Lifestyle Design For Men, with Jay Howard

Yeah, you heard me right. Stop stepping outside of your comfort zone.  Why would I say this? Because I believe the metaphors we use to help us make sense of the world actually matter- and I believe this metaphor is flawed.  We often think of "stepping outside our comfort zone" as this experiment of dipping our toe into the pool of adversity and then retreating back into our comfortable space after a few brief moments. We get the thrill of getting near the waters and some of us even enjoy the bragging rights of getting wet.  But let's get real, we were never really submerged in it. We never fully committed and got all the way in.  ?Instead of thinking about stepping outside of our comfort zones for brief moments, what if we considered actually expanding them in all areas? What if we made a lifestyle of pushing the boundaries in one area of life, so that growth and expansion might happen in others? What if these weren't one-off, limited experiences, but instead, something that we pursued every month, every week or every day? What would an adoption of this mindset- that we should constantly be looking to challenge ourselves- do to our ability to perform at work, challenge ourselves in the gym, love our partner and attack our passion projects with reckless abandon? It's subtle distinction in thought process that influences how we live and how we view adversity, discomfort and growth.  Think of a Navy Seal: would you like to have their levels of mental toughness, grit and courage? I would. But Navy Seals don't cultivate those attributes in their lives by playing "let's get uncomfortable once or twice a year and then give ourselves a high-five for doing it" game (that's a game, right?). No, they live there. They thrive there. They choose, every day, to expand their comfort zones and to embrace the unknown. They swim in icy ocean waters, endure hours of psychological trials and run towards danger (while most of us run away from it); they've made a lifestyle of it. I don't pretend to understand the depths of what they experience physically, psychologically and emotionally, but I do know that they're strong enough to come out the other side. And I think we could learn a thing or two from that. I say all these things as much to myself as I do to you all. I'm just as scared as the next guy when I think about what might lie beyond my comfort zone. So how do we do it? How do we actually expand our zone of comfort? We talk about that subject on the latest episode of the podcast. SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST + LISTEN NOW: iTunes Stitcher

Go to any public place - mall, a train station, a baseball game or a restaurant - and observe the people around you. What are they doing? Are they interacting with other people? Are they looking up and around at others?  Probably not. They're likely doing what you and I do all the time - staring mindlessly at our phones, completely disconnected from the outside world. We tend to use technology as a medicine. It's a quick and easy fix to numb the pain and confusion that comes with everyday life.  Stressed? You've got a phone to fix that. Bored? Well, that's what Reddit is for.  Angry? Scrolling through Facebook can dull those feelings.  Sad? Distract yourself by continually updating that ESPN app.  All of that is a problem for me. I want to be a man who is inspired, interesting and present in the moment. I want to be available to those around me. I want to be focused. I want to live with clarity and conviction. So I have to ask myself: is technology and social media  giving more of those things...or less? It's a question I ask myself often, and you should ,too.  In the latest episode of the podcast, we explore this questions and give some strategies for men who want to reject a reliance on technology, social media and constant consumption and trade it for a life of living in the present. Wanna read more about this topic? Here's a killer article: http://slct.al/2cDRh1z

In this podcast episode, I talk about my newly formed Movement Group I’ve formed with a few of my buddies. What is a “Movement Group”, you ask? It’s simple: a Movement Group answers the question, “What would happen if 3-5 intelligent, motivated and inspired men got together to share ideas, resources and passion to try and change the world?”. Pretty epic, I know. Just a few of the things our group will be discussing at our next get-together (over late night cocktails, of course): Our top 3 most important goals for the first half of 2017 A local social event we can organize and host to grow our network and have fun together A physical challenge that we can train for and complete (hiking Mt. Whitney, anyone?) Discuss some options for personal development books we can read before our next meeting My hope is that this episode might make you want to connect with some other inspired souls and form your own Movement Group. What would you do if you had those sort of men in your life?

