Reels of Justice

The Court gets strapped into a supercomputer that makes us smarter when Nicki (“Trivial Theater”) threatens to mulch up any critics of the 1992 sci-fi horror film “The Lawnmower Man.” *** Prosecutor: Maynard Bangs. Defense: Nicki from Trivial Theater. Judge: The Honorable Big Ben Haslar. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Dylan J. Schlender, Big Ben Haslar. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

The Court continues to drink too much eggnog this week when comedian Joe Pontillo shamelessly plugs his own website (JoePontillo.com) during our Superheroic Sequel Showdown between 2004’s “Spider-Man 2” and 1992’s “Batman Returns.” *** “Spider-Man 2”: Big Ben Haslar. “Batman Returns": Joe Pontillo. Judge: The Honorable Ryan Luis Rodriguez. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Dylan J. Schlender, Maynard Bangs. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

The Court has been drinking too much eggnog this week when Kaleigh DuLac helps 1969’s “Frosty the Snowman” sue the pants off of 2000’s “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.” *** “Frosty the Snowman”: Kaleigh DuLac. “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer": Dylan J. Schlender. Judge: The Honorable Big Ben Haslar. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Big Ben Haslar, Maynard Bangs. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

The Court stays up all night to trap Santa this week when Jason Kleeberg (“Force Five Podcast”) defends another man in a red suit, 2013’s superheroic sequel “Iron Man 3.” *** Prosecutor: Big Ben Haslar. Defense: Jason Kleeberg. Judge: The Honorable Ryan Luis Rodriguez. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Dylan J. Schlender, Maynard Bangs. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

In a relatively songless episode, the Court goes gaga this week when Michelle Kisner (“The Physical Media Advocate”) gives the 2024 musical sequel “Joker: Folie à Deux” what it f@#$ing deserves. *** Prosecutor: Michelle Kisner. Defense: Dylan J. Schlender. Judge: The Honorable Maynard Bangs. Jurors: Big Ben Haslar, Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Maynard Bangs. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

The Court learns about a new type of pegging this week when Justin Andrews (“Mind Pump Media”) tries to jump his bicycle over the 1986 sports film “Rad.” *** Prosecutor: Maynard Bangs. Defense: Justin Andrews. Judge: The Honorable Ryan Luis Rodriguez. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Dylan J. Schlender, Big Ben Haslar. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

The Court passes the homemade cranberry sauce when an overgrown stuffed turkey named D-Rok Schlender (“Schlender 5 Productions”) dishes out just desserts to the 2025 horror film “Weapons.” *** Prosecutor: D-Rok Schlender. Defense: Ryan Luis Rodriguez. Judge: The Honorable Dylan J. Schlender. Jurors: Big Ben Haslar, Dylan J. Schlender, Maynard Bangs. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

The Court runs out for more Coors Light this week when Frank Dietz (“This Monstrous Life”) scratches and claws a defense out for the 2010 remake of “The Wolfman.” *** Prosecutor: Dylan J. Schlender. Defense: Frank Dietz. Judge: The Honorable Maynard Bangs. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Maynard Bangs, Big Ben Haslar. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

The Court tries to find its family jewels this week when Ken Liu (“All That We See or Seem”) smuggles out a cache of riches inside a hollowed out copy of 2007’s “National Treasure: Book of Secrets.” *** Prosecutor: Big Ben Haslar. Defense: Ken Liu. Judge: The Honorable Dylan J. Schlender. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Dylan J. Schlender, Maynard Bangs. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

The Court does its own stunts this week when Nathanael Hummel (“Treasure Is My Trade: A Nate Colt Adventure”) intimidates the jury with his handsomeness while defending the 2010 action comedy “Knight and Day.” *** Prosecutor: Dylan J. Schlender. Defense: Nathanael Hummel. Judge: The Honorable Maynard Bangs. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Maynard Bangs, Big Ben Haslar. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

