Surrendering Average

Do you have a burning desire to achieve more in life? I know I certainly do.   Does that same desire distract you from one of the most essential and important aspects of your life -  AKA your relationship? For me, there was a direct impact on my relationship when my desire to ‘create more’ went unchecked. My natural tendencies are to gravitate to my masculine energy which usually results in less time/energy tapping into my emotions and my relationship. The amount of focus I put towards achieving other endeavors/goals in my life was significantly more than my relationship goals/desires. These other areas included: *Fitness *Holistic health *Financial freedom *Starting an online business *Real Estate training/investing *Crypto investments -Even when these other aspects were flowing nicely, I would still feel a void in my overall happiness. (One that we try to fill with accomplishing or attaining more).   -Once I found that sweet spot (which takes consistent effort to sustain)...I’m also always working on finding the sweet spot, where my focus and desires began to incorporate my relationship needs as much as my other desires, it improved my overall happiness (and my relationship). We tend to bypass the importance of continuously prioritizing our relationship (especially after years of being in the same relationship). Life gets busy and for us ‘high achievers’ it’s easy to get carried away with goals/aspirations. I am guilty of this as well but what I know to be true is that balancing my energy between the other endeavors AND deepening the connection within my relationship has accelerated my fundamental and overall happiness. As men or someone with more masculine energy, we tend to forget about this and our focus may gravitate to fulfillment/purpose or to providing for our family (nothing wrong with that, just something to be aware of). Here are three universal laws to help us get back on track with our relationship: Law of desire: You only fully get what you want if you deeply desire it… Previously, I only desired the other areas in my life (because I didn’t have them or have enough of them). I desired it more than I desired the work I’d have to put in (getting in touch with my emotions) to create a successful relationship. Simple as that. If you don’t want something enough your actions will be inconsistent or non-existent. What do you TRULY desire?   Law of attraction: If we focus on something enough, we will eventually attract it into our life. This isn’t thinking about something once and you attract it. This is a consistent, progressive focus, while simultaneously matching the vibration of having already achieved what you desire. Your focus, energy, and emotions will be essential to this equation. Law of action: You must take aligned, inspired, and CONSISTENT action. Every action will create a result. Thinking/hoping will not get you the results you desire. You can set intentions all you want, but without action, there will be no results. These three laws will help you attain what you want in life AND it’s also important to remember to apply these concepts to your relationship(s).   *** If you are ready to upgrade your relationship, and want to change your current habits that are not benefiting you or your relationship then it might be time to look into coaching. Coaching is a process that will facilitate the change and growth you are desiring but are unable to achieve on your own.** Reach out to me anytime to discuss the next steps in improving your life and your relationship: Send me an email at: coaching@joelmahe.ca Or reach out on my social platforms: Facebook: Joel Mahe Instagram: @joelmahe   Enjoy the episode! Joel:)  

This podcast episode is packed with information on why it's important to be aware and in tune with our emotions. Below are some topics covered in today's informative episode. **Practicing the concepts in this episode can drastically minimize major problems in your relationship.**   1) -Our body is like a storage closet. If we don’t process the events and circumstances of the past, our body will store the emotions we experienced at the time. Unfortunately, the brain works by repetition/association, therefore it doesn’t take a major trauma to produce the effect of the body becoming the mind. Our body stores emotion and our mind will release the associated chemicals with the memory.  Mood: Short-term chemical state (few hours or days), expression of prolonged emotional reaction. The chemicals aren’t used up right away, they linger = A refractory period. Temperament: a tendency toward a habitual expression of emotion through certain behaviors. (weeks-months) Personality trait: Where the refractory period of emotion lasts months-years. Personality (how we think/act/feel) is usually anchored in the past.   2) -The word emotion comes from the Latin phrase “Energy in motion”. Researchers like Mira Kirshenbaum claim that we source more energy from our emotions than we do from the physical parts of our bodies. When you are emotionally drained you will not have energy. Mental peak states aren’t only for external success, but also necessary for relationship success. If you have no energy all of the time with your partner, that will lead to a destructive relationship. Mood- Temperament- Personality trait. Mira’s emotional energy framework: *High energy drain= Grief, shock, Rage, hysteria *Medium energy drain= worry, distrust, sadness, guilt, frustration, anger, fear, dwelling, insecurity *Medium energy boost= Inspiration, trust, recognition, hope, joy, interest, appreciation *High Energy boost= Love, passion, happiness, enthusiasm, amazement   How do you move your emotions to avoid them being stored in your body?  Notice it. Expose it and understand where it is coming from Allow yourself to feel it and be fully aware of it Identify the lesson taught by the emotion Develop and follow a new course of action **This will need space, and for you to be removed from a familiar environment that often creates this type of emotion** I either go to the gym, to move my physical body, WHILE unpacking all of this... Or go to my meditation room/chair. There are many ways to remove yourself from a familiar environment, find the best way that works for you! **   If you are looking to improve your inner-being, in order to equip yourself for the life and relationship you desire and you could use some help/guidance along the way then I would love to work with you. Going through any transformation can be extremely difficult. Don't go through this process alone. Instead, use a proven process to help you achieve the results you desire. Stop going through pain and wasting time. Reach out to me anytime, send me an email to connect: coaching@joelmahe.ca Or reach out on my socials: Facebook: Joel Mahe Instagram: @joelmahe   Enjoy the episode!  Joel   

