All We Cannot Say

With a litany of erotic accoutrements to pique our fascination and adventurous side, we're spoiled for choice now more than ever. But what if the best sex toys of all were simple, accessible, and made ethically? It's a question Ffion set out to answer 5 years ago when she launched Fine Bone. The goal? To create the perfect porcelain dildo for everyone with a vagina. After sampling several prototypes and asking friends to test-drive each, Prudence was born – a body safe, porcelain dildo that looks strangely like a kitchen utensil. Since spending the past 15 months in Berlin accelerating her business, Ffion is back in London and ready to show Prudence to the world. In this episode, we talk about: Is London or Berlin the best place for sexual liberation? The most body-safe materials for your sex toys Are ceramic sex toys safe for your body? The best shapes for dildos Hot and cold tips for temperature play with Prudence How to introduce sex toys to the bedroom Why are dildos not shaped like a penis? Why unrealistic beauty standards in the sex industry make us scared to explore our sexuality The rise of the FUN sex toy company Sex is normal, not NAUGHTY Are sex toys becoming elitist? The rise of the ethical sex toy company What is FOSTA? UK sex worker laws Australian sex workers laws What is decriminalisation? Is is illegal to solicit sex work in the UK? Sex work and stigma Episode 17 with Estelle Lucas Berlin and sex worker laws, and compulsory registration   Want to get your hands on PRUDENCE? Find Fine Bone on Kick Starter to make a pledge.   You can also follow Fine Bone on Instagram. Did you love this episode? Follow All We Cannot on Instagram for visual distractions and mini-essays. If you’d like a bit more commitment, join Well Versed. It’s a weekly e-letter that features new content from All We Cannot Say, and also things to read, watch and listen to, found elsewhere.   

Aside from filling my brain with audio material to expand my love and sex life, books are my favourite source of knowledge. So in this solo episode of All We Cannot Say, I decided to review a handful of books that have impacted my beliefs in the past year.   In this episode, I talk about:   Your chance to win $100! Simply complete the audience survey to go in the draw. Temporarily Yours by Elizabeth Bernstein – a great intro to the politics of modern sex work. Becoming Wise by Krista Tippett – for well-rounded emotional intelligence. Becoming Cliterate by Dr Laurie Mintz – an exploration of the orgasm gap and female pleasure. When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron – an ideal bedside companion for life’s trials and tribulations.  Cheap Sex by Marcus Regnerus – for those who wish to explore alternative and inflammatory viewpoints.   Did you love this episode? Follow All We Cannot on Instagram for visual distractions and mini-essays.If you’d like a bit more commitment, join Well Versed. It’s a weekly e-letter that features new content from All We Cannot Say, and also things to read, watch and listen to, found elsewhere.

We’re often taught that listening is the key to a meaningful, expansive conversation. But I’d like to extend our emotional skillset further – empathy is the key to connection and richer relationships. Yet isn’t empathy something that’s we’re intrinsically inclined to do? Aren't we taught how to show empathy through lived experience? Not necessarily so. In fact, empathy is a skill that must be mastered and cultivated, much like learning an instrument. This is where Kate Kenfield’s work becomes essential. She’s a sex and relationships educator who works with people of a wide variety of vocations and experiences, empowering them to enhance the way they relate, listen understand and love. In this episode, we talk about how to show empathy and: What is a sex educator? Who can call themselves a sex educator? How to discern authority, expertise and integrity in the sex ed world How to tell personal stories to connect and empower Why is giving advice so harmful? Advice versus empathy Do men give more unsolicited advice than women? How to enhance your emotional vocabulary Donnie Darko The problem of voicing empathy The art of fake empathy Gender inequity and emotional labour Alex White and the Man Lab The Girl Who Cried Pain Why do undergrad medical students lose their empathy? The 2 different tiers of self care: relaxation/indulgence and reflective practices Sustainable self care practices How to show empathy without burning out The Empathy Exams Morgellons disease (Google at your own peril!) FOSTA/SESTA and emotional contagion Empathic contagion versus empathic concern The Potato Metaphor  The Power of Nice The 48 Laws of Power   The Feelings Cards will help expand your emotional vocabulary. Buy your set here.   Are you interested in learning more from Kate? Be sure to check out her website for information on future Tea and Empathy workshops, and follow her on Instagram too. Did you love this episode? Follow All We Cannot on Instagram for visual distractions and mini-essays. If you’d like a bit more commitment, join Well Versed. It’s a weekly e-letter that features new content from All We Cannot Say, and also things to read, watch and listen to, found elsewhere.  

