TOP SELF | Tips on Jealousy in Relationships, Anxi

You know that voice in your head—the one that takes a missed text or a sideways glance and turns it into a full-blown crisis? That's your What If Machine, and it's been running the show for way too long. In this episode, Shanenn breaks down why your brain defaults to worst-case scenarios, where those fear stories actually come from (spoiler: it's usually not your current partner), and how those protective instincts end up creating the exact outcome you're terrified of. She also walks you through a 5-step Evidence Check framework you can use the next time your brain tries to convince you that everything is falling apart—so you can figure out if you're dealing with a real red flag or just old fear wearing a new outfit. Golden Nuggets: 💡 Your brain's What If Machine isn't trying to ruin your relationship—it's running a protection program written long before this relationship existed. 💡 Vague fear is the most powerful kind. Once you name it, it gets smaller. 💡 In the absence of clear evidence, you're choosing an explanation—and if you consistently choose the scariest one, that's not logic, that's fear driving. 💡 Preparing for the worst doesn't protect you from the pain. It just means you experience the loss twice. 💡 Sometimes the What If Machine isn't protecting you from your partner—it's protecting you from hope. Resources Mentioned: Episode 8 – Ashley Greer: Is This My Fear or Intuition? The Power of ONE (Open to New Evidence/Explanations) The 5-Step Evidence Check Framework Quote of the Episode: "Sometimes the scariest thing isn't the relationship falling apart. Sometimes the scariest thing is letting yourself fully trust it, fully relax into it, fully believe you're loved." — Shanenn Bryant Perfect for listeners who: Wake up spiraling for no reason and can't turn it off Know their jealousy is irrational but can't stop the loop Have pushed a partner away with checking, testing, or accusations Want a practical tool to use in the moment (not just "calm down") Are trying to figure out if their fear is instinct or old wounds talking If this episode hit home, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And leave a review and let us know—what's one what if that's been running your relationship that you're ready to question? Check us out on YouTube and make sure to subscribe! Schedule your FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

We're on YouTube - Join us there. In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn explores one of the most confusing and isolating experiences for anyone who struggles with jealousy: watching a secure person stay completely calm in a situation that would send you into a spiral.   Starting with a vivid poolside story that will feel painfully relatable, Shanenn breaks down why secure people aren’t blind to what’s happening around them—they just don’t assign the same meaning to it. She explains how your brain builds stories based on its existing “library” of past experiences, fears, and beliefs about yourself, and why that library is the real difference between jealousy and security. Plus, she introduces a powerful new tool—the Meaning Audit—three simple questions you can use to interrupt the spiral and start thinking like the secure person you’re becoming. Golden Episode Nuggets:   💎  Secure people see the same things you do—they just don’t assign the same meaning to them   💎  Your brain is a meaning-making machine and it pulls from your existing library of fears, wounds, and beliefs   💎  True security comes from trusting yourself to handle whatever comes, not from guaranteeing your partner will never hurt you   💎  The spiral isn’t about the photo or the party, it’s about the fear underneath   💎  Security isn’t a personality trait.  It’s a skill, and it’s learnable   Quote of the Episode: “Your jealousy is not the enemy. It’s been trying to protect you from the things that scared you the most. But at some point, that protection has become a prison. And you deserve to be free.” – Shanenn Bryant   📝 Leave a review and let us know—what’s one meaning you’ve caught yourself assigning that turned out to be wrong? Check us out on YouTube and make sure to subscribe! Schedule your FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Enroll Today for 30 Days to Different Does your relationship feel… quieter lately?  The butterflies are gone. The texts are shorter. Affection feels different. And now your brain is spiraling: Did they lose interest? Is this my fault? Is the spark gone? In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down what’s actually happening when the intensity fades in a long-term relationship — especially if you struggle with jealousy, insecurity, or fear of abandonment. You’ll learn why early love feels intoxicating, why that high is biologically designed to fade, and why the loss of “spark” doesn’t mean loss of love. For many anxious or jealous partners, this phase is when insecurity spikes — not because the relationship is failing, but because the nervous system is finally no longer distracted. This episode will help you stop catastrophizing calm, understand your attachment system, and learn how to build security without needing constant reassurance. Key Moments • 1:00 – The questions everyone asks when the spark fades • 2:20 – Why early love feels addictive (and why it can’t last) • 7:00 – The shift from dopamine to oxytocin explained simply • 10:00 – Why calm love can trigger anxiety and jealousy • 13:30 – How hypervigilance replaces excitement • 17:50 – Why jealousy often peaks after commitment • 22:00 – When “boring” is actually emotional safety • 25:00 – Why leaving too soon repeats the same cycle • 27:20 – Stop chasing the spark — start building inner security Golden Episode Nuggets 💎 The spark fading is a biological transition, not a red flag 💎 Early love distracts you from insecurity — it doesn’t heal it 💎 Calm can feel unsafe if your nervous system learned love through chaos 💎 Jealousy often increases when things stabilize 💎 You don’t need more reassurance — you need more internal safety Resources Mentioned • 30 Days to Different – Learn how to regulate your nervous system, rebuild emotional safety, and stop spiraling in your relationship   🦋 30 Days to Different is starting soon! ENROLL TODAY Schedule your FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

