Welcome To The Suburbs

Welcome to Season 3, Episode 78 of Welcome to the Suburbs — and welcome to 2026. In this episode, Andy and Greg unravel the unexpected chaos of suburban life when a semi-permanent short-term guest turns into a full-blown mystery, a washing machine refuses to cooperate, and ChatGPT somehow becomes the most reliable appliance technician in the room. What starts as a broken washer spirals into candle-lit basements, awkward tenant encounters, appliance repair standoffs, and a surprisingly accurate AI diagnosis. Along the way, the guys reflect on gut instincts, landlord life, minimum wage debates, old jobs, magicians, and the strange confidence of people who absolutely should not be slamming washing machine lids. To wrap it all up, Andy puts Greg through the Ultimate Picky Eaters Test, revealing strong opinions about sardines, anchovies, tofu, grits, and what does—or absolutely does not—qualify as food. It’s a classic Welcome to the Suburbs episode: observational, unfiltered, funny, and rooted in the everyday absurdities that come with aging, homeownership, and trying to be reasonable adults in an unreasonable world.  Press play, laugh along, and remember: sometimes the smartest person in the room is ChatGPT. www.suburbspodcast.com

It’s two degrees below zero, an Alberta Clipper has swept through Indiana, and Greg has officially entered his property manager era—snow removal, salt trucks, and all. Andy and Greg warm up the microphones and reflect on cold mornings, neighborhood smells, junk mail scams, and the absurdity of modern home “protection” programs. From memories of life before Wi-Fi to early dial-up internet, Atari, CompuServe email addresses, and daydreams about what the future might hold, this episode drifts effortlessly between humor and reflection. There are stories about grandmothers, first creative epiphanies, paying bills by mail, and the strange ways marketing, fear, and nostalgia collide in everyday suburban life. As Season 3 winds down, Andy and Greg do what they do best—turn ordinary moments into laughter, perspective, and connection. Welcome to the Suburbs. www.suburbspodcast.com

This week on Welcome to the Suburbs, Andy and Greg return to Lake James for part two of their location recording—and somehow land on Ozzy Osbourne, Brian Wilson, and the unexpected ways greatness brushes up against ordinary life. From Ozzy’s improbable rise—from factory-town kid with a borrowed PA system to genre-defining icon and reality-TV pioneer—to Brian Wilson’s quiet genius and lasting influence, the conversation drifts through music history, fame, and the strange paths that lead people into legendary rooms. Along the way, Greg shares his own very suburban brush with Ozzy (in a Palm Beach seafood restaurant), Andy revisits a Ball State–era Ozzy concert involving flying meat and a questionable cup of liver, and the guys reflect on how proximity to greatness often looks nothing like we imagine. As always, the episode swerves—through John Fogerty sightings, studio stories, rental-property expectations, broken license plate screws, city Christmas lights, and the small irritations that define suburban life just as much as the big moments. It’s a conversation about music, memory, absurdity, and the reminder that sometimes the most memorable brushes with greatness happen when you’re just trying to get through dinner. www.suburbspodcast.com

In Season 3, Episode 75, Andy and Greg take Welcome to the Suburbs on the road to Greg’s family lake house at Lake James — a place with more stories than shoreline. This episode has everything: • Updates on the real hauntings that didn’t make it into Episode 67 • Estelle, the levitating closet ghost (finally with the correct name) • Greg’s mom’s “famous” chocolate chip cookies… straight from the bag • Ski-boat romance, flat-tire misery, and a tractor-supply rescue mission • Meijer’s most enthusiastic greeter • Stephen A.’s unforgettable “garlic bread” contribution • Plus: baking rules, scone dust, Savage Garden, and questionable dance lessons It’s another classic Suburbs mix of stories, laughter, nostalgia, and the kind of conversations that only happen when you’re sitting on a lake porch with coffee (or beer) in hand. 🎧 Listen, laugh, and share with a friend. Laughter is contagious — help spread it. www.suburbspodcast.com

