The Rotating Platform

Just a quick thirty minutes with the whole gang at early April’s EGX Rezzed games expo in London? Your wish is our command. Alan gets piped directly into the Matrix and fuses with his bird-self; Matthew ends up homeless after spending his savings on a cup of Pepsi; and Mark does his best to get a restraining order taken out on him by Adam Buxton. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, caress our Facebook, or put your message in a blowdart and fire it into our neck. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is, still, fighting games.) Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 or Non-Attribution license title and end music by ckotty

Thirty episodes? Why has no-one stopped us yet? Befuddle your brain with the world’s worst ever Christmas cracker joke (yes, in February). Hear Greener’s grey matter seize up as he struggles to solve — or even adequately explain — The Witness. And shatter your mind’s worldview with perhaps the first ever better-than-awful Jam With The Band session. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, punch us in the Facebook, or put your message in a sandwich and hope that we find it and we’re hungry and we eat it. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is fighting games.) Stuff we discuss What we played: The Witness, Unravel, Duke Nukem 3D Jam with the Band: New Super Mario Bros Space Ark (game openings): Half-Life 2, Half-Life, Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, Bioshock, Bioshock Infinite Credits ‘between sounds’ and jingle bells licensed under the Creative Commons 0 or Non-Attribution license Space Ark theme by Greener title and end music by ckotty

Crack open the Christmas tree and wrap the tinsel around the sherry — it’s the bumper Christmas 2015 episode! We bring you our gaming moments of the year in the most audio-unfriendly format imaginable. We swap Christmas presents that could just have easily have been put on a conveyor belt straight into the bin. And we bring you our rendition of that all-time Christmas classic, er… You Can’t Hurry Love by The Supremes. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, leave a present for us underneath the Facebook… tree, or stuff your message inside the turkey. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is game openings.) Stuff we discuss Gaming moments of 2015: Crypt of the Necrodancer, Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, The Witcher 3:  Wild Hunt, Grow Home, Rocket League, Batman: Arkham Knight, Just Cause 3, game credit, Until Dawn Jam with the Band: You Can’t Hurry Love Space Ark (Christmas moments): Tomba! 2, Mafia 2, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Shenmue, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Last Window: The Secret of Cape West, GTA5 Credits ‘between sounds’ and jingle bells licensed under the Creative Commons 0 or Non-Attribution license Space Ark theme by Greener title and end music by ckotty

Remove the protective film from your earholes: we’ve got an episode for you to ram down there. And it’s full of surprisingly relevant stuff just this once. We play Just Cause 3, Xenoblade Chronicles X and Star Wars Battlefront. In Predict-o-names, we find out what happens when  Nathan Drake falls on hard times. And we experiment with ‘visual podcasting’. Which doesn’t work at all. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, borrow our Facebook from your local library, or tattoo your message into our shoulder blades. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is Christmassy moments.) Stuff we discuss What We Played: Just Cause 3, Xenoblade Chronicles X, Star Wars Battlefront Predict-o-names: Uncharted Space Ark (Star Wars games): Star Wars Episode I: Racer, Lego Star Wars, Star Wars Rogue Squadron series, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, Super Star Wars, Star Wars: Dark Forces Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license Space Ark theme by Greener title and end music by ckotty

Knock, knock. Who’s there? It’s us. It’s not a joke, and we’re playing both parts. In episode 27, we join scientists stuck on tables, settlers stumped by doors and dogs that fly helicopters in the mighty Fallout 4. We turn back time to remember the rage (and naughtiness) of Kratos in God of War III. And we make Boy George turn in his grave before he’s even dead with another traumatising Jam With The Band cover. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, book in with our faces on our Facebook page, or engrave your message into one of those plaques they put on park benches. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is Star Wars games.) Stuff we discuss What We Played: Fallout 4, God of War III Predict-o-names: Do You Really Want To Hurt Me – Culture Club Space Ark (ninja games): Tenchu, Ninja Cop, Ninja Gaiden Black, Ninja Gaiden, Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, Windwalker, The Last Ninja, Last Ninja 2: Back with a Vengeance, N+ Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license Space Ark theme by Greener title and end music by ckotty