Tantra is an ancient art that conjures up a whole range of descriptions. And as an ancient art, for some its application and meaning is not so easy to grasp. So what is Tantra? After 2 years of debating whether I was ready to explore Tantra on this podcast, Sarrah Rose reached out to me on Instagram. With an accessible approach to the esoteric practice, Sarrah Rose makes Tantra easy for the rest of us (but by no means less powerful).  Confused about Tantra? Here’s a definition that you’ll actually understand.   In this episode, we talk about: Eurydice Dixon: how one woman’s death put focus on ‘male rage’ in Australia What is Tantra? Hint: it’s not the Kama Sutra. Yogic Tantra, Tibetan Tantra, Doaist Tantra and Egyptian Tantra - what’ the difference? What is western Tantra? The different sects of Tantra How Tantra helps us explore our shadow selves What is a Jade egg? Semen retention Sexual energy as creative energy How to heal sexual trauma through Tantra What is generational trauma, and how does it affect your life NOW What is somatic experiencing? Who is Tantra for? Couples? Singles? The different types of orgasms How to cultivate deep connections during a casual sex encounter Can you/should you persuade your partner to practice Tantra with you? Science versus religion and spirituality. Can we have both? How to use Tantra to neutralise anger How to regulate your emotions using Tantra Tantric relationships The must-read books you need to start your Tantric journey Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas The link between your jaw and your orgasmic potential Sign up to receive Well Versed, our weekly e-letter. It's like bootcamp for your mind and your heart.   Did you love this conversation? Follow All We Cannot Say on Instagram to discover NEW articles and episodes on love, sex, joy and heartbreak.   If you found Sarrah’s approach to Tantra resonated with you, check out her new video series Love and Pleasure Activation. It’s a 7 week video course that takes you through your personal blocks preventing you from having the sex and connection you want. Visit her website for more details.   

I'm thankful to live in a time and place where progressive thinking and equality are celebrated. Do you feel the same way? If you do, you might be just as eager to embrace Becoming Cliterate (2017, HarperOne) with both hands (or just one, if you catch my drift). Dr Laurie Mintz created this resource for people everywhere with clitorises – and those who love them – to fully embrace their orgasmic potential. Because with straight, cis-gendered women receiving the least orgasms, it seems we as a culture have ways to go. Dr Laurie Mintz is an author, psychologist, a speaker and a professor  whose life’s work has been committed to helping people live more authentic, meaningful, and joyful lives through the art and science of psychology. Along with Becoming Cliterate, she's also authored  A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex: Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship (Adams Media, 2009).   In this episode, we explore what Mintz calls the orgasm gap, and explore ways to bridge the hugely unfair divide.   In this episode we talk about: What is the orgasm gap? The number one reason women aren’t having enough orgasms Is porn bad? Why penetrative sex does not = female orgasm Why sex education in the US contributes to the orgasm gap Are older women more sexually fulfilled than those below 35? Is foreplay ruining your sex life? What is linguistic genital mutiliation? Basic female anatomy - are you getting it right? Different = deficit G-spot ejaculation Lauren White and the Anti-Tantra Mantra Hugo Schwyzer and anal sex Is there a purpose beyond pleasure for the female orgasm? The Case of the Female Orgasm by Elizabeth Lloyd  The evolution of the clitoris How to express your needs during a casual hook-up The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz How to recover from sexual abuse and reclaim your sexuality Why you absolutely need to stop making penis-sized jokes   Dr Laurie has a fabulous blog should you seek further advice and tips. You can also follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

On April 11, Trump signed into law two new bills that sex workers say will literally kill them. The bills - Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act (FOSTA) and Stop Enabling Sex Trafficking Act (SESTA) makes websites liable for the content they publish. This means that many online services - that host adult content are now taking down user websites and user accounts to avoid legal action. Many online activists - primarily consensual sex workers - have criticised the bill for attacking freedom of speech, saying it does nothing to help sex trafficking victims. Instead, it's erasing their safe spaces where they can advertise their services, share safety resources, and freely express themselves. And although it might be as late as January 2019 before arrests can be made, these bills have already sent shockwaves across the internet. One of the websites key to the FOSTA debate was Backpage, an online classifieds site where users frequently – but not primarily – advertised for sexual services. Federal authorities seized Backpage on Monday, two days before Trump even signed the bills, demonstrating that the FBI never really needed FOSTA’s backing to indict the site to begin with. Now almost two months after the introduction of these new laws, many more websites have shutdown, and sex workers and their supporters have begun to mobilise. In this episode, we speak to Liara Roux, a sex worker, independent adult media producer and director, a political organizer focused on freedom of expression for adult workers online, and an advocate for decriminalization and protection of consensual adult activity including queer and sex worker rights and safety worldwide.   In this episode, we talk about: What is FOSTA/SESTA? Who supports it? Who opposes it? Who does FOSTA/SESTA affect? How automated bots are removing your adult content with very little oversight or human input Why FOSTA and SESTA are about consensual sex work and NOT sex trafficking In what ways does FOSTA and SESTA hurt individuals rather than help them? What is sex trafficking? Should internet companies be responsible for their user content? Where it all started with Kamala Harris and Backpage Relationship dynamics between sex workers and their clients Bounded authenticity and sex work Is sex work authentic? Are all relationships transactional? Class movement and sex work The economics of porn Mindgeek’s crazy monopoly on porn Sex at the margins by Laura Augustin Why criminalising sex work does not help victims of sex trafficking The death of Backpage and Cracker as advertising platforms for consensual sex work The organisation rewarding $25k to sex workers who’ll out congressmen clients who supported FOSTA/SESTA Stormy Daniels, the sex worker attempting to dismantle the US presidency Twitter shadow bans Switter.at, the sex worker alternative to Twitter with over 40k users Temporarily Yours by Elizabeth Bernstein How will sex worker clients be affected by FOSTA/SESTA? Sex Worker Exclusionary Feminism (SWERF) The history of marriage Why and how FOSTA/SESTA has created a seller’s market due to increased risk How can you help sex workers?   Want to show your support? Visit survivorsagainstsesta.org Follow Liara Roux on Twitter for more updates as they unfold.  

