Live an Extraordinary Life with Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (Let%20Your%20Light%20Shine.mp3) Is this a call to arms? Not unless it is for arms to encircle someone in need of tenderness. Is this a call to arms? Not unless it is for arms to point out a new direction of peace and healing. Is this a call to arms? Not unless it is for arms to be a safety net for those who are falling. Is this a call to arms? Not unless it is for our arms to entwine courageously to take a stand for truth. Is this a call to arms? YES! -Kris King Even a Headlamp Can Be a Source of Inspiration December 2007 Walking in the early morning is one of my favorite ways to greet my day, my world. In the stillness of early morning I get to witness the transition from darkness to light, the moon taking its final bow, stars seemingly dimming as the sun’s rays touch the earth, deer gazing at me as I pass, and all the while feeling fresh air touch my body inside and out. Bliss. The deep darkness of winter mornings was a challenge until I remembered my trusty headlamp that I use in camp in the evenings in Bhutan. When I realized I could use it on my morning walks at home, I shook my head, thinking, “What took you so long to figure out you could use your headlamp at home?” Well, I had my headlamp only associated with trekking in Bhutan, not walking in the dark at home. This morning, as I was walking through a cool, dark mist, I kept looking at the light my head- lamp cast, always eight feet out ahead of me. Using that soft glow, I safely found my way even though the rest of my surroundings were still dark. And then tears sprang into my eyes as I felt a deep connection to my spirit, to everything. It was as if I had connected the dots between two points that I didn’t know were disconnected. When I take ownership of my own light, I can see what I want ahead of me. The more ownership I take, the farther I can see. This inspiration led to another. A favorite quote by Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe came to mind. I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming. The morning has brightened enough that there is no need for my headlamp any longer. I take it off and look at it with gratitude. Yes, it is something I own and use; it is a great tool. The light I possess, my inherent gifts, talents, wisdom, love, humor, and intuition are all for me to use in this life the best way I know how to light my own way and to help light the way for others. The same is true for each of us. You might have seen this before. Connect the dots using four straight lines without picking up your pen. After some play you will discover that the only way to connect the dots is to draw outside the lines. I believe that when you and I take full ownership of our light, it’s easier to draw outside the lines of conventional thinking, limitations, and fears, to be creative, see the possibilities in each moment, and then to courageously use ourselves to make this the world we want to live in every day. Let your light shine! And let me know of your adventures. Reflections: 1. What are things you do to take care of yourself physically that also support you spiritually? 2. What does, “It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather,” mean to you? 3. After reading this book, what does this mean to you? “The light you possess, your inherent gifts, talents, wisdom, love, humor, and intuition are all for you to use in this life the best way you know how, to light your own way and to help light the way for others.” With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (The%20Call%20of%20Profound%20Integrity.mp3) She flies with her own wings. -Oregon state motto June 2007 Personal Integrity: my principles, values, and actions are aligned. I keep my word with myself and others, telling the whole truth accountably without blame or judgment. Profound Integrity: I hold my well-being as my responsibility, and I take care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and I am in service first to my family, myself, and my committed relationships (Wings definitions). These words, “the call of profound integrity,” have been running through my mind for weeks now—when looking out the window at spring unfolding, driving my car feeling the fresh air on my face, and moments when I am alone and aware of my connection to the divine. When I hear these words, I feel a sense of longing so intense that at times it takes my breath away, clutches my heart, and leaves me breathless. Integrity means wholeness, and part of me feels shattered. My mother is dying. My longest loving relationship is coming to an end. This will happen only once in my lifetime, and I want to be there for my mom the best way I can while taking care of myself and my family too. Not a balancing act; rather, an authentic balancing of love, respect, and service that is nurturing and healing for all of us. Sitting with my mom while she lies in bed, my brother, sister, and I tell stories of growing up together. We laugh, we cry, and mom listens and adds in. Then she is talking about her own growing up on the E Quarter Circle Ranch in eastern Oregon, remembering a laundry day when a chipmunk fell in a pot of apple butter and then ran through all the clean, folded sheets. We laugh, thinking of all those little footprints. She sighs, remembering how hard it was to do laundry then, how hard they all worked. Good memories, sad ones too. Ones you can’t help having in a life ninety-three years long. As we talk and I listen, I feel such a deep sense of gratitude for our time together…all of it. And in that moment, I realize how much my learning at Wings over the years is helping me be the person I want to be in this time of accepting a heartbreaking reality. I am eager to communicate what’s in my heart instead of fearful, open to the changes I see in her instead of denying, standing up for what I think she wants instead of hoping some one else will, letting my tears be seen rather than hiding them, and so much more. If someone told me I could teach only four things for the rest of my life, I know what I would choose: accountability, integrity, love, and service (vision). These are the things I most want to practice and that my mother demonstrated to me and everyone who knew her every day of her life. They are the foundations of a meaningful life. My mom died peacefully on May 11 at about 5:00 a.m., a gentle smile on her face. The days leading up to her death are some of the most poignant of my life. I am so thankful I could be there with her and my sister and her family to hold her hand and touch her face. Together we created a sacred space of unconditional love and honor to embrace her and ease her spirit. She will long be remembered as a woman of beauty, wit, warmth, grace, and intelligence. Integrity was her highest value, and that’s how she lived. This is a call to me and an invitation to you to know our deepest values and live them fully; to express our love now instead of waiting for the right time; to tell the truth respectfully and listening with an open mind to the response; to accept and celebrate that our own well-being is our responsibility; to remember that the quality of our most important relationships is in our hands; to live in both personal and profound integrity. Having written this, I notice the part of me that felt shattered is gently mending with tender threads of gratitude and acceptance. The following is what I said at Mom’s memorial service, June 30, 2007. Rae Case Anderson Born April 10, 1914, died May 11, 2007 Ah…to say good-bye to my mother. To never hear her sweet voice again; to never see her beautiful and animated face as she told me about her day, questioned me about mine; to never call her when I want guidance, support, or the best way to reach for something important to me; to never have her listen patiently to my stumbling words as I made me way toward clarity, compassionately listening, listening, and then she would say just the right thing to help me find my own way. How very fortunate we are—my brother Roger, my sister Carolyn, our families, her grandchildren—to have Rae Case Anderson live ninety-three years and one month, years rich in love, laughter, and experiencing life to the fullest. My mom taught by example rather than lecture. What she believed was right, she did and encouraged in us. She demonstrated profound integrity. Since her diagnosis of metastasized breast cancer in September, mom has talked more about her life story than any other time I can remember. In the last weeks at Carolyn’s home, so many people—family, friends, and caregivers—sat and shared stories, laughter, tears, and such deep love and respect. Mom gave and received unconditionally and so very gracefully. What an honor to sit with her and review our lives together and apart. My mom was a bit paradoxical, totally trusting her intellect and ability to do just about anything, except sing. She rode horses, was a Phi Beta Kappa, taught school, raised gloxinias, three amazing children, and corgis, loved my dad completely, danced with abandon, sailed, traveled the world, caught salmon, loved a good joke, was a great friend and cook, and oh my, she could remember the names of people in her life back to the beginning of time! And then, curiously, she was self-doubting and shy when it came to her impact on others and her beauty. She was genuinely surprised, as well as gratified, when people remembered her as a positive force in their lives. And even at ninety-three she could never figure out why people thought she was beautiful. Her beauty at the end was incandescent; she radiated such calm presence. She watched us with such intensity, drinking us in, every detail, and we were doing the same thing, letting her know with every touch, look, and word that we loved her. I would like to share a poem with you by Mary Oliver that reveals my mom’s passion for life. When death comes like the hungry bear in autumn; when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse to buy me, and snaps the purse shut; when death comes like the measle-pox; when death comes like an iceberg between the shoulder blades, I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering: what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness? And therefore I look upon everything as a brotherhood and a sisterhood, and I look upon time as no more than an idea, and I consider eternity as another possibility, and I think of each life as a flower, as common as a field daisy, and as singular, and each name a comfortable music in the mouth, tending, as all music does, toward silence, and each body a lion of courage, and something precious to the earth. When it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms. When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real. I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened, or full of argument. I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world. Dignity, honor, grace, humor, and a helping hand…we are saying good-bye to Rae in physical form. She lives on in us. We are her inspired legacy. Thank you, Mom, for sharing yourself so completely with me…with us. Reflections: 1. After reading my definitions of integrity, take a moment and write your own definition. 