🦋. 30 Days to Different is starting soon - ENROLL TODAY Insecurity doesn’t always scream. Sometimes, it whispers lies that keep us stuck. In this solo episode, Shanenn unpacks the three most convincing lies insecurity tells you—and why they feel so real even when they’re not. Whether it’s the urge to check their phone, overanalyze tone, or control every detail in your relationship… this episode will help you finally understand what’s really driving that behavior and how to stop reacting from fear. This one is for the insecure person who’s exhausted from bracing for betrayal and ready to come home to herself. 🧠 WHAT YOU'LL LEARN: ✔️ Why “staying alert” doesn’t actually protect you  ✔️ How strong emotions can lie to you  ✔️ Why control is a false sense of peace  ✔️ The one mindset shift that rewires your inner safety  ✔️ How to respond to triggers without spiraling 🔥 GOLDEN EPISODE NUGGETS: 💎 You can’t out-alert life—but you can trust that you’ll handle what comes 💎 Feeling something intensely doesn’t make it true 💎 Control doesn’t create safety—it creates stress 💎 Trust is built by showing yourself you can survive discomfort 💎 You’ve handled hard things before. You can handle this too ⏰ TIMESTAMPS: [00:00] A PB&J story that shows how deep-rooted patterns shape us [05:45] Why insecurity feels like your identity [07:37] Lie #1: “If I don’t stay alert, I’ll get hurt” [13:21] Why hypervigilance robs you of peace [18:23] Lie #2: “If I feel this strongly, it must be true” [24:59] How emotional urgency leads to overreaction [31:16] Lie #3: “If I control more, I’ll finally feel secure” [36:30] The truth: You don’t need more control—you need more trust [39:04] Final reframe to anchor self-trust 🧭 RESOURCES & LINKS: 🎯 30 Days to Different – Registration Now Open! Ready to stop spiraling and start self-trusting? Join Shanenn’s daily support container to process emotions without the panic. → JOIN NOW 📝 LEAVE A REVIEW: If this episode gave you a truthbomb or breakthrough, would you leave a review? It helps other women find these tools too. 💬 What’s a lie insecurity has told you? Drop it in your review or DM Shanenn on Instagram @topselfco 🦋 30 Days to Different is starting soon! ENROLL TODAY Schedule your FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in a mental loop, replaying conversations, spiraling into insecurity, or feeling something is wrong but you can’t quite name it—this episode is for you. In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with Annette Furio, founder of Season Journals, to talk about how journaling can help you slow down, make sense of your thoughts, and create space between what you feel and how you react. f your brain feels loud or stuck, this episode is about giving those thoughts somewhere to go so you can think more clearly. Together, Shanenn and Annette break down why your brain gets stuck on repeat, how journaling helps close mental loops, and how even five minutes can shift your clarity, emotional regulation, and self-awareness. Golden Episode Nuggets 💎 Your brain keeps looping because thoughts feel unfinished  💎 Writing forces your mind to slow down and complete thoughts  💎 Journaling creates space between emotion and reaction  💎 You don’t need consistency—you need permission to start  💎 Gratitude journaling is one of the fastest ways to shift your mindset Key Moments · 2:00 – Why unfinished thoughts keep looping in your mind · 4:00 – How writing slows your brain and creates emotional space · 6:30 – Why journaling doesn’t have to be daily to work · 9:30 – How journaling helps you spot patterns in jealousy and insecurity · 12:00 – Looking back at old entries to see growth (or stuck points) · 20:45 – The easiest way to journal when you only have five minutes · 24:00 – Why journaling should never feel like another chore About Our Guest Annette Furio is the founder of Season Journals, a brand focused on helping people strengthen their relationship with themselves and others through intentional journaling. Since launching in 2020, Annette has created guided journals for major life seasons—including engagement, marriage, pregnancy, and everyday wellbeing. Her journals are designed to be both keepsakes and tools, helping people document their lives while also working through challenges with clarity and intention. Resources Mentioned Season Journals – Guided Journals for Life’s Seasons  Available at seasonjournals.com and on Amazon Quote of the Episode “Journaling puts space between what you feel and how you respond.” – Annette Furio Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down a question so many people quietly struggle with—especially this time of year: Why do I feel calm and trusting with my partner sometimes… and anxious, suspicious, or insecure with them at other times—when nothing has actually changed? As the holidays approach and routines shift, old patterns can