If you're like me, you probably had to read the book The Great Gatsby in high school.    I've read the novel a few times since then and every time I read it, I'm fascinated by one of the main characters, Jay Gatsby. Nick Carraway (the narrator and protagonist of the story) describes the phenomenal charisma and confidence Jay Gatsby exudes towards the people around him: "He smiled understandingly - much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced - or seemed to face - the whole eternal world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in your as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey." Every time I read the book, I find myself wondering how I might exude that level of charisma; I'd love to make other people feel that way after an interaction with me.  In the latest episode of the Lifestyle Design for Men Podcast, we talk about how men can manifest confidence and charisma in their own lives (without having to be a millionaire like Jay Gatsby). 

Most guys don't realize how easy it is to get into great shape. They don't realize how little time investment it takes to look and feel amazing. The truth is, you don't need to spend hours in the gym each week. You don't need some sort of crazy, "secret sauce", magic pill workout. Really, there's just a few basic things you need to do in the gym (and outside of it) that will accomplish all the health and fitness goals you probably want to achieve.  Now, will the info in this episode get you prepared to step on stage at the next Mr. Universe bodybuilding contest? Nah. But I'm assuming you probably don't want to look like that anyways.  What this workout program WILL do is get you 95% of the results you'd love to have with about 10% of the time and effort investment you'd expect. Trade 90 minutes a week to finally feel confident in your own body? Sounds like it's worth it to me. Get the program on the latest episode of the Lifestyle Design for Men Podcast! 

Everybody I know wants to travel more. Whether it's weekend trips to the city in the next state, a two week international trip to Western Europe, or spending six days lounging on a Caribbean beach, we know that getting out and exploring is good for the soul.  I know for Erin and I, our ability to travel the world in the first few years of our marriage has been one of the best investments we've made. We've spent countless nights on the couch, laughing as we watch video diaries we've made on our trips. Travel has offered us adventure and spontaneity together, as well as rich times of rest and recalibration.   "But Jay! I want to travel, too...but I'm not rich. How could anybody afford that?!"  Welp, that's what the latest podcast episode is all about.  A few key points My trick for finding the cheapest flights on the internet How to travel the world without needing to be rich How I budget for travel each month

Tell me if this sounds familiar: You decide that it's time to make some changes in life. You want to grow. You want to get in better shape, make more money, finally start that blog you've been toying with or maybe you want to grow intellectually. You listen to people like me shout from the rooftops, "You have to set goals! Write them down! Set a deadline!" and you dutifully get out your pen and paper to write it all down. You scour social media for inspirational quotes and helpful strategies.  You commit to sacrificing health, sleep, money and relationships to relentlessly grind towards the things you desire. All the sacrifice will be worth it in the end, right? You get yourself all kinds of pumped up and boldly declare, "I'LL DO WHATEVER - YES, WHATEVER - IT TAKES TO ACCOMPLISH MY GOALS!!!!". Three weeks later you've lost that sheet of paper and along with it, all your motivation. You wonder what happened to all that drive and conviction you had when you started. Why did you fail so quickly? I've been there, too. Many times. Because I've experienced that exact same feeling, I've made a big decision and I'd like for you to consider joining me in it: I'm done setting goals. Finished. At least in the way that goal setting is traditionally taught. See, I believe there's a better way to create the life you desire. A new way. I believe there is a different approach that requires a fundamental mindset shift that- if applied- can radically alter mens' ability to design the life they've dreamed about for so long. Interested in hearing more? Check out the new strategy on the latest episode of the Lifestyle Design for Men podcast.

