The Aware Mind

Send us a text In this episode of The Aware Mind, host Sarah Vallely and guest Nicole Handsman explore the complex dynamics of Internal Family Systems (IFS), focusing on how parts can form alliances or stand in opposition to one another. Through candid and heartfelt personal stories, both Sarah and Nicole share how their own parts have conflicted—like an overthinking part battling with a self-critical part—or teamed up to protect them from causing others to get angry. The episode highlights how recognizing these patterns can lead to deeper self-awareness and healing. They also discuss the transformative process of stepping into your authentic Self, and how cultivating trust between parts and the Self can shift inner dynamics toward balance and wholeness. Nicole Handsman's Website: https://www.nicolehandsmantherapy.com/ The Aware Mind's host, Sarah Vallely has been teaching meditation for over 20 years and is a private coach, helping clients heal from a narcissistic parent, abusive partner, trauma from growing up with ADHD, intrusive thoughts and overwhelming anxiety.  Important links: Sarah's Mindfulness Coaching website: https://www.sarahvallely.com TSD Mindfulness Coach Certification https://www.tsdmind.org This episode is a meditation for beginner mindfulness meditators and anyone interested in learning supports for a variety of mental health challenges, including overthinking, trauma, intrusive thoughts and self-worth.  The Aware Mind produces content that supports stress reduction, anxiety relief, better concentration and focus, and trauma healing.

Send us a text Listen to the complete meditation and others when you subscribe to The Aware Mind Exclusive Edition https://www.buzzsprout.com/2457574/subscribe "Simplify Your Thinking" is a guided mindfulness meditation designed to calm mental chatter and reduce overthinking. It begins by anchoring the attention on the breath, using it as a tool for single-pointed focus. This initial stage helps settle the mind and draw awareness away from distractions. As attention stabilizes, the practice shifts into a state of open awareness, inviting the listener to notice thoughts as they arise naturally. When a thought is noticed, instead of pushing it away or analyzing it, the meditator is guided to identify the actual words in the thought. Then, they are encouraged to distill that thought down to just three simple words. This act of simplification helps reduce the emotional charge and cognitive weight of the thought, making it easier to observe without getting pulled in. By doing this, the meditator cultivates a sense of distance and clarity, allowing thoughts to pass through the mind with less attachment. This technique is especially helpful for those who struggle with racing thoughts, anxiety, or difficulty falling asleep. By combining breath awareness with cognitive simplification, the meditation soothes the nervous system and creates mental spaciousness. Over time, it can train the mind to respond to thoughts with more equanimity, leading to a greater sense of calm and presence. Meditaiton led by Sarah Vallely. https://www.sarahvallely.com/

Send us a text In this episode, Sarah is joined by licensed therapist Mike Comparetto to explore the concept of avoidance—specifically, experiential avoidance, which refers to the tendency to avoid unpleasant thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. Together, they delve into how we often dodge discomfort by overworking, overthinking, or turning to substances and distractions like social media. While these strategies may offer short-term relief, research shows that chronic avoidance is linked to serious long-term consequences, including anxiety, depression, and even physical health issues like cardiovascular disease and cancer. Mike shares how leaning into discomfort, rather than resisting it, is not only more effective in the long run but also a key step toward reducing anxiety and building emotional resilience. Mike Comparetto's website: https://striveon.me/ How experientially avoidant are you? Take the Quiz:  https://novopsych.com/assessments/formulation/brief-experiential-avoidance-questionnaire-beaq/  Download the tool to identify your emotions: https://www.tsdmind.org/_files/ugd/8bdf26_e098853c2ccd431eab2923afa955ee10.pdf The Aware Mind's host, Sarah Vallely has been teaching meditation for over 20 years and is a private coach, helping clients heal from a narcissistic parent, abusive partner, trauma from growing up with ADHD, intrusive thoughts and overwhelming anxiety.  Important links: Sarah's Mindfulness Coaching website: https://www.sarahvallely.com TSD Mindfulness Coach Certification https://www.tsdmind.org This episode is a meditation for beginner mindfulness meditators and anyone interested in learning supports for a variety of mental health challenges, including overthinking, trauma, intrusive thoughts and self-worth.  The Aware Mind produces content that supports stress reduction, anxiety relief, better concentration and focus, and trauma healing.

