Goals On Film

This remake of the Burt Reynolds prison movie see inmate Vinnie Jones captain a team of prisoners against the guards, and is joined by the most cockney cast ever, including Danny Dyer and Jason Statham.

SANTIAGO MUNEZ AND GAVIN HARRIS ARE BACK! Following on from our first episode, we return to the Goal! saga. Santiago heads to Madrid, so prepare yourself for Galacticos nostalgia, Rutger Hauer as Real Madrid manager, the debut of fictional Arsenal legend TJ Harper, and the acting skills of Thomas Gravesen. (Apologies for the echo-y sound)

DON”T CALL IT A COMEBACK. New season, and we return with SHAOLIN SOCCER, Stephen Chow’s kung fu sports comedy. It features an appearance from seminal late 90s awful remix troop Bus Stop.

This time we watched MY SUMMER WITH DES, a BBC TV movie that aired the night before France 98, in which Neil Morrissey has a short lived romance with Rachel Weisz during Euro 96. It’s kind of like Fight Club. Or Scott Pilgrim. But with 90s football. 

This (belated) episode looks at 2002’s British-Asian ‘classic’ BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM. A film so tame it makes Richard Curtis seem like Ken Loach. Featuring the debut of Keira Knightley, endless montages to late 90s dance music, and QPR’s ladies team. WIL: @achinglychic GREG: @gregzeene

We watched surreal football anime INAZUMA ELEVEN GO: THE MOVIE: THE ULTIMATE BONDS GRYPHON - it’s kind of like Hunger Games meets Final Fantasy where kids soccer causes a dystopian future and footballers can do fireballs and summon dragons. That sounds like it should be amazing, but it’s really not. 

THE HURRICANES was an insane kids cartoon from the 90s about a professional football team who went on crazy adventures and the best theme song of all time. We watched two episodes, both of which were completely mental, one of which is basically ‘Under Siege’ with football and one that had the single dumbest minute of animation we’d ever seen. 

John Huston’s WWII classic sees Michael Caine, Pele, Bobby Moore play a match against the Nazis, with Sylvester Stallone in goal.

This episode we look at Air Bud: World Pup, which is about a male dog that plays football and ends up in goal for the USA Women’s team. Yes, really

This episode looks at 2005’s GOAL!, the first in trilogy about a Mexican immigrant playing for Newcastle. It’s not very good, but it’s kind of wonderful.

This episode we watch the classic 90s “Rocky In Sheffield With Football And Sean Bean” drama When Saturday Comes. It hasn’t aged well.