complit's podcast

Freeform revisited. Over-explaining monogamy until it's even lamer than it already is. Tonia waffles on threesomes. How many weeks in do you forgive 'cheating'? Soft monogamy as a concept/incitement to anger for Tonia. 

Freeform! We didn't watch a goddamn thing for this episode! It's all hot takes all the time! Gushing, pulsing, opinion mode. Makeup Artist Twitter has Patrick in its grips. He wishes he had a smaller member to meet the needs of the fetish community. Tonia's jank as hell body comes up again. Hardcore talk. Tonia must be on pills because she's real slow here. Pretty privilege is real and coming for you.  

Episode 6 is lost, Tonia has a necrotizing spider bite and will almost certainly lose her leg, and Nate's mother is in denial over dad's cocaine problem. Things have spiraled out of control and nobody thinks it can be saved. 

Is Drake attractive, or just clean? Being with your homie's ex, all good? Masked balls, why aren't we ever invited? Lying, fun? Sister kissing, too much for prime time? Tonia starts dating Michael B Jordan. 

Tonia spends the episode lingerie shopping. Both Patrick and Tonia are marked for death by police the world over. Tonia loves the institutional life. Patrick is too Born 2 B Wyld for that. Masturbation protocol. Patrick talks about Chaturbate for a solid hour. Tonia loves a sleepover. Patrick advocates peeping tom-ism. 

Shooting dope is T I R I N G. Do cop lives matter? Tonia and Patrick remain unconvinced. Tonia laments her parents not remotely caring what she does with her life. That devilish Chuck Bass has charmed us into forgetting he's terrible. Patrick takes a keen interest in becoming jewish. Tonia takes a keen interest in clear heels. 

McNulty and the gang are put in a dungeon. Patrick takes a militant stance on restaurants. Vegan or burn'm down. Tonia, good at detecting lesbians. Patrick, less skilled. Tonia narrowly avoids being murdered by a military serviceman. Also, her understanding of police procedure is really, really limited. Opening car doors for your girl: for real g's, or serious nerdos? 

Season Two premiere! Marvel at how clever we are with the series we choose to follow this season! Tonia has late-onset color blindness. Patrick has a weird racial note attributed to him, and doesn't make it any better when he tries to figure out why. While we're digging Patrick's grave, now would be a good time to mention he may be a cop apologist. How many surprise parties will Patrick ruin with his inability to stop snitchin'? Tonia is dating Aaron Carter. 

Reversing gender roles in spooning: oppressive effort to manspread? Deciding what to do for season two of Comp Lit. Confirmed, we hate Adam more than we hate Hannah. And that's really pretty impressive. Committed relationships make us vomit, but they're extra revolting in the Brooklyn-based melodramatic honeymoon period of relationships. How are women capable of Whedonesque Gilmore Girls catty banter, while men are left to punch each other? 

Lots of slurs are used in this one. Trigger warn yourself. Tonia's possible new sex life scrutinized. Penis angle, in serious detail. Butthole bleaching, in serious detail. Patrick tells boring stories, Tonia pretends to nap. Unflattering lingerie. Tonia's lost in the sauce. Body shaming, relationship shaming, you know, the usual. 

The Entourage bros confront their sexuality, leading the hosts of Comp Lit to confront their own. Patrick tries bisexuality. Tonia advocates for old men. Patrick goes off on one about his new gay libertarian utopia. Tonia comes out on Facetime. Celebrities are laser people. What's motivating your moral crusade? Marnie acts like a true herb and makes Charlie look cool, which isn't easy. Getting over exes. How big a goblin will you become? 

Tonia flipflops on oral. Penis size is discussed at length because Star Wars kid got that A1 spanner. Weed sure was difficult to come by in the early 2000s. Fragile masculinity. Wounded masculinity. These chains dudes forge in life. More penis talk. Was this episode of GIRLS written in the car on the way to work? Stop rewarding clown-assery. 

What constitutes a 'little girl'? And is Patrick creepy when he describes 15-year-olds that way? Is the world your oyster if you're a good-looking man? Or is that just the Entourage sales pitch and really your existence is as pointless and bleak as everyone else's? Sean Jean clothing. Asking men out: thirsty? Or is thinking it's thirst just heteronormative bullshit? Tonia hasn't been with a celebrity... or has she? Dating dudes with names like D Money. Dating women who all look alike. Patrick wants an award for realizing not all women are wearing makeup for him. Oral sex: Does anyone dislike it? Or are you posing? Listing the types of corny males. Dick pics are back. 

Vince is just living life without rules. The Anton Levay of handsome leading men. Narcissism. Giving Donald Trump compression therapy. Technical difficulties. Patrick loves GIRLS now. More comparing and contrasting Patrick and Vince: Is Patrick an ugly meth bird? Break-up sex. BRATZ Dolls. Where have the starlets gone? Letting relationships peter out rather than actually show partners respect by breaking up with them. Sleeping with Hitler. Collecting sneakers as a hobby: Better or worse than Hitler. Did Charlie get hot? Tonia's deranged homeless grandma dress. Does she have genital warts? Tonia's gay boyfriends. 

Patrick and Tonia talk about bro solidarity, the clubhouse vibe of Entourage, the possibility of an actual plot manifesting in Entourage, Entourage as Freud, copious consumption, the role of women on Entourage, 'why do dudes nut so fast during doggie,' total indifference to sex, consent, how Vince likes it, fear of STIs, your dick versus other dicks, hepatitis, burning hatred for Jessa, is abortion a heavy topic or just some whatever sorta thing, arrested development, and a host of other topics. 

Patrick and Tonia discuss bro-culture, illegal firearms, 2004, and female friendship.