It’s time to put Hell on Reels back underground this week when Isaac Arthur (“Science and Futurism”) proves it’s not hip to be square in the 1997 sci-fi horror film “Cube.” *** Prosecutor: Isaac Arthur. Defense: Big Ben Haslar. Judge: The Honorable Ryan Luis Rodriguez. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Dylan J. Schlender, Maynard Bangs. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

The whole Court is one big dark room when Simon Majumdar (“Food Network’s Tournament of Champions”/”Eat My Globe” Podcast) tallies the bananas in the 2024 lega-sequel “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.” *** Prosecutor: Simon Majumdar. Defense: Dylan J. Schlender. Judge: The Honorable Maynard Bangs. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Maynard Bangs, Big Ben Haslar. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

The Universal Monster Mash lives again when Jack Bennett (“Never Surrender: A Galaxy Quest Documentary”) transforms into a hairier, sweatier beast to represent the 1941 classic “The Wolf Man” against 1932’s “The Mummy.” *** “The Wolf Man”: Jack Bennett. “The Mummy": Maynard Bangs. Judge: The Honorable Big Ben Haslar. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Big Ben Haslar, Dylan J. Schlender. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

Listen! Do you smell something? It’s Kevin Smith (“Suns and Shadows-Cast”) with an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back, ready to join up with the 2024 supernatural comedy “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire.” *** Prosecutor: Big Ben Haslar. Defense: Kevin Smith. Judge: The Honorable Maynard Bangs. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Dylan J. Schlender, Maynard Bangs. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

The Court kicks off the happ-happiest season of all when Marty Ketola (“Making Pondo/Talking Pondo” Podcast) carves up 2002’s “Halloween: Resurrection,” a.k.a. The One with Busta Rhymes. *** Prosecutor: Marty Ketola. Defense: Maynard Bangs. Judge: The Honorable Big Ben Haslar. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Dylan J. Schlender, Big Ben Haslar. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

The Court has been chugging paint all day to take the edge off when Drew Landry (“10 Things I Hate About Drew”) gets naked and starts stabbing the haters of 2023’s “Beau is Afraid.” *** Prosecutor: Dylan J. Schlender. Defense: Drew Landry. Judge: The Honorable Ryan Luis Rodriguez. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Big Ben Haslar, Maynard Bangs. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

Get in loser, The Court is going shopping when The Vern (“Cinema Recall” Podcast) puts on his sweatpants and pushes the 2024 musical adaptation of “Mean Girls” in front of a bus. *** Prosecutor: The Vern. Defense: Ryan Luis Rodriguez. Judge: The Honorable Maynard Bangs. Jurors: Dylan J. Schlender, Big Ben Haslar, Maynard Bangs. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

This week, the Court implants memories of a far better movie in our heads when Sophia Ricciardi (“Moviestruck”) uses her nanite blood to defend the 2020 superhero movie “Bloodshot.” *** Prosecutor: Maynard Bangs. Defense: Sophia Ricciardi. Judge: The Honorable Dylan J. Schlender. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Dylan J. Schlender, Big Ben Haslar. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

The Court sequesters themselves in a snowbound retreat as author Jeremy Bates (“The No-End House”) condemns the artificial unintelligence generated by 2025’s “Mountainhead.” *** Prosecutor: Dylan J. Schlender. Defense: Jeremy Bates. Judge: The Honorable Maynard Bangs. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Big Ben Haslar, Maynard Bangs. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?

This week, the Court keeps blurting out R.E.M. lyrics when Joshua Weilerstein (“Sticky Notes”) shows off his forte: cancelling the 2020 psychological drama “Tár.” *** Prosecutor: Joshua Weilerstein. Defense: Dylan J. Schlender. Judge: The Honorable Big Ben Haslar. Jurors: Ryan Luis Rodriguez, Maynard Bangs, Big Ben Haslar. *** Advisory: Silvana Carranza. Prologue: Kirk R. Thatcher. Original Theme: WT Golden. What did you think of the verdict?