resurface. Shanenn explains why these emotional swings don’t mean you’re inconsistent, broken, or ignoring red flags. Instead, they’re signals from your nervous system responding to changing conditions—not changing relationship facts. This episode offers a powerful reframe that removes shame, self-blame, and overthinking—and replaces them with clarity, self-trust, and nervous-system awareness so you can stop turning emotions into verdicts about your relationship. Key Moments: 1:45 – Why the holidays can make anxiety spike even in “good” relationships 3:50 – The core truth: calm and anxiety come from your nervous system, not your partner 6:40 – Why feeling calm doesn’t mean you’re “healed” or fixed 9:00 – What’s really happening when you start scanning, spiraling, or overthinking 11:30 – Why emotions are signals of state—not proof of truth 13:45 – The shift that helps anxiety soften without controlling your environment Golden Episode Nuggets: 💎 Calm and anxiety can exist in the same relationship without either one being “the truth” 💎 You didn’t lose trust—you lost nervous system capacity 💎 Emotional states are signals, not verdicts about your relationship 💎 Feeling anxious doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or your partner 💎 Regulation comes from working with your nervous system, not fighting it Quote of the Episode: “Your ability to feel calm, trusting, and connected isn’t created by the person in front of you. It’s created by the state your nervous system is in.”Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down why small moments in your relationship can trigger huge emotional reactions. If you’ve ever felt embarrassed by your reaction, overwhelmed by jealousy, or hijacked by anxiety over something that logically felt minor, this episode explains what’s really happening beneath the surface. Shanenn introduces the concept of emotional agility—the ability to feel deeply without losing yourself—and explains why trust, confidence, and security aren’t built by suppressing emotions, but by learning how to stay present with them. This episode offers practical tools to help you stop spiraling, rebuild self-trust, and respond instead of react  Golden Episode Nuggets 💎 Your reactions aren’t random—your nervous system is trying to protect you  💎 Feeling deeply is capacity, not a weakness  💎 Trust is built through experience, not reassurance  💎 Naming sensations instead of emotions creates emotional power  💎 Discomfort doesn’t mean danger—nothing has gone wrong  💎 Staying with a feeling builds confidence one moment at a time Key Moments 2:30 – A relatable story about reacting “bigger than the moment” 4:20 – Why your body reacts before your brain can catch up 7:45 – What emotional agility actually means (and what it’s not) 9:00 – Why trust isn’t about your partner—it’s about you 12:10 – The truth about “feeling too much” 16:30 – Why resilience isn’t toughness or pushing through 18:20 – One simple shift that gives you power over emotional spirals 20:30 – Four practical ways to stop getting hijacked by your emotions 24:20 – Reflection questions to build self-trust in real time Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

If you've ever thought "I'm too much," felt shame around your jealousy, or struggled with feeling "needy" in relationships, this episode will be a relief and a revelation. Shanenn sits down with Trevor Hansen, coach and founder of The Art of Healing, to dismantle the shame loop of anxious attachment and show how it can be transformed into self-trust and secure connection. Trevor shares his raw personal story—from toxic relationships and a broken jaw to leaving a high-powered career at Tesla—and the powerful tools he discovered to move from fear to security. This is a must-listen for anyone stuck in the cycle of over-functioning, people pleasing, or "proving" their worth in love. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN: Why awareness alone won't heal your insecure attachment How childhood experiences can create a "love gap" that fuels jealousy What emotional reprogramming looks like in practice Why inner child work isn't woo-woo—it's essential A powerful shift from controlling to compassionately curious in relationships GOLDEN NUGGETS: You’re not too much. It’s the behavior that needs support, not your worth. Anxious attachment is just a part of you—not all of you. You can turn your jealousy into a catalyst for deeper connection. Emotional healing > intellectual awareness. When you stop outsourcing your worth, you stop fearing abandonment. GUEST BIO: Trevor Hansen is a relationship coach and the founder of The Art of Healing. After navigating his own journey through anxious attachment and emotional wounding, he now helps individuals break the cycle of fear-based relationships and build secure emotional foundations. His Secure Self Club is transforming lives by helping clients go from insecure to grounded in just months. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "You're no longer a problem to be solved, but a person to be loved." PERFECT FOR LISTENERS WHO... Feel shame around their jealousy or emotional needs Struggle with anxious or insecure attachment styles Want to stop overthinking and start feeling secure in love Are tired of outsourcing their peace and self-worth Crave emotional safety, clarity, and confidence in their relationships Loved this episode? Be sure to leave a review and share how you're starting to show up for your inner child. Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