Are you questioning a relationship or marriage?    *I find one of the most common reasons for cold feet, or fear of the commitment that comes with marriage is because it challenges our unconscious values. *One of the most significant values for men is Freedom. We might view marriage as a challenge to our freedom. We naturally will frame it as Commitment VS. Freedom.   As men, we naturally associate commitment with the meaning of sacrifice. Sacrificing the freedom of time, values, beliefs, to move around, etc.. whatever freedom means to you.   Commitment doesn’t need to be a negative thing! You can commit to working through differences in values, beliefs, and time. You can re-frame what commitment means to you. Rather than viewing it as a SACRIFICE, it can mean being committed to figuring it out. Meaning you get what you want, and your partner gets what they want. *Is your core essence masculine or feminine? Masculine= Freedom/ a mission/purpose Feminine= Connection /love / relationships Understanding this can help you work together with your partner in order to ensure both core desires are met.  *An important note to digest: You will need to figure out who you are BEFORE getting into a relationship for the rest of your life. Although this can be very frightening it is necessary.  Don’t operate from a place of masking your true essence. It's important to express your true masculine/feminine qualities. Authenticity will save your relationship and it is NECESSARY before getting married.   *You can’t authentically commit without knowing who and what you are committing to.  A ring won’t change this, a house won’t change this, a dog won’t change this, and kids certainly won’t change this. They will only exacerbate unresolved issues. These items can act as a very fun band-aid solution, but eventually, the truth will surface.    *One thing you SHOULD know how to do is to understand the process of resolving conflict and understand the process to initiate change.  This can be a challenging process if you are not experienced in it. Many times it’s necessary to seek help and advice to navigate these territories. Eventually, your life circumstances will change, and you should know how to navigate these changes together.  *I will share my personal story on what changed for Jess and I to be prepared for marriage… We had a lot to resolve and unpack before we were prepared to commit to marriage.   If you have any questions, want to connect, or want to work with me, I'd love to hear from you. Send me an email to,  coaching@joelmahe.ca Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joel.mahe.5 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joelmahe/?hl=en   Enjoy the episode!   Joel

Today I talk about the blockages that commonly get in the way of reconnection after a conflict, disagreement, or misunderstanding. *I’m talking about this subject because recently, I’ve failed to do a good job at reconnecting. I’ll be honest, I’ve been insanely busy lately, and I’ve put other aspects as a higher priority than reconnecting with Jess… And I’ve seen the impact. *The importance of reconnecting: If it doesn't happen occasionally there won't be a drastic impact. However, if you consistently fail to reconnect it will have a compounded effect and you will start to feel more and more disconnected from your partner each day. For me, I feel: Distant/removed from my partner,  I get more frustrated with her (as I’m sure they are frustrated with me) Have a lack of emotional and physical intimacy  Lack of joy, or fun Feelings of guilt Feel cold and closed off Self-righteous  All of my old patterns start to creep in… Not to mention how my partner is feeling on the other end of it.   That’s why it’s so important to reconnect, otherwise, it can spiral quickly. *I’d like to highlight some roadblocks (meaning things we often do to try to reconnect that don’t work well) After or during conflict when trying to reconnect try to avoid the following (I got most of these concepts from a relationship expert named Jason Gaddis). These are the ones that ring true for me: 1)-Avoid blaming. ( A trick to know when you are blaming is when you use the words (you always). Get specific and work through the current conflict first.  2)-Don’t rush an apology simply to move on. 3)- Rely on time. (Don’t rely on time, although time can allow someone to forget about something, that doesn’t mean it will be resolved). Try to reconnect within 24 hrs of conflict. 4)-Compartmentalize: Don’t put it off to the side and pretend everything is okay. You shouldn’t just suck it up forever. 5)-Avoid trying to fix or give advice… LISTEN. Seek to understand before being understood. 6)-Hope/pray things will get better 7)-Defensiveness- rigid, stonewalling, providing excuses 8)-Gaslighting- lying, denying reality, turning conflict onto the other person. Creating a false narrative and making them question their judgments and reality. (If you do this enough, you might believe a false narrative because your emotions can override the truth. It’s so important to reflect and seek the truth. Rather than satisfy your selfish desires. I’m positive we can all do a better job at reconnecting. This might need to be a skill that is practiced over and over again. We aren’t taught this stuff in school, but it is your responsibility to master it if you are wanting to shorten your conflicts and move towards the relationship you desire.  Put your ego down, and seek the truth after conflict, and you will begin to drastically improve your relationship.   Enjoy the episode!   Joel