In Season 3, Episode 74 of Welcome to The Suburbs, Andy and Greg dive into one of the funniest listener-question episodes yet. From PSAS and breast augmentation “research,” to Greg’s Mount Rushmore of comedy and Andy’s Mount Rushmore of legendary sound engineers, nothing is off-limits in this rapid-fire Q&A fueled entirely by loyal listener Ricky. Greg shares outrageous stories from the comedy circuit—including the night Tommy Chong missed his cue because he was getting high behind a dumpster—and explains why orange milkshakes may turn him into a human vibrator. Andy reveals the behind-the-board world of live mixing, the concerts he’ll never walk out on, and why he will never do stand-up (despite Greg’s best efforts). This episode is classic Suburbs: irreverent, warm, weird, and occasionally educational. 🎧 Send your questions to: thesuburbspodcast@gmail.com www.suburbspodcast.com

Dr. Bob joins Andy and Greg in The Suburbs for an unexpectedly educational deep dive into cannabis-infused drinks, bizarre medical mysteries, and why armadillos might be the next big Indiana problem. From auto-brewery syndrome and tetanus shots to Swedish fish with THC, the guys keep the laughs coming while learning just enough to be dangerous. Then Greg wraps up with a lake house confession involving a trash pump, a Rural King return, and an employee who forgot she was on the clock. It’s a perfectly suburban blend of humor, science, and questionable life hacks. www.suburbspodcast.com

Halloween season hits the suburbs, and things are heating up—literally. Andy recounts the infamous Airbnb “heatwave” that nearly melted his five-star rating. Forget the fact these were house guests. Greg flashes back to his childhood drive-in days before diving headfirst into a pop-metal concert that leaves him surrounded by college kids, mosh pits, and existential questions. They also cover: Haunted houses and “Here Come the Gummies” Ripple Suites’ mysterious new tenant, “Jenny on the Spot” Why Florida insists on keeping buildings ice-cold A Fox Hollow Murders grocery-store encounter that gets way too personal Suburban life, nostalgia, and absolute nonsense—it’s all here in Season 3, Episode 72. www.suburbspodcast.com

Fall has arrived (sort of), and Andy and Greg are back with a fresh mix of suburban stories and tangents. In Episode 71, they cover: Giant skeletons, over-the-top yard displays, and where exactly you store a 10-foot Grim Reaper The mysterious loophole that lets THC drinks hit Indiana liquor store shelves while everything else stays off-limits Greg’s billing fiasco with “Dear No Name” and a customer service rep who thinks mailing it fixes everything Dogs, dentists, sleep doctors, and the fine art of making sense of nonsense From absurd Halloween clutter to real-life healthcare head-shakers, it’s another ride through the laughs and frustrations of suburban life. www.suburbspodcast.com

Andy and Greg kick off fall with laughter, nostalgia, and a brand-new Roslyn Retreat jingle that turns into an unexpected recording adventure. Greg shares the hilarious story of conquering his fear of singing, stepping into the studio, and discovering the difference between a “jingle” and a “lingle.” From late-night paranoia catchphrases like “bringing living room,” to tales of million-dollar guitars hidden under farmers’ beds, to softcover porn books disguised as history class reading material—this episode blends music, memory, and mischief in true Suburbs style. Oh, and yes, we’re taking mailbag questions now—so send yours to thesuburbspodcast@gmail.com. www.suburbspodcast.com

In Season 3, Episode 67 of Welcome to the Suburbs, Andy and Greg wade into the deep end of summer with a mix of the bizarre, the spooky, and the hilariously mundane. From a comedy club condo with a bathtub full of spaghetti to neighborhood ghost sightings, no story is too strange.  They unravel the tale of a mysteriously locked door, a little girl apparition, and even a ghostly grandma. The guys also tackle the pressing issue of missing People magazines, postal service adventures, and the curious world of “Gaylords” (the warehouse kind).  Rounding things out are hot takes on Cirque du Soleil, zombie house flipping, and the fine art of scripted spontaneity. www.suburbspodcast.com

