What I've Learned About Love

Have you ever felt like you weren't "queer enough"? Whether that be in how you look, dress, live your life, or how you do relationships... we might sometimes feel as though we're not visibly or overtly queer enough.  Queer Gomeroi person and Sex Educator Shania Eddy joined me to speak on their experience coming out and finding language to authentically describe themselves, both in gender and sexual orientation.  We talk about LGBTQ+ labels, STI stigmas, living with ADHD, dating with genital herpes, the concept of "comp het", slut shaming and sex positivity. Shania also shares her experience growing from a once hyper-independent person and into someone who connects deeply and vulnerably with their partner Dani - their first queer relationship. Music: Cal Newton Artwork: Abi Coldrey

In a world that tells us that one of the most meaningful things we can do with our lives is to have kids, what happens when we choose to be child-free? Well, we find meaning elsewhere and, shock horror, there's plenty of places to find it. Alex and Jay O'Neill-King joined me on the show to talk about their journey deciding not to have kids, biological or otherwise. They've been together 11 years, married for 5 of them, and although there were moments along the way where they considered having a baby, the couple are confident in the choice they eventually made to rule out the idea completely.  We talk about finding meaning and connection through having a "fur baby", showing up for nieces and nephews, and working in helping professions. We also briefly talk about "the maternal instinct", child birth, healing from childhood trauma, vasectomies, drug and alcohol addiction, and navigating change in long-term relationships. Artwork: Abi Coldrey Music: Cal Newton

Whether it's in marriage or the workplace, Sheilla Njoto-Thomson researches how women are discriminated against based on gender. Her recent PhD research looked into how hiring software and algorithms favour resumes that use "masculine" language (over "feminine"), therefore privileging male applicants over female.  In this episode, Sheilla  not only talks about her research findings of workplace gender-based discrimination, but shares her personal experiences of how she processes her feelings towards patriarchy and oppression within her marriage and with her husband Andy. We talk about heteronormativity, the division of domestic labour, mental load, weaponised incompetence, the caregiving penalty, the emotional burden of needing to educate her partner, and more. Design: Abi Coldrey Music: Cal Newton

What does it mean to be sex positive? In this solo episode I define what sex positivity is at its core, while also challenging the ways in which it can be taken out of context.  Why have I called it "the sex positivity paradox"? Well… I've noticed that, sometimes, people can unknowingly use the term in ways that defeat the whole purpose of what the sex positive movement set out to achieve.  I talk about shame, trauma, pleasure, healthy relationships, celibacy and more. If you feel like you don't fit in, like you're "inexperienced" in sex, or you're having (or not having) sex that feels inauthentic to you, then this episode is especially for you. Design: Abi Coldrey Music: Cal Newton

"Coming in" is a concept that came about as an alternative to coming out. Registered Psychologist and Narrative Therapist, Sekneh Hammoud-Beckett came up with the idea alongside her queer brother over a decade ago. In this episode we talk more about coming in, how Sekneh integrates narrative therapy with psychology, where "coming out" falls short for LGBTQ+ people, and what it looks like to challenge traditional relationship norms and discover for ourselves what fits for our identity and preferences.  Music: Cal Newton Design: Abi Coldrey

For an experience that happens to so many people, miscarriage is something that's hardly spoken about. Many suffer in silence. Not Jacqui Maloney, as she's come to learn. After having 2 miscarriages, part of Jacqui's healing has involved sharing her experience with loved ones and the people around her.  We talk about processing grief, anger, blame and trauma. Jacqui reflects on the relationships she had throughout those chapters, offering her perspective on what can be helpful for people going through pregnancy loss.  Jacqui is a Public Speaking and Media Coach, using her voice to not only champion having difficult conversations, but to uplift others in sharing their message.  This episode is for people who've experience miscarriage, their loved ones, and basically everyone - because the more we spread awareness around this human experience that occurs 1 in every 4 pregnancies, the more we can distigmatise the conversation and hold space for people's pain.  The organisations we mention in the podcast include: https://www.pinkelephants.org.au/ https://www.bearsofhope.org.au/ https://www.sands.org.au/ Music: Cal Newton Design: Abi Coldrey

When Kosta Lucas underwent gastric sleeve surgery in 2015, it dramatically altered the way he understood himself and the way people perceived him. In this episode, we chat about his multi-layered experience of masculinity, body image, fatphobia, privilege, dating, and his work - which, at its core, looks into humanity's need for belonging, meaning and connection. Kosta  is a researcher and writer in the field of preventing and countering violent extremism. He holds a double degree in Law and Arts from the University of Notre Dame Australia and a Masters of Peace and Conflict Studies from the University of Sydney. Kosta has amassed over 10 years of experience in policy, research, community service and private industry roles. Clients have included Google, YouTube, Facebook, the United Nations and various government agencies to address the myriad factors contributing to extremism and polarization in civil society. Kosta is also a sessional academic, teaching in the area of Terrorism and Violent Extremism, Cybersecurity, and World Politics and Global Development. Kosta has also spoken of his experience of gastric sleeve surgery on his very atmospheric and poetic podcast, This is Sparta.  Design: Abi Coldrey Music: Cal Newton

