Bad Boss Survival Guide

It’s been a few months since I’ve posted anything on the BBSG Blog and Podcast.  The past few months have been an unexpectedly trying time for me in my personal life.  I’ve had to adjust my plans and redefine what my life was going to look like.  My fiancé and I ended our engagement.  It wasn’t necessarily a mutual decision but I’ve come to realize for myself why it was a good thing.  For a period time though, I was in a funk…..a deep funk. It didn’t matter where I was or who I was talking to.  I couldn’t shake the dark cloud, the heartache in my soul that I was feeling.  An outpouring of love and support came at me from friends, family and co-workers.  I was constantly trying to pivot my perspective and re-orient myself to see the love surrounding me, even though “The One” took her love away.  I felt like a zombie going through the motions.  I’d find myself in conversations with people and realize I literally wasn’t even able to hear anything that was being said.  I could see mouths moving and hands waving but I couldn’t hear anything but the static silence in my head.  There were times I couldn’t even feel the ground beneath my feet; like I was floating above the earth lifelessly moving from one obligation to the next, doing what I was expected to do by the world around me.  This feeling did not leave me when I walked into my office and took the role of a hospital Director.  I wasn’t miraculously focused on the work I was paid to do.  It took every ounce of energy to focus my attention towards my team and to be their resource.  I still heard only static in my mind and felt that I was floating along, uselessly caring about the obligations that didn’t mean shit to me at that time.  This included being the “Good Boss”.  So I want to talk about the idea that some bosses have; “People need to leave their personal problems at home while they’re at work.”  I’ve always thought this was a silly expectation but now I believe that anyone that says this, and believes it’s a realistic expectation, is revealing their ignorance and is not a leader.  So why am I telling you all this shit?  Well you lead people, human beings.  Only people.  You don’t lead projects, departments or organizations.  All of these things are words to describe a group of, or the product of a group of people…human beings.  You only lead PEOPLE!! When a Boss says “You need to keep your personal problems at home.” He or she is using a catch phrase!  A leadership buzz word!  These stupid sounds are just curtains used to shield the ignorance of a boss, but they only serve to reveal that they’re not thinking, they’re not feeling, they’re not leading.  Now that’s not saying it’s ok to underperform if you’re going through some shit in your personal life but it’s also silly to think that it doesn’t affect your work in some way.  I recognized that there was no way that I was going to be “on my game” for a period of time while I worked through my breakup.  I let the managers on my team know that I knew that I was in a funk but needed them to “call me out” if at anytime I absolutely dropped the ball on something and wasn’t giving them what they needed. In a way I was asking for some grace as I work through my personal shit but I drew a line and wanted them to feel confident that I’d be receptive if I was neglecting them without realizing it.  A good boss does the same thing for those on his team who are preoccupied with personal things.  It’s not reasonable to think that a person can “leave personal problems at home”.  A good boss know this because a good boss leads PEOPLE.  There’s another side of this that every boss should give attention to.  People don’t leave their personal lives at home and they also don’t leave their work bullshit at work.  A boss that creates an environment and tone at work that is toxic and miserable will contribute to that same feeling at home for their teams.  This should alarm anyone who is a boss!  To truly embrace leadership, you need to embrace people and accept why we go to work in the first place.  We don’t go to work to find meaning and identify.  (Well most of us don’t but I’m working on this :/)  We go to work to support the people and lives that we create outside of work.  A good boss does what he or she can do to create a tone, an environment, a sentiment amongst their teams that will bring light to and enhance their lives outside of work.  Good bosses want work to enhance the reason people come to work in the first place.  Being a boss is a privilege and being a leader is a calling and that calling is to be the source of good.  Good for the purpose or organization your serving but ultimately a source of good for each individual human being that you influence.  This strategy can only lead to good things because remember, lasting business success is a symptom of joyful souls.  So bosses:  Don’t expect your team members to always leave home at home and don’t let them take work home with them.    To the Best Version of You. -Michael Pawlak

An almond sized mass in our brain has the power to take control of us off in stressful or irritating situations. We can thank our Amygdala for the fight or flight mechanism. Our Amygdala will get us out of harms way before we even have time to think about it! However, when we aren’t in danger, our Amygdala becomes a liability. I talk about a bad boss who’s Amygdala has hijacked their ability to think, and I share four strategies you can practice to strengthen your minds’ power over your primitive, but powerful, Amygdala. To the Best Version of You. -Michael Pawlak