Send us a text In this episode of The Aware Mind, Sarah explores what real vulnerability looks like in relationships—like admitting we’re scared, in pain, or unsure of ourselves. Most of us didn’t grow up in environments that encouraged emotional openness, so we developed protective behaviors to keep ourselves safe. But as adults, those same behaviors can block the deep connection we truly crave. Sarah unpacks why being vulnerable can feel so risky—especially when we fear rejection, invalidation, or triggering someone’s anger. She also dives into how attachment styles shape our relationship with vulnerability, and offers insight into how both anxious and avoidant types tend to protect themselves by avoiding emotional exposure. How Vulnerable are you? Take the Quiz: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/relationships/vulnerability-test  Download the tool to identify non-vulnerability behaviors: https://www.tsdmind.org/_files/ugd/8bdf26_1911ee87b5c140d6b298369fa09f1694.pdf Become a The Aware Mind subscriber. $6 a month will give you access to exclusive content, including guided meditations for better sleep, enhanced focus and much needed emotional healing. Link to Subscribe Today The Aware Mind's host, Sarah Vallely has been teaching meditation for over 20 years and is a private coach, helping clients heal from a narcissistic parent, abusive partner, trauma from growing up with ADHD, intrusive thoughts and overwhelming anxiety.  Important links: Sarah's Mindfulness Coaching website: https://www.sarahvallely.com TSD Mindfulness Coach Certification https://www.tsdmind.org This episode is a meditation for beginner mindfulness meditators and anyone interested in learning supports for a variety of mental health challenges, including overthinking, trauma, intrusive thoughts and self-worth.  The Aware Mind produces content that supports stress reduction, anxiety relief, better concentration and focus, and trauma healing. The Aware Mind's host, Sarah Vallely has been teaching meditation for over 20 years and is a private coach, helping clients heal from a narcissistic parent, abusive partner, trauma from growing up with ADHD, intrusive thoughts and overwhelming anxiety. 

Send us a text This is a preview. Subscribe to access the entire 14-minute meditation. In this guided mindfulness meditation for improving self-worth, you’ll explore the idea that each thought arising during your meditation is rooted in some level of feeling unworthy. As you settle into a calm, centered state, you’ll begin to notice thoughts that surface—whether they are worries, self-doubts, or judgments. Instead of resisting or getting caught up in these thoughts, you’ll gently acknowledge each one and respond with a powerful worthiness affirmation.  Through this practice, you’ll learn to reframe negative thoughts with kindness and compassion, building a stronger sense of inherent worthiness over time. By consistently responding to each thought with worthiness affirmations, you start to rewire your mind toward self-acceptance and inner peace. This meditation isn’t about forcing positivity or rejecting difficult thoughts—it’s about gently guiding yourself back to a place of worthiness with each breath and each moment of awareness. With regular practice, you’ll notice a shift in how you view yourself, moving away from self-criticism and toward genuine self-compassion. Learn more about Sarah's coaching at SarahValley.com

Send us a text In this powerful podcast episode, a mother and her 21-year-old transgender son share their journey from two deeply personal perspectives. The son opens up about his experience realizing he was transgender, the internal struggles he faced, and the mental health battles that followed—including depression, an eating disorder, substance use, and suicidal thoughts. His mother offers an emotional account of her own journey, from confusion and fear to understanding and unconditional support. Together, they explore the challenges of navigating mental health as a trans individual, the impact of societal pressures, and the transformative power of acceptance. Their honest and heartfelt conversation sheds light on the importance of support systems, open communication, and access to mental health care for transgender individuals. Become a The Aware Mind subscriber. $6 a month will give you access to exclusive content, including guided meditations for better sleep, enhanced focus and much needed emotional healing. Link to Subscribe Today The Aware Mind's host, Sarah Vallely has been teaching meditation for over 20 years and is a private coach, helping clients heal from a narcissistic parent, abusive partner, trauma from growing up with ADHD, intrusive thoughts and overwhelming anxiety.  Important links: Sarah's Mindfulness Coaching website: https://www.sarahvallely.com TSD Mindfulness Coach Certification https://www.tsdmind.org This episode is a meditation for beginner mindfulness meditators and anyone interested in learning supports for a variety of mental health challenges, including overthinking, trauma, intrusive thoughts and self-worth.  The Aware Mind produces content that supports stress reduction, anxiety relief, better concentration and focus, and trauma healing. The Aware Mind's host, Sarah Vallely has been teaching meditation for over 20 years and is a private coach, helping clients heal from a narcissistic parent, abusive partner, trauma from growing up with ADHD, intrusive thoughts and overwhelming anxiety. 