CLONK! RUSTLE! BOING! Those are the spooky sounds of our (not very) Hallowe’en episode. We play Halo 5: Guardians and learn English from Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate. Our mobile phones give us all the worst words for creating scary Silent Hill titles in Predict-O-Names. And there’s the update on Mark’s tea-drinking you’ve all been clamouring for. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, turn and facebook the strange (ch-ch-changes) on our Facebook page, or carve your message into a pumpkin and wear it on your head. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is ninja games.) Stuff we discuss What We Played: Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate, Assassin’s Creed: Revelations, Halo 5: Guardians Predict-o-names: Silent Hill Space Ark (history-in-your-face games): Red Dead Redemption, Dynasty Warriors 8, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, Kokotoni Wilf, Medal of Honor: European Assault, Hotel Dusk: Room 215 Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license Space Ark theme by Greener title and end music by ckotty

Hey, we didn’t leave it a month between episodes for once! We spoon Star Wars: Battlefront, Metal Gear Online and Not the Robots into our eye sockets, make Henry Mancini wish he’d never invented The Pink Panther Theme, get thoroughly confused about what rice paper is used for, and receive the Best Tweet Ever. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, turn your brainwaves into computer text on our Facebook page, or convey your message to use through a shared dream. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is history-in-your-face games.) Stuff we discuss What We Played: Star Wars: Battlefront, Metal Gear Online, Not the Robots Jam with the Band: The Pink Panther Theme Song Space Ark: James Bond 007: Nightfire, The World is Not Enough, GoldenEye 007, James Bond 007 (Game Boy), Live and Let Die, 007 Racing, GoldenEye 007 (2010), James Bond 007: Blood Stone Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license Space Ark theme by Greener title and end music by ckotty

It’s that time again! 6.11pm. But also: time for a podcast episode! We process Lego Dimensions, The Beginner’s Guide, and Infamous Second Son through our eyeholes and brain tubes. Predict-o-names reveals the shocking true nature of Chibi-Robo. And Alan skewers Matthew’s NGameraversary. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, press the ‘Thumbs Aloft!’ button on our Facebook page, or chew your message into the edge of a Custard Cream. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is James Bond games.) Stuff we discuss What We Played: Lego Dimensions, The Beginner’s Guide, Infamous: Second Son Predict-o-names: Chibi-Robo Space Ark: WarioWare: D.I.Y., Super Mario Maker, Trials Evolution, Happy Wheels, Minecraft, World’s Biggest Pac-Man Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license Space Ark theme by Greener title and end music by ckotty

Celebrating 23 episodes! We demonstrate the amazing ability to all play the same game — the three of us simultaneously dodging bears and studying goat hair in the brilliant Metal Gear Solid V. J S Bach reaches an all-time career low thanks to our appalling Jam With The Band rendition of one of his greatest hits. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, network socially on our Facebook page, or punch your message into a wall. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is games with user-generated content.) Stuff we discuss What We Played: Metal Gear Solid 5: The Phantom Pain Jam With The Band: Air on the G String Space Ark: Papers Please, Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance, Mass Effect, Liberation: Captive 2, Balance of Power, Infinite Space, DEFCON, Spitting Image, The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license Space Ark theme by Greener title and end music by ckotty