Andy and Greg are back with another late-night ramble through suburban life—this time tackling everything from questionable sleep aids to nostalgic rock trivia. Greg recounts his epic sleep study fail, his reluctant romance with a CPAP machine, and the insurance company’s passive-aggressive text reminders.  Andy dives into the hilariously sketchy marketing of the “Pillow Mate” speaker—ideal for listening to cricket matches (because, why not?).  Along the way, they detour into Emerson, Lake & Palmer album art, Sting’s accidental Money for Nothing lawsuit, Robert Palmer’s mysterious career, and why the Indianapolis Museum of Art now hates dogs. It’s a ride filled with absurdity, nostalgia, and just enough suburban chaos to make you laugh out loud. Grab your favorite pillow (but keep it away from electrical wiring), settle in, and enjoy another unpredictable trip to The Suburbs. www.suburbspodcast.com

Greg and Andy return with a laugh-filled episode that proves no topic is too small—or too outdated—for the suburbs.  From banks that don’t carry cash to fax machines that cost $6, the guys dig into the absurdities of modern (and not-so-modern) life.  Greg shares a “Tiny Town” update about his sister’s attempt to subdivide a lake house master bedroom, leading to a hilarious comparison to Spinal Tap’s Stonehenge debacle.  Along the way, we meet Bob’s Bank, discover why Red Mesa won’t stop texting, and revisit Andy’s  traumatic ice skating history. It’s fast, funny, and oddly informative—just how you like it. www.suburbspodcast.com

Greg bought another house… maybe. In this episode, Andy and Greg dive into the potential of a second Airbnb property—a rundown rental filled with broken vacuums, creepy tenants, and enough duct tape to make MacGyver proud. But is it a gold mine or a future episode of Hoarders? Also on the docket: • A chemical peel gone wrong • A building inspector with stogie-and-thermos energy • Bagging etiquette at Walmart • And Greg’s night at the sleep study center (spoiler: no bolts in his neck) Whether you’re into real estate, ridiculous retail encounters, or respiratory therapy, this one’s got you covered. www.suburbspodcast.com

In this episode, Andy and Greg dive beard-first into a tangle of hilarious and heartfelt tales—from a mysterious missing painting and a very questionable uncle, to mustache-clad IndyCar superfans and sketchy roadside motels. There’s also a dog who finally learns to eat on his own (after four years), a fish funeral that rivals ancient civilizations, and a bizarre addiction to Vicks inhalers. Whether it’s the Mustache Club, awkward hotel encounters, or getting called out at the speedway, this episode has everything you didn’t know you needed. www.suburbspodcast.com

Andy and Greg head back to school… art school, that is. In this episode, Greg shares his wild ride through metal sculpting, finger-welding, and an intro-to-oil-painting class taught by a barely-awake instructor. From making a fish out of scrap metal to navigating toxic paints and art-class chaos, they cover it all—with plenty of laughs (and a few bandages) along the way. Grab your smock (or your mom’s blouse) and join us for another hilarious trip to the suburbs! www.suburbspodcast.com

After 35 years of marriage, Greg has finally learned that guessing gifts before unwrapping them is not a love language. Even when he means well, his psychic present-sleuthing sucks the joy out of the moment. To help, he’s turned to acting classes—because pretending to be surprised is apparently a skill. Elsewhere in suburbia: – Greg’s double-shot vaccine appointment turns into a tequila-scented CVS horror show. – Jennifer pays the HOA fee on time—but not a moment sooner. – A well-intentioned meeting at the bank with his sister ends in tears… and puke. Acting skills help, but you won’t need them to enjoy Season 3, Episode 59 of Welcome to the Suburbs. www.suburbspodcast.com

