Becoming Me

Episode 163 In this episode, I dive into one of the most challenging aspects of deconstruction: trying to explain it to others who haven't experienced it themselves. I respond to a thoughtful question from a follower about how to remain committed to the church while being honest about its limitations during deconstruction. But as I share, this question itself reveals the gap between those observing deconstruction from the outside and those living through it. What I explore in this episode: Why deconstruction can't be fully understood from an intellectual or conceptual level alone How trauma plays a central role in the deconstruction process Why it's impossible to "hold onto the good" while deconstructing—and why that's okay The difference between critiquing the church and actually deconstructing your faith Why deconstruction feels like drowning, like having your entire container of faith fall apart How my own journey with family trauma mirrors my faith deconstruction A note on this episode: I'm less polished and articulate than usual here. The messiness itself is part of the message—deconstruction is disorganised, chaotic, and impossible to neatly explain. If you're going through this process, I hope you feel seen. If you're trying to understand someone who is, I hope this gives you compassion for how difficult it is to put into words. Watch this recording on YouTube. CHAPTER MARKERS 0:00 Introduction 6:22 Unpacking a Follower's Question 11:21 Reading the Question 16:25 Deconstructing the Container, Not Just the Content 18:18 Seeing the Harm in Church Structures 37:22 You Can't Hold On While Letting Go 45:13 My Family of Origin Story 55:39 God Wants Freedom for Us 57:47 External Critique vs. Interior Journey 1:02:00 Closing Thoughts Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 162 Welcome to my first episode of 2026! After a six-week break, I'm returning with greater clarity and readiness to share about a topic I've been living through: deconstruction. In this episode, I'm opening up about my personal journey through deconstruction—not as an outside observer, but as someone who has walked (and is still walking) this difficult path.  What I Cover: • Why lived experience matters when discussing deconstruction—and why resources from those who haven't gone through it often fall short • The crucial connection between deconstruction and trauma that's often missing from conversations • Why deconstruction is an embodied, multidimensional experience that can't be reduced to intellectual analysis alone • The mystical dimension of deconstruction and what it means to leap into the abyss with no guarantees • How deconstruction relates to spiritual midlife and the transition into the second half of life • Why I had to be willing to let go of everything—even my identity as a "good Catholic"—to follow where Christ was leading This is the beginning of a season exploring deconstruction from multiple angles. I'll be addressing questions listeners send me and diving into the many facets of this complex, painful, and ultimately transformative journey. If you're going through deconstruction yourself, I hope this offers you some companionship and validation. If you're trying to understand what someone you love is experiencing, I hope this gives you insight into the depth and sacredness of this process. Watch this recording on YouTube. CHAPTER MARKERS 0:00 - Introduction: Why Now? 9:37 - The Importance of Lived Experience 21:01 - Deconstruction and Trauma 29:42 - Trauma-Informed Lens to Reactions Towards Deconstruction 38:01 - The Integrative Lens 44:24 - The Mystical Dimension 51:57 - No Guarantee in Deconstruction 56:45 - The Second Half of Life 1:01:25 - Closing Thoughts Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 161 What if the reason spiritual abuse is so rampant yet unrecognised in the Church is because these kind of dynamics have always been part of the way the Church existed in the world? In this deeply personal episode, I talk about my journey awakening to and grappling with the legacy of spiritual abuse and trauma within the Catholic Church. I share the story of how I was led in my interior journey into deconstructing my old Self, the way I related to my family of origin and eventually my understanding of and relationship with my Catholic faith. I share how learning to recognise trauma, harm and abuse led me to wrestle with the integrity of what I believed and how that faith is embodied in the world. This reflection offers an honest, bold and nuanced discussion on the complex interplay between faith and coercion in the 2,000 years of the history of the Church and how that impacts the way we live our faith out today. How