We can grow together or grow apart. If we aren’t prepared for each different season in our life we are setting ourselves up for disruption and potential failure. “Failing to prepare is preparing to fail” John Wooden  A successful relationship deserves a lot of intention to function properly. I think it’s important to foresee what kind of season of life is coming. Obviously, there will be surprises and aspects we can’t prepare for. On the other side, we can usually predict if our life has a busy period, a relaxing period, or will be stressful in the coming days. Just like the weather changes when the seasons change, our relationship and personal dynamics will go through a change during each new season. In this episode, I will also share the 4 seasons a relationship goes through at the begging of each partnership. The awareness of these seasons can help you set intentions for how you can show up, enabling you to take aligned actions to those intentions.  Without the awareness, a new season can cripple your relationship. Or, if you prepare, it can be a beautiful place to grow, learn, and connect on a deeper level through adversity and change.   Enjoy the episode! Joel

Emotional intelligence will lead to connection. We will not know how to have emotional intimacy without emotional intelligence. Both are fundamental pieces to ensuring the success of your relationship. One of the main fundamental human needs is belonging. Intellectual intelligence alone can not provide this. If you are a driven man, who strives for goals, and wants to pursue fulfilment, then chances are you haven’t spent as much time developing your emotional intelligence as you should. It’s a common pattern that driven men fall into. That doesn’t make you a bad person. That simply means you need to develop emotional intelligence. This episode will help you do that.   Truly hope this helps,   Joel

I was a bachelor for many years, only living for myself. I think (external success is a much easier game when you are going at it solo)… You can put your head down and eliminate all "distractions". What we forget to think about is that sometimes what we consider a distraction is actually the most important piece of our life. That was my story at the start of my relationship, and I will share how I changed that narrative.  In this podcast, we will talk about why it is necessary to get clear and declare what you truly need as an individual. So many men and couples will not articulate what they need to their partner because they don’t want to create friction or conflict. This can lead to codependency, and the next thing you know 5 years into your relationship you have become resentful and don’t feel yourself. Often, that will lead to overcompensating actions and/or defence mechanisms that lead to poor behaviour.  This episode is filled with strategies and concepts that will enable you to create a life vision that inspires you and that embodies you and your partner's individual needs and desires. There doesn't need to be a sacrifice. You and your partner can have it all!   Enjoy!   Joel  

Identity-  Is not a fixed concept. It is a set of qualities and beliefs that make one person or group different from others…. We can change our qualities/ characteristics/interests and beliefs. We base our identity on what we’ve done in the past when we really should be basing it on who we want to become. In today's show, I will talk about the ability to change your identity. One of the best ways of doing this is getting extremely clear on the type of person we want to become. There is a great exercise for this that I will share. Supplementary to this exercise we will explore: -A discussion on the pain vs pleasure scale to determine why it is necessary to live as a new version of ourselves?  -Different reminders/triggers to keep you in line with this new version. -Catching yourself being the old version. (Reflection, redirection, compassion). -Why we do the thing we do. Most times this is unconscious.    How can you begin to shift your identity today? Who do you want to become, what is the next version of yourself in your relationship? Becoming that version NOW, living from that place will begin to improve your relationship. This isn’t only for our partner, this is for you! Your happiness, health, and lifestyle depend on it.  This episode will help you to begin your identity shift today. Sometimes, we need a slight course correction in our identity to create a successful relationship. Enjoy the listen and take the aligned action to change your relationship and your life.   Joel

