The Nat Chat

tw: homophobia, impacts on mental health, and leaving religious spaces. to be transparent, i went back and forth about uploading this. i ultimately decided that both uploading and not uploading are very hard things & i might as well do the hard thing that is real and authentic and full of love and passion :) this is part of my story, growing up in a homophobic church as a closeted queer person. i discuss why 'almost affirming' theology is so dangerous, why being a secret ally behind closed doors isn't possible, & explain why it is not your obligation to be the change in these situations when it is causing you harm. if you want to help protect queer youth, sometimes the best act of resistance is leaving and holding the door open for others to follow- we don't have to time to slowly wait for inclusivity. queer kids don't deserve to be tolerated, they deserved to be celebrated! by staying, we are both the oppressed and the oppressors- our liberation is tied up in self compassion. i also read a lengthy and beautiful poem i wrote entitled "the garden grown from my tears" which is about the complex grief and joy found throughout leaving religion, and the haunting memories of listening to harmful remarks from the lips of people you love, back when they didn't know they were talking about you. it's an divine and earthly spin on the concept of growing pains and in my (clearly very objective) opinion, it's quite clever! if this episode begins to act as a trigger rather than a space to be held in community, sit this one out. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/

In addition to the interview with Chelsea MacAdam, we also got the privilege of talking to Rev. Boone. In this episode, she explains how she created Oaks village‒ a community that provides a hand up, not a hand out. To get involved at Oaks Village, or to utilize their services, visit their website: https://www.oaksvillage.net/ Here is the link to their Donation Wish List: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1LDQXRRXP43O3?ref=cm_sw_em_r_un_un_lOHv9JbX3CwsX&fbclid=PAAaZAfIHB5SIjK15Qc6pu0yHQaUsgXarHEQblPdmW-B28K3TT0Ca4iVzbLiE

Today I had the joy of interviewing my good friend Chelsea MacAdam about homelessness! Chelsea is the Community Outreach Director for Oaks Village. Oaks is a nonprofit in Monroe, Michigan that works to “rebuild our community, restore families and repurpose individuals.” On any given night, there are 190 homeless people on the streets of Monroe county. The team at Oaks works to feed, house, provide medical care, connect resources with, & simply love the people of Monroe! November is Homeless Awareness month in Michigan! We discuss several key points, including ways to support your community, the barriers people face while accessing social services, and removing the stigma surrounding seeking support. We dive into things well-intended people do that are not actually very helpful, along with how to be mindful of the accessibility of nonprofits you’re donating to! Most importantly, we talk about honoring the holiness of people experiencing homelessness & how building relationships with others drives us to want more for all of our neighbors. This work is imperative, especially as the weather gets colder. May our increased awareness lead to increased advocacy! To get involved at Oaks Village, or to utilize their services, visit their website: https://www.oaksvillage.net/ Here is the link to their Donation Wish List: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1LDQXRRXP43O3?ref=cm_sw_em_r_un_un_lOHv9JbX3CwsX&fbclid=PAAaZAfIHB5SIjK15Qc6pu0yHQaUsgXarHEQblPdmW-B28K3TT0Ca4iVzbLiE

Today we’re talking about how telling our stories is one of the most powerful forms of resistance! It can help everyday people understand smaller manifestations of the impacts that macro systems and power structures have on our everyday lives! Unapologetic storytelling also helps to ease shame & victim blaming- even stopping cycles of secret keeping and abuse. When those in power effectively frame the personal as political, it creates stigma that stops people from sharing their experiences. It’s also connected to holding accountability in the workplace via salary transparency. Secret keeping is a tool that upholds those in power. Growing up, it was always drilled into me: do not gossip! As I’ve personally gotten older, I’ve come to realize that much of what I once condemned as ‘gossip’ was actually just true stories that held people and the church accountable for their actions. Condemning gossip and erasing oral history is a tool that is often weaponized against marginalized communities. My favorite books are those which act as public forums! Let’s apply these concepts to some recent local Michigan news stories! We’re going to talk about a U.P. school banning pride flags only half an hour south of Marquette! Also a library downstate that was defunded for having queer books! By reading banned books and listening to stories, we can give hope to a more honest future. While you don’t owe your story to anyone- it’s important to know that your story is valid and important. It’s also important to affirm those that come to you with their stories. Imagine a more shameless and connected world! That’s a world of resistance. https://www.miningjournal.net/news/front-page-news/2022/10/gwinn-school-board-stands-firm-on-pride-flag-removal/#:~:text=In%20a%20Tuesday%20telephone%20interview,school%20policy%2C%20are%20not%20allowed. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/book-ban-lgbtq-jamestown-michigan-library/

