Contrivance

The Olympics may have come and gone, but Olympics robots are forever. Yes, you heard us right. Olympics and robots -- name a better pair. Join Britt and Drew for Tony "Methuselah" Hawk, Robot Shoot Basketball, and direct segues between advanced social applications of AI and drawing the word "butthole" in the sand. Timestamps: 00:43 - Intro, Invention Q&A 07:23 - Trash Begets Trash 1 19:58 - Trash Begets Trash 2 30:20 - Untitled Segment 1 38:58 - Untitled Segment 2 43:57 - Drew's Snack Corner 55:39 - Wrap-Up Inventions: Sand Art Robots  Toyota Q4  Other Stuff: H.Y.C.Y.BH?  Psychedelic Water 

We're finally here. Episode 69. Nice.  Join Britt, Drew, and guest host Juliet Tango for discussions of butt plug power suits, Bob/Earl Pleasure Objects, vaginal Etch-a-Sketches, and The Cummies Council. Timestamps: 00:54 - Intro, Invention Q&A 03:33 - Trash Begets Trash 1 17:45 - Trash Begets Trash 2 28:38 - Trash Begets Trash 3 50:33 - Untitled Segment 57:09 - Drew's Snack Corner 59:31 - Wrap-Up Inventions: EARL™ Doll Hand Nipple Clamps Dripstick Other Stuff: Juliet's Twitter Britt's Gothic Cyberpunk light-up phone case 

After just 18 short months, we're finally doing an episode on COVID inventions. Well, vaguely COVID-related inventions, anyway. Even we have standards. Join Britt and Drew for discussions of Europe's Next Top Singer People, how much capitalism sucks, how to use Drew's Snack Corner for evil, and The Fruit Crusades. Timestamps: 00:37 - Intro, Invention Q&A 04:53 - Trash Begets Trash 1 15:39 - Trash Begets Trash 2 25:55 - Untitled Segment 38:26 - Drew's Snack Corner 48:25 - Wrap-Up Links: SpiroNose Veebot Other Stuff: Britt's Lapel Mic

We've finally made it big! And by big, I mean we performed to a very small audience at Portland's Rose City Comic-Con. It was so much fun! Almost as fun as the ridiculous superhero gadgets we discuss in this episode. Join Britt, Andy, and returning guest hosts Zee and Ian for Bitch-Ass Earth Peppers, extreme libel of Bruce Wayne, "Peter Parkedcar", and a treadmill that does things Treadmills Should Not Do. Timestamps: 01:05 - Intro, Invention Q&A 08:00 - Trash Begets Trash 1 15:55 - Trash Begets Trash 2 24:38 - Trash Begets Trash 3 33:50 - Trash Begets Trash 4 43:53 - Wrap-Up Links: Green Arrow's Spicy Chili Bat-Female-Villain-Repellent The Spider-Mobile The Cosmic Treadmill Other stuff: Check out Zee's podcast Ghosts-n-Heauxs! Find more of Ian's work at iandurias.com!

Oh boy, Candide, do I have a modest proposal for you! Won't you listen to this episode about satirical publications? It's literally like 1984. Join Britt, Drew, and special guest Glen Tickle for The Timeliness of Mrs. Swan, a flash of Womanspiration, Ol' Spicey, A Confluence of Danzigs, and a magazine about how much of a jerk you are. Timestamps: 00:43 - Intro, Invention Q&A 08:18 - Trash Begets Trash 1 18:10 - Trash Begets Trash 2 23:20 - Trash Begets Trash 3 (ft. Glen Tickle) 44:47 - Untitled Segment 50:41 - Drew's Snack Corner 57:11 - Wrap-Up Links: Reductress  The Hard Times  Jerk! The Magazine  Other stuff: A Stupid and Futile Gesture (the National Lampoon movie) The "children's bitch hat" was, in fact, from episode 11

One man's thirst for blood could not be quenched by any mortal force. Monarchs feared and respected him. He could deliver death in 15 minutes or your money back. We are, of course, talking about Leonardo Da Vinci. Join Britt and Drew for lethal circus tents, Blades Go Spinny, catapult curiosity, and a treatise on cereal marshmallows. Timestamps: 00:24 - Intro 01:02 - Trash Begets Trash 22:15 - Untitled Segment 25:16 - Drew's Snack Corner 31:46 - Wrap-Up

