In the Dark

  I want you to subscribe to Politicized on iTunes. It’s my new podcast! But why should you get a woody over Canadian politics that might not normally be of any interest to anyone, let alone Canadians? Because the Right is on the move and we must stay vigilant. Don’t take it for granted that it ain’t gonna happen in your neck of the woods. And if it has happened already then join the conversation. Politicized is the place to commiserate, illuminate and ejaculate all over Canada getting their first Trumpian premier. Join me, political insider Stephen Dorsey and guests as we explain Ontario politics without boring you to death. There’s swears guys! The election is June 7th and we’ll be podcasting up until then. We’ve got a lesbian grandma, a big fat bully that used to be a drug dealer and a great NDP candidate that seems really boring. Oh, and the Green Party but nobody knows who they are. Join me won’t you?   JB

  This is the end. Of In ze Dark (Deutsch). I think. Maybe. Pretty sure. I’ve said this before. On today’s episode Stephen Dorsey and I are joined by Matthew. Can’t remember his last name. Doesn’t matter anyway. He’s smart. We talk Ontario politics. And we do it because shit’s gonna hit the fan and this is our style of activism. We don’t want Dougie Ford to be Premier. I don’t feel safe right now! So, this should/might/probs be the last inthedarkshow.com post. I want you to head on over to the iTunes sometime and subscribe to Politicized. It will start off as Ontario politics but it will move into Canadian politics thereafter. We’re doing it guys!   XOXXX   JB  

  The nerds want us to always be staring at our phone even if we’re at dinner in a restaurant with friends or family. No, that’s not good enough, they say. You gotta take a picture of that dinner and brag about it on instagram. And while you’re at it call it ‘Insta or ‘Gram ‘cause something this cool has to have a cute nickname. Then go outside and take a selfie by bashing your stupid phone into your face until you hear the shutter go click. Then walk out into traffic and see if moving cars will like you too.   Why not live-stream the next time you and your partner are fighting? It’d be closer to a reality we all share.   Let’s get back to not being so worried about missing out on things that don’t even really exist. The good stuff happens when you’re not looking at your phone.   Unless you’re subscribing to my podcast!   Today Yael Staav (the woman that sits right beside me at the office) interviews me!   Love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!       JB

  Today I get politicized with Kevin Burke. He explains Kathy-Dubs (aka the Premier), Doug Ford the former drug dealer, the invisible NDP, handsome-thing Jagmeet Singh, what’s happening in Saskatchewan and Cambridge Analytica (UK) and their involvement in Canadian elections. Of Note… Tim Horton’s drops from #4 to #50 in the Leger Research Group annual survey of national brands. It probably had something to do with my hilarious and incredibly on-point monologue of February 9th, 2018. Paul Ryan is rumoured to step down before the next election as he is sick-in-the face with the Orange Emperor. Listen to Kevin and I talk about his prospects in Ep. 90. A great website created by some anonymous scallywags with a penchant for design has appeared just in time to illuminate why we should not vote for Dougie Ford. And as always I yell and scream off the top for ten minutes: this week it’s about how you should vote for your grandma, that tough-as-nails older broad that knows how to get things done. In the meantime and in between time* I’m reaching around you…   JB in a cold and snowy 416 *Courtesy of the late, great Ed Whalen.    

  Today I get yelly about the women. Women are on the move. They’re young and they’re brown and it’s the perfect time to invest in the very thing that’s coming whether you like it or not. It’s #metoo and #timesup but it’s also #becauseI’mAGirl, #investingirls, #futureisfemale, #menstruationmatters, #pressforprogress, #stoptheviolence, #Shedecides and #girlsnotbrides. It’s a goddamn revolution and yet there still seems to be a few dinosaurs afoot that refuse to wake up. Then I talk to card-carrying Liberal Stephen Dorsey about how we’re both disappointed with the Left. It’s a great chat because it’s not boring and it’s full of learning and sharing… And reaching.   As in Reachers,   J.B. in a warm, wet Toronto

  Dear Left Wing, I’m a left-winger but I’m telling you if you keep acting like pussies you will not only lose me but you will lose all that is near and dear to you. We are the status quo. And as long as we’re not willing to wake-up and change, our home will be changed for us. Prepare for the darkness… The Right is on the move here in Canada. People of the Left where hath thou oves and balls gone? Today on the show I have a great talk with Richard J. Lewis, director/producer on HBO’s Westworld.  