It’s a new year, a new beginning.  Many of us experience a renewed sense ofmotivation to better ourselves and make this the best year yet. You hear resolutionslike I’m going to lose weight, start eating healthy, save my money or read more.  A new year is a perfect time to re-center andevaluate the past year and think about where you want to be come year2020.  In spirit of a new year new you this podcast is going to beabout a bad bosses resolution to be a good boss.  This doesn’t happen immediately or overnight butwith effort and awareness a bad boss can transform themselves into a good bossin 2019.  I’m a ferocious reader and love to learn but I’ve had to makean effort to channel this in a positive direction.  You see I’m a pathologic overthinker and chronicunder-estimator when it comes to myself. I question my abilities all the time and blame myself for all kinds ofshit that isn’t happening.  Call itanxiety if you will but in a way I credit this to my motivation to be a betterboss.  I’m going to share what I think is the one question that bosses should embrace and will most always lead to them being revered as a good boss.  Here’s the best part, it’s for all you folks, this question applies to all of us.  After all, the principles and habits of leadership can apply to all of us, that is if we come in contact with other humans during our day.  So I’m guessing you’re on the hook to practice leadership! Years of study with a hunger for knowledge to betterunderstand myself and hours of silent reflection and mediation have brought meto this.  The one question that separatesbad bosses from good bosses.  Are youready?  Drum roll please!  “How do I affect the people around me?” There it is.  All thosebooks I’ve read, things I’ve written about in my journal, and medicationpractice has brought me to this.  How doI effect the people around me?  Why do I feel this is the one question that separates thebad bosses from good bosses?  Well it’s simplereally.  It forces us to go deeper thanthe day to day, the logic or reason.  Itbrings us face to face with the human reality within us all. A boss who makes it a habit to ask this question on a weekly,daily, or hourly basis will start to realize the extent of their ownership ofcircumstances around them.  They willbegin to realize accountability in all situations, because if you’re a part ofa situation, you’re part of the reason it’s either good or bad.  This question prevents the rampant disease of pointingfingers and placing blame.  It preventsus to think of people as vending machines. We put a dollar in and the vending machine produces quality work with asmile.  Reflecting on our human impact takesus beyond the technical aspects of the workplace and puts us face to face withthe truth that we’re all still human, even when we’re on the clock.  Often times I think we can forget that no matter how hard wetry, our profession will never trump our humanity and a good boss values thisfact.  A good boss wants people to feellike themselves and that they’re work is in line with who they are, not justwhat they are.  We’ve all heard the adage, keep your personal life and worklife separate.  I agree with this when itcomes to certain things but when you really think about it, it’s a silly expectation.  It assumes that when we’re on the clock atwork we’re like a bunch of robots and can easily focus on the task at hand andblock outside emotion and distractions. That’s impossible and a good boss knows this.  Yes there are boundaries and expectations butthere’s a way to empathize and honor the human outside the workplace by asking,“How do I affect the people around me?” Separating personal and professional get even more ridiculouswhen you think of it the other way around. You go to work and your knuckle head boss says a few stupid commentsthat demean your value or they act in a way that shows that they care aboutonly what you do, not who you are.  Youthink as soon as you leave work for the day you instantly separate all thebullshit from your job and are ready to enjoy your loved ones.  Nope. A good boss asks this question because he or she knows thatto get the best out of people you first must be the best for them.  It’s just basic human nature however, all tooften we forget how important it is in the workplace.  We are hyper focused on budgets and deadlinesthat we forget the basics.  Culture. Bosses create the culture in line with the effect that they have on the people around them.  Negative effect, negative culture.  Positive effect, positive culture.  Culture isn’t just some silly buzzword that only glitter farting unicorns or guitar strumming hippies should care about.  It’s the bedrock supporting everything in the workplace.  A positive culture is the foundation for productivity, quality, innovation, and creativity.  A good boss seeks to have a positive effect on others,leaving their teams as better versions of themselves, cultivating joy and fulfillment.  Silly words that might not matter to thosewho are stuck in the technical weeds but the thinkers know their importance.  Culture eats strategy for breakfast and emotionstrump logic.  To the Best Version of You. -Michael Pawlak

