Raising Godly Boys Minute

What developmental stage is your son in? David Thomas, a family therapist, has divided a boy’s life into five stages. Until age four, boys are in the “explorer” phase. When they turn five, they enter the “lover” stage. The third stage for our sons  is ages nine through twelve– the “individual.” Next is stage four, the “wanderer.” And finally, there’s the “warrior” phrase– between age eighteen into the mid twenties. When we as parents understand the phases our son is going through, it helps us develop realistic expectations for him. We also can give our son some grace. Remember that growing up can be difficult, and what he always needs most is a generous heap of love. To learn about the five critical needs of boys at any stage of life, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

Are you disciplining your son, or are you naming him? Many parents are guilty of using phrases like this with our son: “You are so messy” or “You are so disrespectful to me.” But family therapist David Thomas reminds us that, to our boy, it may sound like we are “naming” him. And hearing those phrases can lead a boy to believe that he is simply a messy or disrespectful person. Instead, David suggests reframing the situation by saying: “Son, I’ve noticed you’re stuck in a pattern of disrespect.” That way, it’s possible to address the negative behaviors, but we aren’t accidentally giving our son a “name” he may attach to his identity. He may behave badly, but his behavior doesn’t define who he is. For more ideas on raising boys to be godly men, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

Ever strike a match? A single match—or even a single spark from flint and steel—can start a fire. And if provided with enough fuel, that small fire can quickly grow into a large and powerful force. The same can be said for words. A simple word of encouragement could be the spark that encourages your son to accomplish incredible things. If your son is struggling with school or sports or social activities, give him some tips and pointers in a kind and patient way. Then, when you see progress, say, “Awesome job,” and give him a high five. That simple act of encouragement could be the spark that prompts your son to strive for even greater success. It’s amazing how small words of affirmation can lead to big results. For more encouragement and parenting advice, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

Stuck in traffic? Use the time to teach your son a valuable lesson. David felt his blood pressure rising one day while driving. He said to his son, “I’m getting really frustrated. How about we turn on some music so I can think about something else?”  A few days later, David’s son was working on some math homework. He looked at his dad and said, “Dad, I’m getting really frustrated with this homework. Can we turn on some music so I can think about something else?” Our kids learn so much from observing our behavior. If you want to raise a son who knows how to regulate his emotions, the best thing you can do is model healthy ways to deal with frustration– even with small things, like traffic. For more ideas on raising boys to be godly men, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

Are you trying too hard with your son? It’s been a long day, and you and your son are raking leaves. It’s rare that you have one-on-one time with your boy, so you feel pressure to start a conversation about something important– like grades, or friends, or God. But fellow parent, the pressure is off. Just doing simple tasks together like yard work, building model airplanes, working on an old car, or riding bikes can be incredibly meaningful– not because of the words you say, but because of the time spent together. Because it’s in those moments that your son not only feels your love– he realizes that you may even like him for who he is. For more ideas on raising boys to be godly men, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com. 

There is a catch-22 of every boy’s life. He craves independence and freedom. But he also still wants and needs the attention and approval of his parents.  Be sure to set aside some time each week for intentional time with your boy.  Invite him on a hike or a fishing trip. Take him along when you need to go pick up something from work. Ask him to help you with a task, like staining the back deck. This isn’t the time to pester your son with questions, or lecture him about behavior changes. Allow for comfortable silence, and just enjoy time together. Your son may not seem like he appreciates it. But I guarantee you are making a memory with him– no catch-22 about it. For learn about the 5 critical needs of boys, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

Who’s your favorite superhero? Boys love superhero movies—especially when characters like Superman and Thor travel to earth from distant space, fight the bad guys, and save humans from total annihilation. These films capture our attention, but it’s important to remember that they’re fictional. If your son wants to talk about superheroes, mention the greatest superhero of all. Not only is Jesus all-powerful and all-knowing, but he also loves us beyond comprehension. That’s why He paid the punishment for our sin on the cross. And because He conquered death, He now offers us new life. Superhero movies provide entertainment, but Jesus provides eternal life. Has your son accepted that free gift of salvation? If not, take time today to explain the Gospel message. It’s a message that’s more extraordinary than any blockbuster movie. For more encouragement and parenting advice, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