🦋   Join the experience - enroll in 30 Days to Different today! In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn flips the script on what it means to be “the jealous one” in a relationship—and trust us, you’ll never see your spirals the same again. Ever swear you’re not going to snoop, spiral, or snap... and then do it anyway? That doesn’t mean you’re some controlling jerk. It means you’ve got a genius-level nervous system doing exactly what it was wired to do: keep you safe. This solo episode unpacks the psychology behind jealousy, why it’s not sabotage but stabilization, and how to trade unhealthy patterns for new, empowering ones—without shaming the old you who just wanted to feel safe. Oh, and there’s a German shepherd, a deer, some stargazing, and one mood-ruining poop. You’ve been warned. 💎 Golden Episode Nuggets: Jealousy isn’t sabotage—it’s a stabilizer your nervous system picked to survive pain You don’t need to feel ashamed of your coping strategies—they were genius solutions for impossible circumstances You can teach your body new patterns—because you’ve done it before The most powerful shift isn’t “How do I stop this?” but “What was my system trying to protect me from?” New stabilizers aren’t about perfection—they’re about choosing different 🗝️ Key Moments: 1:10 – Why repeating patterns doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means your body is succeeding at survival 3:40 – What stabilizers are and how they show up as jealousy, control, or overeating 6:20 – Why we don’t pick yoga or the gym as coping tools (hint: your nervous system doesn’t give a damn about kale) 13:20 – How the jealousy loop works and why it feels so hard to break 17:30 – You’re not controlling—you’re a genius at creating predictability 25:00 – The dog poop that ruined a magical moment (and why it matters) 27:00 – What it looks like to pick new, healthy stabilizers and stop suffering silently 28:50 – Introducing: 30 Days to Different, the transformative new experience to rewire your relationship patterns from the inside out 🔥 Want to Go Deeper? 30 Days to Different is officially open for enrollment! If you’re ready to ditch the spiral and actually rewire the patterns of jealousy, this is your moment. ✔ Daily mindset rewires ✔ 6 live Zoom sessions ✔ Nervous system & neuroscience-based tools   🔗 Join now: TopSelf.com or scroll down to the show notes to click the link! 🎧 Perfect for Listeners Who: Feel ashamed or guilty about their jealousy or control habits Want to understand why they keep reacting the same way Are ready to replace o Join the Experience and enroll in 30 Days to Different today! Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your Discovery Call here In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn dives into one of the most exhausting relationship cycles—when you keep second-guessing your partner, breaking up, getting back together, and wondering if they’re “the one.” The truth? Your confusion isn’t about your partner. It’s about your pattern. If you’ve ever caught yourself analyzing every text, tone, or gesture, or if you’re tired of asking “should I stay or should I go?”, this episode will hit home. Shanenn unpacks how fear, self-doubt, and emotional hot potatoes (yep, you read that right) keep us in chaos—and what to do instead. You’ll learn how to pause the decision, regulate your nervous system, and start building self-trust, so you can finally feel confident in your choices—no matter who you’re with. 💎 Golden Episode Nuggets: You’re not confused about them—you’re disconnected from you. Fear-based decisions aren’t decisions; they’re safety strategies in disguise. If it’s hysterical, it’s historical. You can’t heal what you keep outsourcing. Until you trust yourself, you’ll doubt every relationship—even the right one. 💡 Key Moments: 2:00 – Why your breakup reflex isn’t about your partner—it’s about escaping discomfort 6:45 – The “emotional hot potato” that keeps you stuck in the same patterns 10:25 – Why your feelings might be valid… but not about what’s happening right now 13:20 – The difference between deciding and reacting 17:00 – How to tell the difference between a red flag pattern and a personal trigger 22:37 – Why you don’t have to decide today if your partner is “the one” 30:00 – The 30-day pause: the simple reset that stabilizes your decision-making 33:50 – How to soothe your own nervous system without outsourcing it to your partner 38:00 – The question that changes everything: “What would I choose if I trusted myself to handle any outcome?” ❤️ Quote of the Episode: “Until you trust yourself, you’ll doubt every relationship—even the right one.” 🧠 Resources Mentioned: Free Discovery Call with Shanenn → Schedule Here ✨ Perfect for listeners who: Break up and get back together on repeat Feel anxious, jealous, or unsafe in relationships Want to stop obsessing over every text or tone Are ready to make decisions from confidence, not fear Are tired of repeating the same emotional patterns 🔥 Call to Action: If you’re ready to stop spiraling and start trusting yourself again, book a free discovery call with Shanenn. This is the work she does every day—helping you rebuild from the inside out, so you stop changing partners and start changing your pattern. 🎧 Subscrib Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE Discovery Call In this powerful solo episode, Shanenn cracks open a question many of us quietly carry: “If I weren’t jealous… who would I be?” From the deck of a cruise ship years ago to the emotional trenches of everyday hypervigilance, Shanenn walks you through how jealousy feels like its become your identity—and how to begin shedding it. She reveals why your brain clings to jealousy like a job, how it tricks you into thinking you're protecting yourself, and the truth about what control really looks like. If you've ever spiraled over a thong-wearing dancer or found yourself interrogating a partner just to feel safe, this one’s for you. This episode is an invitation to stop playing small, stop playing scared—and remember who you were before jealousy moved in. 