Let me start off by saying that this list of “Bad Boss” attributes is somewhat personal, to say the least. Yes I’ve had bad bosses in the past and yes I could make a list of attributes based on my experiences with them. But this list isn’t about them. Shamefully I admit, this list is about me. I’m talking about who I was when I started off in management. Notice I didn’t say leadership, I said management. I wasn’t leading at all but I referred to myself as “leadership”. Quite frankly, if I knew me back then I’d tell me that I didn’t have a damn clue what leadership was. A Little Tangent: It really gets my goat how frivolously the term “Leadership” is used. It’s not a self-ordained title that you can use to describe yourself just because of the position you’re in. True leadership in the VERB sense can only be granted to you by others. I digress. I compiled the bad boss attributes below after taking a journey back in time and watching myself in my first position as a manager. It’s almost painful to focus my attention on these very real memories but I’m hoping you can learn from them. If you find yourself in your first “Boss” job, ask yourself, “Do I do any of these things?” If you’ve got a bad boss and he or she does any of these things I hope it helps you to understand why they’re acting the way they are. If they’re a new boss, maybe give them a little slack. There’s a good chance that one day they’ll look back on how they are today and be ashamed. I guess that is unless they turn out to be one of the bottom feeders that make a career of giving bosses a bad name.  If that’s the case then share your story with me and it might be featured in the “Bad Boss Survival Guide Podcast!” So this is just a short list that I can remember displaying early in my career as the Boss. I thought I was supposed to have all the answers. I spoke more than I listened.  Sigh……I didn’t listen at all. My guard was always up and I never admitting to not knowing the answer to something. I didn’t communicate well but blamed my employees when they didn’t understand the message. I spent most of my time in my office with the door closed.   I thought that bringing in cookies or donuts would help morale and convince staff to feel good about their jobs.   I blamed staff when things went wrong but took credit when things went right.   I gave myself a pat on the back if staff were intimidated by me.   I didn’t take the time to know the people who worked for me. It’s painful to admit that this used to be me but I’m going to take each of these attributes and delve into them with you in future posts and podcasts. To the Best Version of You. -Michael Francis

You’ve got a bad boss.  You go to work expecting your boss to say or do something that is bound to fire you up.  It’s seems that they take some sort of joy in making you miserable.  You’ve got a Bad Boss!  But hang on a minute. I believe that people are good in nature.  Sure there are horrible people in the world but chances are your bad boss isn’t also a Horrible person.  They’re just horrible at being a boss.  You’ve got some choices to make in a situation.  You can quit your job of course, that’s the choice of money.  We know that people leave bosses not jobs.  But lets just say for discussion sake that you can’t quit your job.  You love the work you do, you’re close with the people you work with and the money is good.  In this case you can continue to seethe or you can do something about it.  Many of the problems we experience in life are the result of the perspective we choose.  You mind is probably wild with all the way your boss is conspiring to make you’re life miserable.  You choose to think of your boss as doing things to work against you but that may not be the case.  When I was a bad boss, I’m certain that I created a feeling of dread in the people that work for me.  I would bet that some of them felt intentionally targeted, as if they were the center of my attention and focus.  The truth is I wasn’t being malicious or intentionally bad.  Yes, I was a bad boss but my bad bossery stemmed from ignorance rather than ill intent.  I also had zero confidence but remedied this with an overcompensating toughness……sigh…Stupid.  Bad bosses don’t understand Leadership as a Verb so they cling to what they know and what they think they should know.  That’s why they micromanage you, (after all they can do the job better than you right? ……….face palm) and think that they have all the right answers to everything.  I remember my first annual review after my first year as a bad boss.  I walked into the review confident that I was going to nail it.  I thought I was doing a great job.  The staff in my department were always quietly working and weren’t having problems.  I had to work through some HR issues with some employees that resulted in some people being fired.  I honestly thought I was doing a great job during my first year, but that confidence would quickly change.  My boss, who was a very good boss, sat across from me and handed me my annual review.  I remember reading the words that sent my heart and stomach into the back of my throat.  Michael Pawlak does not meet expectations. I was mortified!  And then my good boss slowly slid a piece of paper towards me and said “I think you should see this.” It was a list of comments that my staff provided him about my role as the boss and how they thought I was doing.  I remember one in particular, When Michael walks by all conversation stops and all good energy leaves the room. Now I knew that people that worked in my department didn’t like the way I was doing things but these comments were against my character, against me as a person!  I learned that day that if you’re not good to people, even though your “just doing your job”, conclusions will be made about your nature and character.  I’m so lucky that my boss had the guts to set me straight that day.  I might have become irate or disheartened and decide to quit! Thankfully he was honest with me anyway, because he is a good boss.  I’m telling this story because chances are your bad boss would be mortified if he or she knew that you thought negatively about them, as a person.  They would be alarmed by the conclusions drawn about their character and nature.  This is because while a boss may be acting as a bad boss, they aren’t necessarily a bad person.  They might not have a boss like the one I had that was strong and wise enough to put me in my place.  That’s why they need you!  They need you to productively share the affect they are having on You. You as Person! Not you as an Employee! Perhaps when they’re confronted with the negative human impact that they’re having they’ll stop and choose a new way.  These are the growing pains on the way towards leadership.  The best part about this choice for you is that when you find yourself as the boss, you’ll already have a leg up on the rest and chances are you won’t have to be a bad boss on your way to becoming a good boss.