2. Where in your life is your integrity solid, where you wouldn’t even think about breaking your word or not keeping an agreement? 3. In what parts of your life do you have broken agreements and you haven’t kept your word? What is the impact? 4. Think of someone in your life whose integrity is profound. What do you think they would tell you to do to rebuild your integrity? Will you do it? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (Mastery…A%20Life%20Path.mp3) Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. -Anais Nin October 2006 Master (edited from Random House Dictionary of the English Language, 2nd edition) 1. a person eminently skilled in something, as an occupation, art, or science 2. a person with the ability or power to use, control, or dispose of something. Syn. adept, expert, skillful, supreme, matchless, consummate. Oh my, what a year this has been! A year filled with newness, of moving out of a place we had been in for five years and into our new location, of new staff with fresh ideas, and of some great new ways to fulfill our vision: to inspire and support positive change, creating an abundant, loving, and respectful world community. As I look back at this year with deep gratitude for all the support of my staff, our wonderful participants, backup team members, and all the people involved with the renovation of this delightful space, I am amazed at the dedication and different types of mastery that brought it all together. When I look even farther back in time, I realize that I had two of the best teachers in the whole world demonstrating mastery to me from the earliest I can remember: my mom and my dad. There is no way to tell you the hundreds of ways they showed me that bringing my whole self to whatever I did would not only serve me, but would serve the whole family and from there my community. I am not talking about meeting expectations of perfection to please somebody else. I am talking about what I believe are the four keys to mastery. Expressing my passion for anything the best way I can Being an avid learner in that process Committing to deepening my skills through practice Sharing my capabilities in service to my world I remember my dad teaching me how to make a mosaic for my eighth grade art class. He worked with me every step of the way, and yet I did all the work. He was patient and encouraging even when I messed up. He would chuckle and ask, “What did you just learn by doing it that way?” My dad had a great laugh; remembering it fills my heart with joy and brings tears to my eyes, I miss him so. He had a keen eye for design, color, and use of space. His questions provoked me and challenged me. Through his drawings he helped me see the world in a whole new way. Wanting to please my dad, I worked very hard and held my breath for long periods of time. When he heard me exhale—whoosh!—he’d look at me and encourage me to relax into the creative process. My mom showed me every single day about touching life with reverence, love, and humor from how she tended her gloxinias, prepared a meal, prepared to teach, raised corgis, washed the car, or played the piano. Her range of mastery was and still is incredible to me, and none of it was a push or a proving. It was all fueled by the love of what she chose into her life. My mom is the most fulfilled ninety-two-year-old I have ever known! As I read what I have just written, I realize that these keys to mastery—expressing your passion for anything the best way you can, being an avid learner in that process, committing to deepening your skills through practice, and sharing your capabilities in service to your world—are what Wings is all about. I am so grateful that I can pass on what was given to me with such love. Reflections: 1. What are you passionate about? 2. Are you ready to express it? To commit fully and master it? 3. What will you risk to do it? 4. What will you risk if you do not do it? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (Envy%20vs.%20Emulate.mp3) We’ve been waiting for you. You are the only one who can fulfill your part. -Sue Miller Hurst July 2007 Envy Pronunciation: ‘en-vE Definition: A feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another’s advantages, success, or possessions (Random House Dictionary of the English Language, 2nd edition); a resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage (Merriam- Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, 10th edition). Late in the sixth century, Pope Gregory the Great made envy one of the seven deadly sins, which are defined as “deliberate violations of the will of God, a misuse of our free will and a deliberate turning away from God. Sin is a grave matter committed in full knowledge with full consent of the will; until it is repented it cuts the sinner off from God’s sanctifying grace” (Encyclopedia Britannica, 200th anniversary edition). What is it about envy that Christendom has seen it for centuries as a deliberate sin? The effect of deliberate sin is that we are cut off from God’s grace, disconnected from our wholeness. We are out of balance in a profound way and feel it not only in our hearts and minds, but also in our bodies. The feeling is toxic. We experience hell right now. Have you ever envied and resented someone who was really excellent at something? For being intelligent, talented, capable, beautiful, handsome, funny, athletic, doing what they love, fulfilled spiritually, charismatic, at ease socially, etc.? Where do you feel it in your body? What kinds of thoughts did you have about them? Have you ever resented someone who had something you didn’t have and thought you deserved? For example, healthy relationships, close friends, a great job, a lovely home, a car, a great wardrobe, a trip somewhere, money, a great body, etc.? What have you said inside your mind when you thought about this person? What have you said to others about this person behind their back? What do you feel in your body? Our definition of resentment at Wings goes like this: “Resentment is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.” This is the feeling of envy. It gnaws at your mind, heart, and gut. And when you are feeling it, you may do or think things that you are not too proud of later, which means a double dose of guilt. Envy seems, in a way, to be safe, and it keeps us justified in not taking action of our own. However, envy is anything but safe. It is insidious and keeps us stuck in resentment, jealousy, longing, and “poor me” or victim thinking. Toxic. When we envy another, we build separation between ourselves and them and also distance ourselves from the very things we want. They belong to the other, not to us. Let’s look at another possibility. Emulate Pronunciation: ‘em-yU”lAt Definition: A desire and effort to equal or excel, to imitate or model another’s desired traits, capabilities, or possessions. My mom gave me a great gift as I was growing up. She used to say to me, “If a human being can do it or create it, so can you.” So I grew up believing that if I did my part, I could do just about anything (except be a man, which for a while I thought would be pretty cool). I watched people I admired and “tried them on,” the way they walked, talked, painted, sang, played field hockey, danced, anything. I didn’t realize I was emulating them or modeling them. I just watched very closely and then did what they did, and I learned. I went beyond my own frame of capability. I am not saying that I never felt envy. Sometimes it was bitter in my mouth with words I wanted to say to diminish someone’s brightness. Sometimes I felt so jealous of another’s beauty that I couldn’t sleep, feeling such angst in my body I thought I would die. I am saying I found a way through envy to valuing, honoring, and appreciating others’ talents, capabilities, and possessions, so that I could learn from them how to bring all that abundance into my own life. I began to emulate those I admired and blessed them for showing me the way. Who do you respect enough that you want to model them and grow? Reflections: 1. What role has envy played in your life? 2. Who have you envied? What capabilities of theirs did you envy? What impact did that have on you? 3. What possessions have you envied? What impact did that have on you? 4. Who do you want to emulate, to model their gifts and talents and make them your own? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (What%20If%3F…Through%20the%20Eyes%20of%20Fear%20and%20Love.mp3) Where service and vision meet, creation accelerates into miracles. -Kris King December 2004 “What if?” is a very powerful question because it invites us to be creative and envision the future. However, I have noticed that very often this question is used in a fearful way. For example: “What if I get sick?” “What if they leave me?” “What if I lose my job?” “What if I never figure it (life) out?” “What if the terrorists attack?” “What if the sky falls?” (Henny Penny) “What if I make a mistake about something important?” The list goes on and on. Just notice how you felt reading these questions. Perhaps a loss of energy, concerned, fearful? Notice the images in your mind, perhaps remembering past inadequacies or hurts. The above questions set your imagination in motion with a negative focus, and the result is what I call “disaster films” with your life as the story line. Every time you imagine in this way, you imbed the fearful beliefs more strongly not only in your mind but also in your body. The result is often inaction and the feeling of being stuck, hopeless. Have you ever noticed this? Imagine the shift in your results if you ask “what if ” questions from a different perspective—the perspective of love. “What if I take really good care of myself physically?” “What if I love myself and others wholeheartedly?” “What if I show up fully, using my skills and talents in life and in my work?” “What if life offers me opportunities to learn every day?” “What if my body is worthy of my loving care?” “What if peace starts with me?” “What if the universe really is a safe place?” “What if taking a stand for something I believe in is exhilarating?” “What if I can really have what I want?” Again, notice how you felt as you read these questions. Perhaps curious, inspired, relaxed? Notice the images that came to mind. Times of your greatest resourcefulness and involvement? This use of “what if” invokes your imagination and creativity in a positive and enlivening way, of possibilities, dreams, and action. By shifting our perspective from fear to love, we impact every aspect of our lives. Have you been waiting in any part of your life, fearful that it won’t turn out right? The quality of the questions we ask ourselves determines the quality of our lives. Is it time to start asking questions that reveal your desired present and future? Every time you choose love over fear, you change the world and make it a better place for you and the people around you. Wings is here to support you in daring to dream big and advocating for the world you want to live in. Reflections: 1. How have you used “what if” questions in the past? 2. What has been the impact on your thinking and how you feel about your life? 3. Make your own list of “what if” questions that are positive and open your mind to the possibilities of your life. 4. Notice how you feel when you read your list. Is it time to step into your desired future? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (Doing%20the%20Right%20Thing-%20Miracles.mp3) Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love. -Rumi June 2003 One of the most valuable outcomes of conscious awareness, I believe, is the skill of healthy self-evaluation—knowing how to stand above the details and events of our lives and look down with curiosity, accountability, and objectivity to see what’s working and what we want to do differently. Some people think that self-evaluation is what goes on in their heads all the time, which for the most part is judgmental of self and others. This stream of criticism, when run to the extreme, is destructive and actually stops us from taking effective action. That is not self evaluation; it’s “mind chatter”! Gandhi said: It’s the action, not the fruit of the action, that’s important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that there will be any fruit. But that doesn’t mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result. Have you ever wondered what the “right thing” is? I’ve seen people freeze at the idea, stop dead in their tracks, fearing they could make a mistake, as if there is only one right thing to do! Knowing what the right thing is becomes apparent when we know our deepest values, our vision for our lives, practice healthy self-evaluation, and then take action. Action leads to learning, which helps us decide what the next right thing to do is. When I participated in the Personal Effectiveness Seminar in 1982 at thirty-nine, I realized that most of my thoughts were based in faultfinding, and I was constantly comparing myself to others, sometimes one up, but mostly one down. No wonder I didn’t know what I wanted in my life. I wasn’t really focused on what I wanted; I was focused on getting away from what I didn’t want! With the help of the teachings at Wings, I began the lifelong process of knowing what is the right thing for me to be, to do, and to have. May 9, 2003, I turned sixty, and I am so delighted to be sixty! Since I had breast cancer at thirty-six, every year is a gift and a bonus. What a perfect time to self-evaluate. Standing up above my life and looking down, I see what in 1982 I would have considered miracles because I thought my life was over. I see and acknowledge my healthy and resilient body; my healthy and loving relationship with my husband, Kyle; my rich and delightful relationships with my sons, Mark and Kyle; running a business I love with people I respect and cherish; renovating a building so Wings has a beautiful home; supporting my mom and dad through his dementia and death; my vast friendships, teaching, and interacting with so many great people; my travels around the United States, to Tokyo, Nepal, Sweden and Bhutan; my ability to communicate my truth clearly with love and respect; all the beauty that surrounds me; the positive impact Wings has had on thousands of people’s lives; all the fun I have had doing it all; and there’s so much more! I didn’t know any of the above would work out. I just knew they were things that I wanted and were “the right things” for me to do. What do you want to look down and see when you look at your life? It’s always time to do the right thing. Ready for some miracles? Reflections: 1. Imagine standing up above your life and looking down at it. What do you want to see? 2. Why are these things important to you? 3. What are you doing right now to bring these things into reality? 4. How will you feel when what you want to see is your reality? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (Becoming%20an%20Exceptional%20Parent%2C%20Person.mp3) Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much. -Helen Keller July 2002 “Discovering the ways in which you are exceptional, the particular path you are meant to follow, is your business on this earth,” said Bernie Siegel, MD, a pioneer in supporting cancer patients to change their perception of themselves from being a victim of cancer and disease to being an exceptional and courageous patient. I strongly agree with Dr. Siegel. I believe it is our task to accept and explore our own unique talents and gifts, to live our lives becoming more truly our best selves each day now—not waiting for a catastrophe to wake us up. And yet so much of what happens in our lives has nothing to do with these discoveries. Much of what we are taught in life is devoted to directing, restraining, and containing us to fit a certain pattern that is called “culturally acceptable” and approved of by others. Am I saying that learning to follow the rules isn’t important? No. I think some rules are vitally important to our health, welfare, and to our community. What I am saying is that through our acculturation and learning process, sometimes the unique- ness, the spunk, the creativity, and the dignity of the individual are sacrificed. The intentions are good—to create structure, predictability, and safety. The results are not always so good—individuals feeling controlled and dependent upon authority figures, bored, and fearful of being judged, of making mistakes, and not belonging. I believe we must live and behave in such a way that our children (our own and those we have a responsibility to) learn to appreciate their own magnificence and learn to take action for themselves that repeatedly reaffirms their accountability, magnificence, and capabilities. That sounds like a tall order when faced with an irate teenager! And how do we do this if we have not learned this ourselves? To become an exceptional parent (person), or to assist others in becoming exceptional people, we must decide that discovering our uniqueness is valuable, possible, and worthy of our time and energy—because it will take time and energy! From there on it is a matter of learning ways that work and using them every day with ourselves and in our interactions with everyone, especially our children. The ways that work are simple things, simple actions that show how much you care and what you stand for. Simple things like taking ownership of your own behavior rather than blaming others, receptive listening rather than judging and rebuttal, telling the whole truth instead of editing or lying, respecting rather than disregarding, unconditional loving rather than expecting, creating clear agreements and keeping them rather than forgetting, encouraging rather than controlling, and celebrating rather than criticizing. Simple to understand, perhaps not so simple to apply, especially in those moments when you feel most challenged. However, isn’t it amazing we want our teens to practice self-control when we are not? Imagine in those moments of feeling most challenged that you stop, breathe, and take ownership of your own behavior. For example, “I just noticed that I am speaking loudly and using critical language as I am talking to you. I apologize. I think it is something I do with you when things don’t go the way I want them to. I think I am afraid of conflict and don’t know how to handle it very well. I feel sad and concerned that I do this with you. What I want is to understand you and for you to understand me. I want to really hear what you are saying. I want to make clear agreements with you that we both keep to build trust between us. How do you feel about what I just said?” And then really listen. This may sound like a mouthful to you, and I want you to know that with practice you will transform not only the way you communicate, but the level of trust, clarity, love, and cooperation between you. Why wait to be sick or to have a life-changing event come along before you accept and appreciate that you and your teen (partner, co-worker, etc.) are truly exceptional people? Use the actions listed above with yourself and your teen for a few days, or a lifetime, and you will be amazed at what you discover about yourself and your teen. Reflections: 1. When you were a kid, what do you think was the main focus of your parents’ parenting? Teaching you through correcting, or celebrating your uniqueness? 2. What was the impact on you? What did you decide about taking risks? 3. Setting aside your self-judgment and being honest with yourself, how are you exceptional? What are your gifts and talents? 4. What do you want to start celebrating about yourself and others? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (A%20Life%20Without%20Regrets.mp3) Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations. -George Bernard Shaw These last months since September 11, 2001, have been a riveting time personally, nationally, and globally. A time of reflection, remembering what is most important, and taking action. The possibility of a great awakening is at hand. What are the most important changes you want to make in your life so that you live a life without regrets? Very often, when people awaken and grow, we get very excited about the future and the possibilities of what can happen. And very often, when people awaken and grow, we turn around, look at our past, and make it wrong, thinking that we should have somehow known “it” all along. We blame ourselves harshly for not growing sooner, and even worse, we may start blaming others—partners, friends, parents, the culture, you name it—for what happened in our past. Actualizing ourselves to our highest and best selves, growing, is an ancient and well-recorded desire for humankind throughout history. There have been innumerable voices in every culture calling brothers and sisters to awaken to our goodness, to take peaceful and thoughtful action, to serve humankind, to make the world a joyous, safe, and compassionate place, and to reverently take care of the earth. Sometimes we listen, become inspired, and change. Sometimes we gradually stop, and like falling asleep, we don’t realize when it happens. Remember the first Earth Day? Did Earth Day awaken a part of you that deeply cares for our earth? Did you get really excited about the possibility of everyone pulling together to recycle and create great change? Have you judged people and cultures that aren’t doing it the “right way”? Remember September 11, 2001? Are you still as aware of what’s most important to you, or have you started to fall back into old habits? If we make our past wrong when we experience insight and growth, or if, when the natural process of falling asleep occurs, we judge ourselves as wrong, our faith in ourselves erodes slowly and surely. To live a life without regrets, we must stay committed to valuing our past, our heritage. It has taken all of our past to create this moment and what comes next—every hurt, every tear, and every bit of laughter and love. When we don’t listen to and honor our past experiences, we simply recreate them over and over again, blocking the road to our future. There have been many awakening moments in my life: breast cancer, recreating my marriage to Kyle, starting Wings, the death of my son Matthew, September 11, and most recently the death of my father, Arnold