Terribly Honest with David Tensen

A kind listener to sent through a stack of questions, which I thought I would tackle in today's podcast. A lot of them emerge from concepts I explored in my last book, Decenter Everything, published in 2025.

A short reflection on what Gets my goat and makes me angry. I, for one, don't want to tell a small and common story at the end of my life.

In this episode I unpack and reflect on something called "Existential Labour". I also touch on existential angst and emotional labour. I highlight that chaplains, pastors, therapist and perhaps even life coaches can suffer under prolonged exposure to unanswerable questions, mystery and meaning-making.

In my book Decenter Everything, I say the following about Boomers: "Inquire of most economists and they will tell you the Boomer generation’s wealth creation and sustained lifestyles have never been seen before, and probably won’t be seen again. For example, in 2023, American Baby Boomers owned 52% of their country’s net wealth despite comprising only 20% of the population. In the US, according to Federal Reserve records, Boomer wealth grew from $4.5 trillion in 1990 to $76.2 trillion in 2023. Boomers now have nearly double the wealth of Gen-X born 1965-1980 and more than five times the wealth of the Millennials born 1981-1996. In short, the current generation of potential elders across the West have been busy booming and enjoying the post-war material spoils at the expense of their own soul growth. Of course, this is a generalisation with outliers, but outliers exist across all generational means and the data is what it is." Recently, a Boomer ( born 1964-1946) phoned me to chat about the book and the shallowness of his Boomer friends. In this episode I reflect on wealth, hoarding, and generations to come. As always, you can discover more about me and my work at www.davidtensen.com

I am answering your questions! This is part 2. I begin with answering a question on the tail end of epidsode 19 about writing. Someone asked : "Additionally, how did you decide what to write about? Context - I would love to write a non-fiction book one day but I have so much I want to write about, it’s difficult to decide on where to start!" I then attempt to answer the question: "On the topic of ministry, I’m interested in how you ministered across many different denominations / church expressions and how you navigated different doctrinal beliefs? " Feel free to send questions through on email or DM me via socials. Find my books and more at www.davidtensen.com

Some listeners sent through some questions and feedback based on previous episodes. In this Q&A episode I start talking about challenging dynamics of working for small businesses. I then dive into 10 different approaches to writing and share some of my own experience with them, across two decades of writing. Thanks again for the great questions! I'll be answering more in future episodes. Dave

I did the maths and worked out I will have published 8 books in 6 years. People often ask how I write, and I absolutely love the podcast, 'How I Write' with David Perell. (Look it up). So I thought I'd share a bit about my writing process. As usual, the episode is unpolished and there is a bit of wind and traffic noise in spots - but that's life! Oh, and I end on sharing my thoughts around what I might tackle in my next book: small business fiction. Never heard of it? That's because the genre doesn't exist. Everything is BIG BUSINESS - yet small businesses, or micro-businesses (defined as having 0–4 employees), represent around 37 million people across AUS, UK and USA, generating around US$5.3 trillion per year. I've not attempted a fiction novel, but would like to give it a go and integrate my pastoral/developmental psych experience.

If you have followed me for a while, you may know I work part-time as a chaplain in an aged care facility, providing spiritual care to around 120 residents per year, of whom around 40 die. In this episode I reflect on the work and the doors and discussions it has opened up - including hosting Death Cafes. Again, as a disclaimer: The thoughts and opinions I share in this (and other episodes) are my own and not to be taken as a reflection of employers and associated organisations. Note: this podcast is recorded as I take my morning walk. As a result, you will hear some wind, passers-by greetings, and our beautiful Sunshine Coast wildlife.

I begin this episode with some THANK YOUs. Natalie and I are going be publishing another book in 2026 so I thought I'd share some stories on how books found me and how my books find others. Details on the new book about Blessing can be found at www.davidtensen.com P.S. There is some wind noise at the start of episode. Sorry. Not my wind. THE wind. It had something to to share too, I suppose.

This eposide was a lengthy attempt to synthesise a number of thoughts and frameoworks in an effort to explore what kind of spaces those who have found themselves outside conventional local church community. It starts is a brief update on things personally and moves through stages of faith, deconstruction, change theory, modernity, postmodernity and metamodernity. I then explore some thoughts and concepts around the kind of metamodern expressions of faith after deconstruction, midlife, and crisis. Feel free to reach out with your thoughts.

Are we experience the emergence of a new kind of Christianity? If scripture is not the central authority in a Christian's life, who or what is the authority? I recorded some thoughts on the other side of publishing an article titled: I believe the Christian Church is ripe for a significant split (and it is AI-assisted). https://davidtensen.com/i-believe-the-christian-church-is-ripe-for-a-significant-split-and-it-is-ai-assisted/

A few days back someone asked me if I would ever go back to working at a church and if I were to lead a Christian church community, how I would do it. This impromptu episode covers some of the core components I'd include... as you might guess, they aren't 'normal', or 'common', or necessarily 'popular' - but they are really important to me.

It's been a little while. My eldest turned 21 recently. She's doing great, but is that because of me and her mum? Some may argue that parenting success can be accurately judged based on children's achievements and behaviors. I argue it's far more complex than that and share how I judge my parenting. I also share a bit about a recent trip to Japan.