When I reverse engineered the process that I went through to transform myself and my relationship the first step was believing I could.  I know, I know... This sounds like a bunch of B.S. and fluff. It might, but ultimately who cares if it works! Unfortunately changing a belief isn't necessarily easy. Fortunately, there is a process for it and is fundamentally possible for any person.  If you are struggling right now in your relationship and you are frustrated that you keep running up against the same problems, then changing certain beliefs about yourself and your relationship is probably the first step to receiving new results. This is the first step in my program "Emotional Evolution Process" because I am convinced that this is the initiating step to becoming a better man to cultivate a better relationship. In this episode, I will break down the process of how to replace unwanted beliefs.  P.S. I always want to add a disclaimer that information is great... However, it is the implementation and integration that is the hard part, and probably the most important.  I'm here for you if you ever need any assistance. Facebook: Joel Mahe  https://www.facebook.com/joel.mahe.5 Instagram: @joelmahe  https://www.instagram.com/joelmahe/?hl=en Email: coaching@joelmahe.ca

Are you losing connection and desire in your relationship? Would you define your relationship as healthy or stagnant?  We are supposed to be in an incredible relationship, it's what all the movies and society tell us, right? But do you ever take the time to understand WHY it is important for YOU to be in a relationship? Do you comprehend or even reflect on these reasons? I believe it is crucial to reflect and understand all of the reasons we want to have a healthy relationship. Not a relationship where you just get by, where you settle, where there is no connection, where there is no conflict simply to avoid the pain... rather an incredible expansive growing relationship. Relationships are a continual evolution, they are not a maintenance-free dynamic. We must continually work on our relationships to create and maintain a soul mates. It is our responsibility to cultivate a healthy relationship, and without understanding why we need to do this we will most likely not put in the effort since it's more work.  In this episode I will share my perspective on this topic, providing some principles and foundations for a healthy relationship. Men, if you are starting to lose connection with your partner then this episode is a must listen to gain awareness of what might need to happen to turn things around.   Enjoy the episode!  Joel:)    

When we don't fully understand where our emotions stem from, our natural tendency will be to react to them, rather than explore and redirect them. This can have a negative impact on your relationship. In this episode, I will talk about: -How to spot limiting beliefs in your relationship -Share stories of my limiting beliefs -The reasons we have limiting beliefs/their origins (They don't make us bad people)! -How to overcome limiting beliefs.   I'm so happy to be back in the podcast seat, and I hope you enjoy this episode! P.S. If you have any questions or want to connect please reach out to me, I'd love to chat! Socials: Facebook: Joel Mahe Instagram: @joelmahe Email: coaching@joelmahe.ca P.P.S. I've created an amazing 4 pillar program to help men evolve their emotional habits, in order to create a successful relationship. ( I created this because it is something I wish I had when I was struggling in my relationship). If this is something that interests you, send me a message! :)

I have re-branded the podcast!! I am extremely passionate about helping men in relationships, so I will be revolving my message around that. I think it's so important for a man to continually work on his inner and outer relationships. Doing this in my life has completely transformed who I am (In a much better way). Not only has it saved/ improved my own romantic relationship, but it has improved my entire quality of life.  I hope you will join me in this journey, and I look forward to interacting with you all!

This is the final episode of Surrendering Average!  Along our journey we usually need to make pivots, in order to course correct to ensure we are staying aligned to our life's mission and vision. I will fill you in with where I am heading and what the next chapter looks like for me. Don't worry I will be creating a new podcast in the near future!   Take care everybody, and I hope you will follow along with my next podcast, and future work.:)    Joel

Long drawn out arguments that would stay unsettled for a long period of time was something that Jess and I used to struggle with a lot. There would be a disagreement and the energy in the air didn't seem to settle for a long period of time. I can proudly say we have come a loooong way since those days. We certainly aren't perfect, but we have made massive progress in this area.  In today's show I wanted to share how we have made these improvements, and how you can implement these strategies in your relationships.   Enjoy,   Joel