    The Basal Ganglia is the oldest part of the brain. It’s where habit lives. We can disengage the newer layers of the brain – those that do the critical thinking and let the inner brain take over. We don’t even have to think about it anymore. It’s habit now. We’re like an athlete in the zone or an artist inspired or a musician in a fugue state. This is where I’ve had to put exercise or I wouldn’t do it ever. This is where Justy Trews has to put prime ministering. He’s screwing it up. He has bad habits. It’s time for a reset. It’s time for some rul real talk with Sophie.   My friend Kevin comes on and explains politics for me again. You’ll love it.   Reachers,   JB in a sunny and chilly Toronto  

  If Donald Trump didnt have any money would his kids still love him? Would Melania? If DJT was broke would he have any friends? Does he have any now? Has he done anything worthy of love ever? Its imperative these days that we laugh to stop ourselves from crying. We mjust also remain vigilante and not stick our heads in the sand. The comedians will get us through this. Those that are brave enough to speak the truth no matter what. Today I speak to one such individual. Dylan Rhymer is an old friend and now an old stand-up. Hes been doing it more than twenty years and is still talking the talk. Today I listen to his talk on how hes kept going in the face of great adversity. Great talk. Reachers (consensual, natch), J.B. in a cold and sunny Toronto

  “When you need cocaine, you need cocaine.”   My guest today talks about her addiction to coke and her journey through recovery. It’s a great chat with a great and hilarious friend that’s come through a lot and is now out to help others in a big way. She also talks about her fear of tiny holes. Zoinks! I also rant on about a junk food tax and how good it would be here in Canada. We pay extra taxes on booze and smokes, eh? Why not on similarly egregious things you put in your mouth like highly refined foods made in a factory by heartless multinationals that chose carcinogenic aldehydes over love as an ingredient? Anyway…   Love youuuuuuuuuuu!   JB    

  How are you dealing with everything? Are you a newly minted activist? Are you a fatalist? Are you making the world a better place or hiding your head in the sand these days? I have become obsessed with cooking and baking. This recent uptick in passions I’m sure can be tied to the state of the world (aka a dumpster fire. We’re living in a dumpster and it is actually on fire.) For every headline about the harrowing effects of climate change I pop another batch of brown butter toffee cookies in the oven. For every Trumpian tweet I make another pot of bucatini. Am I making the world better? Arguable. Will I stop? No. Do I like asking myself questions and then answering them? You betcha! Today, my buddy Kevin comes on the show and explains the latest in Canadian politics including the shit-storm of grossness that is male politicians in Ontario. He is a concerned citizen. His opinions are his own. My opinions are half-baked and ill-informed. I learned a lot from Kev and so will you and guess what? It’s not boring. I never want to bore you. I want to reach around you… and give you a… Reachers! (consensual)   J.B. in a very cold and sunny Toronto

  My friend Ellie from Calgary calls in with a complaint about the red tape around moving a corpse from B.C. to Alberta. This is what The Complaint Department was built for! This is where you come with all your corpse-moving complaints. Ellie’s brother Fraser died in Kelowna but because he’s Albertan they needed to move him home for a proper send-off. The province wouldn’t release the body without his social insurance number. Ellie didn’t know it ’cause her brother was a homeless man. He wasn’t packin’ his identification. The crazy thing is the province had his SIN but needed to hear it from Ellie in order to release her late brother’s body to her. Way to go bureaucracy! But before that I rant about the one resolution that Justy Trews should make for 2018. The one thing that he could do to cement his place on the right side of history in this country. Tune in to find out more! Loving you, meaning it…   J.B. in a cold and sunny Toronto  

  Dorsey is back to explain the Missing Women Inquiry, Trump’s Wall, NAFTA & DACA. As usual he thinks the Liberals are doing an excellent job and as usual I disagree. I love talking to him because he explains stuff to my easily bored brain and also because we disagree. I really like disagreeing sometimes.   Okay, I love ya and eat a dick.   JB

  “The biggest things that we’re afraid of really can be the most beautiful if you look them right in the fucking eye and you don’t flinch…”                                                                                                                                                                                            Mike DeStefano Today I talk to my neighbour, office-mate and commercial director Yael Staav. She’s a real treat. As smart as she is funny. We grapple with our privileged life and if we’re allowed to complain about it. I say yes. Complaining is relative. Lives are too. If you’re living with other humans that’s reason enough to complain a bit. I also ramble on about my fears that the Right is mobilizing in this country and that we should be doing more about it. I hope you like the listen. Thank you, as always. May this reach-around reach you wherever your butt-hole may be.   JB By signing up for this newsletter you consent to JB giving you a virtual, weekly reach-around.