💎 Golden Episode Nuggets: Jealousy feels like protection, but it’s just fear in disguise Hypervigilance is a survival strategy, not a love strategy Your brain learned jealousy from chaos—but it’s ready to relearn Without jealousy, you don’t lose love—you get your life back That confident, secure version of you isn’t new. She’s just been waiting 🔑 Key Moments: 1:10 – The cruise ship moment that cracked something open 5:55 – When jealousy becomes a job you never applied for 10:45 – Why control isn’t the same as protection 14:30 – The origin story of your inner security guard 20:40 – Does jealousy actually prevent betrayal—or just exhaust you? 27:00 – What happens to your energy when jealousy leaves the building 36:08 – Why your “security guard” isn’t crazy—just untrained 41:00 – Create your own security protocol 44:50 – The difference between a red flag and a one-off 46:19 – How to become the version of you that trusts again 💖 Perfect for listeners who: Feel like jealousy has hijacked their personality Replay conversations, stalk socials, or analyze texts for clues Want to stop managing a partner’s behavior and start managing their own peace Crave deeper self-trust, emotional regulation, and a life beyond fear Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE 30-Minute Discovery Call here In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn gets real about a silent habit that so many listeners can relate to—but few talk about openly: using alcohol to cope with jealousy, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm in relationships. From the glass of wine that helps you "take the edge off" before date night… to the third drink that leads to a spiral of shame, regret, and disconnection—this episode breaks down what’s really happening when we reach for a drink to manage our feelings. Shanenn explores how alcohol not only numbs the bad stuff, but also disconnects you from your intuition, dulls your emotional clarity, and makes jealousy even harder to navigate. You'll learn practical tools to pause, get curious about your emotions, and build real self-trust—without having to escape into a buzz. This episode isn’t anti-alcohol. It’s pro-you. 💎 Golden Episode Nuggets: You're likely not drinking because you have a drinking problem—you're drinking because no one taught you how to feel your emotions. Alcohol doesn't just numb pain—it numbs joy, intuition, and connection too. Every time you reach for a drink instead of feeling your feelings, you’re teaching your brain you can't handle them. Shame keeps the cycle going; guilt helps you change. Your emotions aren't your enemy. They're your superpower. 🔑 Key Moments: 2:10 – Why alcohol is often used to manage anxiety and jealousy 6:30 – The emotional pattern behind pre-date drinks (and how it backfires) 10:45 – What happens when “buzzed you” says too much 14:30 – The brain science: how alcohol blocks emotional processing 22:00 – Alcohol, anxiety, and why the fire comes back stronger 25:00 – Shame vs. guilt: the emotional cycle that keeps you stuck 28:30 – How using alcohol creates self-abandonment and insecurity 34:00 – The practice of sitting with emotions without numbing 39:20 – 3 questions to ask before you drink 43:00 – How to experiment with alcohol-free moments and collect emotional “data” 🧠 Resources & Coaching Mentioned: 30-Minute Discovery Call with Shanenn – Learn how to break emotional patterns and build self-trust. Book via TopSelf.com Coaching Program: Feel Free Again – For women ready to stop outsourcing emotional regulation to alcohol, anxiety, or partners. Whitehall II Study & Sleep Research – Learn how alcohol disrupts emotional processing during REM sleep. 🗣️ Quote of the Episode: “Every time you choose to be real instead of numb, you’re doing something really brave.” – Shanenn Bryant Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE Discovery Call In this solo episode of Top Self, host Shanenn dives deep into one of the most anxiety-triggering scenarios in relationships: witnessing your partner flirt with someone else. Is it a sign they’re unhappy? Are they secretly interested in someone else? Or…could it mean something entirely different? Drawing from scientific research and her personal journey, Shanenn shares the six core reasons people flirt—and reveals that only one of them is actually about sex. With compassionate insights and a powerful reframe on validation, esteem, and trust, this episode offers a fresh, empowering take on how to handle flirting without spiraling into insecurity. If you've ever felt the sting of jealousy or wanted to understand what flirting really means in a committed relationship, this episode is a must-listen. 💎 Golden Episode Nuggets: Flirting does not always equal sexual or romantic interest. Only 1 out of 6 reasons for flirting involves a desire for sex. Flirting can actually boost relationship satisfaction—not destroy it. Feeling attracted ≠ acting on attraction. The nuance matters. Jealousy is a signal—not a certainty. Trust your gut, not your fear. You can’t be your partner’s only source of validation—and you shouldn’t have to be. 