Time is a curious thing. You wish you had more time to enjoy life, but there never seems to be enough spare time to have a good time. That’s because time flies. You rush to work, arriving just in the nick of time. Or when at the grocery store, you grumble because you’re losing time. In the race to make the most of your time, don’t forget what’s truly important. Spend quality time with your son. He’s growing up super fast. Don’t squander your time by wasting time on less important things. Remember, you can’t turn back the hands of time, so use it wisely. Well, looks like we’re out of time. So visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com to learn about a Proven Process that is helping boys grow into godly men.

Coffee’s on! It’s Saturday morning. You had hoped to get some extra sleep, but your kids are already running around the house. As you drag yourself out of bed and pour yourself a cup of coffee, take a moment to consider this COFFEE acronym: C stands for Christ. Draw closer to him! O stands for opportunity. Parenting is a privilege, even when it tests your patience. F stands for faith. Keep Christ first in all that you do. F also stands for family. Stick by each other through thick and thin. E stands for eternity. Teach your kiddos to set their affections on things above. E also stands for energy. Trust God to provide you strength to keep on keeping on. Now take a sip. Ahhh. Isn’t that good? For more encouragement and parenting advice, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

How strong is your son? When boys reach middle school, many of them take a sudden interest in how strong they are. They like to do things like arm wrestle with their dads or compete in push-up contests. Some boys even begin lifting weights to bulk up. Strength training is a great way for boys to build muscle and endurance, but boys aren’t the only ones who need exercise. As a dad, are you exercising your parenting skills? Are you intentionally strengthening your communication abilities? Guiding your son in becoming a godly man isn’t easy. That’s why it’s vital to study God’s Word for instruction. It’s also helpful to use trusted resources to point you to Christ. By building up your parenting abilities, your relationship with your son will soon be stronger than ever. For more encouragement and parenting advice, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

Music to your ears? Ludwig van Beethoven is recognized as one of the greatest composers of all time. But did you know that he wrote five sonatas and his famous Ninth Symphony while completely deaf?  The secret to his success was his passion for music. That and a whole bunch of hard work and dedication. As parents, we may not have the musical genius of Beethoven, but we can still create wonderful harmony within our homes. Begin by providing your son a consistent tempo of training, and a steady melody of encouragement. Add to that an upbeat rhythm of physical fun, and the vibrato of adventure.  The resulting chords of growth will prepare your son to perform his own creative solo. And in doing this, his life will be a lasting crescendo that brings glory to God. For more encouragement and parenting advice, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

Got a minute? Each day contains 1,440 minutes. That sounds like a huge number, but those minutes are quickly used up. On average, we sleep 408 minutes, work 500 minutes, and eat for 67 minutes each day. Getting ready in the morning, driving across town, and running errands devours even more time. This leaves only a few hundred minutes available for actual free time. The question is: How are you spending those free minutes? If you’re like ordinary people, you spend it watching TV or surfing social media. But instead of being ordinary, be extraordinary by investing your spare minutes into your kids. Take them camping. Ride bikes. Go bowling. The minutes you spend with your kids are quickly transformed into memories that last a lifetime. For more encouragement and parenting advice, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

Is it time to focus? If you have a magnifying glass, take it outside on a bright sunny day. Show your son how to raise or lower the lens until a beam of light focuses on a single point. With a steady hand and a little patience, that concentrated light becomes so intense that it can catch dry grass on fire. Use this activity as an object lesson. Remind your son that if life ever becomes so busy that it begins crowding out his time with the Lord, he needs to refocus his attention. Sports and hobbies are a blast, but they should never consume all his energy. By training your son to put the Lord first in all that he does, he will develop an intensity for life that will magnify God. For more encouragement and parenting advice, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

