Critical Mess

Hey John Travolta, don't touch my face! We're back into a new season of thievery, abduction, stolen hearts and broken dreams. And what better film to kick off with than John Woo's 1997 Face/Off? Annie and Aimee struggle to differentiate between whose heart is in whose body, discuss all the genres that have been mashed up into this body swap high octane crime film and become sad about the representation of the prison system. The pace is set at 110% from about 5 minutes in and it doesn't let up, so strap yourself in for a real wild ride. 

Welcome to 1988 family favourite (TM) Mac and Me: Baby Mac gets separated from his alien family after they get kidnapped by the US government and gets co-opted into a feature-length ad for fast-food chain McDonalds. It is possibly even more awful than it sounds. Annie and Aimee take the chance to dig into where the money came from to finance this atrocity and then spin out into discussions about the blurry line between charity and product placement, the ethics of marketing fast food to children and how to make the ultimate copy pasta film. If you enjoy listening to a movie get shredded finer than a Big Mac's lettuce, this is the episode for you.

This is a big-girl conversation about a big-girl film! We watched artistic powerhouse Tracy Moffatt's beDevil (1993), which is comprised of three vignettes about hauntings. There was no time for digressions because there was so much to dig into in the film -- it resists easy interpretation but doesn't come across as pretentious due to the cheeky tone and incredibly stylised set. Bootleg the Dog makes a brief cameo and we chat about colonisation, storytelling and the myriad of nods to other filmmakers and artists within the film.  

We’re off to the forests and fjords of Norway this week, with André Øvredal’s comic-horror Trollhunter (2010). Never a fan of found footage films, Aimee slept through a lot of this week, while Annie cackled through most of it. We talk about The BFG, Tolkien and Theodor Severin Kittelsen, a Norwegian troll illustrator, who influenced The Dark Crystal and The Labyrinth. Themes of mythology, belief, environmental destruction and industrial expansion come up too, but it’s mostly diversions about beans and nuts and goats this week honestly. Maybe we were the real trolls all along.

In Ginger Snaps (John Fawcett, 2000), teenage sisters Brigitte and Ginger are bored in suburban Canada and death-obsessed. Their codependent relationship intensifies after Ginger gets bitten by a werewolf on the day of her first period and Brigitte tries to find a cure. This teen horror film is funny and graphic in equal measure, and Annie and Aimee find highbrow themes to talk about, like the body monstrous, the abject and sexual consent. They also lose it over the word haberdashery and the extreme Buffy vibes this film gives off. 

The Little Mermaid is all grown up in Agnieszka Smoczyńska's pop-goth mermaid musical The Lure (2015): the result is "confusing, unwieldy and aimless" according to Aimee. Two sisters come out of the sea and flip straight into a burlesque club in 1980s Warsaw. We've got huge slimy mermaid tails, vampiric teeth and bizarrely dreamlike musical interludes, all set in an incredibly sex-positive, neon dive bar. Annie and Aimee talk about mermaid lore, musical scores, capitalism, beauty and gender (as always). Turns out there aren't always more fish in the sea, folks!

We were expecting a children's film this week, but family friendly flicks don't usually come with a scrotum quota. The tanuki in Pom Poko (1994, Isao Takahata) have big balls and they aren't afraid to use them ... as balloons, as rugs, as weapons. With as many big ideas thrown around as different illustration styles used, Annie and Aimee discuss assimilation, leadership, consumerism, animal welfare, chimpanzees, urban sprawl, Pokemon and the right way to protest. Aimee wept so much that she became dehydrated and we agreed never to trust a theme park owner (or magician).

Aimee is up past her bedtime to watch A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014, dir. Ana Lily Amirpour). This black and white vampire flick merges into an atmospheric film about vigilante justice, male/female power dynamics and the pitfalls of capitalism. We spin the old archetype wheel to dissect the somewhat stock characters, talk about working within budgetary constraints and encounter a lot of symbolism. Also, we rename one character Sex Neck. Sink your teeth into it!

In our next creature feature, we stomp all over Seoul in Nacho Vigalondo's Colossal (2016) as Anne Hathaway manifests a kaiju from small town America. Our generosity is stretched to the limits as we try to believe that this film can tackle the meaty issues it brings up (addiction, trauma, toxic masculinity, imperialism), but ultimately, it is severely undercooked. Aimee is incensed that she doesn't recognise a 90s monster toy ("it didn't exist in real life!!") and Annie goes deep on the scientific intricacies of kaiju physics. DING DONG.