This particular episode comes at a time when it’s essential to talk about the experiences of sex workers. In the past week, not only was December 17 international day to end violence against sex workers, but December 19 also marked one year since exotic dancer Stacey Tierney died. Stacey's body was found at Dreams Gentlemen’s Club in Melbourne, 12 hours after she was seen partying with several patrons. Her death is believed to be caused by a drug overdose, but no confirmation of this has been made.   Because no one has been charged with her highly suspicious death, more than 1300 signatures have been collected to call on Victoria Police to find out what happened. Sex workers and their allies around the world are outraged, because it normalises a stigma around sex work: that it's inherently dangerous, and that sex workers aren’t entitled to the same workplace safety laws.   It’s this kind of prejudice that plays into the myth that sex workers are responsible for crimes committed against them. While there is no evidence yet about how Stacey died, the media diminished her life and her death with salacious speculation about her ‘secret’ life ... which must be heart-breaking for her grieving family and friends who received no closure. Sex work, and sex workers, DO MATTER. And that’s the message of this episode. It’s a sentiment that author Lola Davina explores in her self-help book [amazon_textlink asin='0998892068' text='Thriving in Sex Work. ' template='ProductLink' store='allwecannotsa-20' marketplace='US' link_id='8f36fc6f-e6d4-11e7-8edf-09f7dd9b8cec']As a former sex worker, Davina has first-hand insight and advice for staying sane, healthy and happy within an industry that’s so often misunderstood. In this episode, we talk about mental health and sex work, and: Stoic philosophy and Seneca Pre-emptive negative visualisation Front-load thinkings versus back-end thinking The gift of fear Practical fears versus unwarranted fears Stigma and sex work Staying safe as a sex worker The fantasy of the girlfriend experience (GFE) Authenticity and personal brands What IS important in sex work? Regular customer service! The history of monogamy, sex and love Rachel Hills and The Sex Myth Mindfulness meditation The essential soft skills for sex work: awareness, empathy, patience and practice Legislation and sex work Brit Marling on men as gatekeepers of economics The psychology of commodified sexuality What to do if your partner wants to try and a fantasy and you DON'T Row Murray and For Foxe’s Sake The pros and cons of self publishing The Places that Scare You by Pema Chodron When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron How to Be an Adult by David Rihco Developing boundaries as a sex worker Developing boundaries as part of a secure identity Harvey Weinstein and consent   Buy Lola’s book on Amazon. Follow Lola on Twitter. Sign the petition to demonstrate your support for Stacey Tierney's case.

Luna Matatas was married once. After a divorce and a sexual renaissance of sorts, she discovered a new-found energy for exploring her sexuality as a curious and empowered woman. Today, she helps singles, couples and new divorcees to traverse new, erotic terrains. From navigating anal sex etiquette, to how using Tinder for a threesome, to pegging and all manner of other taboo activities, this episode explores a wide scope of topics.   In this episode, we talk about:   O School Kate McCombs of Tea and Empathy Sexual renaissance after divorce What makes a bad threesome? What do you need to study to be a sex expert? Sex and the City, Girls and HBO as part of the discursive construction of sexuality Fifty Shades of Grey, erotic literature and pathologising kink as trauma Non-sexual submission and domination Sex as part of creative expression How to use empathy to become a better lover Your biggest erogenous zone - YOUR BRAIN How do you find pleasure outside of instant gratification? What is a fetish? Does 'Don’t yuck my yum’ enable problematic fetishes? Can you ever over-masturbate? How to have an honest and open dialogue about fetishes with your conservative partner What is age play? Is age play unethical? How to use dating apps to find your unicorn Should use a sex worker for your next threesome? 10 things your can do to optimise your dating profile to attract your unicorn How to deal with jealousy during a threesome Where does shame come from? Everything is about sex. Except sex. Sex is about power Body positivity as an empowering tool in the labour force How can men be an ally?  Get your Peg the Patriarchy Panties here. Fuck Like a Goddess - the official underwear.   The rise of anal pay in mainstream media. What makes a body-safe sex toy? Can you put a crystals (yoni eggs) in your vagina? What is Feminine Dominance (femme domme)?   You can find more information about Luna’s workshops via her website. Be sure to follow her on Instagram and Twitter.