We’ve stored our voices and we’re playing them back now — for you! We chat about Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain and the new Mirror’s Edge. Mark reports from Gamescom, the convention of howling wind, rattling trolleys and some videogames. And we realise we should have picked a far, far less difficult song for Jam With The Band. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, see endless photos of our new baby and what we did on holiday on our Facebook page, or catch our attention by rearranging the letters of the Hollywood sign into your message. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is political games.) Stuff we discuss Gamescom: Horizon Zero Dawn, Fallout 4, Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate, Cuphead, Trackmania Turbo, Mario Tennis Ultra Smash, The Solus Project, Unravel, this Bubble Bobble plush, Star Fox Zero, Super Mario Maker, Tearaway Unfolded What We Played: Mirror’s Edge (2016), Metal Gear Solid 5: The Phantom Pain, How Do You Do It Jam With The Band: F-Zero Space Ark rewind: Cadillacs and Dinosaurs, Dino Crisis, Apocalypse Space Ark: Splatoon, BaraBariBall (from Sportsfriends), Frozen Cortex, Deathrow, Islands (from Game & Wario), Monkey Target (from Super Monkey Ball), Stunt Car Racer Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license Space Ark theme by Greener title and end music by ckotty

Alan’s singing when he’s winning in car-football mashup Rocket League, while tanks are singing when they’re winning in Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker. We use Jam With The Band to pummel a pop song so brutally that it can’t even be recognised from its dental records. And we have a cappella tunes in honour of the late, great Satoru Iwata. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, find us on Facebook (which is www.facebook.com), or put your message in one of those vacuum tube things — one of them pops out in Mark’s back yard. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is fantasy sports games.) Stuff we discuss #ThankYouIwata What We Played: Rocket League, Super Time Force, Zendoku, Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker Jam With The Band: Barbara Ann A capella game tunes: Balloon Fight: main theme, Earthbound: Snowman, Pokemon Stadium Space Ark: Starfox Adventures, Google Chrome game, Tomb Raider Anniversary, Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate, Turok 2: Seeds of Evil, Yoshi’s Woolly World, Yoshi’s Island, Jurassic Park: The Arcade Game, Bubble Bobble, Turok: Dinosaur Hunter, Horizon Zero Dawn Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license title and end music by ckotty

We’ve climbed all the way up to the 20th floor! We’re shattered. Listen to us trying to catch our breath, and: coming to blows over Lego Jurassic World of all things, looking back to the time when Mark accidentally shaped official Wario lore, and listening to some “authentic” messages from celebrities. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, go flying with us in cyberspace by jacking into The Facebook, or whittle us a little boat with your message carved into the bottom. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is dinosaur games.) Stuff we discuss What We Played: Lego Jurassic World, Batman: Arkham Knight Old stuff: Wario’s Warehouse – Super Mario Wiki Space Ark: Cheggers’ Party Quiz, Jimmy White’s ‘Whirlwind’ Snooker, Ready 2 Rumble Boxing: Round 2, Hell’s Kitchen, Omikron: Nomad Soul, Beyond: Two Souls, Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license title and end music by ckotty

We go shopping in Batman: Arkham Knight and pretend we’re cool enough for the “banging wubs” of Futuridium EP Deluxe. We share our highlights of E3 2015, and predict the future of the show’s biggest game franchises through the tried and trusted method of jabbing randomly at our mobile phone keyboards. And… pam param. Pam pam param. Pam param. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, gift your identity to a corporation on Facebook, or hide your message in a cake and send it to us in prison. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is games with a celebrity’s face in.) Stuff we discuss E3 2015: Metroid Prime: Federation Force, Project Morpheus / Oculus, The London Heist, Square Enix press conference, Hitman, Amiibo, Skylanders, Nintendo World Championships 2015, Super Mario Maker, The Last Guardian, Final Fantasy VII Remake, Shenmue III, Cuphead, Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End, Rise of the Tomb Raider, Fallout 4 What We Played: Futuridium EP Deluxe, Batman: Arkham Knight, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots Space Ark — wizard games: NBA 2K15, Ziggurat, Simon the Sorceror, Discworld, Magicka, Trine 2, Ni no Kuni, Wizball Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license title and end music by ckotty