Do you find yourself reading countless books, listening to multiple podcasts, and yet still haven't seen any tangible results?? This episode will break down all the reasons why this might be happening to you.  It is absolutely incredible how much information is available in the world today! We are living during an amazing time where we can basically learn anything we want at a very low cost. Unfortunately, information is not enough to experience change or attain new results. As much as we'd like it to (trust me, I was there) there is simply no way around going through the process, and it is necessary to integrate and implement newly learned information to actually experience the results we are seeking. Albert Einstein once said, "Information is not knowledge. The only source of knowledge is experience. You need experience to gain wisdom". Today I will break down 4 concepts that might be holding you back from gaining wisdom and actually implementing and integrating all of that information you've been acquiring.  I will also lay out the first 3 necessary steps that helped me to implement new information. This episode can be the first step to experiencing the results you are seeking, but you must be willing to implement the information;)   Joel 

Thinking the same way day after day will produce the same results we've got in the past. Familiar and recurring thoughts will populate unconsciously unless we can consciously inject new thoughts into our minds. Over time I personally noticed a massive difference in the results I was achieving. I credit a large portion of that to the thoughts I would consciously inject into my awareness. I want to share why this works, and how it worked for me since it had such a major impact in my life.  Obviously there needs to be intentionally aligned action with our new thoughts to manifest results. Although having new, powerful, and optimistic thoughts directed at what we want to achieve is the powerful foundation needed for any change and new results.   I hope you enjoy this episode!   Joel:)

This is a topic that many people face when first entering a relationship, or if they've been together for a while and may be questioning their future existence together. In today's episode we will explore how love and compatibility are built and IF it's possible to generate one or the other. You will get clear on if you need both of them to have a successful long lasting relationship.  We will explore how intention, desire and the proper frame of reference will all have an impact on the amount of love and compatibility you share with your partner.  If you are questioning if you are in the right relationship, or if you should even commit to a potential one, than this is a must listen!  I'll leave you with a powerful quote by Sam Keen, "We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly".    Enjoy the episode!   Joel

Who you hang out with and the daily activities you perform will impact the quality of your thinking, your inspiration, your capability to dream, and of course your ENERGY. All of which will have a direct impact on the results you will create. We've all heard the saying, "You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with". But why is this? We will explore this concept in depth.  I will share a simple, yet profound exercise to implement in order to become more aware of how your energy is getting affected by the people you hang around with and the activities/habits you participate in, on a consistent basis. We will talk about the 'Energy Vampires' and what to do if any exist in your life.  Many times we don't like to make changes because what we're currently doing is comfortable, easy and familiar. One thing is certain, if we want to experience new results we need to make uncomfortable changes. This episode will highlight some of those changes.   Enjoy!:) Joel

Lately, it's evident that there is more and more separation in the world. Most people take a firm stand towards their viewpoints, and typically aren't willing to see the other side. In today's show I want to shine a light on why I think this issue keeps getting worse. I believe there is always some sort of validity to every side, no matter what the viewpoint is. We often fail to realize this, and with the powerful force of social media, click bait headlines, and algorithms to keep showing us the same types of information we get deeper into our perspective and only see an issue through a very rigid lens. Most people naturally gravitate to some sort of confirmation bias when they are navigating through a world matter. That is to interpret, favour, and recall information in a way that confirms or supports one's prior beliefs or values. Unfortunately, this tends to lead to more divisiveness, simply for the reason that most people don't want their values or beliefs challenged.   I wanted to highlight what is going on in this very unique time in our life. My intensions are to provide a different perspective, so we can begin to coincide more harmoniously even if we have different viewpoints and beliefs.    I hope you enjoy this episode, Joel:)

In this episode I discuss how we all have thorns living in our subconscious. The thorns are a metaphor for unwanted automatic behavior response, bad habits, beliefs, traits, and neurological hardwiring that may not be serving us.  We may never get rid of our thorns but once we are aware what they are, we can consciously take new actions and work to override them with the true beauty that is within us all. For many years I would repress and pretend that I didn't have any thorns. Unfortunately that actually caused them to compound and grow stronger over the years. These thorns usually grow for the purpose of being defence mechanisms. I will explain how this happened in my life, based on my past life experiences.  We will also cover the top 10 most common defence mechanisms and how they might be affecting your life. They include: Denial, repression, projection, displacement, regression, rationalization, sublimation, reaction formation, compartmentalization, and intellectualization. As always, this episode is to shine a light of awareness on how your thorns might be affecting your life, and how you might be able to override them to improve relationships, and your life as a whole.    Enjoy, Joel:)