can we as Church continue to undergo conversion from the legacy of coercion and spiritual abuse that has made up such a huge part of our intergenerational, collective and systemic trauma within the Catholic Church? Join me in this thought-provoking sharing! Watch this recording on YouTube. CHAPTER MARKERS 00:00 Introduction and Personal Journey 01:14 Deconstructing Faith and Identity 03:52 Family of Origin and Trauma 09:10 Anger and Frustration with the Church 14:43 Historical Context of Church Coercion 19:21 Reconciling Faith and Church Authority 22:58 The Role of Conscience in Faith 24:15 Spiritual Abuse and Church Culture 46:03 Hope and Transformation in the Church 51:29 Conclusion Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 160 In this episode, I dive into the concepts of sainthood and holiness, especially in light of personal experiences with trauma and spiritual abuse. Reflecting on the stories of saints like Padre Pio and Mother Teresa, I explore how their actions and the narratives surrounding them can impact our understanding of holiness.  I encourage listeners to question and reconsider what it means to be holy, particularly from the perspective of embodied spiritual and emotional health. Join me for a thoughtful discussion on these complex and challenging topic. Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. RESOURCES The Turning: The Sisters Who Left “The Turning”: The dark side of Mother Teresa’s order, according to nuns who left CHAPTER MARKERS 00:00 Introduction 00:30 Spiritual Abuse and Its Prevalence 02:07 Saints and Holiness: Personal Experiences 02:53 Padre Pio: Reverence and Controversy 11:41 Questioning Holiness and Spiritual Abuse 23:02 Mother Teresa: A Complex Legacy 33:56 Holiness, Love, and Abuse 44:24 Final Thoughts and Encouragement Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 159 In today's episode, we explore the intersection of enmeshment trauma and spiritual abuse. If you're new to the concept, enmeshment trauma occurs in families that are too close to the point where individual boundaries and self-identity are compromised. This episode delves into the signs and impacts of enmeshment trauma, such as poor boundaries, lack of self-identity, feeling overly responsible for others and constant seeking of approval.  I also discuss how these dynamics can lead to spiritual abuse within both families and faith communities, particularly through the misuse of authority and abuse of conscience. Offering insights and personal experiences, this episode aims to help you recognise and heal from these harmful patterns especially when they are cloaked in beautiful and ‘holy’ language such as ‘accountability’ and ‘fraternal correction’. Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. RESOURCES Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing (Book) Holy Hurt (Podcast)  Understanding Enmeshment Trauma Enmeshment in Family: Breaking Free from Unhealthy Closeness    CHAPTER MARKERS 00:00 Introduction 00:11 Understanding Enmeshment Trauma 02:33 Healthy Intimacy vs. Enmeshment 05:27 Spiritual and Religious Trauma 09:56 What is Enmeshment Trauma? 13:01 Personal Experiences and Cultural Context 13:47 Signs of Enmeshment Trauma 19:09 Impact of Enmeshment Trauma 25:54 Enmeshment in Faith Communities 32:19 Conclusion and Final Thoughts Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 158 In this episode, I continue the discussion on spiritual abuse by focusing on Abuse of Conscience. I share my personal journey of discovering this subtle yet pervasive form of abuse, how it affected my life, and my path to recognising my own role in it.  I discuss how my own spiritual trauma and distorted image of God fuelled my participation in this form of spiritual abuse and share how experiencing God's unconditional love has been crucial in my healing process both as a survivor and perpetrator of abuse of conscience.  Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. RESOURCES What is Abuse of Conscience? (Podcast by Paul Fahey) Abuse of Conscience (Presentation by Paul Fahey, Q&A with Fr Boniface Hicks) Respecting Conscience in Catholicism (Paul Fahey with Amy Grey) Conscience Invaders  The Place Where You Stand Is Holy Ground: Recognizing and Preventing Spiritual Abuse in the Catholic Church  CHAPTER MARKERS 00:00 Introduction 01:23 Resources on Abuse of Conscience 05:50 The Challenge of Accepting Abuse 08:47 Conscience in Catholic Teaching 14:01 Freedom and Consent in Moral Actions 17:41 About Mortal Sin 24:35 Personal Stories of Conscience Abuse 32:08 The Impact of Fear on Faith 42:13 Healing and Repenting from Abuse of Conscience 49:05 Final Thoughts and Invitation to Reflect Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 157 In this episode, I build on my last episode’s discussion of how culture, disembodied faith, and trauma contribute to an environment conducive to spiritual abuse. I delve into the responsible use of power and influence, sharing personal insights and experiences.  