“The clothes make the man!”. You’ve heard it before. Yeah, it’s B.S. Clothes don’t make anything. Character, passion, values, heart, and work ethic; those are the things that make the man.  But hey, let’s not take ourselves too seriously. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good, right?  Paying some attention to your personal style can give you a little extra confidence as you go through your day, and it can help others see you take yourself, your career and your projects, seriously (but not too seriously!). I’m sure your significant other wouldn’t mind either; I know my wife appreciates my putting forth an effort to look good for her.  MOST IMPORTANTLY The absolute most important things about nailing men’s style is the fit of the clothes. You can spend thousands on an expensive wardrobe with the highest quality, most perfectly crafted materials. But, if your clothes don’t fit properly, you’ll look like an idiot. It’d be better buy clothes from the thrift shop and get them professionally tailored for your body than to get the coolest suit from Bloomingdales that is too large or small.  I’m not going to pretend I'm an expert in tailoring and how every piece of clothing should fit a man’s body. But my advice is this: look for sales, deals and affordable places to buy your clothes, then take them to your local tailor (Yelp them first to make sure they’re legit) and get them tailored. Don’t stress it, it’s not as expensive as you’d think, and you’ll have clothes that you’ll wear for a long time.  Below, I've listed my 8 wardrobe essentials for men. I chose the 8 pieces listed below because I believe they’re the most versatile, foundational parts of a man's wardrobe. If you have them, you can build everything else around them, and add things as you need them or find things you like.     - 1. Dark wash jeans - 2. Bomber jacket - 3. Sunglasses - 4. White sneakers - 5. Watch or bracelets  - 6. Fitted tees - 7. Brown boots - 8. Quality cardigan 

Do you ever feel like your life lacks passion? Wish you had more experiences that were adventurous and spontaneous? Are you constantly exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally and need some rest? In the latest episode of the podcast, we talk about the idea that life is meant to be lived in "rhythms".  Oftentimes, we tend to focus on one or two specific areas of our life, making them ultimate. You'll often see men obsess over work, hobbies, money, health or relationships. Humans are designed to ebb and flow in life; to experience peaks and valleys, instead of running on high gear 100% of the time. Work only matters if it is balanced with rest. Interactions with people are richer when a man also spends some time in solitude. Time in the office becomes more bearable after an adventure-filled weekend outdoors.  How do we add this sort of richness to our lives? How do we stop the mundaneness, the droning, the tiredness of the "normal" life? In the latest episode of the podcast, we discuss how to do just that: rhythms.  KEY POINTS  What it means to think of life as a "rhythm" Rhythms that might be missing from your life and why that matters  Practical ideas about using this thought process to create a richer life

We all want to grow our careers. We all want to foster a strong, meaningful personal network. We all want to grow our bank account with a little extra padding. To grow the areas listed above, you must put yourself in a position to control (broker) the things that people want/need most in life. In this episode, we identify 3 things that people constantly want/need and give you some actionable advice on how to place yourself smack-dab in the middle of brokering them.  KEY POINTS  Men should pursue the ability to broker: 1. Information and data 2. Money/funding 3. Relationships/influence 

So, maybe you have a wife, girlfriend or fiance. Maybe you're single and just hope to find that life-partner someday. Either way, it's vitally important to examine our mindset and actions towards our romantic relationships. As men our goal should be to foster an environment of healthy trust and intimacy while at the same type pushing for a sense of passion, mystery and excitement. We explore those ideas in this weeks podcast episode. KEY POINTS 1. Relationships need purposeful steadiness: feelings of trust, encouragement, intimacy, companionship and service. 2. Relationships need purposeful spontaneity: feelings of surprise, passion, excitement, risk and healthy uncertainty.  

If you're like me, you want to look and feel great, and you want to physically and mentally perform at a high level. But when it comes to fitness especially nutrition, you've been fed lies. In the latest podcast episode, we talk about the lies most men believe about nutrition and we want to help you fix it.   KEY POINTS   1. The first and most important part of nailing your nutrition is to identify you personal goals and correctly match your daily caloric intake for those specific goals. Caloric intake is more important than any other factor when it comes to developing your physique. 2. Ensure that you're eating adequate protein to support maintaining and growing muscle. 3. Follow the "don't be an idiot" rule with your nutrition. Feel free to fit treats and "unhealthy" foods into your diet whenever you'd like, but don't overdo it. There's no need to get obsessed with the detail; generally speaking, just focus on getting some quality lean protein and some fruits and veggies into your diet.

We've bought into the myth that if we work hard enough, we can find our "soul mate." In this episode, we discuss how this idea is flawed and how we can go about finding a romantic partner and how we can continue to grow that relationship for years to come.