Send us a text This is a preview. Subscribe to access the entire 17-minute meditation. In this guided meditation, you will gently explore your inner world using Internal Family Systems (IFS), a powerful approach to self-awareness and healing. You’ll begin by grounding yourself in a state of calm and openness, allowing space for curiosity and self-compassion. As you settle in, you’ll be invited to connect with one of your protector parts—a part of you that has worked hard to keep you safe, often by managing emotions, avoiding pain, or maintaining control. Through mindful inquiry, you’ll listen to this protector with kindness, understanding its fears and intentions without judgment. Once trust is established, the meditation will guide you deeper to meet one of your exiled parts—a younger, more vulnerable part of you that holds old wounds, emotions, or beliefs that may have been pushed away. With the support of your protector and your compassionate presence, you’ll offer this exiled part the care and reassurance it has long needed. This journey allows you to build a bridge between these parts of yourself, fostering inner harmony and self-acceptance. By the end of the meditation, you’ll feel more connected, integrated, and empowered in your healing process. Learn more about Sarah's coaching at SarahValley.com

Send us a text In this episode, Sarah describes in detail, Internal Family Systems (IFS). IFS is an approach some therapists use to help their clients gain better self-awareness of what stands in the way of their happiness and goals. Learn why you are a procrastinator, perfectionist or experience negative self-talk. IFS is a system within your psyche made up of three types of parts: the conscious self, protector parts and vulnerable parts. These parts were created when you were a child, even as early as infancy. IFS is becoming a popular method of mental health therapy because of its effectiveness in addressing a variety of mental health issues. And the good news is you do not have to go to a coach or therapist to use this approach, you can learn how to apply it to yourself.  Link to handout about IFS. Become a The Aware Mind subscriber. $6 a month will give you access to exclusive content, including guided meditations for better sleep, enhanced focus and much needed emotional healing. Link to Subscribe Today Important links: Sarah's Mindfulness Coaching website: https://www.sarahvallely.com TSD Mindfulness Coach Certification https://www.tsdmind.org This episode is a meditation for beginners, and mindfulness for beginners resource. Intermediate and advanced meditators will also benefit. The Aware Mind produces content that supports stress reduction, anxiety relief, better concentration and focus, and trauma healing. The Aware Mind is produced by TSD Mindfulness, a virtual meditation center, offering mindfulness classes, certifications and private coaching for people with past trauma, anxiety and depression disorders, business leaders, and people who work in the helping professions (i.e. counselors, healers and yoga and meditation teachers).

Send us a text Subscribe to access exclusive guided meditations for $6 per month. Allow Sarah to lead you to notice a variety of stimuli, including your breath, body sensations and sounds in your environment. Rotating your attention between these different points of focus gives your mind just enough stimulation to stay alert and interested. If you're new to mindfulness meditation, the key is to start simple and be patient with yourself. Mindfulness is about paying attention to the present moment without judgment. You don’t need to clear your mind completely—rather, you learn to observe your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations as they come and go. A great way to begin is with focused breathing: find a quiet place, sit comfortably, and take slow, deep breaths. As you breathe, notice how the air feels as it enters your nose and fills your lungs, then gently exits your body. Your mind will likely wander—that’s completely normal! Instead of getting frustrated, simply acknowledge the distraction and gently bring your focus back to your breath. With regular practice, mindfulness can help reduce stress, improve focus, and increase emotional awareness. Try setting aside just 5–10 minutes a day for meditation, gradually extending the time as it feels comfortable. Some people find it helpful to use guided meditation apps or focus on a mantra or a specific sensation to stay present. Over time, mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts and reactions, allowing you to respond to life’s challenges with greater clarity and calmness. The most important thing to remember is that mindfulness isn’t about perfection—it’s about practice and presence.

