Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Podcast Archive

We tend to think of eros as strictly about sex. But in its truest meaning, eros is the human soul's longing for communion — for connection beyond ourselves. It is the impulse that draws us toward God, toward truth, toward knowing and being known by another person. Eros is what enlarges our souls. And it is also the thing we most resist — because eros requires risk. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Tim and Aubrey Chaves of the Faith Matters podcast to explore the powerful ideas at the heart of That We Might Have Joy. We are re-airing this popular episode to bring attention to Dr. Finlayson-Fife's book discussion and signing in Boston on April 23rd. Learn more and get your tickets HERE!

Every relationship is a negotiation between two different minds. But when one of those minds is wired differently—more impulsive, more interest-driven, or more easily overwhelmed by the gap between intention and follow-through—that negotiation can become especially complex. In this live Q&A, Dr. Finlayson-Fife is joined by ADHD coach, educator, and advocate Kamden Hainsworth to explore what neurodiversity looks like inside intimate relationships. Together, they respond to listener questions about attention, overwhelm, responsibility, and connection—and what it really takes to build a strong, collaborative marriage when ADHD is part of the equation. ____ Join us for a one-day couples workshop in Alpine, UT - DETAILS HERE! Last call for the Switzerland Tour! Learn more HERE!

We tell ourselves stories about who we are — and most of us have been telling the same ones since childhood. The Enneagram doesn't just teach us about our personality type, it exposes the story underneath it. Through the Enneagram we can learn why we cope the way we do, what we're afraid to lose, and what's possible when we're willing to loosen our grip on the narrative that's been organizing our life. In this Q&A episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is joined by bestselling author, psychotherapist, and Enneagram teacher Ian Morgan Cron to explore how the Enneagram can transform the way we understand ourselves and the people we love. SAVE $200 on all of Dr. Finlayson-Fife's domestic multi-day retreats with code JFF200 SAVE 15% on Ian's Enneagram Assessment and Online Courses with code ROOMFORTWO

Couples who change in a real way are sometimes the ones willing to face the genuine possibility of ending their marriage. Not as a threat or a tactic, but as an honest reckoning with what they stand to lose and who they really are. After all, you can't give a meaningful yes to something if there's not a viable or real no. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife uses listener questions to guide a discussion about the decision whether to stay in or leave a marriage. She talks about what it looks like to be in a marriage without having truly chosen it, why ambivalence is never a neutral place, how to know when divorce is the right answer, what it means to put your marriage on the line as an act of honesty rather than control, and why desire can't exist where fear or obligation is running the show. ANNOUNCEMENTS: Intimate Exposures Workshop in Utah Couples' Workshop in Utah (tickets coming soon!) Starting Strong Workshop in Utah

Despite their reactions to our attempts to discuss it, our children are looking to us to help them make sense of their sexuality. And while talking to kids about sex can feel deeply uncomfortable — for reasons that are actually quite natural — avoiding these conversations comes at a cost. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Holly J. Moore of the Made for Moore podcast to discuss how parents can approach conversations about sex and sexuality with their children in a way that is honest, ongoing, and shame-free. They explore why discomfort doesn't have to be a barrier, how to begin these conversations early and keep them going, and how offering values around sexuality — rather than fear or shame — empowers children to make informed, confident, and integrity-driven choices as they grow. Want to learn more? Enroll in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex course!

Join us for a FREE Q&A about the Enneagram - click HERE for details! Brad and Kate have been working to understand themselves and each other better, using the Enneagram to better understand how they each respond to stress and disconnection. They've been talking more openly and defending less—but when tensions rise, Brad moves toward action and physical closeness, hoping connection will bring relief while Kate pulls back, wanting to feel emotionally secure before opening up. This leaves Brad feeling rejected and Kate worried that intimacy is more about sex itself than truly being with her. Because Brad seems steady on the surface and Kate is openly emotional, it's easy for both of them to assume she's the problem—but they're equally dysregulated, just in different ways. Want to unlock the full episode and over a hundred more that are just as powerful? Subscribe to Room for Two!

You married a whole person. The spontaneity, the creativity, the aliveness — and yes, the forgotten appointments and the missed recitals too. But learning to love a whole person — both their virtues and their vices — is the real work of marriage. When neurodivergence is part of the picture, it's easy to get lost in what your partner isn't doing, or to lean on a diagnosis to justify your impact on the other. But a real partnership requires taking full responsibility for the gifts and burdens of the mind and body you were born with. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Kamden Hainsworth of the Busy Brained Saint podcast to talk about what it looks like for both partners in a neurodiverse marriage to show up as whole people — owning what is theirs, releasing what isn't, and finding more freedom than they expected on the other side. Listen to learn more about: What it means to take full responsibility for the gifts and burdens of the mind and body you were born with — for both partners How a diagnosis can build genuine compassion — or quietly become a way to avoid growth The one-up/one-down dynamic that takes over neurodiverse marriages — and how both partners sustain it Why releasing the need to change or manage your spouse is what actually opens the door to real intimacy How truth — not false hope — is what gives couples the clarity to choose each other well ANNOUNCEMENTS Join us for a FREE Q&A about Neurodiversity in relationships, click HERE for details!  Join us for Date Night in Dallas, ticket information HERE (details for Austin coming soon!)