When Greg’s dad was alive, he was an endless source of rants. Checking in with him was like uncorking a genie of angst—30 minutes of pure frustration directed at everything from junk mail to the cost of mulch to the absurd volume of acorns. In this episode of Welcome to the Suburbs, we start with one of his classic rants—this time about Hulu. Meanwhile, Andy shares the one minor detail he forgot before his wedding: getting legally divorced. Turns out, being emotionally divorced isn’t enough for the Indiana judicial system. Who knew? The guys also dive into the grandparent naming debate. Greg thinks kids should choose naturally. Andy’s mom, however, insisted on being called Grandma-Ma—because apparently, she thought she was in The Sound of Music. Speaking of which, Greg would rather watch almost anything else—including movies that don’t even exist yet. Inspired by a book from Greg’s daughter, the guys compare their top 10 movies and music albums. Andy’s take on Greg’s list? “You sound like a toddler.” And Greg’s music taste? “Basically Dave Matthews’ Greatest Hits with a couple of Zeppelin tracks to throw me off.” Andy also just went to a vinyl record show, where the entire place smelled like a mix of old cigarettes, weed, and Grandma’s attic. He even passed on one album because it reeked so badly. Greg wondered if it was a stop smoking album—maybe the original owner didn’t even finish it before the cigarettes took them out. What made Andy’s top 10? What’s Greg’s actual worst movie of all time? And what’s the deal with kids and weird grandparent names? Tune in to Episode 58 for all this and more! www.suburbspodcast.com

Greg and Andy are back in the studio for Episode 57, and things are already off the rails. Greg and Keely are on Day 3 of a six-day grandparent experiment, babysitting their three-year-old granddaughter—and let’s just say it’s not going smoothly for Greg. Greg, in an effort to be the fun grandpa, has reduced his granddaughter to tears multiple times—all thanks to a toy cell phone and a deep commitment to realism. He’d pretend to answer the phone, then rattle off his Social Security number, PIN, and grandmother’s maiden name before looking at her and saying: “But she didn’t order a John Deere 700 series tractor with port and starboard attachments. Did you?” Cue: 10 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing. Keely laughed—until she didn’t. “Grandpa, you’re scaring her.” Lesson learned: Know your audience. Also, check your credit report after spending a night at Meemaw and Grandpa’s house. Kidneys, Weddings & Questionable Life Choices Meanwhile, their daughter Carly is off in Mexico, stying hair an event. Her husband, Matt, tagged along because, well, it’s Mexico. And he’s always wanted to wake up in a bathtub full of ice, missing a kidney. Andy then takes the conversation in an entirely different direction: Jennifer’s wedding dress shopping adventure. Somehow, it devolved into a My Little Pony-themed birthday party for grown women. Long story short, Prosecco-fueled giggles led to a wedding dress that Jennifer absolutely did NOT want. Was it bedazzled, and rainbow colored? Greg asked.  Can alterations fix a bridal regret? Maybe. But step one: Put the champagne flute down before swiping the credit card. Britney Spears, Katy Perry & Andy’s Unwanted Pop Culture Knowledge Turns out Andy just finished reading a book about Britney Spears. Greg, however, was subjected to an unrequested crash course in Britney’s life when Jennifer’s trashy tabloid magazine arrived in the mail. Andy, clearly proud of his newfound knowledge, keeps dropping facts like he personally wrote her Wikipedia page. “You should read her book,” Andy suggests, sincerely. “NO.” Greg’s response is instant. “How about Katy Perry?” “Still no.” If Greg ever reads a Britney Spears memoir, it’ll be because he’s a highly accomplished man with absolutely nothing left to do. Final take a way from this episode, if Greg’s granddaughter opens a line of credit in his name next week, at least he’ll know she definitely didn’t order a John Deere 700 series tractor with port and starboard attachments from a toy phone. www.suburbspodcast.com