Subscriber-only episode Send us a text Allow Sarah to lead you to notice a variety of stimuli, including your breath, body sensations and sounds in your environment. Rotating your attention between these different points of focus gives your mind just enough stimulation to stay alert and interested. If you're new to mindfulness meditation, the key is to start simple and be patient with yourself. Mindfulness is about paying attention to the present moment without judgment. You don’t need to clear your mind completely—rather, you learn to observe your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations as they come and go. A great way to begin is with focused breathing: find a quiet place, sit comfortably, and take slow, deep breaths. As you breathe, notice how the air feels as it enters your nose and fills your lungs, then gently exits your body. Your mind will likely wander—that’s completely normal! Instead of getting frustrated, simply acknowledge the distraction and gently bring your focus back to your breath. With regular practice, mindfulness can help reduce stress, improve focus, and increase emotional awareness. Try setting aside just 5–10 minutes a day for meditation, gradually extending the time as it feels comfortable. Some people find it helpful to use guided meditation apps or focus on a mantra or a specific sensation to stay present. Over time, mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts and reactions, allowing you to respond to life’s challenges with greater clarity and calmness. The most important thing to remember is that mindfulness isn’t about perfection—it’s about practice and presence.

In this episode, Sarah unpacks the important relationship between DEI programming and mindfulness. Implicit bias is unconscious negative automatic thinking about certain people and groups. Implicit bias is a function of the human brain and is a key factor in perpetuating racism. Nobody is exempt from this brain activity, however, we can reduce our implicit biases with mindfulness skills. Learn why implicit bias once was important to human survival, and how now this brain mechanism is harmful. Also, learn about several other brain skills we have been evolved to use that were once important to our survival but now are problematic and lead to anxiety and depression.  Click on this link to become a The Aware Mind subscriber. $6 a month will give you access to exclusive content, including guided meditations for better sleep, enhanced focus and much needed emotional healing. Link to Subscribe Today Link to blog citing research mentioned in this episode: The Aware Mind Blog Important links: Sarah's Mindfulness Coaching website: https://www.sarahvallely.com TSD Mindfulness Coach Certification https://www.tsdmind.org This episode is a meditation for beginners, and mindfulness for beginners resource. Intermediate and advanced meditators will also benefit. The Aware Mind produces content that supports stress reduction, anxiety relief, better concentration and focus, and trauma healing. The Aware Mind is produced by TSD Mindfulness, a virtual meditation center, offering mindfulness classes, certifications and private coaching for people with past trauma, anxiety and depression disorders, business leaders, and people who work in the helping professions (i.e. counselors, healers and yoga and meditation teachers). Support the show Support the show

In this episode, Sarah's guest, Missy Frisch, discuss the ways Mindset and Mindfulness support our mental wellbeing. These tools can make or break our emotional balance and clarity of thinking. What if an expert in mindset and an expert in mindfulness came together to talk about how these tools foster motivation, heal us emotionally and improve our relationships? Sarah and Missy share that anxiety comes up when we want to control something we cannot control and that confidence is simply a mindset we can shift with three important steps.  Missy Frisch's website: https://missyfrischcoaching.com Important links: Sarah's Mindfulness Coaching website: https://www.sarahvallely.com TSD Mindfulness Coach Certification https://www.tsdmind.org This episode is a meditation for beginners, and mindfulness for beginners resource. Intermediate and advanced meditators will also benefit. The Aware Mind produces content that supports stress reduction, anxiety relief, better concentration and focus, and trauma healing. The Aware Mind is produced by TSD Mindfulness, a virtual meditation center, offering mindfulness classes, certifications and private coaching for people with past trauma, anxiety and depression disorders, business leaders, and people who work in the helping professions (i.e. counselors, healers and yoga and meditation teachers).