Natasha Lama (or Lama for short) started her Instagram @browngirl.sexology shortly after being diagnosed with genital herpes (HSV-1) several years ago. Her goal: to add to the conversation of destigmatising STIs.  Having grown up in Malaysia with a South Asian background, Lama uses her Instagram to celebrate South Asian and South-East Asian young adults being open, informed, and curious about their sexualities. She posts about sex, bodies, relationships, pleasure and STI education. In this episode we talk about all these things and more, like her experiences noticing colourism, white feminism, intersectionality, unrealistic beauty standards, sex negativity, and STI stigmas that exist across many cultures.  Lama is a psychotherapist in the making, currently living in Melbourne, completing a Master of Counselling. Neither Lama or Mim are medical professionals, so of course as always, if this episode has raised any questions, please consult your GP or local sexual health clinic to learn more about STIs.  Design: Abi Coldrey Music: Cal Newton

Being single can often be treated as the "in between" phase, not the destination. Within the last year, I made the choice to be consciously celibate, meaning I not only happen to be single, but I've intentionally kept it that way. In this solo episode I share my reasoning behind this decision and why I'm absolutely loving it. Whether you've just gone through a break up, have been single for a long time, have never been in a relationship, or you're partnered - this episode is for everyone.  Design: Abi Coldrey Music: Cal Newton

IVF is a mystery to many. Where do you start? Who do you trust? If you're a same-sex couple, where do you go for queer-inclusive support?  Through IVF, Rosie Thomas and her partner Stella welcomed their daughter Joey into the world just over a year ago. After dedicating the last 2 decades to her "first baby", PROJECT ROCKIT (the business she co-founded with her sister Lucy), Rosie is now leaning into a new chapter in life: motherhood.  In this episode Rosie shares her experience of pregnancy, becoming a parent, gender expectations, bisexuality, and her 15-year relationship with Stella. Please note that neither Rosie nor Mim are medical professionals nor experts in IVF and pregnancy.  This episode shares one person's experience of IVF, which can look different for everyone. Rosie uses the term " IUI" in the interview, she is referencing intrauterine insemination. IVF refers to in vitro fertilisation.  Music by Cal Newton Artwork by Abi Coldrey

In Australia, there is a strong mining industry.  FIFO refers to “fly in, fly out”. Companies fly their staff to rural sites to work days, often weeks, at a time, then return home before repeating the whole cycle again. This can look like “4 days on, 3 days off” or “2 weeks on, 1 week off”, for example.  It’s the kind of work that can take a real toll on relationships and families. Dr Jacinta di Prinzio has been with her partner Alistair for 13 years, a relationship that has navigated FIFO, university studies, each of them starting their own businesses, and years renovating their new home.  Dr J has over 14 years experience in the health and wellness industry. She is an Integrative Chiropractor, co-director at Open Space Healing in Fremantle, Perth, and co-Founder of trending business podcast Hustle with Heart. In this episode we talk about the very real impacts relationship conflict and stresses can have on our bodies, and Dr J offers some suggestions of where to begin in helping heal our nervous system.  You can find Dr J on Instagram at @drjacintadiprinzio or @hustlewithheartpodcast Music by Cal Newton Design by Abi Coldrey

Seth Malacari (he/they) came out as non-binary transmasculine in 2021 one and a half years into his relationship with Claire Thomas (she/her). In this episode, the couple share their experiences of gender transitioning while in a relationship, which for Seth included changing his name, starting hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and undergoing top surgery. Seth and Claire live together with their 7-year-old daughter and poodle-mix puppy. Seth is a writer and transgender educator passionate about bringing more trans representation into fiction.  You can check out his work on his website www.getyawordsout.org or Instagrams @sethmalacari and @getyawordsout Music by Cal Newton Design by Abi Coldrey

Before releasing weekly interviews with a variety of guests this season, here are some important things to know about the podcast host Mim Kempson, her values, and what to expect from the show.  3:45 Swearing 3:52 This podcast is not therapy 4:20 I am not a psychologist 4:37 See this podcast as a metaphor for relationships 5:33 I'm not here to please everyone 6:22 Relationships are a subjective topic 6:41 This podcast cannot fulfil all your needs 7:20 Discretion 8:50 Universals 9:31 "Consent" isn't just about sex 13:55 Being an adult (emotionally) 14:41 Disclaimers and trigger warnings 16:43 No one owes you their story 17:46 Generalisations 18:45 My perspective 21:40 "Therapist" does not equal perfect 23:34 Qualifications  Artwork by Abi Coldrey Music by Calum Newton

In the lead up to the podcast's launch, here are some snippets of the voices you'll be hearing this season. Featured in order: Alex O'Neill-King, Kosta Lucas, Sheilla Njoto-Thompson, Dr Jacinta di Prinzio. Head to www.mimkempson.com or @theconnectioncoach_ on Instagram to grab tickets to the launch event in Perth (WA) on Monday evening the 18th of September 2023.  Photography by Heilam Lui Artwork by Abi Coldrey Music by Calum Newton