Not Quite Classic Theater

Third time's a charm. https://archive.org/download/74HalloweentownHigh/74%20Halloweentown%20High.mp3

We all knew this was coming. Jake and Casey saw "The Emoji Movie" this week, and all those rumors you've heard are true. This movie is a painful experience; it does everything but leap off the screen and physically spit in your face. This film is an affront to mankind itself, and we as human beings should be ashamed that one of our own produced this. In short, it sucked. Plain and simple. Tune in and hear our full and complete misery-laden commentary. https://archive.org/download/73TheEmojiMovie/73%20The%20Emoji%20Movie.mp3

This week, we get to learn a valuable lesson in financial responsibility from the 90s Disney classic "Blank Check" , specifically that you shouldn't trust a 10 year old kid to spend a million dollars. It doesn't end well and the FBI usually gets involved. Also, it helps if the kid isn't annoyingly whiny. https://archive.org/download/72BlankCheck/72%20Blank%20Check.mp3

How many ways can one screw up while making a movie? Well, whatever that number is, the producers of Jr. Detective Agency made sure to hit every single one. From framing to editing, from sound to color, from acting to lighting, this is the movie equivalent of Murphy's Law- everything that could go wrong did. Join us, won't you? https://archive.org/download/E71TheJr.DetectiveAgency/E71%20The%20Jr.%20Detective%20Agency.mp3

This week, we look at the new Power Rangers flick and Casey gets to relive his childhood while Jake just kinda watches. It's miserable. https://archive.org/download/E70PowerRangers/E70-PowerRangers.mp3

He's like a regular Dad, only he's invisible now. I'm not sure what you expected, honestly. https://archive.org/download/E69InvisibleDad/E69_Invisible%20Dad.mp3

For all you guys out there who kinda wanted to see Wonder Woman but also kinda felt bad about it, we did it so you don't have to. https://archive.org/download/E68WonderWoman/E68_Wonder%20Woman.mp3

We're back in the woods again this week, on the track of bigfoo- er, the woman of the wo- er, the black wolf- uh, I dunno. Just listen. https://archive.org/download/E67NQCTVTheHowlOfTheMountain/E67_NQCTV_The_Howl_Of_The_Mountain.mp3

We must be in a time loop or something; we keep seeing the same movie over and over. https://archive.org/download/E66AbnerTheInvisibleDog/E66_Abner_The_Invisible_Dog.mp3

Our Mountain Monsters watch-along of the Rogue Team saga continues! This week: Halloween masks, fake police, and Trapper loses an impossible amount of blood! https://archive.org/download/E65NQCTVRevengeOfTheMountain/E65_NQCTV_RevengeOfTheMountain.mp3

Were you feeling happy today and retaining a general sense of optimism towards the world at large? Well, this movie will fix that right up for ya. https://archive.org/download/E64ErnestFamilyAlbum/E64_ErnestFamilyAlbum.mp3

Ah ha ha haaaa... .. I need to go lie down for a while. https://archive.org/download/E63VampireDog/E63_Vampire_Dog.mp3

This episode was a bit out of the ordinary, but then,all our episodes are anyway so it's really no big deal. Listen if you want, I guess.https://archive.org/download/E62TheLegoBatmanMovie/E62_The_Lego_Batman_Movie.mp3

We journey back into the wonderful world of Mountain Monsters as our heroes solve the mystery of the devious Rogue Team. Also, we're kinda bummed about this episode because we forgot to mention a minor character whose name was, and I'm not kidding, "Radish." He was a farmer who strangely did NOT grow radishes. https://archive.org/download/E61NQCTVReturnToTheMountain/E61_NQCTV_Return_To_The_Mountain.mp3

If "Air Buddies" killed the franchise, this film came back to spit on its grave. https://archive.org/download/E60PupStar/E60_Pup_Star.mp3

This was a very average episode of Not Quite Classic Theater. Not Great. But not bad. And that's OK. https://archive.org/download/E59MonsterTrucks/E59_Monster_Trucks.mp3

Direct from the 90s, this is an amazing prediction of the shenanigans President Trump's young son Barron gets up to in the White House in 2017. This is truly a masterpiece. A vision, if you will. https://archive.org/download/E58FirstKid/E58_FirstKid.mp3

The moral of today's story is: do not attempt to combine two entirely different movies into one. It just ends up being a hot mess and everybody walks away miserable afterwards. https://archive.org/download/E57BatteriesNotIncluded/E57_BatteriesNotIncluded.mp3

The annual NQCT Christmas Special has arrived. You may recall we foreshadowed this episode on Christmas Eve last year. Yeah, we were playing the long game on this one. It wasn't worth it. https://archive.org/download/E56SantaClaws/E56_SantaClaws.mp3

What's that? You're telling me it's November 30th? You're telling me we have to wait 24 hours until it's actually December to do a Christmas movie? Well, sounds like you've never heard of a little thing called Christmas Magic. It's a convenient device that solves all our problems, as long as they happen within the vicinity of winter. What's that? You say it's just a cheap trick used by lazy filmmakers trying to make a buck off the holidays? That's a terrible thing to say. Go sleep in the basement.https://archive.org/download/E55TheSearchForSantaPaws/E55-TheSearchForSantaPaws.mp3