It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's...a horrible gaping maw on a smooth silver face? Fear not, citizens, for our Pepsiman episode has arrived to quench your thirst! ...for dumb jokes! Join Britt and Drew for SCP mascots, Thirst-Homing, lemon balaclavas, and a fast food battle royale. Timestamps: 00:25 - Intro 00:50 - Trash Begets Trash 36:37 - Untitled Segment 40:37 - Drew's Snack Corner 45:52 - Wrap-Up

We've finally done it. A creation of humanity so deep and complex that it needed an entire episode to itself. That's right -- it's time to talk about the 1988 masterpiece Mac and Me. Join Britt, Drew, and guest host Alex for Too Many Vacuums, delicious Coca-Cola, and intellectual property theft. Timestamps: 00:26 - Intro 01:00 - Trash Begets Trash 38:17 - Untitled Segment 42:39 - Drew's Snack Corner 47:09 - Wrap-Up Links: King Me!  My Chemical Romance - "Helena" 

Welcome to King Burger, where you can have it your way, but don't get crazy and jump out of leaf piles at innocent people! The Burger King decided to ignore this advice in his hit 2006 video game Sneak King, and we're here to give you all the unsettling deets. Followed by the surprise TBT appearance of a mysterious merch site! Join Britt and Drew for bad McDonald's songs, highly specific Burger King IP guidelines, mascot chest hair, and Britt's darkest secret. Timestamps: 00:25 - Intro, Invention Q&A 09:08 - Trash Begets Trash 1 34:17 - Trash Begets Trash 2 45:32 - Untitled Segment 51:50 - Drew's Snack Corner 58:20 - Wrap-Up Trash Begets Trash: Sneak King The Taco Bell Taco Shop Links: The Noid on Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia Sneak King Sawmill Any% WR Speedrun

Do you like to tickle the ivories, lay down beats, or slappa de bass? Well, what if your instrument was made of rock, fire, or the eldritch moans of the damned? Live your specific symphonic fantasies on this week's episode of Contrivance! Join Britt, Drew, and guest host Cameron Clawson of WWFL and Players Guild for an ARG about finding our old a capella group, cave murder, and Dylan's Subaru. Timestamps 00:52 - Intro, Invention Q&A 04:30 - Trash Begets Trash 1 18:21 - Trash Begets Trash 2 26:14 - Trash Begets Trash 3 (ft. Cameron Clawson) 44:05 - Untitled Segment 49:36 - Drew's Snack Corner 56:11 - Wrap-Up Inventions Great Stalacpipe Organ (video) Pyrophone (video) Hyperbass Flute Other Cool Stuff Cam's podcast WWFL Bassbuzz Ted the Caver

Capitalism infects-- er, supports every aspect of society these days, including our precious internet! In honor of this week's amazing guests, Sarah and Talon from Craigsistential Crisis, we window-shop for a Craigslist competitor. Join us for a thorough browbeating of Aunt Donna, why Canada is better than the US, and the Notification Apocalypse. Timestamps: 00:24 - Intro, Invention Q&A 02:11 - Trash Begets Trash 1 12:33 - Trash Begets Trash 2 20:07 - Trash Begets Trash 3 (ft. Craigsistential Crisis) 46:14 - Untitled Segment 52:22 - Drew's Snack Corner 54:28 - Wrap-Up This week's trash: Facebook Marketplace Kijiji Happn

If it's something that everyone needs to do, then there's almost certainly wacky things to "help" you do it, and sleep is no exception. Do not operate heavy machinery while listening to this week's sleepy episode. Join Britt and Drew on an exploration of flowery CBD, HAZMAT sleeping bags, and trying to figure out why white cheddar flavors are always better than regular cheddar. Timestamps: 00:24 - Intro, Invention Q&A 06:50 - Trash Begets Trash 1 15:54 - Trash Begets Trash 2 27:19 - Untitled Segment 33:26 - Drew's Snack Corner 41:27 - Wrap-Up This week's trash: Social CBD's Relax Lavender CBD Vape Pen Sanitizing Sleep Cocoon Other delightful things: Ska Tune Network Zenni Optical

Britt co-produces and plays in a D&D podcast! Check it out, and peep all the cool companion material at playersguildpod.com\r\n

What marvels has modern technology brought to healthcare? Prosthetic limbs! Pacemakers! EEGs! Yeah, we\'re not talking about any of those today.\r\n Join Britt and Drew for a surgical exploration of...magnets and butt cameras? No insurance required.\r\n 00:69 - Intro, Invention Q&A 08:20 - Trash Begets Trash 1 23:05 - Trash Begets Trash 2 32:10 - Untitled Segment 37:13 - Drew\'s Snack Corner 40:15 - Wrap-Up\r\n ---\r\n Inventions:\r\n 1. 3D Cell Culturing via Magnetic Levitation 2. The Mermaid - Self-Propelled Remote Controlled Endoscopic Pill\r\n