Do you have a security camera? Around 1 million American homes are burglarized every year. That’s why home video-camera systems are more popular than ever. But wouldn’t it be great if you could as easily monitor your son’s activities when he’s away from home? That way you could make sure he isn’t being harassed by school bullies—or tempted to do wrong when hanging out with his buddies. Even though you can’t monitor your kids 24/7, you can do something more effective. You can pray! Ask God to guard your son’s heart and mind as he sails through the treacherous waters of today’s culture. Ask God to help him stand for truth even when it isn’t easy. Of course, providing your son training and instruction is also essential, but never forget the importance of prayer. For more encouragement and parenting advice, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

Scared much? The command to “fear not” is repeated throughout the Bible. Not just occasionally, but a total of around 150 times. The repetition seems overblown, but God knew we needed the reminder. This is especially true when we consider the many secular influences that are trying to conquer the hearts and minds of our sons. The war on gender, the ridicule of biblical teaching, the erosion of traditional values—the list goes on and on. When the sinful ugliness of today’s world attacks your son, teach him to stand strong on the solid Word of God. By being an example to your son in word and deed, you can help him not only survive, but also thrive as he grows into a godly young man. For more encouragement and parenting advice, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

How do you talk to your son? When Cynthia’s son was little, she frequently called him pet names, like “Bubs.” One day, when her son was twelve, he said “Please don’t call me that anymore.” Cynthia was surprised, but then later, she understood. Her son was becoming a man, and wanted to be treated as such. Follow Cynthia’s lead– when your son becomes a preteen, drop any childlike nicknames and begin to refer to him as a young man, not a boy. Pediatrician Dr. Meg Meeker also suggests using phrases such as “I like the way you think” and “You sure are a good brother.” Affirm who your son is, rather than what he does, and you will build him up even more than you realize. For more ideas for raising boys to be godly men, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

Here’s a parenting strategy to try with your son…try the “walk and talk.” When you need to address a behavior or share some difficult news, it can be tempting to lecture your son. But if you sit him down, look him in the eye, and start talking, your boy will probably avert his eyes and lose focus. Try this instead. Lace up your walking shoes, put the dog on its lead, and take your son for a long walk around your neighborhood. As you walk, calmly talk, with short and to-the-point sentences. Psychologists have found that while women prefer face-to-face interaction, men actually listen much more effectively when they are doing a shoulder-to-shoulder activity. So skip the lecture, and head outside. Your son will thank you. For more ideas for raising boys to be godly men, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

Does your son have a gremlin? An author named Rick Carson created a metaphor out of the destructive creatures from the popular 80s movie. He suggests that negative thoughts are like gremlins– destroying our self esteem. With the rates of depression continuing to rise for young men today, it’s safe to assume that our sons struggle with their own thought-gremlins. So what can we do to help them “tame the beast,” so to speak? Proverbs 23:7 reminds us that, “as someone thinks within himself, so he is.”  First, model positive self-talk.  When you mess up, instead of saying, “I am dumb,” say, “I need to work on that.” And memorize scripture with your son that reminds him of his identity in Christ. Jeremiah 1:5 is a great place to start. To learn about the five critical needs of boys, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

Does your son need you? When Christina’s son turned 12, he stopped talking and sharing things with her and, instead, went to his dad for advice. Christina wondered if she would ever feel close to her son again. But moms like Christina don’t need to worry. This separation is not only common, but necessary. Teen boys focus all of their energies on watching their dad, or dad-like figures in their life, in order to see what it truly means to be a man. If that healthy detachment from mom is successful, young men are very likely to return to their moms in young adulthood and re-establish a great relationship. So moms, don’t be afraid to let go.  In the teen years, your son needs to not need you. For ideas on raising boys to be godly men,  visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.

Have you tried this Scripture memory trick with your son? Every boy has a different learning style– auditory, visual, kinesthetic, or reading and writing. You don’t have to know exactly what category your son falls into. The key is to simply  use each learning style to memorize the verse together. Listen to the verse through a Bible reading app. Look up the verse in a physical Bible. Make up simple hand motions for each word of the verse. Then, have your boy write out the verse each day. Don’t forget to memorize the reference, as well! If you use this method consistently with your son, you should be able to memorize a verse a week together. For more ideas on raising boys to be godly men, visit Trail Life USA or RaisingGodlyBoys.com.