Love Is... Real Talk for Midlife Women

Love can be real, but life, circumstances, and bandwidth can make the timing impossible. In this episode, Stacey has an honest conversation about timing, emotional capacity, and the grief of missed connections in relationships after 40. 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

We often correlate sexual frequency with relationship stability, but the sex only tells part of the story. In this episode, Stacey dismantles the notion that sex is a crystal ball for relationship health and longevity. While exploring the idea that lower frequency is sometimes an indicator of deepening emotional security. 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Humans seem to have a unique relationship with sex. It's often enmeshed with societal expectations, emotionality, and internal stories. In this episode, Stacey explores the tension between our inherent biology and our need to make meaning and our struggles with sex and intimacy. Resources related to this episode: Bonobos, our evolutionary cousins who use sex as a social lubricant Dolphins appear to use sex for social bonding Chimps use sex for hierarchy and play

Our views on sex work often reflect the things we try to tuck away. Loneliness. Shame. Desire. In this episode, we're exploring how adult sex work might be a vital social service, providing a judgment-free space for acceptance, unmet needs, and sometimes deep intimacy. 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Good people are not necessarily good at relationships. In this episode, Stacey explores the social construct of being a "good person." And how being polite, helpful, and uncruel can bypass the emotional nuance needed for deep relationship nurturing. Resources mentioned: Elizabeth Earnshaw - Therapist: "You can love someone unconditionally and yet find that they can't meet the conditions for maintaining a relationship." All About Love by bell hooks 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Being in a relationship often looks like divvying up the life stuff. Maybe they take on the in-the-house chores, and you take on the outside parts. But who's responsible for sex? You? Them? In this episode, Stacey is talking about why sex should be something you maintain together. And how it can feel loaded if that responsibility falls on one person. 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

The relationship you have with your body shapes what you're willing to feel, receive, and experience sexually. This episode explores aging, self-perception, and the shift toward neutrality (and maybe even generosity)—and how a healthier relationship with your body can expand your capacity for pleasure. 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Touch speaks its own language. A hand on your belly. Fingers along your jaw. A palm at the center of your back. And the body feels every word. In this episode, Stacey sits with what touch feels like. When it feels like home or an invitation… and when it doesn't. A reflection on love, desire, and the times when your skin doesn't quite feel like your own. 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Bedrooms don't magically transform into dens of desire after dark. Especially after a full day juggling life sh*t. That's not how desire works—at any age, but especially in relationships beyond 40. In this episode, Stacey explores how the predictability we build to feel safe can drain the tension desire depends on. And how, after years of building a life together, it's easy to stop seeing one another as individual, complex, ever-changing humans. 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

The desire to let go and be uninhibited during sex is pretty common. Yet most of us struggle with it, especially in marriage and LTRs. After 40, we assume the self-consciousness is about appearance. Bellies, butts, and love handles. But what if it's deeper than that? In this episode, Stacey explores how the identities we've spent years building might keep us guarded in bed. Resources mentioned: Sex Beyond Yes by Quill R. Kukla From the publisher: " Every discussion of sexual ethics revolves around consent, but is this notion enough to help us understand good sex? How does the dominance of consent help or prevent us from negotiating the complexities of intimacy and pleasure?" 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

It's easier to believe the thrill vanished into thin air than to admit you left the room. Staying in the room when you've been with someone for years is a tall order, especially in the age of endless attention grabs. In this episode, Stacey gets into how presence, not chemistry, might be what's actually missing. Resources mentioned: Esther Perel - Relationship therapist Perel suggests, in many long‑term relationships desire hasn't disappeared; what's missing is the quality of presence and aliveness between partners. (Paraphrase inspired by her book Mating in Captivity and her TED talk.) 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

When they ask, "Are you tired?" You know what comes next. After you've been together for a long while, it's easy to predict the predictable. Which is the opposite of sexy. In this episode, Stacey gets into why using your words makes sex exponentially better in long-term relationships. Before, during, and after. 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

There used to be these gaps of nothing. Waiting for a table. Standing in line. The 20 minutes or so before the thing started. And in those gaps, almost without thinking, we reached for one another. Now those moments are fewer. In this episode, Stacey explores how screens are changing the way we touch each other. And what we're losing in the spaces we used to fill with each other. Suggested Reading: National Library of Medicine: Blue Light and Digital Screens Revisited: A New Look at Blue Light from the Vision Quality, Circadian Rhythm and Cognitive Functions Perspective Sleep Foundation: Blue Light: What It Is and How It Affects Sleep Harvard Health Publishing: Blue Light Has a Dark Side 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

There are things that our partner says or does that grate on our very last nerve. But sometimes, as annoyed as we may be, we find desire bubbling to the surface. In this episode, Stacey gets into the alchemy of irritation and desire, and why the thing that drives you absolutely batshit crazy might also stir your loins. Suggested Reading: Arousal transfer (a.k.a. Excitation transfer): https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/9781119011071.iemp0055 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35471677/ 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Long-term relationships have a way of settling into routine. Same person, same bed, same sex, possibly on the same night of the week. In this episode, Stacey gets into why the sexual do-over is a myth. And how you could be overlooking the eroticism in the sex you're already having. Resources mentioned: Mono no aware - Japanese concept Translation: "the pathos of things" In other words… the bittersweet realization that everything is transient. 🗳️ Suggest a topic for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Sometimes old relationships linger in our nervous system. We brace for disappointment, questioning generosity, or waiting for new love to come with a list of conditions. In this episode, Stacey explores how past relationships shape the way we receive love in the present. And the shadows they cast long after they're over. 🗳️ Suggest a topic for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Sometimes exes come back into your life because they missed you. But there are times when they return because their life unraveled without the structure you provided.. In this episode, Stacey explores the difference between reconciliation and retreat. Between love and survival instinct. Knowing the difference can change everything. 🗳️ Suggest a topic for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Most of us really believe we want honesty. But do we want the truth? Or do we just want to be agreed with? In this episode, Stacey digs into the difference between honesty and the curated version many of us seek. And why it's essential to recognize the difference. 🗳️ Suggest a topic for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

What happens when a married man logs onto a dating app looking for sex, only to discover he's in search of something else? In this episode, Stacey recounts a six-hour phone call with a stranger that unexpectedly delves into the nuance of intimacy. Sometimes what we think we want hides what we really need. 🗳️ Suggest a topic for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

What if the sex you used to have wasn't better? Maybe it was just newer. In this episode, Stacey explores why so many people measure their current sex life against a memory. And why memories are often more myth than reality. Nostalgia has a way of retaining the heat. It chucks everything else. 🗳️ Suggest a topic for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/