Have you ever stopped to think about where your porn comes from, or if porn actors receive fair pay? These aren’t generally pressing questions for the average porn consumer as they scroll through their search results for a 5-minute clip. But as with all parts of consumer culture, it’s important for us to think about how we can support higher and more ethical production standards. Euphemia Russell is a pleasure and sexuality educator in Melbourne. In this episode, we spoke to her about the state of the Australian adult entertainment industry, and how we can help to support artistic integrity and fairer production standards.   In this episode, we also discuss: The state of Australian sex education The cultural, political and institutional barriers to running a sex education business The state of the porn industry Does ethical porn exist? Why sex work is work The politics of Porn Hub and its heteronormative cis-gendered bias One cup, two girls What really goes on inside the porn industry? Do we need more realistic porn? Is there a place for fantasy in our intimate lives? Porn screenings and safe spaces for understanding public and private perceptions of porn Why we NEED more public spaces to talk about sex safely Row Murray on Episode 23  Kids are watching porn from as young as 8-years-old When is the time educate our kids about safe, consensual sex? Porn tropes and their place in rape culture The demise of high quality porn in the 90s Why you absolutely HAVE to pay for porn Crash Pad Series The problem with ‘feminist' porn and ‘ethical’ porn SWERFs and social exclusion Why do so many straight women love lesbian porn? How you we be better consumers? Vote with your dollars! Visit Pinklabel.tv for loads of high-quality, ethically produced porn Porn actor Jizz Lee Catalyst Con Why is Australia so conservative? Victorian legal frameworks and sex work  #gymtw Sex Worker’s Outreach Program  Estelle Lucas on Episode 17  Why rape fantasies are common - but are they 'normal'? Esther Perel and the concept of a secret garden How to cultivate healthy fantasies Lube is the BEST SEX TOY The difference between oil, silicone and water-based lubes Passionfruit in Richmond, Melbourne   Be sure to follow Euphemia’s work on Instagram and Facebook.          

A low libido is one of the most common sexual complaints for women.   It’s also Lauren White’s area of expertise and her passion. Lauren is a sexologist based in Brisbane, who assists her many satisfied clients to reinvigorate their sexual power and their intimate lives. Through her one-on-one sessions and workshops, she helps women to release their psychological blocks that prevent them from fully stepping into their sexuality. In this episode we discuss the elusive female libido, as well as: What is Saturn’s return? Studying Sexology at Curtin university Why your late 20s is a huge time of emotional growth Unboxed and ethical sex toy companies The prevalence and significance of orgasm equality in 2017 Hormonal contraceptives Why women need to change by ourselves, for ourselves Harvey Weinstein, consent and the #metoo campaign Is everyone else having sex but you? Why the language we use influences sexual mind-set. The libido’s flux between your lifespan Quality over quantity, especially between the sheets The danger of silence and assumptions in shaping our belief systems Why communication is key to a healthy sexuality The best way to start a conversation about sex How to foster a safe space for important, sensitive topics What makes soy a huge libido blocker? Alcohol’s effect on your orgasmic capacity How to expand and explore your sexuality Urban Tantra Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sherry Winston Vanilla sex and the anti-tantra mantra Is penetration a requisite for sex? The difference between a sexual act and intercourse The joys of non-goal-oriented sex Do our body’s possess an innate wisdom? The ideal time for foreplay - it’s longer than you think Vanessa Muradian of Mia Muse on Yoni Massage  How do you help the woman in your life feel more sexy, confident and in control? Want to work with Lauren? Explore her website to find out how.  You can also follow her on Instagram.