The JFF Book Club starts 2/19, you can join HERE for six interactive discussions with Dr. Jennifer! Falling in love is easy. Staying in love requires our maturation. A few years (or decades) into marriage, it's tempting to wonder if we just married the wrong person—the passion has faded, the differences feel more irritating, and that deep sense of connection doesn't feel as natural as it once did. And while it is tempting to think that something is going wrong, really, marriage is just inviting us to stop chasing what was and to start creating something deeper. In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins the Date Your Spouse team to talk about what couples can do to bring a sense of aliveness to their marriage. She challenges the idea that going along to keep the peace is an act of love, explains why duty-based sex quietly destroys desire, and offers a surprisingly simple practice any couple can try TONIGHT to create more intimacy and connection. If you're looking to create more passion and connection in your relationship, enroll in Dr. Jennifer's new Sex Worth Wanting course!

SAVE 25% on all Full-Length Online Courses with code LOVE! Join the JFF Book Club - Six Interactive Discussions with JFF for $59 LAST CALL for the Portugal Trip—book your spot by 2/15! ________ Many of us were taught—directly or indirectly—that sexuality and spirituality are at odds, and that suppressing our sexual selves brings us closer to God. But what if that story is wrong? What if our sexuality is actually one of the primary ways we learn how to love? In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Dan Purcell of the Get Your Marriage On podcast to discuss her book That We Might Have Joy and the role of eros energy—the aliveness that emerges when couples stop running their marriages from fear, control, and ego. Through stories from the book—like Samuel, whose fear of sexual feelings kept him stuck, and Bradley, whose relentless pursuit of sex was driven by shame—Dr. Jennifer shows how sexual repression doesn’t make us more spiritual. It just keeps us fragmented. Together, they explore why sexual integration—not suppression—is what leads to greater freedom, strength, and intimacy.

JOIN US at WELLER BOOK WORKS in SLC this Friday [2/6] Change isn’t just hard because you lack willpower. It’s hard because growth asks you to step into a version of yourself that feels unfamiliar—the one who’s still learning to speak honestly, love wholeheartedly, and tolerate the discomfort that comes from facing ourselves honestly. The unease you feel when you start to change isn’t a sign that something’s wrong. It’s a sign that your brain is doing exactly what it needs to do to grow. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife uses questions submitted by listeners to drive a discussion about how we can create transformation in ourselves and in our relationships. Listen to the full episode to learn: Why most resolutions fail (and what actually creates lasting change) How to navigate the discomfort of growth without retreating to old patterns The power of self-confrontation Learn more about your upcoming events HERE: https://buytickets.at/jenniferfinlaysonfifephd

Many of us learned early on that being good meant following the rules, keeping everyone happy, and never causing discomfort. So maybe you find yourself saying yes when really, you mean no. Perhaps you agree to host the family gathering, even when you’re already overwhelmed, or give in to your teenager’s demands because you don't want to deal with the fallout of their anger. In this NEW episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Jody Moore of the Better Than Happy Podcast to explore the crucial difference between compliance and true goodness. They discuss the difference between being kind and being compliant, why prioritizing other people’s comfort over your own integrity is harmful, and what your resentments can teach you about yourself and the way you show up in relationships. If you found this episode helpful JOIN US for the Sexuality and Selfhood Workshop in Alpine, UT!

In Part 2 of Dr. Finlayson-Fife's conversation with Dr. Justin Coulson of the Happy Families Podcast, they discuss how couples can prioritize intimacy amidst the demands of parenting. Dr. Finlayson-Fife also tackles what to do when your child walks in on you during an intimate moment, offering age-appropriate language to help children make sense of what they saw without catastrophizing the experience. NOTES: You can purchase "10 Sex Myths That Are Destroying Your Sex Life" HERE (it's only $29!)

Many of us have inherited cultural scripts that position men as the "main character" in sexuality while women exist to serve and support. This framework turns intimacy into work instead of play—and when sex becomes work, desire disappears. In this conversation, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Justin Coulson of the Happy Families Podcast to discuss how our ideas about gender roles undermine genuine connection. The conversation unpacks why women's desire shuts down when sexuality is framed as caregiving, why tolerated sex creates resentment on both sides, and what has to shift if you want to move from dutiful encounters to the kind of passion and intimacy you're both craving. Join us in Irvine, California this month for the Strengthening Your Relationship Workshop (SAVE $100 with code SYR2026)! 

