decades and is a massive part of the strategic planning.  It shows us that when we first start to change and put in maximum effort, we aren’t going to see the result we want right away.  In fact, we will see a dip in our performance and results.  In this episode, Amy explains what the implementation dip is, how it effects us in recovery, and shares her methods for navigating this dip.  Links to additional insights about the Implementation Dip:  This one includes graphs for you to look at!!!  http://www.saspa.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Fullan_The_Six_Secrets_of_Change-1.pdf  http://www.ghaea.org/files/IowaCoreCurriculum/Module1/Mod1-FullanChangeLeaderArticle.pdf   https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=fYSBCwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA212&dq=the+implementation+dip&ots=OjMjIzTZyW&sig=4e9VF2PgCQxMaDp1PDVDih16oVo#v=onepage&q=the%20implementation%20dip&f=false  https://insights.sei.cmu.edu/devops/2016/09/three-strategies-to-minimize-the-implementation-dip-in-devops.html 

Continuing our look at Step 10, Amy dives into what exactly “Personal Inventory” is and why we need it in our recovery process.  The ability accurately self-appraise comes with practice and in time, yet it is a skill that can make the difference in the progress of our recovery. 

Marnie Feree is one of the pioneers of sex addiction recovery for women. Having been in addiction recovery for over 20 years - she was one of the first to ever show up in the 12-step circle as a woman. She conintues her work for women at Bethesda Workshops (http://www.bethesdaworkshops.org/), the first outpatient intensive program for women in sex addiction.  In this episode, Marnie shares some of her own story and the amazing work she does for women and teens in recovery.  

We need our emotions. They keep us alive. They make the world worth living.  If we couldn't feel pain, joy, fear, anger, or love what would we do with ourselves? We need them. AND we need to keep them in perspective and in their proper place. And that place is NOT in the driver's seat!  In the concluding episode on this series, Amy talks about how we EVICT the emotions from the driver’s seat and take back the wheel. She offer 6 great ways to get emotions OUT of the driver’s seat and back where they belong.

Picking up the series on the 12 steps of recovery, Amy discusses Step 10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. When we reach step 10 in our journey, we have done A LOT of work! So much work! And there can be a tendency to back down the intensity of the work that we have done. Step 10 is a call to action – listen to Amy describe some of the things we must Continue to do if we are going to continue down the road of recovery.    

We need our emotions. They keep us alive. They make the world worth living.  If we couldn't feel pain, joy, fear, anger, or love what would we do with ourselves? We need them. AND we need to keep them in perspective and in their proper place. And that place is NOT in the driver's seat!  Listen to Amy talk about where our emotions need to be - and how you can figure out who's driving your path.  

In the conclusion of our series about the Karpman Drama Triangle we discuss how to GET OUT! There is preventative work we can do so we don't get sucked in. And there are things we can once we get inside to create space and help us navigate out of the triangle. You can change and learn to have healthy relationships!  I hope this helps! Resource links: https://www.karpmandramatriangle.com/ https://www.karpmandramatriangle.com/pdf/thenewdramatriangles.pdf https://www.lynneforrest.com/articles/2008/06/the-faces-of-victim/ https://lindagraham-mft.net/triangle-victim-rescuer-persecutor-get/ https://pro.psychcentral.com/recovery-expert/2016/01/breaking-out-of-the-drama-triangle/ http://powerofted.com/the-empowerment-triangle/