Like all other podcasts, we’re legally bound by strict EU podcast regulations to talk about the (amazing) Witcher 3 this week. But the EU can’t stop us listing off your ingenious methods for toying with the minds of NPCs, doing the world’s worst Michael Caine impressions, and confusingly equating Disney’s Meet the Robinsons with Russell Crowe and ITV’s Gladiators. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, give the face-book-o-rama a whirl, or tell your message to a pigeon and hope for the best. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is wizard games.) Stuff we discuss The final episode of Prison Break, and Doctor Zhivago (for some reason) What we played: The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt NPC-bothering: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, Dishonored, Sleeping Dogs, Spider-Man 2, Deus Box: Human Corrugation, GoldenEye 007, Perfect Dark Space Ark: Batman Begins, The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay, GoldenEye 007, Spider-Man 2, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Toy Story 2, Disney’s Meet The Robinsons, The Italian Job, Speed Racer, Blade Runner, Batman: The Movie, Robocop, Rambo: First Blood Part I, Batman Returns, Ghostbusters, Disney’s Aladdin, The Lion King Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license Witcher 3 dialogue from eXodusDRP title and end music by ckotty

This one just screams “episode 17″. Gather round for the horrifying true story of Matthew’s pet hamster. Learn some 100% True Facts about The Witcher 3 that would probably make Geralt even grumpier than normal. Meditate on the cerebral pursuits of The Talos Principle and Sherlock Holmes: Crimes & Punishment — or alternatively join Mark for the latest chapter in his campaign to mercilessly torture every innocent bystander in videogames. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, blow us some kisses on our Facebook page, or pop your message on a hill in 24 foot high letters like the Hollywood sign. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is movie tie-ins.) Stuff we discuss Grow Home, Forza Horizon 2 presents Fast & Furious 100% True Facts: The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt What we played: Sherlock Holmes: Crimes & Punishments, Just Cause 2, The Talos Principle Space Ark: Tokyo Jungle, Professor Layton (hamster minigame),  Parappa The Rapper, Okami, Red Card Soccer, Deadly Creatures, Blinx: The Time Sweeper, Mole Mania, Lylat Wars, Rampage, Space Station Silicon Valley, Catwalk Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license title and end music by ckotty

It’s all positivity and light in this episode! We torment innocent bystanders in Assassin’s Creed, exhume the many words we murdered during our shameful journalistic past, beat a popular song to a pulp using the blunt weapon of Jam With the Band, and discuss what Zelda games would be like if they replaced certain sections with sinister memorials to people who are actually still alive. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, ‘Do The Zuckerberg’ at our Facebook page, or get our attention by writing a smash hit single that sails to the top of the charts with your message in. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is games where you play as an animal.) Stuff we discuss What we played: The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings, Crypt of the Necrodancer, Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, To Be Or Not To Be Jam With The Band: Lady Marmalade Space Ark: Metal Gear Solid, Deus Ex: Human Revolution, Thief 2: The Metal Age, Splinter Cell Chaos Theory HD, Splinter Cell: Blacklist, Splinter Cell: Conviction, Hotline Miami, Stealth Inc 2: A Game of Clones, Alpha Protocol, Dishonored, The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license title and end music by ckotty

Celebrate the production of another mp3 format digital file with us! We’ve been playing Danganronpa 2, Grow Home and Wolfenstein: The New Order. We’ve been prodding our DSs to make sure we ruin a much-loved classical tune for everyone, for all time. And it turns out Matthew has been stalking random strangers in order to complete late-’90s point-and-click adventures. We suspected as much. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, give us a thumb at our Facebook page, or spell out your message with flower seeds and let us know when they’re fully grown. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is stealth.) Stuff we discuss Deus Ex: Mankind Divided What we played: Wolfenstein: The New Order, Grow Home, Danganronpa 2 Jam With The Band: Beethoven’s 5th Symphony Space Ark: Beneath A Steel Sky, Broken Sword: Shadow of the Templars, Grim Fandango, Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis, Discworld, Maniac Mansion, Day of the Tentacle, Machinarium, the Monkey Island series, Toonstruck. Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license title and end music by ckotty