In this episode, Sarah and her former co-host, Jacob, discuss the possible hypothetical outcomes of Donald Trump learning the practice of mindfulness. Would he lie less? Would he treat women better? Would he still have run for president? How would a mindfulness practice change the thinking of someone like Donald Trump? Sarah also shares some revealing research about people with narcissistic traits practicing mindfulness. The results of these studies might surprise you. They certainly perplexed the researchers who conducted the trials.  Please share this episode if you like the content! Here is a link to an article outlining the various types of narcissism: https://tinyurl.com/ycks747n “Do bigger egos mean bigger presence? Facets of grandiose narcissism and mindfulness” Current Psychology; 2022  “Pathological narcissism and psychological distress: The mediating effects of vitality, initiative, and mindfulness” Personality and Individual Differences; 2022 “Does mindfulness meditation increase empathy? An experiment” Self and Identity; 2017 Important links: Sarah's Mindfulness Coaching website: http://www.sarahvallely.com The Aware Mind on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/aware_mind_podcast/ TSD Mindfulness Virtual Meditation Center http://www.tsdmind.org Jacob's Personal Training website http://www.jacobderossett.com Jacob's YouTube Channel https://tinyurl.com/9yykwne9 This episode is a meditation for beginners, and mindfulness for beginners resource. Intermediate and advanced meditators will also benefit. The Aware Mind produces content that supports stress reduction, anxiety relief, better concentration and focus, and trauma healing. The Aware Mind is produced by TSD Mindfulness, a virtual meditation center, offering mindfulness classes, certifications and private coaching. Sponsorded by RENVA Turmeric Shakes

Mindset and Mindfulness are two tools we need to support our mental wellbeing. These tools can make or break our emotional balance and clarity of thinking. What if an expert in mindset and an expert in mindfulness came together to talk about how these tools foster motivation, heal us emotionally and improve our relationships. This is what we have created for you. An event that will support you to CLAIM 2025 AS YOUR YEAR. This is the year you take hold of overthinking, turn your self-doubt into something of the past and achieve what it is you want and need for yourself. Online Live Event Januray 13 7:00 PM (New York Time), 11:00 AM 1/14 (Sydney Australia Time)  Join Sarah Vallely, mindfulness coach; with Missy Frisch, life and mindset coach.  Be part of the audience and ask questions if you would like to participate. We hope to see you there! Join us for this 60 minute Zoom from ANYWHERE. Use your phone, iPad or laptop.  https://zoom.us/s/84958026058 Here is the meeting ID: 849 5802 6058

In this episode, Sarah's guest, Kim Thiel, and Sarah discuss the way mindfulness meditation can change the structure of your brain so you can better process your emotions, focus, and regulate your nervous system. Additionally, Kim talks about overcoming negative self-talk and finding clarity about her life's purpose. Kim is a blogger and fellow podcaster who helps women find peace, joy and contentment in the single life. Our culture often leads us to believe that we are more worthy if we are in a relationship, however, this is not so. Kim is "unapologetically uncoupled". Listen and learn surprising things that can happen to you on a meditation retreat and how a meditation practice can help you. Kim Theil's website: https://courageouslyindependent.com/ Important links: TSD Mindfulness Coach Certification https://www.tsdmind.org Sarah's Mindfulness Coaching website: https://www.sarahvallely.com This episode is a meditation for beginners, and mindfulness for beginners resource. Intermediate and advanced meditators will also benefit. The Aware Mind produces content that supports stress reduction, anxiety relief, better concentration and focus, and trauma healing. The Aware Mind is produced by TSD Mindfulness, a virtual meditation center, offering mindfulness classes, certifications and private coaching for people with past trauma, anxiety and depression disorders, business leaders, and people who work in the helping professions (i.e. counselors, healers and yoga and meditation teachers).