T. Anderson. We celebrated his life on November 3, 2001. One of my great realizations while I was there with my mom and family was that I participated in my dad’s life the best way I knew and I have only sweet and poignant memories, no regrets. All of your life and mine is essential and priceless. To stay fully committed, we must value all of it. When you awaken and see life anew, no matter what the occasion or what it took to wake you up, savor the learning, celebrate, and do it, be it, say it now! Live a life without regrets. This is what I wrote for my dad’s memorial service: I am forever blessed that Arnold T. Anderson is my father. A true father, unconditionally loving mentor, teacher, guiding light, guardian, and friend—Dad was all of these things and more to me, to my brother, Roger, and sister, Carolyn. My dad was often shy, never calling attention to himself, a man of dignity and honor. People sought him out, relaxing in the full acceptance and attention he gave to everyone. My dad laughed easily and never at anyone’s expense. He delighted in the unexpected and the curious, seeking to understand what life offered him— cultures of the world, how any “thing” worked, where the fish were, the perfect move in a dance step, the subtle hint of an herb in a sauce—all as he lovingly watched over his family. My dad listened with the eagerness and curiosity of a child, seeking the truth instead of the easy or expected answer. Dad was both a teacher and a learner. My dad believed that we are here to fulfill our heart’s deepest longings, to do the best we can do in every moment and be happy doing it. And by his example, we learned this lesson. My dad held his word as his bond. He simplified his life by only doing what was most important to him. He was a simple man of great depth. My dad loved to create, to use his imagination in every aspect of his life: paintings, systems, cooking, designing their homes, singing—what a voice! My dad loved my mom. By watching them together, from my earliest years until these last several years, I learned what true love means—unconditional and real, passionate, ever present, patient, and kind. Mom’s courageous caring for dad was a reflection of the love they shared. I want to share a view expressed by Bert Hellinger in his book Acknowledging What Is: I belong to life, or to a force that brings me into life and holds me, and then lets me drop out again. This way of seeing things seems to me to be much closer to the reality. One who experiences himself or herself as part of a greater whole experiences a supportive energy, although it’s an energy that can also bring suffering. It’s not our happiness that makes the world go round. It’s something quite different; it calls us into its service and we have to yield to it. At the end of our time, we drop out of life back into something we know nothing about. We don’t just suddenly appear out of nowhere. The life we receive through our parents is embed- ded in something greater. Something flows together in our parents and passes life on to us. We are already present in some sense, or we couldn’t become. When we die, we’re not gone, although we’re not visible to the living any longer. But vanish? How can we vanish? Being, the depth behind everything, is beyond life. Compared with being, life is small and temporary. I am grateful to you, Dad, for sharing life with me. Yes, Dad, you are dead…and I miss you. We will live a bit longer, and then we will come too. Namaste?. Reflections: 1. Describe several times in your life when you “woke up” and became excited about setting a new course of action. 2. Name the insights you are still excited about and why. 3. Name the insights to which you have “fallen asleep” and the impact on your life. 4. Now what are the most important changes you want to make in your life so that you live a life without regrets? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (Reflections.mp3) If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go into business because we’d be cynical. Well, that’s nonsense! You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down. -Ray Bradbury Having just returned from trekking in Solu Khumbu, Nepal, for the fourth time, relaxing on the beach in Thailand, and visiting my niece, Kristin, in Kyoto, Japan, I am spilling over with joyful experiences and vibrant memories that fill my heart with gratitude. So much happened during the thirty-seven days that I was in Asia that, in order to be conscious of what I learned, I’ve been spending time in silent reflection (my 600-plus photos as my guide). And I would like to share these reflections with you, my dear friends. First: True riches and wealth lie in the heart of the experiencer, not in outside circumstances. Nepal is ranked as one of the poorest nations in the world economically, and many would say, “Isn’t that too bad.” And yet, the Nepali are the some of the happiest and wealthiest people I have ever known. They are rich in love, relationships, and family; rich in healthy, nutritious food; rich in their connection to the earth, seasons, and the glorious Himalayas; rich in their spiritual beliefs, meaningful practices, and colorful rituals. Imagine this: in Kathmandu and throughout the country, Hindus and Buddhists actually share many holy shrines on a daily basis. Abundance is a personal experience. Second: With positive intention, any activity can be a multifaceted blessing. My intentions on this trek were to respectfully learn about Nepal and for the group to be positive representatives of our culture with everyone we encountered. As the fourteen of us bonded and became friends, trekked, learned Nepali, ate glorious, healthy food, had our vacations, and strengthened our bodies, the people who were in service to us also benefited deeply. To name just a few, our support staff, being experts about all things Nepali, practiced and learned English and about our culture. We created relationships with each other that will last a lifetime and opened our hearts and minds to embracing differences instead of fearing them. As a group, we chose to help Rumjatar Secondary School, impoverished and bursting at the seams, become a school where students have what they need to learn by building a library, and we also assisted with the reconstruction of the Lura monastery. Brains, hearts, and bodies all working together with positive intention are so powerful! Third: “Don’t you think laughter is prayer?” (Mary Greenwood). Talk about happy! From Nepal, one of the poorest nations, to Thailand, an emerging nation, to Japan, one of the wealthiest nations in the world, there is a common thread of laughter, taking oneself and others lightly with grace and humor. I have my ideas why this is so, one being that Buddhism is a prevalent practice in these three countries. When they pray, they are praying for the well-being of all, not just themselves. Imagine having your laughter be not only a joyful experience for you but an offering of grace and light to others as well! The second is that in all three countries there is a strong belief that healthy community is built by each individual fulfilling their part, that we have an impact on each other and it’s each person’s duty to be respectful of others. Fourth: The smallest gift given with great love is more valuable than one that is given as a “have to.” So many times on the trail, we stopped and talked with a farmer tending his field, laughed with the children at our terrible pronunciation of Nepali words, said “Namaste?!” to whoever passed by. In the past, I thought of gifts as physical things that I made or bought, and I always wanted them to be perfect. In Nepal, I realized that being fully present in the moment is a great gift to me and to whomever I am with. Ease, generosity, rapport, listening, laughter, and sometimes tears too. How precious to share them. Fifth: Do it now. Life is too short to spend it sitting on the couch! What are your dreams and desires? What gets your heart rate up, just by thinking about it? What are you longing to do that you have told yourself is too expensive, takes too much time, is too risky, etc.? These are the excuses we live with rather than having the lives we want. Life is waiting for you to come to it. It doesn’t work the other way! Jump in. There is so much more, and my reflection continues. Reflections: 1. What does this mean to you? “True riches and wealth lie in the heart of the experiencer, not in outside circumstances.” 2. What does this mean to you? “The smallest gift given with great love is more valuable than one that is given as a ‘have to.’” 3. What are some of the most memorable “precious moments” in your life? 4. Who in your life do you want to spend more real time with, feeling connected and present? Will you initiate it? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (Divine%20Forgiveness.mp3) If we really want to love we must learn how to forgive. -Mother Teresa What is forgiveness? At its essence, forgiveness means to give as before, before the breach you experienced with another, with yourself, to once again be connected with love, respect, and appreciation. The how of it—the hard part—is owning your own part and then giving up all claims against the other, a pardon, absolution, a letting go of all blame and resentments. Forgiveness takes away the barriers that you have built and maintained against yourself or between you and the other. In A Course in Miracles, there is a statement that rocked my world when I read it for the first time. “Ask not to be forgiven, for this has already been accomplished. Ask, rather, to learn how to forgive.” I thought, “What do you mean, it has already been accomplished? I’m hurt, I’m angry, and I know it’s their fault!” Then I stopped and realized in Divinity’s eyes there is no need for forgiveness because you and I are loved unconditionally. There is no holding against, only holding dear. The heart of forgiveness is the unconditional love of God. Why make amends, why forgive? Why is it so important? Making amends and forgiving are a letting go of victimhood. Any place you hold on to hurt, resentment, or anger, you hold your position as a victim. Attachment to blame, attachment to hurt, attachment to resentment—all are barriers to your personal freedom. Making amends and forgiving are ways of reclaiming your integrity. Where we have been or done things that are outside our value system, we have places where we blame ourselves, where we have relationships that are out of balance. We are out of balance. Sometimes the intention of withholding forgiveness is to uphold some sense of self, of power, and yet over time the withholding causes a weakness because of our lack of integrity, of not being the kind of person you know you want to be. Forgiveness is for the forgiver. When you will not forgive, you are saying, “I want to keep this wound,” and you end up carrying people around inside of yourself like hostages, torturing yourself, holding yourself hostage too, creating a grotesque and profound separation from your own spiritual essence, your own heart. It is vitally important to remember, forgiving is not a condoning of behavior nor a relinquishing of responsibility; it