Go listen to hilarious friends of the show, Talon & Sarah! And check out their live show on 3/26!\r\n  \r\n Copied from their episode description:\r\n What’s the worst thing you could overhear in a Golden Corral? Get ready because you’re about to hear it! RE: bad flirting, worse mix CDs, and fast & furious style action!\r\n  \r\n We know this is a silly comedy show, but we can’t be silent about the anti-Asian hate crimes that are occurring across our country, most recently in Atlanta. We want to bring your attention to a few organizations that are committed to fighting anti-Asian descrimination who you can donate to right now.\r\n  \r\n https://www.advancingjustice-atlanta.org/donate\r\n  \r\n https://www.napawf.org/donate\r\n  \r\n  \r\n Craigsistential Crisis LIVE! March 26th, 7:30 PM\r\n  \r\n Twitch.tv/kickstandcomedy\r\n  \r\n  \r\n As always, you can check out our instagram @craigsistentialcrisis for visual components, more missed connections, polls, and other goodies! Send your missed connections to craigcripod@gmail.com.\r\n

CONTENT WARNING: descriptions of violence Online dating is tricky. How tricky? Well, not quite as tricky as rocking a rhyme, but when the field is crowded with ghosts, clowns, and Oscar Mayer meat byproducts, it's not easy. Join Britt and Drew for a candlelit dinner with some of the internet's most...interesting dating sites. 00:43 - Intro, Invention Q&A 05:37 - Trash Begets Trash 1 22:15 - Trash Begets Trash 2 36:26 - Untitled Segment 41:16 - Drew's Snack Corner 46:19 - Wrap-Up TBT Stuff: 1.) ghostsingles.com / furrymate.com / uncrate.com/sizzl 2.) clowndating.com

Beauty is only skin deep, but it's also in the eye of the beholder, and it's also truth, I guess? But most importantly, people have sought beauty for a long time, and have done unspeakable things to themselves for it. So unspeakable that we will now talk about them for an hour. This week's special guest is Grim, host of Grim Yells At a Cloud! Check it out here. 00:47 - Intro, Invention Q&A 09:10 - Trash Begets Trash 1 18:45 - Trash Begets Trash 2 28:36 - Trash Begets Trash 3 48:05 - Untitled Segment 53:22 - Drew's Snack Corner 55:48 - Wrap-Up Grim's Twitter Clown egg display case (tag urself) Native Glare Palette from Blended Girl Cosmetics

Do you really want to hurt someone, and/or make them cry? Are you tired of week after week of inventions WITHOUT poison accessories and incendiary bats? Well, we'd tell you that this is the episode for you, but frankly, we're a little worried. Consider talking to someone about your feelings. This week's special guest is podcaster and long-time supporter Kelvin, aka TheNoodleDoodler! Check out his D&D podcast "Saga" here. 00:44 - Intro, Invention Q&A 05:18 - Trash Begets Trash 1 17:21 - Trash Begets Trash 2 35:16 - Trash Begets Trash 3 45:01 - Untitled Segment 48:36 - Drew's Snack Corner 55:29 - Wrap-Up Delegated II Conspire

Did you know that money can be exchanged not just for goods, but for services? The internet has many fanciful ways for you to sink money into intangible things, and this week we'll help you purchase the best lies, moms, and wedding guests the web has to offer. This week's special guest is Lydia Manning from the podcast Spec Script! Check it out here. 00:54 - Intro, Invention Q&A 07:36 - Trash Begets Trash 1 27:33 - Trash Begets Trash 2 38:23 - Trash Begets Trash 3 52:30 - Untitled Segment 58:38 - Drew's Snack Corner 1:01:54 - Wrap-Up Homebrew

Hair today, gone tomorrow! Hmm. Maybe "not a hair in the world"? Hair apparent? Well, you get it. It's the hair accessories episode. Join Britt and Drew as they locks-on to some classic '90s hairaphernalia in Trash Begets Trash, the most adorable Untitled Segment to date, and a strangely aggressive Drew's Snack Corner. 00:49 - Intro, Invention Q&A 13:00 - Trash Begets Trash 1 24:55 - Trash Begets Trash 2 33:02 - Untitled Segment 42:10 - Drew's Snack Corner 45:00 - Wrap-Up The Two Talking Cats