🧠 Key Moments: 2:40 – That sinking feeling when your partner flirts: What’s really going on? 5:00 – The 6 scientific motivations behind flirting—and only one is sexual 10:15 – Why people flirt to boost self-esteem (and why it’s not a threat) 14:30 – The “relationship development” vs. “relationship threat” misunderstanding 18:00 – Do happy partners still crave external validation? Yes—and here’s why that’s okay 23:45 – How jealousy can mislead you into toxic behavior patterns 30:00 – The research-backed truth about fantasy, flirting, and fidelity 38:00 – Shanenn’s real-life jealousy moment (and what it taught her) 42:00 – How to use “The Power of One” to reframe your thoughts around flirting 🧰 Resources & Mentions: The Study: Northern Illinois University research on the 6 motivations for flirting Power of One Exercise: Practice reframing jealousy with one new explanation Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Enroll in the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp starting soon! In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn shares a deeply relatable scenario: it’s 10 p.m., you’re staring at your phone, spiraling over a text that simply says, “Okay, sounds good. Talk to you tomorrow.” If that’s ever sent you into an emotional tailspin, this episode is for you. We explore why relationship insecurity creates an overwhelming urge to process everything out loud—and why your friends might be reaching their limit. Shanenn dives into the neuroscience of emotional regulation, the critical role of co-regulation, and why being understood by someone who “gets it” can feel like a lifeline. You’ll learn why exhausting your friendships isn’t the answer—and how group support like Talk It Out Tuesday and the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp can offer real change, practical tools, and deep emotional relief. 💎 Golden Episode Nuggets: Criticizing yourself for needing support only deepens the wound. Relationship insecurity is a nervous system issue, not a character flaw. Friends mean well—but they’re not therapists. Group support gets it. Shame thrives in secrecy. But when you share your story with people who truly understand, it loses its power. You are not "too much." You are not broken. You are human. ⏱ Key Moments: 1:30 – That late-night spiral we’ve all had—why your brain won’t let go 6:00 – The neuroscience behind why we have to talk things out 9:30 – Why your friends can't always be your emotional support system 12:00 – How insecurity starts impacting all of your relationships 15:50 – The invisible burnout your friends may be feeling 17:40 – “You’re not broken”—the power of being truly understood 20:00 – Why shame thrives in silence and how to break the cycle 24:30 – Group support vs. going it alone: the real difference 26:40 – How helping others with their insecurity reinforces your own healing 28:30 – Group coaching isn’t exposure—it’s your power move 👩‍🏫 Shanenn Says: "Insecurity is a terrible roommate. It never cleans up its mess and always leaves you drained." 🧰 Resources Mentioned: Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp – A six-week guided experience to rewire your nervous system and build relationship security. [Register here] Talk It Out Tuesday – Free group coaching calls inside the Jealousy Junkie Facebook Group. Join now to get notified of upcoming sessions. Enroll in the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp today. Sessions start soon and space is limited. Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down one of the most common communication traps in relationships: expecting your partner to read your mind. Whether you're silently hoping your partner just knows you need a hug—or you're dropping hints that never land—this episode is your guide to getting what you actually need without spiraling, snapping, or shutting down. From attachment styles to the six human needs, Shanenn explains why asking isn’t needy—it’s necessary—and gives you the exact words to use so your partner can finally show up for you. 💎 Golden Episode Nuggets: 💬 “Asking isn’t needy—it’s necessary.” 🧠 If you don’t say it, your partner is just guessing—and they’ll guess wrong. 🔄 Every time you don’t ask, you reinforce the belief that your needs don’t matter. 💥 Complaints like “you never text me” are often just unspoken needs for connection. 💡 Hint-dropping leads to disappointment. Clear, direct asks lead to connection. ⏰ Key Moments: 1:30 – Why “If they loved me, they’d just know” is a romantic myth 4:10 – How your partner’s brain is wired differently—and what that means for unmet needs 6:45 – What each attachment style sounds like when trying to get their needs met 10:15 – 3 hidden costs of not asking for what you want 13:50 – Shanenn’s hilarious story about trying to “fix” her mom’s venting session 17:10 – The 6 Human Needs and why your priorities may clash with your partner’s 23:20 – What your complaint is really about—and how to find the core need 26:30 – Simple scripts for clearly communicating your needs without guilt 30:00 – Why unmet needs aren’t about being needy—they’re about being unclear 🔗 Resources Mentioned: 📝 Take the Attachment Style Quiz to better understand how you relate to love 💬 Quote of the Episode: “Your needs are like GPS coordinates. Without them, your partner is just driving in circles—hoping to land at the right destination.” 