As a collective, if one person is hurting‒ we all are. This conversation is especially connected to the men’s mental health crisis. Men are less likely to reach out for support, and more likely to cope in violent ways. If I want to help undo patriarchy, I also have an ethical obligation to help men who are also harmed by the effects of such (lack of vulnerability in friendships, fear of being seen as soft and girly, stigma and inaccessibility of therapy, etc). This means that when men are being harmed by patriarchy, the manifestations doubly fall onto women. I constantly find myself acting as a punching bag for random men to trauma dump on. I’ll mind my business while sitting in public spaces, and guys will come up to me and explain sticky situations they’re going through. While I am happy to help, how can I fight patriarchy while my unpaid emotional labor is taken advantage of? Is this not exploitative and lacking boundaries, only further replicating the same systemic harm many of us self-proclaimed feminists are working to undo? Furthermore, these same gendered dynamics are ever present in sexual relations: men are expected to have their foot on the gas until women press the brakes. But what would it look like if instead, there was explicit permission before the car leaves the garage? By implementing a model of non-sexual consent, I am able to use my discretion to provide emotional support (venting space) when I’m available. Implementing this “ask first” model of facilitation can also be applied to sex‒ creating a second-nature communicatory theory that doubles as a buffer to sexual violence. This cultural shift is to act strictly as a supplement for conversational purposes until we collectively demand drastic systematic change of America’s mental healthcare system. The issue is not that I cannot provide support, but rather the ethical principle that there is often no permission asked from the other party. There is a way to provide support, while also encouraging respectful and equitable exchanges that don’t leave me drained. Fighting patriarchy doesn’t mean providing unlimited emotional access, it means creating a sustainable culture of consent in all aspects of life!

today we have my mom on the platform to co-host!!! we're talking about her dating life back in the day, specifically her first date with my dad! it's a perfect example of what not to do when meeting someone for the first time! plus we're quite the comedic duo (at least we think so) ;) we follow up with some dating safety tips to keep you safe while meeting up with someone for the first time! ghosting back in the day, giving out your number before cellphones, and not having access to look up your classmates on the online class registry list! for more safety tips visit: https://www.rainn.org/articles/online-dating-and-dating-app-safety-tips

been binge watching the show ‘alone’ recently! essentially, there are ten people dropped off in the wilderness (isolated from one another) & whoever lasts the longest wins. really, other than starvation & the elements- their biggest competition is the mental impact from isolation. people would drop out, not because they couldn’t survive- but because they didn’t want to survive without the people they care about. the negative view of seeing our relationships as constraints rather to liberation! and why hyper independent people tend to get into codependent relationships! finding a healthy medium in community where we are both “held and free” (glennon doyle quote) :) essentially, it’s brave to ask for help. it’s brave to reach out! & just because you can do it on your own- doesn’t mean you should. it’s brave…. to NOT pull yourself up by your own bootstraps! (haha get the doc marten reference??)

understanding that the reason others cannot accept me for who i am, is really just because they cannot accept themselves either. for instance, when i feel super judged by people- i have come to a place where i hope that they can live authentically too, rather than judging back. how empathy can help us deal with hurtful comments & shield us from taking things personally. softness & having emotional intelligence is secretly the toughest skin out there. it’s saying that you cannot hurt me because i love the softness in me that the world taught you to hate. and i can teach you the discipline to do the same! explaining behavior, not justifying it or making excuses. using our arms to restrain with a hug rather than firing a shot, even when they deserve it (note how i said restrain rather than enable)! stopping violence at all levels through accountability via emotional connection. explaining that “when you did this, it hurt me” is far more powerful than hurting back. & how this peace should be displayed, not just through the way we handle our interpersonal conflicts, but also through our attitudes advocating against gun violence. it is important to start inwards (self reflection) with our anti-violence work, and then use this change to advocate outwards. otherwise we miss a crucial step towards unification, and walking the talk! ending gun violence, through embracing our soft skin- rather than our shields.