In this episode, Sarah shares eight vital tips for setting boundaries. Learn whether you need to discuss your boundaries with others first, how anger should or shouldn't play a role, and how to set up a four-column prep guide for your boundary setting.  Also, explore the reasons we can forgive someone and have firm boundaries with them simultaneously. Overcoming your fears of what will happen when you set boundaries is the most difficult aspect of this practice, so mindfulness of discomfort is key to easing through any anxiety. Handout for "Boundary Setting": https://www.tsdmind.org/_files/ugd/8bdf26_4bf2e2c6b8d34a73a676149fc3f1e469.pdf Important links: TSD Mindfulness Virtual Meditation Center https://www.tsdmind.org Sarah's Mindfulness Coaching website: https://www.sarahvallely.com This episode is a meditation for beginners, and mindfulness for beginners resource. Intermediate and advanced meditators will also benefit. The Aware Mind produces content that supports stress reduction, anxiety relief, better concentration and focus, and trauma healing. The Aware Mind is produced by TSD Mindfulness, a virtual meditation center, offering mindfulness classes, certifications and private coaching for people with past trauma, anxiety and depression disorders, business leaders, and people who work in the helping professions (i.e. counselors, healers and yoga and meditation teachers).

In this episode, Sarah talks to you straight about when to set boundaries, why to set them, and how emotional immaturity in others can challenge your boundaries. Learn why being defensive is the opposite to healthy boundary setting and why some people confuse boundary setting with being controlling. Boundaries are often challenging to set for those of us who have experienced relationship trauma, so Sarah explains why this could be the case for you too.  If you liked The Aware Mind's previous episodes on emotional immaturity, you will be a fan of this two-part series on boundaries as well. Handout for "Emotionally Immaturity": https://www.tsdmind.org/_files/ugd/8bdf26_676fc2f475fb420f9e75007d4e64d55c.pdf Important links: TSD Mindfulness Virtual Meditation Center https://www.tsdmind.org Sarah's Mindfulness Coaching website: https://www.sarahvallely.com This episode is a meditation for beginners, and mindfulness for beginners resource. Intermediate and advanced meditators will also benefit. The Aware Mind produces content that supports stress reduction, anxiety relief, better concentration and focus, and trauma healing. The Aware Mind is produced by TSD Mindfulness, a virtual meditation center, offering mindfulness classes, certifications and private coaching for people with past trauma, anxiety and depression disorders, business leaders, and people who work in the helping professions (i.e. counselors, healers and yoga and meditation teachers).

As some of you might know, I live in Asheville, North Carolina, along with most of my show guests. I invite you to listen to my update and announcements about upcoming episode. If you are interested in making any donations to support the recovery of Western North Carolins, please consider the following: https://www.heartswithhands.org/ https://www.belovedasheville.com/get-involved/ https://www.mannafoodbank.org/

This episode was recorded in front of a live audience. Sarah and her guest, Dr. Breese Annable, discuss the kinds of stress the US Presidential election is creating and whether this stress could be causing you chronic anxiety. Chronic anxiety can have an effect on your physical health and you deserve to feel better emotionally. There are ways to break the cycle of worry and emotional turmoil.  If you sometimes feel helpless, betrayed, afraid or even grief this year, this episode shares ways to move through these waves of discomfort with more ease and calmness. Creating community and taking media breaks are a few ways to do this. Breese Annable’s Website  This episode is a meditation for beginners, and mindfulness for beginners resource. Intermediate and advanced meditators will also benefit. The Aware Mind produces content that supports stress reduction, anxiety relief, better concentration and focus, and trauma healing. The Aware Mind is produced by TSD Mindfulness, a virtual meditation center, offering mindfulness classes, certifications and private coaching for people with past trauma, anxiety and depression disorders, business leaders, and people who work in the helping professions (i.e. counselors, healers and yoga and meditation teachers).

I am recording my next episode of The Aware Mind live on Zoom Wednesday. My guest, Dr Breese Annable and I will engage in a nonpartisan discussion about ways to address stress caused by the upcoming election. We will discuss topics such as anticipatory anxiety, anticipatory grief, chronic anxiety and fear. As part of the audience, you can ask questions, make comments or simply listen to the conversation. If you join, you will hear the precut version of the episode, as it will be edited down to 30 minutes when it is published. The Zoom will be one hour. Join Us Wednesday 9/18 at 7:00 PM New York time. Here is the Zoom link. If you have any questions, feel free to email me at sarah.vallely@tsdmind.org https://zoom.us/s/84958026058 Here is the meeting ID: 849 5802 6058