We’re not dead yet! In this episode, we dig up the “facts” about Bloodborne that everyone else has been too busy staring at the loading screen to discover; tell you what our brains think about Ori and the Blind Forest, Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons and Deadbolt; report live from the red carpet (kinda) at the recent EGX Rezzed expo; and discuss the well-known bazooka obsession of late Nintendo president Hiroshi Yamauchi (or “Yamowchi”, according to Mark). Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, jack into cyberspace on our Facebook page, or enter stage left during Alan’s play and cleverly incorporate your message seamlessly into the dialogue. (Next episode’s Space Ark genre is point-and-click adventures.) Stuff we discuss Double Fine Adventure EGX Rezzed 2015 games: Ether (on Oculus Rift), Omega Agent (Pilotwings / James Bond), The Room Three, Amplitude, Insynch (shapes), Aviary Attorney, LA Cops, Dashy Crashy (Temple Run-style driving), Okhlos (mob game), Magic Shot (swiping balls), Rude Bear Resurrection, Guild of Dungeoneering, Taphobos: An Immersive Coffin Experience, Karl Hilton 100% true facts: Bloodborne What we played: Ori and the Blind Forest, Guacamelee!, Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor (for a change), Mega64: SHADOW OF MORDOR, Brothers: A Tale Of Two Sons, Deadbolt Space Ark: Point Blank, Super Scope 6, Time Crisis, Mad Dog McCree, Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles, Zelda CD-i, Metroid Prime Trilogy, Time Crisis 5, Confidential Mission, Ghost Squad, House of the Dead: Overkill Alan’s play Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license title and end music by ckotty

Something something unlucky for some. Vibrate your inner-ear hairs by blasting them with sound waves that contain our experiences with Dying Light, 80 Days and Dragon Age: Inquisition, some Metroid Prime “true” facts involving ladybirds and Koji Kondo in a bin, and an invasion by a rival games podcast. And there we were thinking we were the only one. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, Facebook our Facebook page, or Etch A Sketch us an Etch A Sketch message and hope the postie doesn’t shake it up too much. (Next week’s Space Ark genre is: physical gun games.) Stuff we discuss Club Nintendo Metroid Prime: Trilogy What we played: Dying Light, 80 Days, Dragon Age: Inquisition A capella game tunes (thanks to our friends/enemies at Chat Very Good): Answer Space Ark (real-time strategy): Advance Wars, Sid Meier’s Civilization, Worms, Worms Armageddon, Chaos, Laser Squad, XCOM: Enemy Unknown, Shining Force III, Fire Emblem, Ghost Recon: Shadow Wars, Rebelstar: Tactical Command Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license music by ckotty

Surprise — we do podcast episodes in 2015 as well as 2014! There’s everything from Destiny to Danganronpa in your picks for Game of the Year (plus some games that start with other letters of the alphabet). Five game songs come out of a listener’s mouth and are instantly not-recognised by us. And Mark ends up in a weird place thanks to a famous horse and a famous frog. Plus: SPACE ARK. Email trp@therotatingplatform.com, tweet @rotatingpodcast, interfere with our Facebook page, or pop your message on a Post-it note — an official one, not the WHSmith knock-offs that always fall off. (Next week’s Space Ark genre is: turn-based strategy.) Stuff we discuss Games of 2014: Fantasy Life, Watch_Dogs, Infamous: Second Son, Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor, Destiny, Child of Light, Transistor, Danganronpa What we played: 2015 Independent Games Festival (IGF) finalists, Coming Out Simulator 2014, Phonopath, Murdered: Soul Suspect, Crossy Road A capella game tunes: Answer 1; answer 2; answer 3; answer 4; answer 5. Lon Lon Ranch theme (not Farm…), The Rainbow Connection Space Ark (non-military FPS): BioShock, Bulletstorm, GoldenEye 007, Perfect Dark, Perfect Dark Zero, TimeSplitters 2, Borderlands 2, Destiny, Resistance 3, Half-Life 2, James Bond 007: Nightfire, Red Steel, Metro 2033, Turok: Dinosaur Hunter Credits ‘between sounds’ licensed under the Creative Commons 0 license music by ckotty