Bird Call Review

Jeremy and Michael review the Mountain Blue Bird and discuss the tiny balls of male planes, New Portland, shit as a collective problem, banality, spray-tan factory work, meth addict Bill Murrey, meet-up sex, fight shlub, and explaination-free detergent.

Jeremy and Michael review the Amazonian Grosbeak and discuss why birds risk death for sex, Mel Gibson, how to #bebest, the one-eyed monster pinstripe, teeny-tiny pink slips, marital blisters, solitary refinement, hard and deep christianity, her emails, back to school gifts, and fake juvenile marriages.

Jeremy and Michael review the Hooded Oriole and discuss forgettable Star Wars sagas, why you never start sex with ducks, how many days god rested, the planned obsolescence of refrigeration, why thick requires shredded, Queer Eye reaching deep inside us, viral spectrum disorder, and some bullshit about being better humans (just skip it).

Jeremy and Michael review the Eastern Bluebird (Mexican) and discuss quitting unexpectedly, masterbating at Panera bread, downline come ups, the Barnes and Noble library, marketing a leveled business, aggressive sanitization, leaving your underwear on, and tying too tightly.

Jeremy and Michael review the Supreme Lyre Bird and discuss half-attention-tasking, domestic cleaning products as gifts, Manscaping, Michelle Kuan intolerance, juice, photographing dudes pissing, AI apologies, the original chicken sandwich (it’s toasted).

Jeremy and Michael review the Curl-crested Manucode and discuss summer, “spaz-attacks”, razorblades in sandboxes, mail-order hepatitis, a field-game tax clause, deep sea deep-thoughts, the unsustainability of meat on twitter, naming children, Grease Italy, how we keep up to date on cross-fit, the unmistakeable sent of 323 dead Norwegian reindeers, sex sales, and butt-sweat.

Jeremy and Michael review the Partridge and discuss when the twelfth day of Christmas is, bold-faced lies, bar-maid robots and powerful gloves, Jeremy’s old man stories about his stomping grounds being replaced by a Starbucks, Beyonce’s quick takes, friends-for-hire and emotion stuffing, adult babies, who the tooth fairy is and other horned animals, shipping the bed, towel thieving, unstuck maneuvers, and tucking back up through the waistband.

Jeremy and Michael review Pyrrhuloxia and discuss eating on mic, crossing and dropping lines, Terantinoesque puke angels, Wilhelm love triangles, hot cousin shame, wet-dreams and teeth, homoerotic Zippos tricks, “dog, rubber dildo, black”, “turn down” and “turnt out”, mongoloid horse jerky, snoring, and narcoleptic driving.

Jeremy and Michael review Nate and discuss sleep interruptions, holiday deaths, un-concerned 911 operators, cosmetic flotation surgery, the big bottoms of Bogota, flappy lids, rising to the oboe, the untold story of Uber—a New Jersey success story, shotgun selfies, “famous”, how stupid we look in the future, and old-fashioned Nintendo shaming.

Jeremy and Michael review the Common Potoo and discuss review systems, aggressive arborists, unflappable florists, dating in a full-size van, low-brow ninjas, the slow decline to Bill O’Reilly, phone bodies, ticket or “worth it”, bear boundaries, diaper money, “WHAT?!?”, prom produce, graduation advice, and greeting card misattribution.

Jeremy and Michael review the Northern Mockingbird and discuss Cal Worthington’s pussy-cow, decision trees for shooting animals vs children, products we love, clothes we hate, Dr. Dick & Co’s penis transplants, Dr. Heimlich’s maneuvering, gross children, birth control ads, lose-lose disciplinary action, Elmer the Grunch®, fictional cookie backstories, white male action movie strippers, Making America Mic-Drop Again, and asian spaghetti.

Jeremy and Michael review the Mexican Whip-poor-will and discuss nature’s cold indifference, drinking games for children, Channing Taitum’s football career, Missing Missy, asshole doppelgängers, asshole GoPros, chinks and redskins, being a literal pussy, attractive scientists, burning children and friends, stabbing and sex, knowing Adolf, adopting Pluto, getting the job done, and all the long ways always takes.

Jeremy and Michael review the Tufted Titmouse and discuss TurboTax-shaming guilt, ornithological songwriting, nostalgia peer-pressure, glacial humblebrags of glacial proportions, the $2 not-having-to-do-math-with-your-friends tax, the statical relationship of money and problems, and glass punting. Michael uses a bunch of jargon to ask absolutely nothing about taste and Jeremy has a clarifying moment that leads him to retract his criticism of the Vegetti.

Jeremy and Michael review the Carolina Wren and discuss scattered Chalet servers, Crossfit cults, pre-tipping, APM shaming, Italian margins and French Toast, pallets of butter and at-cost corndogs, why old comedians suck, puppies, sunsets, and sex.

Jeremy and Michael review the Mourning Dove and discuss mass cat breeding, Jeremy’s NRA cap and ass-boots, bulk dildos on Amazon Prime, grammar pleasures, Nike-swooped fifth wheels, “h” phoenetics, Lego APR, and self-aware salesman.

Jeremy and Michael review the Great Blue Heron and discuss keeping clean with Vegetti, Orga*ms, testicular discovery, tasteful drowning, Bane, M. Night Shyamalan’s achilles heel, break-ins, punching John Mayer in the throat, The Tesla Goldwing, who The Queen is, and Will tells us why Bane has tube-face-thingies.

Jeremy and Michael review the Wood Thrush and discuss dial-up pornography, Board Sauce, the science of barefoot filth, Bro-rock Obama, bigotry futures, twin futures, and beating ass in prison.

Jeremy, Michael, and Zack review the Limpkin and discuss shoe discoveries, seal deaths, Seal, bi-standards, talking about sex with children, Seal, duck sex, rib sandwiches, Disneyland’s corndogs, “the first road to recovery,” Seal, pluck preauthorizations, UX, and Seal. Things get fuzzy, then Seal.

Jeremy and Michael review the Montezuma Oropendola and discuss social media gaggles, wagging the dick, that quesalupa ad with the asian Star Trek guy and the memes, space travel, AI, how many Rhode Islands fit in Texas, sword-wielding strippers, polyps, and uvulas.

Jeremy and Michael review the northern pygmy-owl and discuss how to battle a cold, the centaurs of Wikipedia, house flies, aioli, the horror of listening to yourself speak, why we see movies in groups, the sociology of running, death of The Onion, selling out, insufferable human qualities, apologizing, and car accidents.