I'm still here! I have just been writing, books, thesis etc. Also, moving through lots of grief and loss in my chaplaincy work. As always, connect with me best via www.davidtensen.com

This is a reading of a recent blog article by the same title. It was too popular and important to people to keep in writing, so here it is on the podcast. Find this on Youtube, my blog, substack, linkedin and facebook

This is an audio extract from an interview/converation that I (David) had with Tara boothby on her Youtube channel "Sojourn Psychology With Tara Boothby" The first 17 minutes we talk about the Collective Wisdom Academy and local church, then at around 17:00 we speak about different cultures, ADHD, my new book and things that impact on our spiritual formation as we move through life. Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXmhwxVLrK4 It's full of goodness! Tara is a wealth of joy and wisdom. Also mentioned: For more info on the Collective Wisdom Academy:https://collectivewisdomacademy.com/The Theology Summit this May 19-22, 2025, in Canmore, Alberta, is 80% full. Don't miss out, register today: https://sojo.ca/resources/theology-summit-canmore-may-2025/

In this episode, I talk with Felicia Murrell about the art of deep listening and her personal journey from childhood invisibility to becoming a spiritual companion. We explore how her early experiences of feeling unseen shaped her path to becoming someone who creates sacred space for others to be heard. Felicia shares candidly about her transition from traditional ministry roles to spiritual companioning, and how this shift reflects a deeper understanding of presence and wisdom. Our discussion touches on parenting adult children, the annual family tradition that keeps their bonds strong, and the complexities of healing from childhood parentification. This interview is full of moving moments including when Felicia discusses how she approaches parenting adult children, plus shares of her relationship with her mother and the liberating realisation that helped her find peace. She also offers insights into why some struggle with listening, linking it beautifully to our human fears of being truly seen. This episode can also be viewed on Youtube here About Felicia: Felicia Murrell is a certified master life coach and former ordained pastor with over twenty years of church leadership experience. She also serves the publishing industry as a freelance copy editor. The author of Truth Encounters, Felicia resides in Woodbury, Minnesota, with her husband, Doug. Together, they have four adult children. Website: feliciamurrell.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hellofelicia_murrell/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/felicia.murrell.9 About Felicia's latest book: While others often respond to the cares and concerns of our day through anger, And: The Restorative Power of Love in an Either/Or World by writer and pastor Felicia Murrell, attempts to offer a response steeped in the heartbeat of Love. This book is an invitation to encounter the lived experience and philosophical musings of another as a human, not as a project or agenda to conquer. Without apology, it embraces humanity and all the emotions, back stories, and history that come along with who we are and who Love is inviting us to be.

In this episode, I explore the six stages of faith from Janet Hagberg and Robert Gulich's book 'The Critical Journey'. Drawing from my personal experiences and nearly three decades of working with people in the faith space, I break down how our faith journey evolves through Recognition of God, Life of Discipleship, Productive Life, Journey Inward (including The Wall), Journey Outward, and Life of Love. Through stories and insights, I explain why some get stuck at certain stages, how religious institutions often excel at the first three stages but struggle with the later ones, and what propels us forward in our spiritual growth. I share my own decade-long wrestle through The Wall - a pivotal point where our old ways of relating to God no longer work. This framework offers valuable insights for anyone questioning their faith, feeling stuck, or sensing a call to something deeper. Whether you're serving actively in ministry, deconstructing your beliefs, or seeking authentic spirituality, understanding these stages may just help your path forward. Critical Journey - Stages of Faith Overview PDF Further Reading The Critical Journey by Janet Hagberg and Robert Gulich Faith After Doubt by Brian McLaren The Wrestle (Poetry Collection) by David Tensen Nature and the Soul by Bill Plotkin Previous episode on The Life Model

Resources mentioned Overview worksheet

We are talking attachment theory today. Lucky for me I have wonderful friend in Canada, Tara Boothby, who runs a psychology and counselling clinic to chat with about it! Tara specialises in attachment theory approaches and had so many wonderful things to share about the theory, faith, family, co-regulation, her new book, and much more. Below is Tara's bio and a link to a 2025 event happening in Canmore, Alberta with some of our favourite people! Tara Boothby, Registered Psychologist and Author of "Love and Love's Energy: How Attachment Science Proves That Love Nurtures Our Biological Nature, Impacts Our Positive View of Ourselves, of Others, and of God, and Teaches Us All How to Love." "Love and Love’s Energy" can be found on Amazon worldwide, Kindle, Indigo.ca, and Barnes and Noble. Instagram: Tara Boothby https://www.instagram.com/tara_boothby/profilecard/?igsh=anpwbGs1eXMwaHVl Sojourn Psychology https://www.instagram.com/sojournpsychology/profilecard/?igsh=MTZ5azlsYjJjZG9sbg== YouTube: @SojournPsychology Theology Summit, May 19-22, 2025, Canmore, Alberta: https://sojo.ca/resources/theology-summit-canmore-may-2025/ #TaraBoothy #attachment #attachmenttheory #psychology #faith #deconstruction #DavidTensen