i was walking through the grocery store and stopped because i noticed some garlic cloves sprouting through their plastic packaging! it stopped me in my tracks to think about it for a second! really, nature heals through all of our self imposed plastic pollution- and can help us clean up our hearts! how creating a connection with the earth has taught me to selflessly embrace myself throughout all of my seasons and changes, & how when i’m on the trails- i’m the least lonely when i’m alone! how learning about the life cycle has helped me to process whatever i’m going through! for instance- when i start to self isolate, or when i don’t feel like my work is paying off, or when i feel trapped in a small town- i see myself and my problems, symbolized & already worked out in the trees in front of me. i see my arms in tree limbs and my story being sung by the birds. I’ve come to a place of personifying animal relationships to solve and explain my own issues. the forest is a place (but really, a being) that understands me! an open discussion on what started out as me picking up a hobby of hiking, & how it morphed into a living relationship that has made me completely rethink the ethics surrounding land ownership. honoring indigenous peoples and recognizing that the earth doesn’t need us- we need it. why all people- including christians, (many of whom have historically voted in ways that are detrimental to the planet), should honor creation and advocate for its protection. as even 7 day creationists agree that this beautiful & divine place has been here before us! feeling frustrated? maybe go sit under a tree and eat some fruit- it’s there that i always find the wisdom to put up with humanity lol

in high school, i first stopped shaving my armpits because it made my family uncomfortable (& bc i adore hippies). what truthfully started out as me rebelling and being stubborn to irritate my mom, morphed into something that became very gender affirming for me as i got older. the teasing regarding my body hair didn’t bother me when i did it to prove a point- it wasn’t until i began feeling uncomfortable in my body when i shaved that it felt like an identity attack rather than a silly feminist ideology that was separate from my existence. it was then that i realized how radical it was to exist pleasurably in our natural bodies! we can blame capitalism, patriarchy, white supremacy, lots of big systems- but we can also grab the roots of these issues (haha pun intended) by dissecting how their impact manifests in our bodily presentations. reimagining a system of justice that teaches people who are shaming, to live unashamedly in their bodies. this alternative justice heals wounds and focuses on rehabilitation rather than punishment and throwing stones back in a cycle of harm. my hope is that we find liberation through the simple things (like existing with body hair)! and from this, we become empowered enough to exist unapologetically (therefore showing others that it’s okay to do the same) & from this connection- together we’ll all show up for the big things like standing up for the marginalized. ironically enough, existing with body hair turned me into someone who deeply cares about social justice- people are not political, they’re people existing!

i've noticed that sometimes when i'm experiencing the most loving and joyful moments of my life, i get these feelings of deep mourning even though nothing is wrong. while listening to the podcast, "we can do hard things" by Glennon Doyle, i learned that this feeling is actually grief! it's being reminded about people that have passed and joys that used to exist when good things are happening that i would've loved to share with them. through the complexity of emotions, and understanding that my rainbows are hidden within a stormcloud- i have come to the conclusion that unconditional grief, is simply unconditional love. why being vulnerable and letting ourselves feel grief within our joy without judgement, really does work to heal the entire world. love never ends, sometimes it just looks like a tear on my cheek rather than a smile on my lips.

it seems like everytime i go on my phone, there's another horrible event going on. learning to draw boundaries to care deeply but also not get burnt out in the pursuit of social justice. specifically some things that are bringing me escapism and joy atm! room tour, minions 2 shenanigans, pulled pork tacos, muna's new album, sneakily wearing funky mushroom socks in corporate america?? along with listening to the wisdom of my body and embracing my emotions! letting my tears put out the raging fire within me before i burn myself out (teaser of my poetry project)!