🎯 Perfect for listeners who: Struggle to ask for what they want without guilt Drop hints instead of expressing needs clearly Get frustrated when their partner doesn’t “just know” Want to stop spiraling and start speaking with confidence Are working to create more secure, emotionally honest relationships Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Book your FREE Discovery Call Ever started pulling away just when things got good? If calm, consistent love feels boring—or even threatening—you’re not broken. You’re human. In this episode, Shanenn explores why “safe” love can trigger your nervous system, especially if you grew up in chaos or experienced emotionally unpredictable relationships. You’ll learn: Why peace can feel like a red flag to a dysregulated nervous system The hidden link between chaos and connection Subtle ways we sabotage healthy love without realizing it A powerful affirmation to ground yourself when you’re spiraling How to begin rewiring your system to trust calm instead of rejecting it If you’re ready to stop pushing away the love you crave, this episode is for you. 💎 Golden Nugget: “Peace isn’t the problem. My pattern is.” Timestamps: 1:15 – Why calm triggers fear in a chaos-wired nervous system 3:00 – How your past relationships shaped your patterns 6:30 – A real-life story (with a German Shepherd!) that explains stored trauma 10:40 – Signs of self-sabotage when things feel “too good” 12:50 – Tools to rewire your nervous system for trust 15:40 – The mantra that can change everything Resources & Links: 📄 Free Download: 5 Signs You’re Subconsciously Sabotaging 📞 Book a Free Discovery Call with Shanenn 🔗 Follow Shanenn on Instagram: @topselfco Loved this episode? Leave a 5-star review—it helps others find healing too. 💚 Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Book your FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help. 🎧 In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down the 3 stages of jealousy that sabotage emotional security—and how to work through them. If you’ve ever felt stuck in spirals, constantly checking your partner’s phone, or craving reassurance just to get through the day—this episode is for you. Through her own experience and years of coaching clients through jealousy, Shanenn identifies 3 specific levels most people go through: High Alert, Distance Dependent, and Emotionally Equipped. You’ll learn how to recognize where you are, why each stage feels the way it does, and how to move forward with more self-trust and less shame. This is your roadmap out of relationship anxiety and into emotional strength. 🔑 Key Moments: 2:00 – The High Alert stage: spiraling thoughts, hypervigilance, and the toll on your nervous system 10:00 – Breaking out of unhealthy validation habits using the Think-Do-Say framework 17:00 – The Distance Dependent stage: calm on the surface, but still triggered by what you see 23:00 – Using self-focus and small wins to rewire your emotional patterns 28:00 – The Emotionally Equipped stage: meeting your own needs without over-relying on your partner 31:00 – How to bounce back after a setback without shame or spirals 💎 Golden Episode Nuggets: Jealousy isn’t just emotional—it becomes physical stress if left unchecked The Think-Do-Say model helps break compulsive habits by replacing them with conscious choices You can stop checking the phone without stopping all the habits—just start with one Self-validation is the gateway to emotional safety You don’t need your partner to fix your jealousy—you need tools to manage your emotional responses ❤️ Perfect for listeners who: Feel overwhelmed by jealousy or insecure thoughts in their relationship Are trying to stop spiraling and start self-soothing Want practical, non-judgmental tools for emotional growth Are ready to take their healing seriously but with compassion Crave deeper connection—without losing themselves ✍️ Leave a review and let us know—what stage do you see yourself in right now? And what’s one habit you’re working to change? Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn unpacks one of the most misunderstood truths about jealousy: it doesn’t start in your mind—it starts in your body. If you’ve ever told yourself “I’m just going to think positive thoughts” or “I’ll be chill tonight”—only to spiral the moment your partner picks up their phone—then go ahead and hit play now. Shanenn introduces a nervous system-based approach to jealousy, built around her signature BAM Method: Body And Mind. You’ll learn how to stop shaming your reactions, calm your nervous system, and respond in a healthier way—rather than fear, panic, or reactivity. This episode is a must-listen for anyone stuck in the cycle of body-based jealousy and emotional spirals. Golden Episode Nuggets: 💎 Jealousy isn’t crazy—it’s a stored survival response from your nervous system 💎 Your body reacts before your brain can even form a thought 💎 BAM = Body And Mind (Breathe, Acknowledge, Move) is your new reset tool 💎 A safer body allows you to choose a better thought 💎 Explaining your nervous system reactions to your partner can build deeper understanding Key Moments: 3:25 – Why jealousy can’t be “thought away” (and why 95% of your reactions aren’t logical) 7:17 – The real reason your stomach drops when he texts—and what your nervous system is doing 10:28 – Introducing BAM: Why calming your body comes before calming your thoughts 15:02 – The “hot stove” analogy to help explain jealousy to your partner 19:33 – BAM, defined: Breathe. Acknowledge. Move. 24:51 – What to do when your body believes an old wound is happening again 27:42 – How to shift into your “choice moment” once your body feels safe Resources Mentioned: Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp – Join the next session starting June 18th.  