Little Detours

Miracles sometimes wear disguises. They’re tucked in the ordinary and mundane parts of life that we might want to skip. Or they come right when you’re ready to give up on you or someone else. Don’t quit before the miracle happens. Years ago, I was asked to help a boy who had all sorts of disabilities. I volunteered to help him. It turns out he helped me more. He taught me not to quit. He was my miracle.

It doesn’t matter what has happened to you, it matters what you do with what has happened to you. Life is like a poker game, you don’t get to choose the cards dealt to you, but it’s entirely up to you how you play them. You get to decide what you’re worth, how you matter and how you make meaning in this world. No one else has your gifts, You are an original. A masterpiece. Act like it. Live like it.

When was the last time you got angry at God? Most of us are too afraid to. God wants an authentic, honest relationship with us. It’s human to experience anger and frustration, even at God. At some point in life, we all struggle with life, with the deaths of those we love, with misfortunes and confusion and heartaches that sometimes seem endless. There’s no wrong way to pray. Just speak from the heart. You don’t have to understand God to pray. God understands you.

You don’t have to take a giant leap or complete a five-year plan or an Excel spreadsheet. Just take the next right step. What it is? It’s beneath all those 19 other steps that have you paralyzed into procrastination. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and don’t know where to start, pause, pray for clarity and proceed with the next right step. The next step is usually clear, but we look too far down the road at all the other steps we don’t want to take or don’t know how to take and end up doing nothing. Once you take the next right step, the small one that IS clear, then the step after that becomes clear, and the next and so on.

Our job as survivors of cancer and other big detours in life is to bear witness, to share our experience to lighten the load for others, to carry the torch of hope to all who need a light in their darkness. Once you’ve had cancer, you never know if you’re cured forever, so you live the hell out of the day you are in, this big, beautiful, glorious day, and give thanks for being alive to see it unfold.

Make your life a prayer. Not a quest for more money, awards, popularity, achievements, praise or fame. A Jesuit priest used to offer this simple statement to everyone he counseled: “God is the answer. Now what was your question?” The solution to every problem is more God. More love. More joy. More peace.

Saints aren’t perfect super-human beings who wear halos. Saints are people who know how much God loves them. To know that fully means you live without demands on others for time, attention, gifts and constant reminders that you are loved. You are loved by the Source of all Love. It’s a radical, extravagant love that completely fills you up. Saints can see God hidden in the rest of us.

Give birth to the person you want to be right now. Go look in the mirror and fall in love with that beautiful child of God looking back at you. Every day you have a chance to be reborn, to give birth to yourself, to choose joy.

We all have an inner critic. They key is, do you let it run — and ruin — your life? You, the soul, spiritual You, have the power to change your thoughts. You also have the power to ignore them, replace them or release them.

Real faith isn’t praying without ceasing. It’s believing that God heard you the first time. When you pray like you mean it, you believe God heard you the first time. You ask, then you pause and receive your answer, without any proof. You trust that your prayer was heard, that once you hit the Send button, it arrived and you don’t have to keep pounding on the keyboard to deliver it. The next time you pray, pause and acknowledge that you have complete confidence in a God who loves you. That God will give you “this, or something better.”

You have all the answers you will ever need. They’re inside of you. How do you access them? Consult your own soul. Too many of us run around interviewing friends and family and strangers for the answers we need. To really hear the wisdom within, you have to take time away from the noise and stay silent and listen. When you consult your soul, it will say “Yes” or “No” loud and clear.

How do you put the oxygen mask on yourself? First, you give yourself permission to do so. The care and feeding of you is up to you and no one else. Take back the remote control of your life. Own it. Your time is your time. Don’t give yourself away so there’s nothing left of you for you. Before you give any of your time away, ask what you’re trading in for it. Is it worth the trade? Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, and everyone around you will breathe a little easier, too.

The secret of life is no secret. It’s sprinkled all over your life. The secret of life is to find God in the present moment. If you do that, you’ll discover the secret of life is no secret. It’s a baggy pair of overalls. Poems by Mary Oliver. Music by Louis Armstrong. Chocolate by Godiva. And so, so much more. It’s celebrating what already is, right here, right now.

There’s an old saying: If you’re five minutes early, you’re on time. If you’re on time, you’re late and if you’re late, you’re fired. Being late causes stress for you and everyone else. After being late most of my life, now I’m almost always early. I add a little extra time to drive anywhere so I don’t risk getting a speeding ticket or fueling anyone’s road rage. Arrive early and you’ve scheduled in room to breathe. Instead of being predictably late, arrive early and be the one everyone can count on.

Whatever you put your personal magnifying glass on grows. So why not put it on the good? A beautiful soul named Larry Petrus taught me that. He saw and magnified the good in every stranger he met. Whatever you focus on grows, so train yourself to magnify the good in the marriage you have, the house you have, the job you have, the family you have, the body you have. When you practice seeing the good and the God in everyone, and you’ll see it more often than you ever imagined.

We all judge ourselves too harshly when it comes to doing our best. We raise the bar too high, setting it at perfection, and give ourselves a failing grade for anything that falls short of that. A beautiful teacher named JoAnn Hollis taught me that even at our worst, our work can still be a great gift to others. It’s not ours to judge, just to complete.

No one should climb a career ladder alone. Carry someone else up as you make the ascent. Empower others to be their best selves and you make the world better for everyone. Whatever career ladder you’re headed up, take someone with you.

The most quoted rule for Book Clubs is this: You do not talk about Book Club. Okay, so a Book Club shouldn’t feel like Fight Club, but there are rules to follow. You read just one book at a time. Conversations go on as long as they need to. If it’s your first night at Book Club, you have to talk. Find out how to create the best book club and read the best books. And remember, What happens in book club, stays in book club.

How many pages do you give a book before you stop reading? I give a book 40 pages. If it doesn’t make my Wow Meter go wild, I stop reading. No boring books. I don’t read anything that feels like homework. That’s one of Regina’s Rules for Reading. Listen to the rest of them, like: Agree to disagree: Just because everyone else likes a book doesn’t mean you will. Take “Ulysses.” Please, take it!

A library card is a passport to the world. It will take you anywhere in the world. With a library, you don’t need a passport to go to Peru. You don’t need airfare to tour the Mediterranean. You don’t need reservations to travel the Riviera. If you can’t afford a vacation, the library is your vacation. If you need a job, the library offers limitless opportunities to craft your resume, learn new skills or build your confidence. A library isn’t a luxury, it’s a lifeline.