FINAL DAYS TO SAVE! SAVE 20% (or more) on full-length courses + SAVE $18 on your first year of Room for Two with code JOLLY! _________ Development isn't a gentle process. Development often happens when our worldview shatters. And that shattering hurts, but it's what helps us develop a truer map of reality. In this conversation with Taylor Church of the Of Stone and Clay Podcast, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife walks through her own marriage journey to illustrate what relational growth looks like. She shares how marriage revealed parts of herself she didn't want to see and how learning to stay in honest conflict has helped her relationship grow over the years. She also discusses how couples unknowingly co-create the dynamics they resent, and what it means to actually love and value your partner for who they are. 

Room for Two is on sale for Christmas! Use code JOLLY to SAVE $18 on your first year subscribing! In this preview episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife works with Brad and Kate, a couple who feels a chill in their relationship that they can't seem to shake. Sound familiar? Subscribe today to unlock this FULL episode (plus the entire Brad and Kate series and hundreds of other episodes that are just as relevant and helpful!).

CHRISTMAS SALE! All full-length courses 20% Off! Falling in love is a gift. Staying in love requires something more—the willingness to grow into someone who can hold both connection and individuality without losing either. In this conversation with Taylor Church of the Of Stone and Clay Podcast, Dr. Jennifer draws from her new book and research on sexuality to explore how we move from the magic of falling in love to the deeper work of creating lasting intimacy. She offers wisdom on navigating difference, sustaining desire, and why the challenges of marriage are not necessarily failures but invitations to grow. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: Sexual integration and what it means for intimate relationships How shame shapes our experience of sexuality Why vibrant living matters more than physical perfection for attraction The difference between accommodation and genuine choice in intimacy ______ Only a few days left to order That We Might Have Joy in time for Christmas! SAVE $200 on 2026 events with code JFF2026

We've received many requests over the years to offer Dr. Finlayson-Fife's resources in other languages. Miriam Parkin has generously offered her time and talent to translate episodes for us and we will add them to the feed as they come in (in addition to our regular podcast production schedule). Our Christmas Sale is Live! Save 20% on all Full-Length courses (plus get an additional discount when you purchase two or more!) __________ En este episodio del podcast, la Dra. Finlayson-Fife conversa con Dan Purcell del podcast Get Your Marriage On. Hablan sobre... - Las 3 etapas del desarrollo sexual y cómo llevar su matrimonio al siguiente nivel - La importancia de cultivar la energía erótica en la relación - Cómo pasar de tener relaciones sexuales a una conexión profunda a través del acto de hacer el amor

The word libido can make it seem like desire is predetermined and out of our control—we either have it or we don't. In reality, desire is remarkably fluid—shaped by the meanings we attach to sex, our sense of self, and the kind of relationship we’re stepping into.  In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Tammy Hill of the Live Your Why podcast to discuss libido and sexual desire. They explore how biology, medications, aging, stress, and hormones can influence our sexual desire—but emphasize that the meanings we carry about sex, marriage, duty, and self-worth are usually the most powerful drivers of all. Dr. Finlayson-Fife also responds to three common scenarios: a husband who uses data and calendars to justify his sexual entitlement a man who responds to sexual differences with persistent whining a mother overwhelmed by young children who feels too “touched out” for sex In each example, she offers insight into how shifting the underlying meaning—not just the behavior—can help couples create a more grounded and mutually satisfying sexual dynamic. **SAVE 20% on Dr. Finlayson-Fife's BRAND-NEW COURSE with code SWW20**

THE BEST SALE OF THE YEAR IS HERE!   With the holidays ahead, many of us are getting ready for extended-family gatherings—and the fun, stress, and complexity that can come with them. Our extended-family relationships can be particularly challenging because they push directly on our differentiation. As Dr. Finlayson-Fife teaches, few things—aside from marriage—expose our difficulty with differentiation quite like spending time with the families we grew up in. In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers audience questions about common extended-family challenges, including enmeshed parent–child relationships, triangulation, intrusive or overstepping in-laws, sibling competitiveness, and families that resist change. She talks about how couples can stay steady in these situations by being clear about how they want to function, holding to their integrity, and choosing honest, grounded ways of relating—regardless of the pressures around them.

**BEST SALE OF THE YEAR! SAVE20% on all Full-Length Courses** With the holidays ahead, many of us are getting ready for extended-family gatherings—and the stress that can come with them. These relationships can be tough because they push directly on our differentiation. As Dr. Finlayson-Fife teaches, few things—aside from marriage—show how hard “leaving and cleaving” really is quite like spending time with the families we grew up in. In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers audience questions about common extended-family challenges, including enmeshed parent–child relationships, triangulation, intrusive or overstepping in-laws, sibling competitiveness, and families that resist change. She talks about how couples can stay steady in these situations by being clear about how they want to function, holding to their integrity, and choosing honest, grounded ways of relating—regardless of the pressures around them.