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By Chris Martin Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
Podcast

Chris Martin Comedy 2.0

By Chris Martin
18
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mp3s of Chris Martin’s stand-up comedy performances

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mp3s of Chris Martin’s stand-up comedy performances

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18
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Hipsters with bad teeth

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“One in thirteen have chimp-like feet. This makes it easy for Justin Bieber to find a replacement for his pet monkey and for you to find the gorilla of your dreams. Apparently Tarzan wasn’t just messing around with Jane. This is why you should always take off your socks and shoes before peeling a banana. If you’re in the KKK and you have chimp-like feet, they make you wear jungle bunny slippers along with your hood.” Stand-up comedian Chris Martin monkeys around June 20, 2013 at Hahas at Baja in Richmond, VA. Listen
Fun and entertainment 13 years
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05:41

Justin Bieber, space cadet

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“Dunkin’ Donuts introduces a glazed donut breakfast sandwich.Insulin sprinkles are extra. Not to be outdone, McDonalds introduces the Kurt Cobain breakfast sandwich: fried ham sandwiched between Courtney Love and Melissa Auf der Maur with a hole in the middle.” Stand-up comedian Chris Martin makes a callback all the way to Woodstock at Hahas at Baja June 13 in Richmond, VA. Listen
Fun and entertainment 13 years
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05:54

Kurt Cobain breakfast sandwich

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“The American Psychiatric Association classifies caffeine withdrawal at a mental disorder, which makes sense since a psychiatrist costs less than a Starbucks habit. One day without coffee and I’m Java the Hurt. You know you have a problem when your barista is Walter White. You know you have a problem when you stir your coffee with a syringe. Stay away from the brown acid and the black espresso.” Stand-up comedian Chris Martin gets caffeinated June 12 at LepreComedy at McCormack’s Irish Pub. Listen
Fun and entertainment 13 years
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05:48

Sausage boarding party

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“Michelle Obama says black kids shouldn’t worry about acting white. I wish Barack Obama would stop acting white but he keeps killing brown people anyway.” Stand-up comic Chris Martin visits the Jersey Shore and more June 6, 2013 in Richmond, VA. Listen
Fun and entertainment 13 years
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05:12

Vulcan and Dumber

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“France legalizes gay marriage. Traditionalists will be happy to know that shaving your armpits is still illegal.” Stand-up comedian Chris Martin goes where some man have gone before and discusses gay marriage and Star Trek at Hahas at Baja May 23, 2013 in Richmond, VA. Listen
Fun and entertainment 13 years
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05:19

Land of Doritos

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“Illinois Senate approves medical marijuana. State changes its slogan from Land of Lincoln to Land of Doritos.” Stand-up comic Chris Martin has the cure for what ails you May 22, 2013 at McCormack’s Irish Pub in Richmond, VA. Listen
Fun and entertainment 13 years
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05:29

Lara Croft, Womb Raider

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“Angelina Jolie has her breasts surgically removed. Sadly, she still has her Pitts.” Stand-up comedian Chris Martin plays doctor April 16, 2013 at Hahas at Baja in Richmond, VA. Listen
Fun and entertainment 13 years
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05:19

Scientology's Mission Impossible

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“Bush administration reunion at the opening of the George Bush Library. Someone call the Guinness Book of World Records. There haven’t been this many war criminals in one room together since the Nuremberg Trials.” Stand-up comedian Chris Martin goes searching for weapons of mass destruction at Hahas at Baja May 9, 2013 in Richmond, VA. Listen
Fun and entertainment 13 years
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05:27

Instagram cracker

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“The bad news: rapper Chris Kelly of Kriss Kross is dead. The good news: I can finally tell the difference between Daddy Mac and Mac Daddy.” Stand-up comedian Chris Martin hits a musical note May 8, 2013 at McCormack’s Irish Pub in Richmond, VA Listen
Fun and entertainment 13 years
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04:53

The first ShamWow

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“They nailed Jesus to a cross, put a crown of thorns on his head and mocked him. Jesus said, ‘Hey, it could be worse. I could be Louie Anderson on Splash.’” Stand-up comedian Chris Martin covers Saint Patrick’s Day and Easter in this set at McCormack’s Irish Pub March 25, 2013. Listen
Fun and entertainment 13 years
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05:23

Weekend at Hugo's

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“Saint Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. Sadly, he was unable to drive the priests out of the altar boys’ anuses.” Stand-up comedian Chris Martin takes a bloodshot look at Saint Patrick’s Day March 7, 2013 at Baja Bean in Richmond, VA. Listen
Fun and entertainment 13 years
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04:53

The Grammys had more reaction shots than a porn movie

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
Stand-up comedian Chris Martin discusses winter weather, bad appliance ideas and the Grammys at Hahas at Baja in Richmond, VA February 14, 2013. J. Walter Braman is the MC. Listen
Fun and entertainment 13 years
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07:02

Sadly, there's no cure for perkiness

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“Robin Roberts of Good Morning America has announced she suffers from a rare blood disorder. With our prayers, she’ll beat this disease. Sadly, there is no cure for perkiness.” Stand-up comedian Chris Martin plays doctor at the Laff Hut open mic June 14, 2012 in Richmond, VA. Remo is the MC. Listen
Fun and entertainment 14 years
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11:57

That's so raving

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“Charlie Sheen is the new Dorian Gray. I tried to get a transfusion of Tiger blood but he kept hitting me with his golf club.” Stand-up comedian Chris Martin wades into the Adonis DNA gene pool March 13, 2011 at Underground Comedy at the New York Deli in Richmond, VA, presented by Brian Mann. John Reaves is the MC. Listen
Fun and entertainment 15 years
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06:25

A no-Charlie Sheen zone

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“We just celebrated Presidents Day. We should have a Vice Presidents Day. That way, instead of shooting off fireworks we’d get to shoot someone in the face.” Stand-up comedian Chris Martin has one of those nights March 9, 2011 at McCormack’s Irish Pub in Richmond, VA. Pitshou Kafuku is the MC. Listen
Fun and entertainment 15 years
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05:44

Groundhog Day

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“Bill Murray saw his shadow on Groundhog Day. That means we’re in for another year of artsy-fartsy movies.” Stand-up comedian Chris Martin is ready for spring February 28, 2011 at Cafe Diem Comedy Night in Richmond, VA. Andrew Pauley is the MC. Listen
Fun and entertainment 15 years
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05:35

The death seats

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“He puts the ‘ha’ in ’Stendhal Syndrome.’” MC Grandt Mutge introduces stand-up comedian Chris Martin at the Midnight Suggestion, presented by Johnny Hugel and Steady Sounds February 24, 2011 in Richmond, VA. Listen
Fun and entertainment 15 years
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08:09

He's gonna rule

Episode in Chris Martin Comedy 2.0
“I’m going to read the fictional memoirs of a lovable alcoholic. I haven’t decided whether it’s going to be Snooki or George W. Bush.” Stand-up comedian Chris Martin  eases into 2011 in this set February 23, 2011 at Strange Matter in Richmond, VA. Listen
Fun and entertainment 15 years
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06:27
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