is an act of grace and accepting our humanness, that we make mistakes and our actions have an impact on ourselves and others. Take a moment to breathe and come present, and then imagine yourself sitting in a big comfortable chair—a chair in which only truth is spoken or heard—and there before you is a big living screen, and one by one you begin to see the faces of the people you believe you have hurt. As you look into their eyes, you recall those moments of shock, pain, humiliation, disappointment, separation. Seeing the events, the people, noticing what you’ve done and thought and felt since that time, allow all your feelings to simply be there in your heart, noticing if they feel heavy. Now the faces of the people on the screen begin to change to the people you believe have hurt you. One by one, you look in their eyes, remembering what they did or did not do that caused you pain, what has happened in each relationship since, the feelings you have carried for so long. As you watch, you realize how much energy you have given to each event, and you know it is time to release yourself and them, to let go, remembering the one who has probably hurt you the most is you. It is time to say, “I forgive you,” feeling forgiveness filling your heart. If your mind interrupts, saying they don’t deserve to be forgiven, remember that forgiveness comes from the inside. No on can make you forgive. You are at choice about how free and loving you want to feel. Do not forgive anyone you are not ready to forgive, and be open to that changing as you open to power of making amends and divine forgiveness. Reflections: 1. Who do you believe you have hurt? What did you do or not do that caused them harm? 2. Who do you believe has hurt you? What did they do or not do that caused you harm? 3. What has been the impact on your relationships of holding on to past grievances and resentments against others and yourself? 4. Are you ready to be free again, to take ownership of your own life and forgive? If your answer is yes, congratulations. If it is no, what is it going to take? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (The%20Mandate%20Before%20Us.mp3) May all my life be a mindful meditation. May every action be a prayer. May I open to divine inspiration fully… and be awake! -Kris King When I wrote this piece ten years ago, I received the most feedback I had ever gotten on anything I wrote. It ranged from strongly positive—the best article to date, most courageous—to strongly negative—how arrogant and self-righteous I was to make such statements. As I am rereading it now, I realize I think we were at the same point then as we are now, and that is the learning. This mandate is right in front of us all the time, because we have been trained so well to be dependent on authority figures for guidance and approval. I am interested to know what you think. Here we go. It is imperative that we mature—now. We’ve been waiting to be saved long enough. Waiting through time to be saved from something ambiguous that we have called our sins, our enemies, loneliness, the government, disease, aging, drugs, poverty, the media, depression, the forces of nature, etc. Waiting to be saved from something ambiguous by something ambiguous, such as God, the white knight, the perfect candidate, the perfect partner, the perfect career, the ultimate purchase, the perfect pill, vacation, or whatever. Waiting hasn’t worked, and it will never work. How much pain and suffering must you experience before you ask yourself, “Is there a better way?” How many nights and days of isolation, pain, and dissatisfaction can you stand? You see, our waiting to be saved is at the heart of the enduring, the waiting, the longing. Have you ever waited for a committed partner to change so you could be happy, all the while feeling resentment and anger, and blaming them for your feelings? There is a mandate before us, now. To grow up, step into our own shoes, accept what we are and what we are capable of and be it. It is time. I believe that we have spent the last century caught inside of two questions that have led us down a path of self-pity and disempowerment. These two questions are “Who am I ?” and “Why me?” Sigmund Freud gave birth to a huge industry that has helped people understand what could possibly be the answers to these questions. The reason I say, “could possibly” is, how can we possibly know in truth why things were the way they were in the past when we don’t even know when it is happening in the present? We calm ourselves in the vast sea of ambiguity by making things up, creating stories that seem to make sense of why things are the way they are. The only reason for the ambiguity is that we have been asking the wrong questions. The questions that we must ask ourselves now are “What am I?” and “What do I want my life to stand for?” instead of waiting to be saved by some outside forces. With these questions, we will save ourselves and be what we were meant to be, and in truth have always been. Einstein said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” Until we choose higher consciousness and accountability, we will continue the patterns we have repeated for centuries. Is what we have created in the past and the present, what you want to create in your future? If your answer is yes, read no further, and I wish you well. If your answer is a clear no, come along. There’s consciousness to raise, and it is yours and it is mine. Reflections: 1. Take a few moments to look back over your life asking yourself this question, “What have I been waiting for?” 2. What has been the impact on you of waiting for someone else to change so you could be happy? 3. What are your answers when you ask, “What am I, and what do I want my life to stand for? 4. What’s one thing you will do right now to set that in motion? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (What’s%20Become%20of%20Honor_.mp3) Great ambition is the passion of a great character. Those endowed with it may perform very good or very bad acts. All depends on the principles which direct them. -Napoleon Bonaparte Perhaps this is a time of evaluation for me. I have been looking back through the years of my life. Going back as far as I can remember and painting in pictures as clearly as memory will allow. It reminds me of turning pages in a very-much-loved old photo album. Memories of funny faces laughing, of first birthday parties, of grandparents with gentle faces who are no longer with me, of my piano recitals, of sports events, of the world news, of summer vacations, of school graduations, and of first love emerging, the story of my life unfolding. What I feel as I remember is a quickly changing kaleidoscope of emotions ranging from joy to sadness, from excitement to curiosity and gratitude. My precious life speaks to me. As I look and remember, a realization is working its way into my conscious awareness. There were so many heroes in my life! People larger than life who taught me so many lessons. Not necessarily class content—although my seventh grade English teacher, Mr. Giordano, was amazing—the larger lessons about being a human being of honor. Each person taught me by their actions, by the way they lived each day, consistently displaying nobility of mind, action, and spirit. If I were to write a list, it would be a long one, beginning with my parents, Rev. Bohm, Mrs. Wange, Dwight Eisenhower, President Truman, Eleanor Roosevelt, God, my brother Roger, my sister Carolyn, Martin Luther King Jr., Miss Wynn, my third grade teacher, JFK and on and on. Heroes of time gone by became my heroes because they cared and did something about it. Each one my teacher, each one a whole person making mistakes along the way and correcting their course because they had a sense of honor, a reverence for life, and a deep desire to do the right thing. They wanted to make a contribution…right action. Has something changed over the years? Are there still heroes in my life? Yes, and they seem to be fewer. Are there heroes in our children’s lives? Yes, and I wonder what kind—especially when reading the newspaper or listening to the news. What kind of people do we as a whole hold up to our children as heroes, as people worth being our children’s role models? How do we measure? Are our children finding their heroes these days in the sports pages, on TV, in church, in government, in show business, on YouTube—where? What values are we imbedding unconsciously into the minds of our young through the media? What we value and acknowledge is all around us, and sometimes I feel ashamed. I see so much glitz and greed, addiction to power and drugs, notoriety, deception, looking good, and “me first” thinking. When we tell ourselves it’s impossible to be a politician and be a person of honor, I think we are in trouble. Who are your heroes, past and present? Is there a difference for you also? Contrary to what you may be thinking, I am excited by my journey into my past and visiting my old heroes. Excited because with my new conscious awareness I can use what my old heroes taught me. It is time to acknowledge what I honor by choosing according to my deepest values: how I vote, who I invite into my life and my children’s lives, how I run my business, how I spend the money I earn, who I support, how I invest my time, who I choose as my teachers. I want each choice to reflect what I hold precious. Sometimes the simplest and quietest moments bring the greatest gifts and realizations. If I don’t become a person of honor, who will? Reflections: 1. Looking back over your life as far back as you can remember, what are your fondest memories? 2. Who were your heroes as you were growing up? And why? What did they stand for? 3. Who are your heroes now? Is there a difference in what you are looking for? 4. What will it take on your part to think of yourself as a person of honor? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (Is%20It%20Time%20to%20Create%20the%20World%20You%20Want%20to%20Live%20In_.mp3) Care more than others think wise. Risk more than others think safe. Dream more than others think practical. Expect more than others think possible. -Howard Shultz, Chairman & CEO Starbucks, Pour Your Heart into It Now is always the best time to create the world you want to live in! Every moment offers us the opportunity to either reveal our authentic self and who we want to become or to settle for what we think is expected, appropriate, or will keep us safely comfortable. Is it a risk to be authentic, to dream and stand for what we value as most important? Yes! And it is an even bigger risk not to because what we lose is our “self.” We can create the world we want to live in, first within ourselves and then in our communications and interactions with others, when we know how. I firmly believe that people do what they know until they know better! When I walk to the front of the room in the very first moments of the Personal Effectiveness Seminar, even before introducing myself, I ask the participants this question: “What kind of world do you want to live in? Not the material world of possessions and things. I mean, how do you want to feel moment to moment, and how would you ideally describe the quality of your relationships, personally and globally, if you could have them any way you want them?” For a moment, I see a blank stare, which I interpret as, what the heck is she talking about? And then eagerly they begin to respond (I record their words on the board), the words pouring forth with candor and fervor. “The world I want to live in is safe, free, accountable, practices integrity, compassionate, full of laughter, generous, adventurous, a healthy community, respectful, loving, orderly, inspired, creative, powerful, connected, diverse, passionate, synergistic, kind, creative, thoughtful, peaceful, truthful, accepting, integrated, holistic, spiritual, abundant, wise, expansive, effective communication, unique, grateful, helpful, risk taking, responsive, and happy!” When the words stop and the board is full, I say, “I’m Kris King, and I’m here to assist you to create the world you just described. On Sunday we’ll come back to this list and see if we’ve done it.” Participants look both hopeful and skeptical. Then for four days we delve into exploring consciousness and how it works. Together we learn new ways of thinking and seeing ourselves and the world that assist each person present to see themselves as the predominant creator in their lives, the actor on their own stage, not the acted upon. I have been doing this work since 1982, and I can honestly say I get to be present at the most miraculous moment in many people’s lives, the moment they realize their own magnificence and that their lives are theirs to design. We practice many time-honored customs of being a healthy human being: telling the whole truth respectfully, accountability, forgiveness. The list goes on and on. As the courage of each person is expressed and acknowledged, the group begins creating the world they want to live in! Sunday afternoon, when I go back to the list, going over each descriptive word, both amazement and delight are clearly written on each face. When I ask, “Did we do it?” There is a resounding, “Yes!” and very often applause. Heartened by their awareness of our success individually and as a group, by their heightened sense of self-esteem and confidence in their new skills, each person makes their own personal commitment about going back into their lives and creating the world they want to live in now! I believe the work of awakening to ownership, authenticity, compassion, aliveness, and service is what people are thirsty for and the lack of these qualities is what our culture is reeling from. Recently a rather humorous and far-reaching vision popped into my mind. I saw a world where Wings work, instead of being the exception, is the operating standard, as accepted, appreciated, and used as (get this!) toilet paper! You wouldn’t think of operating in your daily life without it! Imagine the impact that would have on the world. Well, in my vision, Wings is an exceptional brand with the very highest rate of customer satisfaction and use! Are you ready? Changing the world one heart at a time is magic. Reflections: 1. Give yourself a few moments to envision the world you want to live in, how you want to feel moment to moment, and the qualities of your relationships, best-case scenario. Write it all down, no editing; just let it flow. 2. When you are done, take a moment to really see and feel the impact of these descriptive words, your choices. Describe the impact. 3. Is it time to have what you want? Are you ready to step more fully into your life? What will you do today to create the world you want to live in now? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (Circles%20of%20Life.mp3) What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when we bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen. -Henry David Thoreau In the book Black Elk Speaks, Black Elk, a Wichasha Wakan (medicine man or holy man) of the Oglala Lakota (Sioux) said, “The power of the world always works in circles, and everything tries to be round. The sky is round, and I have heard that the earth is like a ball, and so are all the stars. The wind, in its greatest power, whirls; birds make their nests in circles, for theirs is the same religion as ours. The sun and moon, both round, come forth and go down again in a circle. Even the seasons form a great circle in their changing, and always come back again to where they were. The life of a person is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is in everything where power moves.” “The life of a person is a circle,” a precious circle of vibrant life energy filled with contrast and paradoxes—seeking and finding, winning and losing, heart-throbbing and heartbreaking, inspired and depressing, sensuous and spartan, clear and confusing—forming relationships that run the gamut from politically correct to deeply authentic and using our creative energy in ways that can deplete us or raise us to the stars. All of this and more is part of the journey we travel when we enter the circle of life. To fulfill our own unique cycle, we face all the possibilities in the circle. How we face them determines what we learn, how our character develops, and how our wisdom unfolds. How we face them also determines how much time we spend in joy and sadness. Have you ever seen those play areas at pizza places that are filled with balls? Kids jump, stomp, slide, roll, laugh, and basically have a good time in them. Most often when they bump into each other, they just laugh…and sometimes they cry. When I see my life as a circle, that’s what I see: vibrantly colored resilient balls (people) bouncing around in a vast container, the possible combinations and interactions between balls infinite. And yet there are certain people we interact with more often and eagerly because we are attracted to them. One such life that has been and is so meaningful to me is my dear friend and playmate, Mark McInteer. Instant comfort and ease, shared visions and commitments, mutual admiration and respect, belly laughs and tenderness have been hallmarks of our friendship. Basically, I’ve said to myself a thousand times with joy and gratitude, “What a guy!” We’ve bounced around the seminar room together and traipsed around the Northwest assisting people to open their hearts and minds to their own possibilities and life’s magic. Mark is a giver, known and respected by his community for his unwavering commitment to people learning what serves them best to lead healthy, meaningful lives. Tireless, passionate, courageous, and real. And now my dear friend is living with terminal cancer, living each moment with honor, grit, love, and authenticity. Mark, your life has touched mine so deeply, and I am just one among many for whom this is true. When I visited you the other day and saw you in a wheelchair, my heart broke. However, you were so excited about your trip to Disney Land with your beautiful two-year-old daughter, Abigail, that I let go of my sadness and joined you in your happiness to give her such a wonderful gift and memory of her remarkable dad. This one instance poignantly revealed to me again your true and indomitable character, wanting to give as much as you can give until the very last moment. Your family, friends, and community hold you now in the circle of their arms and hearts tenderly, thankful that the circles of our lives have been blessed by your life, that your life has come full circle. Thank you, dear friend, for sharing the miracle of life with me. (Mark died shortly after this appeared in our newsletter and after returning from his trip to Disney Land with his family.) Reflections: 1. Bring to mind someone you were naturally attracted to because of their true nature, and who touched your life in a positive way. Describe them and what you were attracted to. 2. What did you learn about yourself from this person? 3. Have you let this person know how important they are to you? If no, is now the time to acknowledge their contribution to your life? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (Resurgence.mp3) Last night, as I was sleeping, I dreamt — marvelous error! that there was a fiery sun here in my heart… It was fiery because it gave warmth as if from a hearth and it was sun because it gave light and brought tears to my eyes. -Antonio Machado The definition of resurgence is to rise again, a lifting up, a coming back to life. As I look out my window, I not only see, I also hear and feel the subtle resurgence of the life cycle beginning again. Spring, slow as rising sap, is making its graceful way through all living things, buds taking form, grass brightening, the mating dance of birds and frogs croaking in our pond. There have been times in my life when I thought that spring, a natural resurgence, was happening in every living thing except me, that in some way I was outside the normal cycle of life, dormant, cold, and lifeless. Those times were the most painful I have ever known: the last months of my che- motherapy when I realized that soon I would be on my own without drugs to fight my cancer, my longevity in question; the darkest and most disconnected years with my husband, Kyle; and the first few years of agonized grieving after my son Matthew’s death. A part of me refused to be touched by the grace of new life and the renewal of spirit, and in my refusal I felt anguish, isolation, and anger. Have you ever known such a time? Angry that others are flourishing while you languish, resentful that others can laugh when you feel such pain, envious of how easy it seems for others to get on with life, bitter that others have what you want and you don’t know how to create it, and certain that you will always feel this way? Often these are the times that we don’t want to recall, because the pain and suffering are so extreme. As I refused to be nurtured by the natural cycles of healing and rebirth, holding on to my pain, I became organically aware of the deepest pain of all: denial of life and spirit, walking death. Here I was alive, but not living. How very egotistical of me to think I could control the very cycle of regeneration! In its own time, gently, naturally, without fanfare or force, life seeped back again within me at a depth and breadth I had never known. It was as if a huge boulder had been lifted from my heart, mind, and spirit; colors were vibrant, music touched my soul, food tasted rich and luscious, and I heard the sound of my own laughter. How could such anguish lead to such joy and gratitude, such connection to life? I asked myself, “How I did I make the shift from suffering to peace?” Instantly my answer filled me: surrender, yield, let go. In every instance of great suffering, the moment I let go of my expectations and “supposed to be’s,” my resurgence into life began. The moment I trust life, myself, and divine spirit enough to relinquish control over outside circumstances, I am free to discover my true nature. I am free to learn from events instead of fight, and I am free to experience life “now.” As I look back, I realize now that each of these times has been the seed bed of a dynamic resurgence in my life, my life enriched, transformed by what I learned from going with the cycle of life, not fighting it. Through my breast cancer, I realized how grateful I am for my resilience, how committed I am to live and be healthy and strong in my mind, body, and spirit. Reconstructing my relationship with my husband, Kyle, taught me the power of unconditional love, starting with myself, and that being passionately alive is inspiring. I also learned the power of accountably and respectfully telling the whole truth, all the time. The death of my son Matt taught me to surrender, to let go of attachments to life being a certain way, and that thinking I can control events is a dangerous illusion. His death also taught me that there are no guarantees that I will be here for a long time, so to stop acting as if I had all the time in the world. Matt’s death taught me to be fully alive now no matter what the circumstances! Reflections: 1. What are the times in your life when you have felt distanced from life because of difficult events or experiences? 