I discuss how, even with good intentions, we can unintentionally harm others by imposing ourselves and violating the sacred freedom of another person’s conscience that even God respects. I offer tips for exercising influence in a non-coercive and respectful manner, emphasising the importance of honouring each person's freedom and dignity.  Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. CHAPTER MARKERS 00:00 Introduction 05:36 Personal Influence and Power Dynamics 09:54 Why So Hard to Recognise Spiritual Abuse 20:20 Tips for Respecting Others' Freedom 35:14 Conclusion and Reflection Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 156 In this episode, I delve into three factors that facilitate spiritual abuse, especially within the experience of many Catholics. Reflecting on a personal experience during a silent retreat, I explore how complex trauma, disembodied faith, and cultural influences create environments where spiritual abuse can easily occur.  I share insights on recognising these dynamics and discuss the importance of becoming trauma-informed to foster authentic spiritual maturity and embodied faith. This conversation aims to support individuals on their journey of healing and integration, helping them understand the systemic and personal elements contributing to spiritual abuse. Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. CHAPTER MARKERS 00:00 Introduction 06:02 Three Factors in the Set-Up for Spiritual Abuse 11:25 Cultural Influences on Spirituality 14:20 Silent Retreat Experience 25:48 Understanding Spiritual Maturity 28:05 The Role of Dreams in Spiritual Direction 28:57 Unknowingly Primed for Spiritual Abuse 31:30 Complex Trauma and Authority 36:25 Disembodied Faith 43:21 Recognising and Addressing Spiritual Abuse 49:43 Final Reflections and Encouragement Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 154 As I round off Season 10 of the Becoming Me podcast, here’s an overview of how my content has evolved together with the progression of my interior journey and some updates to address inquiries about my coaching offers. As I take a break from the podcast to recalibrate, I invite you to explore past episodes and continue engaging with my content on my other platforms. God bless and happy becoming! Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. CHAPTER MARKERS 00:00 Introduction and Season 10 Wrap-Up 00:30 The Journey of Becoming Me 02:10 Exploring Trauma and Spiritual Abuse 05:13 Developmental Stages and Personal Growth 08:23 Challenges and Evolution in Coaching 10:01 The Quest for Self-Understanding 15:07 Integrating New Learnings 18:38 Conclusion and Future Plans Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

In this special episode about being securely loved by God the Father, I sit down with Isaac Wicker, a Catholic licensed therapist from Minnesota with a decade of mental health experience and host of the 'Whole Human' podcast. Isaac shares his unique upbringing in a deeply Catholic family in the Communion and Liberation Catholic movement, his transformative experiences, and his innovative 12-week program, 'Known: embraced by the Heart of the Father,' which integrates psychology and Catholic faith. This conversation is an invitation to explore the security and ease that come from being securely loved by God the Father. I see myself and Isaac as representing two very different kinds of paths towards a secure attachment with God the Father - Isaac was blessed with the experience of secure attachment in childhood while I had to learn to have an “earned secure attachment” from deep healing and integration.  May this episode bring hope to listeners who struggle to feel safe with God the Father, even as it provides a glimpse of the freedom that being securely loved by the Father brings. Isaac’s website | Known: Embraced by the Heart of the Father Isaac’s Podcast | Whole Human Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. CHAPTER MARKERS [00:00] Introduction and Overview [01:21] Meet the Guest: Isaac Wicker [07:32] The Importance of Big Questions [18:17] Isaac's Childhood Memories and Family Dynamics [30:25] The Importance of Secure Attachment in Repentance [38:37] Embodying Faith Organically as a Therapist [51:31] Focusing on Loving vs Fixing Someone [58:32] The Journey of Becoming [01:00:14] Operating Outside the Boxes of Psychology and Religion [01:14:38] The Known Program: Healing with God the Father [01:22:50] The Importance of Showing Up and Being Honest [01:31:40] Conclusion and Final Thoughts REFLECTION PROMPT What has been your relationship with failure and repentance? Do you tend to move toward sorrow and repair, or get caught in shame? Where do you think that pattern comes from? If you could sit with God the Father today, what would you say or ask, with no pressure to have it together? Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 152   In this deeply personal episode, I explore the impact of Pope Francis' recent passing, especially how he became a bridge of trust during my period of intense interior deconstruction. Over the past decade, I've grappled with my Catholic faith, my relationship with the church, and undergone a profound journey of inner healing.  I share how Pope Francis’ actions and witness offered me a path through complex trauma and relational betrayals, both familial and institutional. This episode is dedicated to my fellow trauma survivors who struggle with their faith, relationships, and especially with the institutional Church.  RELATED LINKS: Pope says he is 'deeply sorry' to Indigenous Peoples in Canada Pope Francis did the right thing when others would not, says residential school survivor Why Pope Francis may be hesitant to rescind the Doctrine of Discovery Pope Francis’ Address to the Indigenous Peoples: First Nations, Métis and Intuit Joint Statement of the Dicasteries for Culture and Education and for Promoting Integral Human Development on the “Doctrine of Discovery”, 30.03.2023 Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. CHAPTER MARKERS [00:00] Introduction [00:48] Personal Struggles and Deconstruction [02:28] Pope Francis' Impact [05:30] Journey of Healing and Integration [07:50] Struggles with the Church [09:58] Uncomfortable with Pope Francis 2013-2015 [13:38] Not In Touch with My Exiled Parts [18:45] Awakening to Dysfunction and Abuse [29:16] Trauma and Betrayal in the Church [36:05] Father Wound Re-triggered [38:06] Compassion in Secular Spaces [40:41] Pandemic Retreat Experience with Gabor Maté [42:09] Indigenous Trauma and Residential Schools [44:58] Seeking Apology from the Pope [48:57] Personal Reflections on Fatherhood and Healing [58:38] Pope Francis' Apology to the Indigenous People of Canada [01:03:55] Repudiating the "Doctrine of Discovery" [01:09:16] A Church That Doesn't Repair [01:13:37] Hope for the Church [01:18:28] Conclusion REFLECTION PROMPT Have you ever found yourself reevaluating something you once felt certain about? What helped you feel safe enough to explore those thoughts? Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 151 (Bonus)   In this special bonus episode for Holy Week, I share a deeply personal and vulnerable story about my journey through spiritual trauma and healing. Last year, I wrote an open letter on my personal blog, disclosing the challenges I've faced and continue to face as a complex trauma survivor within the Catholic faith.  From experiencing physical symptoms of distress during Mass to grappling with deeply ingrained religious guilt, I invite you to witness my journey towards understanding, acceptance, and integration. I hope my story resonates with others who struggle with similar feelings during Holy Week, providing language, comfort, and a sense of solidarity.  Additionally, I offer practical suggestions for seeking support, emphasizing the importance of trauma-informed care within spiritual and therapeutic frameworks. God meets us exactly where we are, and this episode is an invitation to take that first step towards healing. Read My Blogposts: To My Fellow Complex Trauma Survivors Who Struggle with Holy Week A Good Friday Confession (I Don’t Feel Anything) Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. CHAPTER MARKERS 00:00 Introduction 02:21 A Vulnerable Self-Disclosure 07:41 The Letter Begins 13:55 Waking Up to Anger and My Body Saying "No" 16:49 Trauma Mingled with Faith 19:42 Dying (To Ego) Into Authentic Love 21:27 Entering Christ's Wounds Through My Wounds 23:12 Why Holy Week Can Be Re-traumatising for Trauma Surviors 26:00 Letting God Love Me Through Self-Love 28:30 New Trauma-Informed Wine Skins Needed 29:54 What Can Trauma Survivors Do To Support Ourselves? 33:13 Final Thoughts 36:02 Conclusion Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 150   In this heartfelt conversation, I sit down with Paul Fahey, a limited licensed professional counselor, retreat leader, and catechist from Michigan, USA. Paul shares insights from his work in pastoral counseling for Catholics who have been spiritually abused and his efforts to educate ministers to be more equipped in their ministry. We delve into the complex nature of spiritual and religious trauma, the importance of language in healing from trauma, and the profound teachings of the Catholic Church on human dignity.  