Whatever Amen : Sex and Love

A totally compatible bunch   Compatibility and Soul Mates: the wild-childs crew tells all! (Or rather, tells a couple things, that may or may not be true.)     Amy Childs | Happiness Consultant Share on Facebook

After being first raised in a religious community that considers [heterosexual] marriage to be “holy,” then raised by a single mom who rejected many (if not all) of those values, where do my 20-something children land now (today anyway), in their thoughts/feelings/experiences about marriage and commitment? That’s kinda what we talked about in this episode. Thanks for being with us! Amy Childs | Happiness Consultant Share on Facebook

“I would rather feel this ache than feel nothing at all.” – Nikiah “Breaking up is the most important part of being in a relationship.” – Jonathan “I think breaking up is glorious!” – Kayla Childs Fam with Significant Others “On a Roller Coaster” * *Also seems applicable to “breaking up…” Enjoy! Amy Childs | Happiness Consultant Share on Facebook

Jay Very, a trans-identified friend of mine (yes that’s right he said we could be friends, right on the podcast!), kept a video diary for 5 years, and the footage is now being edited by Bethany (my niece and well-loved podcast guest) on its way to being a documentary, “The Jay Very Story.” While waiting for that time to come, you can listen to some interesting morsels in today’s interview, and hopefully that will help you be patient. Jay and Bethany talk about all kinds of good stuff, including wearing leather and speedos, social anxiety, the queer trans community, cockroaches, drinking, drugs, bad singing, not fitting in, depression, cross-dressing, being yourself, being happy under any circumstance, and finding friends who like you for who you are. Jay says “Back in my day you had to carry your queerness uphill, both ways, barefoot, in the snow…” We’ve come a long way, baby!  Thanks in no small part to people like Bethany and Jay. Bethany and Jay And thanks also to Shelley Segal for today’s Apocalyptic Love Song, which was inspired by and is dedicated to Hitch. Yes I understand that my whole life is just a blink of an eye In the history of the earth, as with each moment that goes by, But this moment that I am with you It feels like time has stood still, It feels somehow like it matters, And that it always will. And I think that’s what being alive, and being in it together, is all about. (Well that, and snacks.) ~Amy Share on Facebook

So after a couple years of celibacy (jeepers, was it only a couple years? Why did it feel like a couple decades?), I woke up one morning with a sudden and clear *ping* in my brain that meant to me that it was time for the ‘vow’ to be over.  Just kinda like that. As part of my un-vowing process, one thing I wanted to do was to ask Daniel Mackler some questions about celibacy, dating, sex, relationships – and I recorded the conversation so all y’all could eavesdrop. What a day, what a life, what a world – and whatever, whatever. Amen little carsie offers her opinion on all this   Oh and have you downloaded Carsie Blanton’s new album yet? Have you heard that she gives her music away? So just go listen already!   Share on Facebook

I asked Jonathan to tell me about some of the things he’s learning and thinking about in his relationship with Briel and in life in general.  He shared about talking slower, talking less, not talking at all, learning to hold a grudge and compromising. Encouragingly, at the end he says “The only way you’re going to understand what I’m saying is if you’re psychic.”  Um, so, yeah- good luck with that. Today’s closing number is from Portland’s Fred Van Vactor, who says this is his real name, and who has some fun songs for us to enjoy in coming episodes – so get ready for a quirky dance party coming your way. In the meantime, I’m a gonna stop talking now. Amy Share on Facebook

Jonathan and Briel skyping for this podcast Yep you heard me, my firstborn child is now an engaged man.  If you want to hear them give the blow by blow of how this happened, this show is just for you. “I don’t need a holiday to send love your way….” (Thanks Jake Snider!!)         Share on Facebook

Today, continuing in the tradition of amusing ourselves, Kara and I discuss relationships (pros and cons), comfort (pros and cons), commitment (pros and cons), sex addiction (pros and cons) and gay (and human) pride. Today’s musical endnote is provided by “Griz,” and background kitty noises provided by my sister’s cats, Tara and Piper. Share on Facebook