2. How did you take care of yourself through these times? 3. What did you learn from each event? 4. How are you using that learning to live fully right now? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (Integrity%2C%20Service%2C%20and%20Vision.mp3) The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind. -William James “What makes Wings Seminars any different than all the other seminar companies? Why should I choose Wings?” These are questions we often hear from people who have heard about the Personal Effectiveness Seminar and our training series over the twenty-plus years we have been in business. The people asking want more meaning and fulfillment in their lives and are curious about what we do and how we do it. Provocative questions and rather ironic! Especially when one of the things we assist people to let go of in their lives is comparison! Rather than evaluating other companies and comparing ourselves to them, we choose to be very clear about who we are and what we specifically offer. From that foundation of information, we encourage each person to make a conscious choice, the best decision for them. Dr. John Grinder, the co-founder of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and a dynamic teacher, was interviewed in July 1996 by Chris and Jules Collingwood of Inspiritive regarding teaching lasting life skills. He was asked, “What background skills and knowledge would you like to expect working NLP trainers to possess?” What follows is his response. (In parentheses you will see the meaning I make of some NLP terms.) He responded, “Personal congruity (integrity), sparkling intelligence, a deep, bottomless curiosity, a driving desire to discover new patterning, a phobic class response to repeating themselves (deep commitment to creating new insight and healthy behaviors), a continuous scanning for evidence that they are mistaken in every aspect of their personal and professional beliefs (thinking outside the box, open learners exploring life), solid personal ethics, physical fitness, actual real world experience in any field in which they intend to present NLP and an excellent sense of humor.” I think this is a powerful description of a masterful teacher and person. Each of our facilitators and staff members embody the qualities of which John Grinder spoke. I am honored to work with such talented and committed people! What’s equally important to me is that the company embodies these same qualities, that our vision is alive through each individual who works here. Wings’ vision is to inspire and support positive change, creating an abundant, loving, and respectful world community. We practice corporate congruity, integrity, service, open learning, curiosity, commitment to excellence, and compassion. We practice what we teach. Are we perfect? Do we always hit the mark? No, we are human and make mistakes just like everyone does. Yet our goal is to learn from our mistakes. We are committed learners who seek the highest good for all in each situation. Win-win is not just a concept for us, it is an ongoing practice. Why am I telling you this? Because I believe you deserve the best, and what we offer is unique in its entirety. When you come to Wings Seminars or send someone, you will get the best we can create from the moment Claudia answers the phone, to the moment your seminar begins, to the moment you complete each seminar, and as long as you want to grow with us! Do you have a clear vision of the life you want to live? Do you know your most compelling values? Do you know the legacy you want to leave behind? A meaningful life, one that is fulfilling for you every day, not just sometimes, is based in you knowing the answers to these questions and having the disciple to show up every day and live your answers. Come learn powerful tools that will assist you to make healthy choices and decisions, that will keep your life focused, meaningful, and fabulous! Reflections: 1. What does integrity or congruity mean to you? 2. What are six of your greatest strengths? How do you demonstrate them? 3. What is the impact of your greatest strengths? 4. What is your vision for your life? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (Hop%2C%20Skip%2C%20and%20a%20Jump!.mp3) Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. -Danny Kaye Even though there has been snow on the ground for the past few weeks, a true delight for me, something inside of me is whispering, “Spring!” Are there many clues that spring is on its way? Definitely not—not in this cold and slush. And yet, as I look at the stars, crystal clear in the night air, and I watch the stately magnolia out my window, I anticipate that spring is on its way. Do you remember the anticipation you felt as a child before something “new” happened? Something that you had never experienced before, or maybe something that you knew you loved and it only happened once in a great while? Your anticipation, a delightful pressure building up inside, knowing that in a little while you would be a part of something beyond your knowing…wondrous. Perhaps it was like waiting for the beautiful curtain at our Hult Performing Arts Center to slowly open, revealing the magic and mystery of music and motion. Exquisite agony! Do you remember when life was as easy as a hop, a skip, and a jump? When jumping right in the center of a puddle was the way to go, instead of carefully walking around it? Back when the secrets you had with your best friends were the essence of camaraderie and trust? Can you remember when you believed your world was a magical, mysterious place to explore and investigate with awe and delight? Has that curious delight and anticipation been missing from your life for a while? It is amazing that over the years we seem to learn to back away from so much of what life has to offer. I know we have what we think at the time are “good reasons” for becoming very cautious. Isn’t one of the mantras we hear our parents say in childhood, “Be careful!”? We are taught that the world is unsafe or uncomfortable, and we have experiences that validate those beliefs. They become very real in our own experience. We start to spend our time figuring out how to avoid the pain and how to be comfortable. That’s all well and good at the time; it kept us safe and out of trouble. The sad part is that as we grow and increase our ability to be resourceful in the world, we still operate as if we didn’t have those resources and we keep being more careful than we need to be. We grow up thinking that is how “life” has to be, painting ourselves slowly into a drab corner, avoiding the pain. Something I am realizing right now is how much pain we create for ourselves by avoiding the pain! I have stopped myself so many times in my life saying no to an action that just might, possibly, could, or perhaps sometime would under certain circumstances, hurt me. Sounds like a certain ticket to isolation and boredom! Maybe it’s time for us to look to the children so we can remember ourselves. Are you ready for something new in your life? Something like more fun and excitement, more meaning and inspiration? Could it be that it is as easy as “a hop, a skip, and a jump,” right into the middle of…? EXCITEMENT Excitement is red. It tastes like fresh baked cookies. It sounds like people talking, And it sounds like a forest. Excitement looks like when somebody gets an “A” on their paper. It makes me feel like I’m ready for something. —Christine Shevlin Orchard Hill Elementary Reflections: 1. Remember the anticipation you felt as a child before something “new” and good happened? Something that you had never experienced before, or maybe something that you knew you loved and it only happened once in a great while, like going to the circus? How would you describe this feeling of anticipation? 2. What were the events you looked forward to most as a kid? Were you alone or with others? 3. What do you want to look forward to now that will fill you with delicious an- ticipation? Go for it! With love and gratitude, Kris King

Time for the next chapter of my book. What I love about Chapter 35 “What Was I Seeking? Reflections on the PES,” is that it was mostly written by a Personal Effectiveness Seminar grad while he was in the seminar. The poem describes his experience and what he observed so vibrantly. It’s almost like being there. Step by step, experience to experience…it let’s you know the impact of this work. I get to experience the PES every month and be part of the transformation again and again. No wonder I am such a healthy 70 year old woman! This may be a chapter that you want to share with someone close to you to help them understand your experience. If you haven’t done the PES…I think this message is a perfect one for you…and see if it is time to sign up for the ride of your life. I am also including a short video about the impact of the PES that you may want to pass on. I hope all is well and that you have a lovely Thanksgiving. We all have so much to be grateful for. With love and gratitude, Kris Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (What%20Was%20I%20Seeking_%20Reflections%20on%20the%20PES.mp3) I hear, I forget I see, I remember I do, I understand. -Chinese Proverb I am constantly amazed at the power of this work and what we create as a result. Imagine it’s Sun- day afternoon in the Seattle Personal Effectiveness Seminar. We’ve spent four days together learning and growing. Jim Klauser asks if he can read a poem he wrote the night before. What Was I Seeking? Reflections on the PES by Jim Klauser I came looking for something, I wasn’t quite sure. Direction? Some guidance? A conscience made pure? Or maybe a chance to gain peace, or be free? Perhaps all of these—or how to just be. I thought I was open and knew what I had. My life was so full, and really not bad. But something was missing, I didn’t know why, So I came to the class—I’d give it a try. But there was no TRY, only DO or NOT DO, And beliefs that lie hidden, I’m aware of a few That limit my options and give shape to my life; Some lead me to action, others cause strife. What I found was a choice for me now to own The things that I’ve done, the past I condone, And the things that I wish I could simply forget. They’re all part of me, all my doing and yet, I’m much more than my past, the sum of my deeds Or the times