We take a deep dive into Seoul's Han River with Bong Joon-ho's The Host 괴물 (2006) this week: we talk sea monkeys, trumpet etiquette and fake weather. This film really resonates with a mid-COVID19 world: there's empty streets, a militarised response to disaster and little thought given to the ecological consequences of human actions. Plus, Bong works in themes of racism, family, imperialism, class and food, making The Host perennially relevant. 

In the first episode of our new season packed with creature features, Aimee and Annie head to Gillman's Island in Jack Arnold's The Creature From the Black Lagoon (1954). Although we didn't get to watch it in 3D as originally intended, the jumps were still solid and it holds up surprisingly well for a film that's almost 70 years old. The fashion is on point, gorgeous 50s people are swanning about in swimsuits and the Gillman is HERE FOR IT.

Critical Mess is back for a second season with a crisp new logo (courtesy of graphic wizard Ashley Ronning) and a sick new theme. This go around Aimee and Annie will be watching CrEaTuRe FeAtUrEs (BYO spoopy voice) and they'd love for you to watch along.

This is Aimee Knight's time to shine: we watch The Muppet Movie (1979, James Frawley) -- one of us for the first time, one for the umpteenth time. Annie takes a class in Muppet History 101 and laughs a LOT at the Muppets' foray into the human world of Hollywood. Practical effects are at the core of our conversation, along with a huge analysis of the defects in the characters of Kermit and Miss Piggy and the bro club that was Muppet HQ. A fitting finale for our season of road movies, this one has it all: fun hats, livestock, cars breaking down and montages to cover that distance. 

Sound quality takes a dive this week as Annie and Aimee adhere to social distancing protocols for Kathryn Bigelow's 1987 vampire/road movie/western Near Dark. There are chin-related power moves, vampire ethics, 80s cinematic RISKS and the ways that this film paved the way for The Lion King. Plus we talk about pumpkins, exploding beetroots and reveal Annie's immense void of knowledge about Hamlet, Cinderella and the myth of the Pale Horse. 

We're back in Florida this week with Kelly Reichardt's 1994 River of Grass. You have to bring a lot to this film: how did Annie and Aimee match up? (Spoiler, Aimee brought it.) Two no-hopers try to go on the run after (maybe) shooting someone beside their pool. Darkly funny and deeply sad, this is our first arthouse film: we talk about vintage photos, baby teeth, palmetto bugs (who knew what they were) and some pop psychology thrown in for good measure. 

Remember when we could all leave our homes and go to the cinema? That's what Aimee and Annie did in the long distant past to watch Queen & Slim, the 2019 feature film from Grammy Award winner (yes, you heard that right) Melina Matsoukas. Featuring our guest star, Ted the neighbourhood dog (at length). 

This isn't necessarily a road movie, but it's certainly a car crash: episode six brings us the 2009 documentary-wannabe Paper Heart, starring Charlyne Yi and Michael Cera (and maybe Jack Johnson). Should it be called a documentary? Should it be called a road movie? Should it have been made? Annie and Aimee discuss all this and lament about the state of the improv comedy scene in the late 2000s. 

This week's episode is a blast from the past and a master class in noir tension as we pick up The Hitch-Hiker from 1953, directed by Ida Lupino. We chat about women behind the camera and depictions of men and masculinity on screen as well as neck ties and bung eyes. This 70-minute thriller has it all. 

Annie and Aimee reluctantly join a sexy road trip to a remote beach in Mexico with Alfonso Cuarón's Y Tu Mamá También (2001). This film is very much rated R as two young men explore their sexuality with an older woman on the way to "Heaven's Mouth". To avoid talking about bonking too much, the demure hosts also discuss coconut varieties, livestock and the ever present question of where the eyes go on a bird of paradise flower.

Episode 3 takes Annie and Aimee onto the terrifyingly narrow roads of the Dominican Republic in the 1977 thriller Sorcerer, William Friedkin's pet project. There's very little dialogue, almost no score, but a hell of a lot of tension as four broncos try to cross the dangerous South American (misc.) terrain in two trucks full of dynamite.