Register here Shanenn's new podcast:On Apple Lead Without Limits On YouTube Lead Without Limits Quote of the Episode: “When your body feels safe, your brain can finally tell the truth.” Perfect for listeners who: Feel overwhelmed by jealousy, even when “nothing is happening” Struggle with reactivity, spiraling thoughts, or reassurance-seeking Want to learn nervous system tools to feel safe in their relationship Are ready to replace shame with self-compassion and emotional safety Are doing the deep work to heal attachment wounds and regulate from the inside out 📝 Leave a review and let us know—what’s one way you’re helping your body feel safe when jealousy hits? 📥 Subscribe now and get ready for Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with thought habit strategist and author Amy Kemp to unpack one of the most damaging patterns women struggle with—tying our self-worth to performance. From subconscious thought loops to resentment signals, Amy shares the surprising truth behind why we feel exhausted, unseen, and over-obligated—and what we can do to reclaim our identity and energy. Whether you’re a high-achieving mom, coach, or recovering perfectionist, this episode will help you understand the thought habits secretly draining you and how to replace them with empowering defaults. Golden Episode Nuggets: 💎 You are not your thoughts—your brain’s habits can be rewired 💎 Resentment is a neon sign flashing: “Missing boundary here” 💎 “I should” and “I have to” are energy leaks disguised as productivity 💎 Confidence isn’t a feeling—it’s what shows up after you act 💎 Your natural genius is the thing that feels easy to you but amazes others Key Moments: · 3:45 – Why 80% of our thoughts are subconscious (and how to catch the unhealthy ones) · 7:10 – The “value vs. performance” hand exercise that could change how you see yourself · 12:50 – What resentment actually means (hint: it’s a missing boundary) · 15:00 – The 3 most common toxic thought habits women carry · 21:40 – The Resentment Audit: a practical way to uncover unspoken needs · 25:15 – How to find your “natural genius” and stop undervaluing your gifts About Our Guest: Amy Kemp is a leadership coach, speaker, and author of I See You: A Guide for Women to Make More, Have More, and Be More. Her work helps women reprogram limiting thought habits so they can stop second-guessing themselves and start living and leading with clarity and energy. Take her free Habit Finder assessment to discover your subconscious thought patterns and how to shift them at www.amykemp.com. Resources Mentioned: The Habit Finder Assessment – Free at amykemp.com I See You by Amy Kemp – available on Amazon, Audible, and Bookshop.org Quote of the Episode: “Every time you feel resentment, imagine a neon sign flashing ‘Missing Boundary’—because your energy is trying to tell you something.” – Amy Kemp Perfect for listeners who: · Constantly feel like they “should be doing more” · Struggle with people-pleasing, burnout, or overthinking · Want to break free from perfectionism and performative self-worth · Are ready to understand their energy leaks and reclaim peace · Are looking to rediscover their identity beyond roles and titles 📝 Leave a review and let us know—what’s one thought habit you’re ready to rewire? Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with clinical psychologist and gratitude expert Dr. Peggy DeLong known as The Gratitude Psychologist to explore how gratitude can be a lifeline in life’s hardest seasons. Whether you’re navigating grief, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm, Peggy shares the science and soul behind why gratitude is most powerful on your worst days not your best. From the moment she found comfort in a cup of hazelnut coffee while sitting at her fiancé’s deathbed, to her 5-minute daily gratitude practice, this episode is packed with perspective shifts that can change the way you cope, connect, and heal. If you’ve ever thought “I know I should be grateful, but I just can’t right now,” this conversation is for you. 💎 Golden Episode Nuggets: 💡 Gratitude is most impactful in pain—not after it 💡 Saying “thank you” aloud triggers positive brain chemicals (dopamine + serotonin) 💡 You can’t feel anxious and grateful at the same time—gratitude interrupts worry 💡 Gratitude letters benefit your mood, even if you don’t send them 💡 Emotional pain always reveals a value—use that value to move forward 🔑 Key Moments: 3:30 – How a simple cup of coffee helped Peggy survive loss 7:15 – Why saying “thank you” aloud changes your brain chemistry 10:00 – The Reticular Activating System and how it filters what you notice 13:00 – The most important gratitude habit for improving mental health 18:00 – Gratitude letters: why they benefit the writer more than the recipient 20:00 – Using pain as a trigger to practice gratitude 24:30 – How gratitude can significantly improve your sleep 26:40 – The link between gratitude, resilience, and rewiring your brain 👩‍⚕️ About Our Guest: Dr. Peggy DeLong is a licensed psychologist, speaker, author, and founder of the Feeling Good Institute. Known as “The Gratitude Psychologist,” she teaches people how to cultivate joy, emotional resilience, and well-being through the power of gratitude and positive psychology. Her programs, books, and workshops are designed to make science-backed tools feel simple and accessible for anyone—especially during difficult times. Learn more at www.peggydelong.com Follow her on Instagram: @drpeggydelong 📚 Resources Mentioned: Dr. Peggy’s Book: Feel the Good Her Signature Program: The Gratitude Experience Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help. Wanna feel more supported? Join women just like you who understand what you're going through and are there to support you. Join the SIS Membership today. Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.