that I’ve scored, and grabbed what I need. It’s my being that counts, just the presence of one That speaks to the world and can shine like the sun When I take the time to just listen to you Or look in your face and it’s just between two Where our spirits can touch and be close as doves Open and free, expressing our love. And what do I see when I look in your eyes? Is it fear? or aliveness? some mask? or disguise? No, I see a deep beauty, a child unconstrained. We embrace and share closeness, for moments remain In a state where time stops, only being that counts And we find in this moment, our power it mounts. This discovery, this birth, is what I had sought, A chance to be touched and to share this one thought That I can be the source of much grace When I choose to be open and give others space To reach out to me and share their true love. It’s a mutual mirror of grace from above. It’s LOVE and RESPECT that I’m called to exhibit. Say good-bye to dependency, at SOURCE I will live it. To live in intention, and master WIN/WIN, Where no one must loose, or be put down again. It’s music I’m asked to play with my life, Like twenty-two cellos cutting war like a knife. And this song has a name that will set the world free. It’s clear and it’s bright—it’s INTEGRITY. And it flows from my words, it’s imbedded in truth, To keep my commitments, a return to my youth When yes meant yes, and no meant no, And life was much simpler and I went with the flow. Forgiveness was here, I found my soul’s healing To cleanse those in my past, and share a deep feeling Of love and respect for all those I’ve known And those that I’ve hurt, I claim as my own. So what did I gain from this PES? Was it just information? No, it was a YES To my life and to all those I see. What I got was a chance—to come home to ME! I wrote this poem just before going to bed on the next-to-last day of my Personal Effectiveness Seminar. It’s a gift to all those who participated in the PES conducted January 25–28, 1996, in Seattle—and to those who have worked to make this program a reality in mine and others’ lives. Blessings. —Jim Klauser Jim, thank you for sharing yourself and the impact of the Personal Effectiveness Seminar with us all. Reflections: 1. Take a few minutes to relax and remember an experience in your life that was very meaningful for you. Bring the event clearly into your mind and write a poem about it. Let yourself use vibrant words to share your truth. 2. Bring to mind someone you would like to share your poem with and read it to them. 3. What did you learn about yourself by doing this assignment? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (Dive%20In%20and%20Take%20Flight.mp3) When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap. -Cynthia Heimel Do you ever feel as if you were watching your own life go by? That your life isn’t really about you, it’s going on without you? You can see it happening “out there,” and yet you aren’t there? You do not feel emotionally engaged or really present in your relationships, your work, maybe even in your play time. Many people reveal in the Personal Effectiveness Seminar that this feeling of disassociation is predominant in their lives. In this disassociated state, the major feeling is fear, which we don’t like to experience. It’s uncomfortable! So we shift it a bit and turn our fear into feelings of isolation, loneliness, lifelessness, unworthiness, despair, apathy, powerlessness, resentment, blame, depression (the national pastime), all our favorites. I don’t think so! Why do we watch, stand back from our own lives? Why do we settle for so much less than we really want? Again, all the old favorites based in fear: fear of rejection, fear of loss, fear of being laughed at, humiliated, shamed, fear that what we do won’t be “right” or good enough, fear of being found out. If you look deeply at all these fears, you will notice they roll into one. If we get involved, in some way we will lose—fear of loss. And so we stand back, not speaking our whole truth of what we are feeling, thinking, and wanting, not risking by letting those around us know how much we care or how much we have to offer. At what cost? A cost so extreme, so painful, a cost none of us can afford to pay. We lose ourselves. The very protection we created to keep us from the pain of loss creates the biggest loss of all. Imagine for a moment that a large, deep, pristine pool of water has been part of your life since childhood. You’ve walked by it each day, sometimes quickly, sometimes lingering. You’ve observed it during all the seasons. You’ve sat beside it dreaming and wondering. You’ve seen the water clear blue, languid, shimmering, and inviting. You’ve seen it whipped by the wind, choppy and almost black, mysterious and threatening. You’ve splashed the refreshing water on your face and let your feet be cooled by the shallows, and yet you’ve never been in the pool. Do you know it? Have you accepted all that it has to offer you? The difference between watching life go by and living it is diving in, getting all wet. Not just a toe or a finger, all of you. The moment you dive in, there is nothing else to experience, just that moment and the moment to follow. In order to live, you must interact with the water, explore its depths, or float on the surface looking at the clouds go by. The more you involve yourself and play in the water, the more skilled you become and the stronger you feel. You and the pool are one. The pool is the essence of you and the content of your life. So many of us say we want something different than what we have, and yet we don’t know what we do have. By being fully engaged with your current reality, exploring your beliefs, behaviors, values, results, and accepting your ownership in creating it all, you have a powerful starting point to float on your back and watch the clouds go by as you envision what you want to create in your life and what you want to stand for. The first step in taking flight, soaring free, and creating what you want most is to dive in and claim what is all yours right now. The exploration is the most important and rewarding one you will ever embark upon. At Wings, we have excellent dive, swim, and flight instructors. Come on in, the water’s fine! Reflections: 1. Do you ever feel that you are watching your own life go by, watching others get what they want? If yes, what are you settling for? 2. What are your biggest fears? 3. Instead of facing your fears, what do you do? 4. If you had no fears and were guaranteed success, what would you do? With love and gratitude, Kris King

Download audio file Subscribe to the audio podcast Download audio file (Crystal-Clear%20Vision%2C%20Better%20Than%20Twenty-Twenty.mp3) Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming… WOW! What a Ride! -Mary Morrow Hagle Lately, I am constantly walking around in a state called “goose bumps!” My skin feeling extra alive and sensitive to what’s happening right now, my whole being in a state of just-right excitement, food tastes extra delicious, and all my senses are vibrantly turned on! Whatever I am involved in or working on is coming together with ease and amazing quality, and then leading naturally to my next involvement, which is right on track with where I want to go. Once or twice, I’ve caught myself wondering if I’m missing something—like the hard part—and I realize I’m not used to such ease, so little resistance, anxiety, or concern about my next step. When I realize I am doing this, looking for the hard part, I stop, breathe, and then I relax. I let go of my imagined-worry memories and step right back into the flow state. These feelings and the results I’m creating are too good to just let them be a blip on my radar screen of life. So I’ve been paying attention to how this all came about. I keep asking myself this question: “What am I doing differently to create this ease and these great results?” I stay open-minded, curious, listening to my own responses, and this is what I learned. The recipe is simple. That is not to say it is easy. Taking the action is a little more involved. What am I doing differently? I let go of my fear of knowing my truth and what that could lead to. I let go of my expectations of how life is supposed to be. I let go of worrying about whether you will like me or not; I let go of my fear that “they” would laugh at me. I let go of thinking that I could never do enough, be enough, have enough. I let go of judging my own dreams. I let go of my past limitations and looked to my future. My future, my own creation! And my vision became crystal clear. I found a place inside my heart, mind, and spirit so peaceful and yet exhilarating that I burst out laughing! I let myself see how I want my life to be at home in my relationships with my husband, sons, and family. I let myself see what I want to create in my work with my staff, participants, breast cancer survivors. I let myself see the impact I want to have wherever I am, and even where I am not, in this world crying out for inspiration. I let myself see how and where I want to invest my time and with whom, my community involvement, and most of all what I want Wings to stand for and to be. And I am simply doing those things. I chose them with every ounce of my being! Like I said before, the recipe is easy; taking the action is where the work takes place, where the transformation occurs. Doing the action is where my fear of the unknown raises its scary head and tells me, “Don’t do it. They will think you are weird! This is dangerous.” However, when my vision is compelling, makes my heart go flip-flop in a great way, when I know it is what I really want, my passion pulls me through my fear. My courage helps me calm my anxious heart and do what I know will fulfill my dreams. Will there be bumps and lumps along the way? Of course. Lumps are part of life, those unexpected events that are outside the story we have written for ourselves, that challenge us to rise up above our fears and be our best selves. Will my vision take me to places I can’t see yet? Of course. Pioneers do not know for sure where they are going, and surprises are a delightful part of life. Will I be doing what I want to do, and spending time with people, like you, who I want to be with? Yes, because I am stepping into my vision again and again and living it with the support of so many loving and inspired people…fellow travelers. Seeing our vision clearly and then choosing it again and again at each choice point is the key to freedom, fulfillment, and personal success. What do you want your life to stand for? How do you want to be remembered? Is it time to let yourself dream big? May every day of your life be filled with joy, abundance, right action, truth, compassion, creativity, friends, and your crystal-clear vision to lead the way. Reflections: 1. What are you doing when you feel most alive, present, and fulfilled? 2. In the past, what have you thought that made doing things feel hard for you? 3. What have you been afraid others would think of you if you did what you wanted most? 4. If you knew you would be remembered for three things at the end of your life, what would you want them to be? With love and gratitude, Kris King