In this final ‘Season 6′ episode about ‘Sex & Love’, we talked about: Why would Daniel ever be in a romantic/sexual relationship? Why would an enlightened person ever be in a romantic/sexual relationship? Are there times when relationships help people grow? What does Daniel think about commitment and contracts? And more! PS:  I’ve been getting some feedback that these shows take “f o r e v e r” to download – and that these long episodes are even worse.  Alls I can say is: sorry bout dat.  Guess we’re getting what we’re paying for… So thanks for your patience.  A good reminder to breathe, right? Share on Facebook

In today’s “season six intermission” I reveal a bit more of my profound confusion regarding anything sex/love.  “But it’s not my fault,” I explain, “I’m just a super-freak is all.” Part of what gets me all muddled up is that I can’t find a way to reconcile the things that Daniel says about relationships with the things my kids say about relationships. Another thing that gets me muddled up is that I still haven’t even been able to identify whether my past relationships were fundamentally “good” or “bad.”  Not a great place to start when looking for decisive clarity. The only thing I can possibly say at this juncture is, to be continued…. And also I could say: Thanks Jake Snider for sharing his tune with us, “Real Life.” Rockin’ it out, bewilderment notwithstanding- Amy Share on Facebook

More meandering! Today’s topics include… -Is it a boundary violation to intrude on someone’s false self? -How do you distinguish another person’s true self from their false self? -What do healthy adult humans really need? -Can being “in love” be a part of a healing path? And in the end Amy confesses some of her deepest desires… to hide and to be alone.  So then why the heck do you have this podcast? Daniel asks.  I KNOW RIGHT!? (And out loud I said, politely, “Yeah well, it’s been a struggle…”) Yours in blah blah blah, Amy Share on Facebook

Daniel says that “to love is to nurture.” And other things too. “Love” is the topic of today’s interview, and in it we talk about healthy and unhealthy kinds of love, mature and immature kinds of love, having crushes and being “in love.” At the end I asked Daniel a little bit about his own history with these things, why he chose to be celibate, and whether his celibate lifestyle is a “for now” or a “forever” thing. The adventure continues… Share on Facebook

According to Daniel Mackler, a relationship is healthy to the degree that its purpose is to support those in the relationship in growing toward truth and being one’s true self. However, in his experience and observation, most (if not all) romantic ties have “comfort” as their primary purpose, even when it hinders growth and requires compromise of the true self. What do you think? Post your comments, rebuttals and questions here (if you feel like it,) and we’ll address your feedback in a future episode. Also, if you sometimes get confused by talk of “intimacy” and “boundaries” (’cause I do, just sayin’,) Daniel has a pretty succinct way of cutting through the psychobabble and giving some nice simple definitions. I like that. I was trying to think of a good April Fools joke to play, but my kids pointed out that April Fools jokes are usually just mean, so never mind. But have a fun first day of April anyway! xoAmy Share on Facebook

Thanks to my new friend Paul (an expert at the game “20 Questions”), today’s discussion covers: Do I plan to be celibate forever? Do I miss sex? Do I regret my past relationships? What’s with my love affair with Philadelphia? What have I learned from doing “Season 5?” And as Paul discovered today, if you want to know anything more about “what I think about orgies” it’ll cost you a dinner (including ample leftovers for my kids).  At least. And once again, today’s music is all thanks to the lovely Alexandra Day. xo~Amy Share on Facebook

Jessica (who graciously un-muted her phone for the purpose of this podcast) asked me things like… What were the good and hard things about your past relationships? How did you know when it was time for those relationships to end? And perhaps most importantly, so what DO you think about orgies?? (Spoiler alert: no further answer provided.) in the back yard of our Santa Barbara house 1975ish San Diego on New Years Day 2008 We’re also treated to another song from Alexandra Day’s new CD called Fall’s Last Kiss. Hope you enjoy it. Amy Share on Facebook