  I quit you for about a week and a half. I can’t quit you Ennis… ‘Member? Brokeback, so good. So good and gay. Miss Heath. Ol’ Heethers. Today I talk to Jeff Low, aka J-Low. We went for lunch at a Cuban joint in the neighbourhood and then we recorded ourselves slinging some BS about #metoo, Bulgaria, liking Trump and how paying attention to Canadian politics is like pulling weeds in your garden while there’s a dogfight going on next door. So here’s the first episode of the new year. I’ll just keep doing this one whenever I’m not doing the other one with Diana. To wit: If you have a complaint I have a new way for you to get it to us here at the Complaint Department. You can still call 1-437-888-3261 toll-free or you can just record a voice memo on your iphone and email it to us at mail@inthedarkshow.com. Boom! Technology. Love yoooooooooou!   JB  

Today I talk to Stephen Dorsey, a friend of mine that used to be in politics and that still pays attention to it and knows more than me. I ask him about Bill Morneau, what Mueller has on Flynn, is Trump nuts or does he know what he’s doing, the NDP and Andrew Scheer. This is the episode that condenses a lot of sometimes boring information into a delicious hour that will make you smarter whilst not putting you to sleep. I’m incredible and you’re welcome!   Reachers (consensual), J.B.  

What to do with friends that flake? Ian from Toronto calls in this week to complain about flakey friends. We all have them. But I’ve stopped hanging around them. Fuck that. I just don’t have the time anymore to put up with the tardy or the scheduly dishonest. You know what I mean? They say they’ll do something but then at the last minute they’re late or they just don’t show. Forget it. Be honest with me. Just refuse to hang out with me if you really don’t want to. Ice me. Tell me to stop calling. I can take a hint!  Do you have something you want to complain about? Are you from afar? Are there complaints specific to your neck of the woods that we haven’t addressed? Let us help you. Call 1-437-888-3261 and give us a piece of your mind. It feels good. Just try it!  JB & Big Ol’ Dee Dee

  Today we field a complaint from my brother, Andrew. Three complaints actually: sports talk radio, ill-fitting jeans and Ultimate frisbee. I think I know a lot about all three. I too have these same complaints and yet, I can’t profess to be completely without sin, either. I used to listen to sports talk radio daily. I played Ultimate for years. I may have even worn ill-fitting jeans (although that is rather unlikely as I am incredibly well-dressed). Are mom jeans ill-fitting? Or are they too fitted? It feels good to have a high-waisted pant on. Your genitals and your ass are all safe and  secure. And your stomach is held in. Which is worse, poo-catchers or mom jeans? Welcome to The Complaint Department.   Firm handshakes,   J.B. & The Double Dee in a chilly Toronto  

  Stand on the right, walk on the left g-darnit. How hard is that? Today we field a call from Penelope in Toronto. She’s a subway rider and she’s sick and tired of people clogging up the escalators. So am I! Are you sick and tired of something? Call 1 437 888 3261 and have your say.   Reachers (consensual), JB & Dee Dee in the 416

  Today on In the Dark I have a confession to make: I’m a killer. I don’t know what, if any, recriminations are in store for me but I hope you will not judge. I hope you will find it in your heart to sympathize with me. Either way you can have your say by calling The Complaint Department at 1 437 888 3261. Then Diana and I take a call from Dave in Toronto. He doesn’t like garbage day. I don’t either. It smells bad, you have to take all your bins to the curb from the back of the house, down the stairs and then later get the empty bins back up the stairs in the rain, with the kids and the groceries. But imagine if the garbage guys never showed up? That would be worse. I don’t want to be surrounded by the evidence of the good life, well lived. It’s just too shameful… what with all the empty lady-yoghurt containers you’d find.   Big ol’ meaningfuls, JB and Dee Dee!  

Dave Carruthers and Motek Sherman drop by In the Dark for a chat about the best and worst things about the cities we know and love. Do you have opinions about cities? Call the Complaint Department at 1 437 888 3261 and tell us what time it is in kuala lumpur! Reachers, JB in a big ol’ grey and cold 416