Andrew Ferebee is an expert in helping men crush it in life.  In this episode, we talk with Andrew about his story from a bored and uninspired retail employee to living the life of his dreams and making in impact on thousands of lives.  We focus on his ability to take massive action in life and we provide some tangible, actionable advice for how you can grow in this area, too.

Craig Ballantyne is a fitness expert and one of the top coaches in the world. In this episode, Craig takes us through his formula for creating the perfect day. High performers and hard workers need to maximize their mindset, sleep, nutrition and relationships, and he provides us a plan to do just that.

It's important to recognize that we are programmed to avoid being uncomfortable. We're programmed to play it safe, to be mediocre men, to keep our heads down.   But success in life (in our relationships, career, health and everything else) requires that we be uncomfortable physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.   Success requires that we walk into places we've never been before, that we trek into the unknown and experience all the fear and anxiety that comes with it. That's the only way to make meaningful progress on anything.   High performing people don't avoid discomfort, tension and chaos. They can sit it in. They can deal with it and they understand that it's part of the process.   We admire men who have the strength to keep moving forward through uncomfortability:   - Kobe Bryant is sore and tired, yet he chooses to stay in the gym shooting hundreds of jump shots until 1am because he wants to be the greatest player of all time.     - There’s the "ordinary" guy in your office who, despite being busy and stressed, wakes up early to play with his toddler before work because he values being a good father.     - Navy seals dive into icy waters under enemy fire on just a few hours of sleep because they love our country.   - The CEO has nerves of steel during high-stakes business negotiations and fights for the good of his organization and employees.     These men stare pain and confusion in the face and they don't run away, they deal with it. They adapt and they become tougher, more gritty.   They become mentally and emotionally strong.     Do you ever wish you were that way?   Do you want to be mentally and emotionally strong?   Do you want to better tolerate risk and uncertainty?   Do you want to never crumble when things get tough?   It's possible, but it does take some purposeful practice.   It takes a willingness to purposefully seek out challenges so that when the day comes that you encounter life's real tensions, you're used to it. You've experienced it before. You know that, whatever the circumstance, you've already won. You've taken control of your mind, emotions and body and you now have the fortitude to continue pushing forward when things get hard.     And so here's how all this theory can now take shape into some actionable steps for men:   Below, I've listed a few practical ideas to challenge us physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually. Some of them take just a few minutes and some you can do for a week, a month or even a year. I'd advise you try them on a relaxed Friday afternoon or Saturday morning to ensure you have adequate time and energy to fully engage.   Some might seem a bit strange. You'll say, "Jay, make eye contact with strangers?! Won't that just make me look like a weirdo?" Yeah, a little bit it. But it's an exercise to challenge us in new, fresh ways we're not used to. We need to work some muscles that probably haven't been used much before.   So yeah, things might feel a bit awkward and weird at first. You'll survive, I promise.   Schedule it on your calendar and commit to doing them, no matter what. Maybe even grab a friend for accountability and commit to doing it together.   Lord knows video games, sleeping in and playing it safe sound better than waking up early, cold showers and running 5 miles.   Challenges for men who want to grow:   1. Take cold showers every morning       2. Wakeup every morning at 5am       3. No caffeine of any kind for one month       4. No alcohol, tobacco, or any other drug for one month       5. Approach 10 strangers a day and strike up a conversation       6. Spend two full days in complete solitude, ideally outdoors (solo camping, for example)       7. Choose a random physical fitness challenge: a long run or swim, 100 pushups in a day, hold a plank until your body gives out, etc.       8. Meditate in silence for 30 minutes a day       9. No carbs or sugar of any kind       10. One month, choose to take all the money you would have spent on entertainment/eating out/socializing and give it to a charity, local organization or church       11. No technology, media or social media consumption       12. Make eye contact with 10 people and refuse to look away until they do       13. Drink a gallon of water a day       14. Every day for a week, write down 25 things you're grateful for in your life (yes, this will force you to get creative after a few days)       15. Stop swearing for an entire month       16. Fast from all food/drink (except water) for 24 hours       Will you join me?

Lifestyle Design For Men Podcast is a weekly podcast focused on helping men win in their relationships, health, career and life.