It’s easy to discount our behaviours as instinctive and unshakeable. The way we think and act is often perplexing, even when we’re at our most self-aware. But what we might not be aware of is that there are different systems for thinking and acting, and with the right tools and mindset, we can learn how to manipulate these systems. The result? More self-control, self-awareness, and the ability to change your life. In this minisode, we’re delving into behavioural psychology, how our unconscious mode of thinking drastically affects our romantic lives, and why we go after the wrong person.     In this episode we talk about: Check out The Pussy Power Hour with Gigi Engle. We’re here to answer YOUR questions in our signature candid and honest format. Episode 1: Love Stinks Attachment theory of love and how to change your romantic script Buy Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Buy Attachment Theory by John Bowlby Buy Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman  Further your love and sex EQ. Subscribe to Well Versed and receive a list of 50+ valuable resources to change your life. Did you learn something new and interesting in this episode? Leave us a review on iTunes. You can also stay up to date with us on Instagram and Facebook.

Can you truly be friends with a previous partner? This is a question we’ve explored previously on the blog and on the podcast. But what readers and listeners might not be aware of is that All We Cannot Say is inspired by an honest conversation between two exes who achieved what many set out to do, but fail: friendship without borders. Board game designer Peter C. Hayward  and artist Honour Eastly (otherwise known as SJ) co-host Being Honest With My Ex, a podcast that explores what happens when two former partners heal their respective heartaches, and become the best of friends without agenda. It’s an authentic exploration of the dynamic between two previous lovers who’ve transformed romantic love into hatred, and then into platonic love for all the world to witness and enjoy. If you enjoy candour, black humour and unabashed honesty, it's a real treat for your ears. In this latest episode from All We Cannot Say , Peter joins us to discuss the creative process behind Being Honest with My Ex, his thoughts on jealousy, and why exes can be the best of friends. In this episode, we answer the question 'Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?' We also talk about: How do you start a podcast with your ex? The beginning of Being honest With My Ex Harmon Town The cathartic experience of airing your dirty laundry publicly The logistics of recording with a former partner in a different country The emotional and energetic labour involved in creating your own podcast Personal growth via creating audio material Anne Hunter on Episode 3: Ethical Non-Monogamy Why listening to yourself argue is a great exercise in introspection and personal development How to resolve an argument you’ve started or made worse Can you really be friends with your ex? Why your ego is your worst enemy How to deal with jealousy if your partner is still friends with their ex Big Fish the movie Gender identity How to navigate pronouns in a gender-centric world The joys and setbacks of living within your own progressive bubble The emotional and intellectual benefits of surrounding yourself with adversaries How to build mental muscles for emotional and intellectual strength The emotional challenges in personal reconciliation Sleep and it's importance for the creative process Gimlet Media So This Is Love and creative partnerships with your life partner Private romance as public performance Is there such a thing as a soul mate? Starving Artist Podcast and how to make money from creative endeavours Does the microphone make you more authentic? Schrodinger’s Cat Want to explore Peter's other podcasts? Subscribe to Being Honest With My Ex Discover So This Is Love (currently on hiatus) Join myself and Gigi Engle for the Pussy Power Hour this October 4, 7pm, New York time (October 5, 9am, Melbourne time). RSVP via Facebook, and be sure to like Gigi Engle's Facebook page to get notified when we go LIVE.  

Rachel Hills is the author of The Sex Myth, a highly accessible but nonetheless meaty piece of new non-fictional feminist literature. So what exactly is the sex myth? If you’ve ever been burdened by societal rules on ladylike behaviour, you’ll understand the pervasive sense that your sexual appetite might not fit the norm. Is everyone having sex but you? Or perhaps you feel shamed for your casual encounters? It’s been fifty years since the sexual revolution, yes, but there’s a new power at play here in policing what goes on behind closed doors. It’s not the government. It’s not the church. And it’s not the media (not always, anyway). It’s actually us. And although our new brand of sexual convention doesn’t exist within a vacuum, it really is up to us to bust our own sex myths in the name of health and happiness.   In this episode we talk about: Nerdy and passionate love for feminist non-fiction Why the personal is political, and the sex myth as part of a broader cultural framework What is the sex myth and how are we ALL affected by it? Is everyone having sex but you? The answer…NOPE! Shame and stigma around sexuality How do sex myths come about? Hint - it’s not the media…it’s you! Why sex work is NOT uniquely exploitative. It’s just work! Slut shaming Sex as a serious, academic subject The perils of writing while female and mansplaining Female Chauvinist Pigs by Ariel Levy The definition of healthy sexual expression (hint: does it feel good? Is it ethical?) Is overt sexual expression the only real sexuality? Are morality and ethics the same thing? Sex Start Ups in a Hostile Business World  Cindy Gallop’s Make Love Not Porn and marketing sex Why porn is not inherently detrimental to consent culture and feminism Yes, God, Yes by Karen Maine  Why does repressing sex make it more exciting? Seeking Arrangement, Sugar Daddy dating and selling your sexuality for profit The financial privileges of sexual freedom Sex and the City and its place within our sexual freedom narratives The disparity between social classes and sexual freedom The astounding relevancy of The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood Trump’s presidency and reproductive rights and LGBTQ rights What’s the difference between objectification and subjectification The History of Sexuality by Focault  How rules become a part of our lives without us even realising it Pitching to women’s magazines and writing about progressive issues for teen magazines Middle class expectations, insecurity and straddling the line between two extremes Sex as a part of consumer culture Do dating apps commoditise people? The rating and dating complex by William Waller  What actions can we take TODAY to combat the Sex Myth?   Buy tickets to Rachel's play here. You can buy Rachel's book The Sex Myth through Amazon.