Through personal stories and shared experiences, we explore the critical theme of dignity, how trauma affects our understanding of love and self-worth, and the necessity of creating safe spaces within or away from the Church for healing and authentic connection.  This episode offers a rich and thought-provoking discussion on how we can reclaim our dignity and experience God's chaste, non-controlling love in the midst of a fallen world. Visit Paul Fahey’s website here. Documents quoted by Paul: Dignitatis Humanae Patris Corde Fratelli Tutti Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. CHAPTER MARKERS 00:00 Introduction to Paul Fahey 01:12 Discussing Trauma and Spiritual Abuse 05:53 Exploring Human Dignity in Church Teachings 10:32 Understanding Spiritual Authority and Coercion 35:51 Chastity and Non-Possessive Love 47:33 Healing from Spiritual Coercion 53:45 Struggling with Faith and Depression 56:14 Journey Out of Depression 58:29 Role of a Catechist and Therapist 59:50 The Importance of Experiencing Non-controlling Love 01:01:40 Experiencing God's Reverence 01:04:00 The Concept of Theosis 01:11:51 Challenges in the Church 01:15:44 Accompanying Ourselves in Healing 01:32:03 Forgiveness Demands Justice for the Victim 01:37:22 Wrestling with the Lack of Safety in Church 01:42:24 Reality is Greater than Ideas 01:44:35 Final Thoughts and Gratitude REFLECTION PROMPT How have I experienced coercion—subtle or overt—in my spiritual life? What impact has that had on my relationship with God, the Church, and myself? In what ways can I begin to love myself and others with a non-possessive love? Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 149   In this episode, I delve into the unique challenges that Catholic and Christian trauma survivors face in their healing journeys. Drawing from my own experiences and observations, I outline five specific reasons why faith can often complicate trauma recovery for believers.  From the difficulty of accepting abuse within 'good' religious families, to the guilt around naming harm and the complexities of forgiveness, I discuss the psychological and spiritual hurdles that can impede healing. Join me as I explore how religious convictions, while deeply meaningful, sometimes inadvertently obstruct the path to recovery. LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Ex-Missionaries of Charity allege culture of abuse and neglect "The Turning" : The dark side of Mother Teresa's order, according to nuns who left Report: Jean Vanier’s L’Arche Hid ‘Mystical-Sexual’ Sect for Decades 'Confusion, control and abuse': Report offers new details about Jean Vanier's secret sect and sexual exploitation Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. CHAPTER MARKERS [00:00] Introduction to the Podcast [00:04] Challenges for Catholic and Christian Trauma Survivors [02:15] Reason 1: Difficulty Admitting Abuse in Religious Contexts [11:36] Reason 2: Unrecognised Abusive Dynamics [17:12] Reason 3: The Pressure to Forgive [22:37] Reason 4: Guilt in Naming Harm [27:09] Reason 5: Distrust of Secular Resources [34:43] The Impact of Religious Convictions on Healing [35:58] Conclusion and Invitation to Reflect REFLECTION PROMPT Do you resonate with any of these reasons outlined in this episode?  If yes: Which reason(s) do you resonate with? What do you observe about its impact in your healing journey?  If no: How did you feel listening to this episode? Are there other reasons you can identify from your own experience? Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 148    In this episode, I address a profound question from a long-time podcast listener and religious sister in Southeast Asia regarding her healing journey. We explore the intricacies of feeling productive and empowered at times, facing moments of deep uncertainty and doubt at others, and when questions of authenticity, accountability, and integrity become overwhelming.  