Here’s a shocker: The wife of a Wisconsin kayaker who faked his own drowning to abandon his family and run off to Eastern Europe is now filing for divorce. Didn’t see that coming, did you? Episode 56 of Welcome to the Suburbs takes a deep dive into Ryan Borgwardt’s ridiculous escape attempt, how authorities tracked him down, and why guys like this make our job easy. If this is your first time listening, don’t be fooled into thinking we’re a True Crime podcast. No, we just prefer making fun of dumb criminals over solving cases. But that’s just the beginning… Rosslyn Retreat Needs a Jingle – Andy is determined to get Greg to write lyrics for their Airbnb, promising that national recording artist Jimi Ryser will craft the melody. Andy is convinced that once guests hear it, they’ll extend their stay. Greg points out that their first guest asked for two extensions. Andy asks, “Extension cords?” Greg responds, “Yes. She wanted to fake her own death by hanging herself in the bathroom.” Welcome to hospitality. Andy asked if their insurance covered that? Greg said, only liability. If I' there encouraging her to jump, we're covered Should Greg and Keely Buy a Lake House to Airbnb?  – Andy suggests they rent a backhoe and dig their own lake. You know I used a backhoe for my summer job landscaping Eagle Creek Golf Course. At that point the conversation goes off the rails as Greg reveals the other employees were ex-cons from the Haughville neighborhood in Indianapolis. The college kid got his education from former felons.  Every Friday after they were paid, they’d cash their check and drink. After recovering from a crushed pelvis, the result of losing control of a backhoe after drinking, Jim, one of the Haughville gang, got into a knife fight at a party and cut his finger off. His Haughville brethren rushed him to the hospital where it was reattached. As they left the hospital Jim realized it was early enough to go back to the party to finish the fight. “Hold my finger. I’m gunna kick his ass.” Fast Food & Worm Burgers – Andy asks Greg if he ever worked in fast food. Nope. But Greg’s brother Tom worked at Wendy’s when the “ground worms in the burgers” rumor was at its peak. This launches Greg into a wild story about worm hunting in Huntsville, Alabama, where his ex-girlfriend’s dad showed him how to summon giant gray worms by banging on the ground near rotten logs. Andy, horrified, asks, “Big like snakes?” Greg, unimpressed, responds, “Snakes come in different sizes. That’s like asking, how long is a ball of string?” Speaking of Snakes…  – A python in Florida was caught eating a white-tailed deer. Greg wonders if the snake was incredibly fast or just had the reflexes of a center fielder. Either way, Florida stays undefeated in the “What the Hell is Happening” department. Turkey Neck Gravy & Andy’s Nausea  – When Andy finds out Greg once made gravy out of turkey neck meat, his stomach turns. What was the occasion? What’s Greg’s secret recipe for neck meat gravy? Only one way to find out. Join us for Episode 56 of Welcome to The Suburbs—where fake deaths, felon wisdom, and fast food horror stories collide! www.suburbspodcast.com

Greg kicks off the episode with a sigh of relief: "Life is good—no one’s spilled my bodily fluids over any parking lots." But that doesn't mean he’s not stirring up some suburban chaos. First up, Greg embraces his new role as "trailer guy"—but vows never to be that trailer guy stranded on the roadside without a spare tire. Andy points out that some boat owners don’t even think to bring a spare, leading to Greg’s latest revelation: "If you can drop 200K on a boat, maybe spring for the extra tire." Traffic woes continue as Greg finds himself stuck behind the worst kind of suburban drivers—the ones who create their own lanes. Instead of sitting idly by, he takes matters into his own hands, pulling his 4-Runner and utility trailer onto the shoulder to block them. Andy dubs it "setting a pick." Greg takes it a step further: "I did set a pick, but he rolled, and no one picked him up. So he drove to the hoop." Meanwhile, Rosslyn Retreat still needs a theme song. Andy suggests recruiting Jimi Ryser. Greg envisions a motion-activated musical greeting—"except guests would think they were walking into a raid." The duo then reminisces about a recording session with Flo & Eddie of The Turtles, where backing vocals weren’t the only thing getting smoked. Andy reveals the session ended with a stand full of roaches—prompting Greg to compare it to today’s potent morning commutes: "A Graphix Bong couldn’t even handle that!" And finally, Greg recounts another lake house sibling saga—this time involving a kayak, winter storage, and the potential for petty revenge. Will he cut it into pieces and leave it in the bathroom? Or will a wind-up kayak in the toilet suffice? To wrap it all up, they dive into a series of faking death fails—from a botched Indy plane crash to a televangelist’s tragic aviation misadventure. Because if you’re going to fake your death, maybe don’t do it in a way that could actually kill you. Join Greg and Andy for another round of suburban absurdity, where traffic justice, family drama, and bizarre life choices all collide! www.suburbspodcast.com