Once a couple's Oxytocin rollercoaster comes to a grinding halt, they face a plethora of romantic and personal dilemmas. Whereas once you might have let conflicting values and certain behaviours slide throughout your honeymoon period, you might begin to question your future together once the rosey hue of new love has faded. The question is: should you break up? In this episode, we speak to fellow podcaster Meg Luscombe. She is a Melbourne-based life and relationship expert who facilitates meditation, healing and personal growth for all types of couples. Ultimately, she provides them with life skills to help them overcome obstacles so that they can have more fulfilling relationships. In this episode, we talk about: Why we all have multiple ‘soul mates’ Why love is not hopeless The different between lust and love If I’m obsessed with someone, does it mean I love them? Limerence and the psychological dangers of the honeymoon period When to know when your lust is destroying your life The urge to merge Britney Spears and Justine Timberlake = relationship goals How do you deal with a friend who ghosts you when they get a bf/gf? Why it physically hurts to go through a break up Should you listen to your gut? Why doubt isn’t always a bad thing Relationship red flads Why some people are in our lives for a short time, and not forever How to end a relationship compassionately - don’t rip the band aid off! How to communicate during a breakup Love songs and toxic romance Do we all need a relationship contract? The danger of faking positive emotions and the importance of grieving a relationship properly The No Contact Rule When can you be friends with your ex? Social media detoxes The gendered divide of grieving and why men tend to suppress Why "time heals all wounds" is the worst advice The best advice? Don't give any! If you enjoyed Meg’s easy-going yet practical approach to relationships, you can easily get in touch with her by visiting her website. She offers coaching for both couples and single people alike. You can also listen to Sex Love Wine for relationships advice every week. Want more? Follow Meg on Facebook and Instagram.  

Men, on average, die five years younger than women, and researchers believe that a big part of that gap is about social isolation. In other words, men are dying before women, to some extent, due to a lack of support amongst men themselves. It’s also true that there’s a tendency for men to avoid seeking care for depression and our cultural norms discourage men from seeking help for mental illness. In the interest of discussing these alarming statistics from someone with more experiential wisdom, I spoke with James Ferne of The Men's Collective. They're a Melbourne based support group for millennial men to self-reveal, reflect and support one another all in the name of personal development and mental health. Ultimately, The Men’s collective is a space for dudes to be seen and heard, and to break down barriers of pride, shame and stigma. In this episode, we talk about: The effect of WW1 and 2 on masculinity Why your friends can’t always give you advice Why you need an objective sounding board The benefit of an objective understanding The difference between speaking form the heart and the head The art of manliness Why inner strength is a muscle The shame in over-sharing Is your drunk self your real self? The physiological pain of social rejection - it actually HURTS physically Limbic resonance and how our parents teach us how to respond emotionally Beyond Mars and Venus by John Gray Why guys find it easier to open up through activity Why suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45 Men are 3 times more likely to die from suicide than women Manhood by Steve Biddulph The effect of the industrial revolution on gender roles Alex White and Modern Masculinity Why we only see the 1% of what men look like on social media What is a fuckboi? How to cultivate a space of honesty and self-revelation The hierarchy of honesty Social media anxiety The over-pathologisation of feelings How to know when it's time to see a psychologist Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel Marshall Rosenburg and the Theory of NonViolent Communication   The Men's Collective holds monthly meetings for young men throughout Melbourne. Find out when the next event is on Facebook.  