First of all Melanie and I laughed a lot, and luckily I didn’t pee my pants. Then she asked me to talk about my most recent thoughts and feelings about sex and love, and I blithered about something along those lines. Carsie Blanton sings the song of hers that I consider my sex/love theme song* – not a pretty sight.  But at least now maybe you’ll understand the need for some celibacy around here. Amy *The characters depicted in this song are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental. Share on Facebook

Back in October 2010, the challenge was declared: Megan and Thor were going to have sex at least 30 times in the 30 days before Thor turned 30. What started as a little game turned into a whole movement… with lots of surprise endings! Share on Facebook

Because so many questions about open relationships arose after my interview with Bethany on the last sex&love episode, I decided to offer listeners some more information about polyamorous relationships, lifestyles and choices. Toward this end, I asked my friend Bob Bruhin to share his experiences and observations with us, and he kindly agreed. Today Bob shares his experience of and views about: – why people choose to enter an open or polyamorous relationship; – the challenges and benefits of being in an open or polyamorous relationship; – some common mistakes and misunderstandings about these kinds of relationships; – what makes relationships healthy, whether monogamous or otherwise. If you’re curious to hear more about this unconventional way of living and loving, then here you go….Have at it! The song I played at the end of today’s show (“Millionaire Girlfriend”) made me “lol” – thank you Jonathan Coultan (and thanks to Bob for finding him). xoAmy Share on Facebook

I asked my brave and adorable niece if she’d talk with me about her open relationship and she said yes! The reason I think she’s brave is – if you have a traditional religious upbringing,  choosing a life of non-monogamy (and being open about it!) is a sure-fire way to make some people think badly of you.  (Just sayin’.) But Bethany is not deterred! and today shares with us about  her love of freedom and her relationships, giving up control, growing past jealousy, dealing with  insecurity, her drive to be independent, and the time it takes to grow up.  She also sings to us at the end. Like I said, our lucky day. xoAmy PS: Bethany loves her parents, and if they should happen to listen to this interview (or even if they don’t) she is sorry if it somehow makes them feel uncomfortable. Share on Facebook

Here’s the challenge, as stated by Thor’s wife, Megan: On November 8th, Thor turns 30. I wanted to do something really meaningful to honor him. And what does Thor care about more than almost anything? Sex. So here’s the idea: I am proposing a challenge to us all to have sex 30 times in the 30 days before Thor turns 30. At least, that’s our goal. You may have more or less, but the point is to have as much as possible during that month, in Thor’s name. The challenge will begin October 6 and will end with a party at the C&S Club (21+) on the night of Saturday, November 6 at 9 o’clock (only because November 8th is a Monday, and who wants to have a party on a Monday?). We’ll bring some snacks, cake, and non-alcoholic beverages. Alcohol is available for purchase at the bar. At the party we will have t-shirts for all who participated in the challenge, with the option to proudly display your number for all to see. There will be prizes awarded for highest numbers in the couples, single female and single male categories. There will be consolation prizes for any zeros out there. You may, of course, choose to keep your number to yourself, but you won’t be eligible for any prizes. Many of you are out of town, and some may not want or be able to come to the party for various reasons. We would still love for you to participate, perhaps as a boost to your relationships or just to give yourself a little more fun. Please, don’t keep this to yourselves. Anyone, anywhere can join in. Spread the word. Invite your friends to join the movement and/or come to the party. During the month, post your numbers on your Facebook status to cheer each other on. Together, we can make the world a better place. FAQs Q: What Is Sex? A: When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, blah blah blah … Oral or intercourse culminating in yada yada yada. Q: What, is Thor some kind of a pervert? A: Takes one to know one. Q: Not all of us are able to participate in the challenge, are you trying to rub it in? A: Of course not! We understand that there are lots of reasons that many of you don’t want to, can’t, or shouldn’t be having sex right now. We still want to party with you, so come on over. You don’t even have to be happy for us. So who can pass up on that?! (Especially if you don’t even have to be happy for the lucky couple?!) Party on, Amy WWA’s “music guy” Ryan Tennis wrote a song (written and recorded in an hour or so) just for the occasion called “Everybody Wants To.”  I think you’ll like it. Share on Facebook