i''m back from vacation & roe v wade got overturned! as a former conservative pro-lifer, let's talk about white evangelicals and their un-Christlike actions that disproportionately harm minorities and those with access to less resources. how it is so extremely clear that most evangelical churches are not safe places for people with uteruses- and how this is showing through with politics (let's get to the grassroots of the problem). jesus doesn't celebrate with people who are actively oppressing others, he picked a side. why advocating for the unborn is convenient because it feeds your savior complex but does not make you question your privilege, and why it is okay to unfriend people because of "politics." why voting is not enough seeing as of how many supreme court justices have been appointed by presidents who have lost the popular vote (pride started as a riot) & how the pro life movement capitalizes on young people by adopting slight versions of liberal feminism rather than true intersectionality. why advocate for a fetus but not social programs to improve life? ended the episode reading some supreme court memes! let our laughter turn into our movement, and our movement into our liberation and healing. we do not have to reinvent the wheel, we have to listen to the words of black feminists- they have so much to teach us about resilience. https://abortionfunds.org/

"it's not my dream dad, it's yours"- okay troy bolton, let's talk about how sometimes parents put their unachieved dreams on their kids! it's okay to want a simple life, even if people have constantly told you to be a doctor or a lawyer! you're not wasting potential by craving a cozy life, rather than striving to constantly achieve. deconstructing classist ideologies that base people's value on their careers. let me affirm you: nothing will make me prouder than if you live into what your heart craves (not your parent's expectations or anyone else's)! p.s. my parents are v proud of me- the title just made sense :)

tips to pay for college that aren't talked about enough, discussing the privilege it is to be able to afford to build your resume with volunteer and internship work, random things you'll forget to pack, how to meet people, and roommate tips !! finished off this episode introducing the idea of a cleansing shower ritual to help us release all of the negativity and grime we've been holding onto- healing ourselves heals the world! especially for those of us absolutely festering in our small towns over the summer ;)

handling gendered microaggressions from middle aged white men & how it feels like i've regressed back in time by moving out of a college town. i don't have the answers to overthrowing all of these gross power structures that give people the audacity (lol), but i do know that we've got each other. and i do know that the sun will rise and we will try again tomorrow! constant snide comments add up, anger is valid! when to explain that these things are not okay to say, and when to throw in the towel to protect your own peace and safety!

hating on hustle culture and how my ideal life is that of a retired grandma who values rest and is sustainable- in a frugal way rather than a privileged way. the joys of homecooked meals and handmade crafts and reading! debunking the idea that my generation is lazy and recognizing that we're actually just tired of being exploited when we've watched where that's gotten the generations before us! my weekend in miluakee to go to the phoebe bridgers concert and my intense feelings as though i can't find complete belonging, and how this leads me to writing and creating :) conversing with christian protesters at pride and picking their brains in a respectful way that will hopefully help them to find love rather than picketing against it. fight for the things you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you. so proud of myself for how much i've grown into self control rather than anger when presented with these situations!

Returning to honor yourself before you were told that you were bad. Stories of some of the roots of my insecurities and how embracing myself without judgment allows me to do the same for others! You don’t need to criticize yourself in discipline, but rather one of the most beautiful forms of discipline is practicing radical love towards yourself, shining through the temptation to hate. Yoga and reducing our ego! Reclaiming the story of the garden of Eden- separation from the divine is seen as separation from existing openly. When did you realize you were naked? Viewing the divine as a love that asks questions because they want you to exist openly, rather than an angry man who will kick you out of a garden. Separation from the divine is separation from being ourselves shamelessly. A full circle moment of leaving shame by reclaiming the same words that taught me to be ashamed. You are good, your body is good, and you deserve people and places surrounding you that make you feel unashamed to exist fully

when i became consistent with my yoga and meditation practices, i started lucid dreaming all the time! that’s when you’re aware that you’re dreaming and can even sometimes control what happens! here are stories from some of my recent lucid dreams

my story of moving out of girlboss feminism and into an embodied state of being that doesn’t idolize productivity and views being successful as just simply being a lover (people and planet)! after protesting, laughing in joy at the good that is left and feeling at home in your body is one of the most rebellious things you can do in such a screwed up world. Recorded in the woods so you get to listen to the birds singing to you :)