Many of us believe that teen sexuality is something to be avoided and shamed – and that if we’re to be responsible parents, sisters and brothers, it’s also something we need to do our best to prevent from happening. There are a lot of reasons for this view. One is that STIs are higher than they ever were before. But is this because sex, in and of itself, is to blame? According to the Huffington Post, children get their education from porn at as young as 11 years of age. This means that kids are turning to highly stylised productions where everyday events take unexpected sexual turns. How often do you see condoms and lube in porn? Never, right? It's a fantasy.  Coupled with the facts that kids are bypassing firewalls and parental blocks to access porn, and you're left with sex ed that compounds fact with fiction. No wonder why kids hide this activity from parents! Yet research demonstrates that teens who can be open about their sexuality with their parents fare better in every aspect of their sexual health. And study after study has found that sexual shame harms people in myriad ways. From heightening the likelihood of substance abuse and eating disorders, to increasing STI and HIV risk, to preventing survivors of sexual assault from reporting the crimes, to compulsive pornography consumption, there is no doubt that framing sex in negative terms has real world consequences. Author Row Murray is hoping to change that. Row is the author of For Foxes’ Sake!, the age-appropriate sex education book I wish I had growing up. Aimed at teenagers, their teachers and their parents, it’s a no holds barred deep dive into safer and healthier sex for young girls today. In this episode, we discuss: What are teens searching for online? Porn viewing habits Why parents need to take responsibility for their kids sex education The danger of porn as an educator Where did I come from? Sex fairy god mothers Periods talk! Why teens talk to their parents last about sex What is a sex positivity? How to create a sex positive home Fat shaming and sex work Can sexting be empowering? The Fappening Are people who look at shared nude selfies just as guilty as those who share them without consent? Nickolai Goundry, technology and male culture Female drivers and motorcross Pay for high quality, ethical, consensual porn! Sex workers everywhere on Twitter Porn piracy and the politics of consumer trends Vixen.com Sex work is work! How teen girls can rock self respect online State-based legislation around selfie culture Rachel Syme’s essays on selfie culture Did Paris Hilton invent the first selfie? Why safe sex and sensuality are compatible Why teens have the highest STI rates of any generation LELO Hex and condom innovation Lubes, latex and finding the right condom for you Pretty Little Liars, surveillance and the male gaze Is it possible to turn the male gaze on its head? Male aggression and cat calling Bitch facing like a champion How to break down herd mentality The dangers of steaming your vagina How to clean your sex toys safely Row’s new book for teenage boys - All Foxed Up! You can buy For Foxes' Sake! at Row's website. You can also stay up to date with Row's latest writing on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

New to All We Cannot Say? This episode is a great place to embrace fresh perspectives on love psychology, emotional resilience and sexual EQ. Episode 20 is a recap of the most popular episodes from Season Two, with a focus on overcoming fear and anxiety. From learning how to communicate, to initiating respectful casual sex, this episode ties together a plethora of concepts which all have one unique attribute in common: a need to readdress our fears with new skills. Whether that’s a fear of love or exploring our sexuality, it is only through radical acts of vulnerability, surrendering, and truly committing to personal growth that we can discover our obstacles are avenues through which to explore our inner conflicts.   Things discussed in this episode: Mental health Pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder Embracing fear at Fuck Up Nights Erik Newton and The Future of Marriage and Divorce Conflict as a tool for creating depth in a relationship Codependency, and why the art of radical acceptance is the key to liberation Bryony Cole and The Future of Sex Can teledildonics improve our long-distance relationships? How can we use technology to explore our own sexual pleasure The changing definition of sex Vanessa Muradian on Letting It All Go with Yoni Massage In Praise of Love by Alain Badiou with Nicholas Truong How to pick up in person (it’s possible!) The art of self-care Why I quit online dating recently Hannah Joyner on Dating with Depression and Anxiety Our tips for dating someone with depression Sad girl memes as a form of therapy and peer support for Gen Y women How to date if you have depression Why people relate more to generalised anxiety than they do to depression The importance of rocking your problems and owning your shit Why it’s TOTALLY OKAY to wear a mask on your first date Gigi Engle and Life As a Sex Columnist Consent culture, reluctant consent, and how to get your enthusiastic YES! Sex columnist problems and the agency to say FUCK OFF Should you talk about sex with your coworkers? Why we need to label the behaviour, and not the person Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, and essential skills for conflict management Life as an Escort with Estelle Lucas, Melbourne’s top escort Why sex work is work! The definition of intimacy Social media and marketing for escorts Kaila Perusco and Conscious Dating Co How to initiate respectful, casual sex and not get hurt Alex White and Modern Masculinity in 2017 The Pleasure.School Why boys will be boys is bullshit and completely harmful to equality When it’s the right time to think with your dick Got something to say about love and sex? Are you an expert with an informed point of view?All We Cannot Say would love to hear your perspectives and share them with our audience. Reach out – we’re eager to hear from articulate persons who love a good conversation.   Never miss an episode - Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. 