I break down the layers of her experience from a coaching perspective, discussing the sensation of overwhelm, life scripts centered around productivity, internal family systems (IFS) theory, and the stages of faith development from the Critical Journey model. This episode is rich with insights into the interior journey of healing and integration, emphasising the importance of giving oneself permission to feel, pause, and go at the pace we need in the interior journey. RESOURCES Book on Amazon The Critical Journey, Stages in the Life of Faith YouTube / Podcast Stages of Maturing Faith: Insights From "The Critical Journey” Personal Vocation Discernment through the Stages of Faith  Watch this episode's recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. CHAPTER MARKERS [00:00] Introduction and Listener's Question [00:38] Context and Background [01:04] Reading the Listener's Question [02:25] Breaking Down the Question [03:53] Observations and Insights [05:43] Understanding Overwhelm and Productivity Scripts [11:30] Internal Family Systems (IFS) Explanation [20:03] Stages of Faith Development [31:08] Final Thoughts and Encouragement TRANSCRIPT Available here. REFLECTION PROMPT How would you describe your relationship with (i) Productivity and (ii) Uncertainty? What are some scripts that you might have in moments of overwhelm and uncertainty? Which stage of the Critical Journey is currently the most prominent for you in your journey? Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 147    In this episode, I discuss a common challenge faced by complex trauma survivors: the notion that those who harmed us did the best they could. I emphasise why it's crucial not to accept this idea too early in the healing process.  We need to focus on acknowledging the harm and injustice inflicted upon us before considering the limitations and reasons why our abusers acted the way they did. This is a journey of radical honesty and acceptance, facing uncomfortable truths without bypassing our emotions.  Join me as I explore why truth is essential for healing from trauma and how to reframe our understanding of love and compassion. Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. CHAPTER MARKERS [00:00] Introduction [02:00] Internalising Dissonance and Self-Blame [03:13] Scripts and Roles for Survival [04:37] The Capacity for Love and Attunement [08:07] Holding Opposing Truths [10:06] The Importance of Radical Honesty [18:21] Navigating the Healing Journey [24:36] Radical Acceptance vs. Resignation [27:52] Concluding Thoughts and Encouragement TRANSCRIPT Available here. REFLECTION PROMPT Notice if there were any particular sensations in your body as you listened to this episode. Which segments might they have been in response to? What relationships in your life might you have noticed difficulty in holding opposing truths, or may have been told or thought that those who had harmed you “did their best”? Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 146    In this episode, I delve into the challenging and often misunderstood topic of deconstruction, especially for those of us healing from complex trauma as persons of faith.  I share my own journey and how deconstruction has been an essential part of my healing process. We'll define what deconstruction means in this context and explore the three zones where I experienced it: Self-Identity, Family and Cultural Values, and Faith. Despite its inherent risk, deconstruction is a necessary and important part of the journey towards wholeness and a more secure faith in God.    I hope my sharing reassures those of you on the healing journey that your experience of deconstruction or “undoing” is an integral and hopeful part of the healing process even if very few people in your life can understand you. Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. CHAPTER MARKERS [00:00] Introduction [01:44] Defining Deconstruction [06:03] 3 Zones of Deconstruction [07:59] 1. Self-Identity Deconstruction [14:34] 2. Familial and Cultural Values Deconstruction [19:58] 3. Faith and Religious Deconstruction [34:53] Existential Faith vs Religious or Doctrinal Assent [42:26] Questions for Pondering and Conclusion TRANSCRIPT Available here. REFLECTION PROMPT Which ‘zones’ have you begun to experience deconstruction in? What are the fundamental questions you are asking right now which you had never asked before? Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 145    In this episode, I open up about the challenges of experiencing setbacks in the healing journey. I share a recent personal experience that triggered a significant emotional response and discuss the importance of recognizing and managing these setbacks. By acknowledging the dynamics of our internal responses, such as through the lens of Internal Family Systems and complex trauma, I hope to offer support and validation for those feeling disheartened by setbacks. I seek to share a reminder that setbacks are a normal part of healing. Join me as I share honest reflections from my ongoing journey with you. Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. CHAPTER MARKERS [00:00] Introduction and Context [02:55] Patterns in the Interior Integration Journey [04:46] Personal Sharing of Dysregulation Experience [08:41] Setbacks Happen and It's Normal [09:53] Navigating Recovery from Setbacks and Seeking Support [16:45] God's Presence and Grace in the Healing Journey [20:31] Conclusion and Encouragement TRANSCRIPT Available here. REFLECTION PROMPT Have there been times where you experienced setbacks in your healing journey? What cues did you notice about your internal responses, and in your body?  What resources did you have, or wish(ed) to have, to help you recover from setbacks? Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 144    In this episode, I share a deeply personal story about the painful moment when I realized that having faith and spiritual practices alone couldn't save me from the dysfunctional patterns in my life. I discuss the inadvertent impact of unconscious complex trauma, the harm of spiritual abuse, and the significance of human integration in the healing journey. This reflection highlights the importance of seeking broader resources beyond faith practices in the journey toward wholeness in healing. This may include developing insight on psychological and family dynamics. I hope this sharing makes you feel less alone and provides hope on your path to becoming more integrated and whole. In the previous episode, I introduced an invaluable workshop presented by Paul Fahey, focusing on recognising, preventing, and responding to spiritual abuse in the Catholic context. Join me in exploring this significant resource—check the show notes for more information and a link to the workshop. Link to Register for Spiritual Abuse Workshop.  Read Paul Fahey’s article on Spiritual Abuse in the Catholic Church. Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. CHAPTER MARKERS [00:00:36] Lack of Awareness and Spiritually Abusive Behaviours [00:01:23] Personal Story on Spiritual Abuse [00:02:27] Gaps in Human Formation and Integration [00:06:07] Impact of Gaps in Integration: Poor Boundaries [00:07:38] Impact of Gaps in Integration: Insecurities and Burnout [00:10:15] Impact of Gaps in Integration: Performing and Pushing for Perfection [00:12:13] The Wake-Up Call that I Had Harmed Others [00:14:12] On Realizing that I Had Been Spiritually Abusive [00:15:45] Trauma and Toxic Shame [00:17:44] 'Waking Up' to the Integration Journey [00:19:17] Acknowledging Our Context with Compassion [00:24:52] Embodied Faith [00:28:56] Encouragement for Listeners [00:31:14] Conclusion and Final Thoughts TRANSCRIPT Available here. REFLECTION PROMPT Have you had an encounter or experience where you realised that you were harming someone when you were only intending to love them to the best of your ability? How did you respond to that realisation? Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 143    In this episode, I briefly discuss the importance of understanding spiritual abuse, particularly if you're on a healing journey from trauma and its effects on your relationship with God. I outline three major reasons why learning about spiritual abuse is crucial: it helps identify and heal from obstacles in our relationship with God, prevents the inadvertent perpetuation of abuse, and enhances accountability and responsibility, especially for those in leadership positions within the Catholic Church.  I also introduce an invaluable workshop presented by Paul Fahey, focusing on recognising, preventing, and responding to spiritual abuse in the Catholic context. Join me in exploring this significant resource—check the show notes for more information and a link to the workshop.  Link to Register for Spiritual Abuse Workshop: https://www.catholicthirdspace.com/p/spiritual-abuse-workshop-7b6  Read Paul Fahey’s article on Spiritual Abuse in the Catholic Church: https://wherepeteris.com/resources/the-place-where-you-stand-is-holy-ground/ Watch this recording on YouTube. Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again. CHAPTER MARKERS 00:31 The Impact of Trauma on Faith 02:14 Reasons to Learn About Spiritual Abuse 03:58 The Systemic Nature of Spiritual Abuse 05:25 Introducing a Valuable Resource 06:56 Personal Reflections and Endorsements 08:14 How to Join the Workshop 08:40 Final Thoughts and Farewell TRANSCRIPT Available here. REFLECTION PROMPT What do you know about spiritual abuse in your own life? Can you think of any spiritual experiences where you had felt like an important boundary was violated but you could not name what it was? Support the show SUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORT Social Media: Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook. Newsletter: Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections. Support the Show: Monthly Support (starting at USD$3) One-time Donation Leave a Review: If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.