In 2017, there’s never been a better time to rally for social change, both on a micro and macro level. It’s why All We Cannot Say exists - to challenge our perceptions of love and sexuality, and to help readers and listeners enhance their EQ. Yet with identity politics and conflict at the fore of our cultural consciousness, we’re discovering the future is uncertain for equality. It begs the question: what does this mean for our notions of gender and sexuality? Do we need a new definition of masculinity to support more equality? Is the future really female? And how do we support each other to embrace growth, equality, and social and political change?These are just a few of the pressing questions that permeate our cultural milieu. And it’s why I approached Alex White of The Man Lab, a Melbourne-based coaching service for modern men seeking strategies for personal growth and a healthier sexuality.With his multi-modal approach to coaching, Alex helps his clients enhance their relationships and sex lives through exploring healthy masculinity, spirituality and sexuality. The result is a modern practice that enhances his clients’ sex lives and relationships, and aids in fostering a greater connection to self through deeper self-awareness.   Modern masculinity and other things discussed in this episode: Alex’s life as a UX designer, and how human behavioural psychology influences his work as a coach How do you become a life coach? Do you need a psychology degree? Male initiation ceremonies in Australia The Mankind Project Vipassana meditation Digital detoxes Mindfulness Being a workshop junkie, and extending that workshop high once ‘reality’ hits How is a life coach different from a therapist, psychologist or counsellor? How to healthily process emotions physically, rather than mentally What is masculinity in 2017? Do we need to redefine masculinity? How do we do this? The difference between male and female, masculine and feminine The problem with gendering the body and behaviour How to recognise a masculinity/femininity imbalance, and what to do about it Feminism, equal pay, and equal rights Gender stereotypes The core attributes that define a healthy adult The best time to think with your dick - all the time! Why I think Drake is a healthy role model for modern healthy masculinity, and why Alex doesn’t agree with me What does a good masculine role model look like? How to cultivate presence physically and mentally for better conversations and relationships The art of practical self love through applied touch The problem with ‘boys will be boys’ It Didn’t Start with You Why inherited family trauma affects generations, and how to stop the vicious cycle How to balance science with traditional methodologies Why modern men NEED social rites of passage to mark adulthood, and how to find them in Australia The number one reason men seek a coach, and the first step to releasing that trauma Why calling a TIME OUT is the healthiest way to deal with conflict How to facilitate safety and maturity in an argument with your partner The easiest way to incorporate a simple, effective meditation practice into your daily life Headspace app How men can embrace more feminine qualities, and why balance is the key to a healthy, happy life The best exercises for starting your day off right The WORST WAY to balance your energy What practices make for a good coach, and how to spot a bad coach a mile away The best way that women can support men Why stepping away and doing nothing is a powerful act How to ensure that your needs are REALLY heard by your partner Come hear Camilla talk about All We Cannot Say at the next Fuck Up Nights event in Melbourne. Proudly presented by General Assembly as part of Melbourne Knowledge Week 2017, Fuck Up Nights is a global movement embracing vulnerability through story telling. It’s FREE to come along! Just RSVP here.   Book a session with Alex at TheManLab.org     Be sure to check out All We Cannot Say on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

You know how the story goes. Boy swipes right. Girl swipes right. Boy and girl meet. Boy and girl date, ghost, and repeat. It’s a modern love story, no? If you’re feeling defeated and romantically stifled, there is a better way to date. If you’ve become apathetic with the prospect of meeting a genuine soul to connect with, conscious dating is for you.  Conscious Dating is not altogether a new concept. But thanks to individuals like Kaila Perusco, it’s an approach to dating that’s becoming more popularised amongst Generation Y. Kaila heads the The Conscious Dating Co, which runs a unique kind of speed dating event in Sydney and Melbourne. It attracts self-aware 20-30-somethings who are looking to engage in stimulating conversation, and leave with their dignity in tact. Rather than play musical chairs with 10-15 different people, Kaila organises fun group activities and questions designed to reveal a person’s character. Attendees leave feeling fulfilled, respected, and have even gone on to find their long-term partner.   Want to try conscious dating for yourself? Sign up to one of Kaila’s events.

Last year I found a group of women online who not only focus on promoting their professional identities, but simultaneously (and perhaps not intentionally), work to remove the shame and stigma of erotic labour. There’s room for selfies, humour, friendship and sharing values, and we’re invited to watch and participate. It’s a world that’s open to the general public, and the ease in which you can find these communities makes them easy to access. So, I reached out to a few and heard crickets. Of course, these women can be targets for the perverse, and sometimes the well-intentioned but ultimately ignorant.  After a few exchanges with Estelle, I realised I fell into the latter. I wanted to be a good ally, but here’s the thing: you can’t just email escorts on the internet for quotes. So I struck up an email exchange with Estelle, and eventually we agreed to meet. It was obvious to us both that my standard, superficial questions wouldn’t form the basis of a good interview.  Instead, we spoke about identity politics, gender politics, the meaning of love and intimacy, cultural values and so much more.  This is not an interview about what sex work is. Instead, it explores a multitude of dimensions to further enrich your emotional intelligence.