Are you more committed to wanting that which you desire, or to having it? It’s easy to decipher the answer to this question – it’s in the results. If you look at your life do you mostly have the things that you want, or do you mostly want things that you don’t have? The question, “To what are you committed?” has recently come into my awareness. This question is potentially life changing. It’s life changing because most of us are more committed to wanting than we are to having, and it is our commitments that determine our results. If we learn to flip this commitment around then we magically start having what we want. Here is what I’m learning… Listen to the podcast version of this post below
In my mind It has recently become clear to me that I am more committed to wanting than to having. In a previous post titled ‘How to create inner peace and possibility‘ I talked about cultivating the observer within us. This observer is the one who watches all that we do, choose, feel and think. And it is through this observer that I have seen my commitment to wanting. Stepping away as the observer I see in my mind the various scenarios of wanting, and then the choices that I make that support the wanting. And let’s be clear – the wanting is at the expense of the having. Conditions This commitment to wanting is clear to see through the stories that we tell ourselves. Each of these stories about wanting involves a certain condition or set of conditions. I’ll be happy when I start making more money. I’ll be free when I retire. I’ll feel complete when I find and can be with my soulmate. I’ll feel fulfilled when I find my dream job. I’ll be at peace when I heal my ailment, get some sleep, take a vacation. Each of these thought patterns begins with a desire and ends with a condition. And this is what a commitment to wanting looks like. In another previous post titled ‘Move beyond false choices‘ I talked about how many more options are available to us than we think. Buying into the idea that our choices are limited to one thing or another is a lot like the conditions we create that prevent us having the things that we want. Many stories that we create with conditions are right at the surface for us to see, and others are buried deep. But if we take some time and a close look we uncover them. Step 1, check So as always this first thing, the awareness, is what begins to change us. The awareness is what sets us on the path from wanting to having. There is nothing new that happens without awareness. Without awareness we operate 99% on long held unconscious and subconscious patterns. So, let’s simply celebrate in our awareness, because it’s huge. Step 1, awareness, check. And what is this awareness? It’s the awareness that despite all of our thinking that we could and should have something or be something or do something, we stop ourselves from having, being and doing through our commitment to wanting. No one else It is this commitment to wanting and not any other person or circumstance or set of circumstances that limits us. We have this commitment to wanting because of familiarity and comfort. It is more comfortable to want things than it is to actually make new choices that lead to us having, being and doing. We are committed to the wanting and the commitment shows up in our patterns of thought and behavior. The wanting feels familiar, comfortable, and safe. So, what do we do? We unconsciously make choices that support our continued wanting – the same choices that prevent us from having. Compassionate curiosity Thankfully, we can change our commitment. We can take a step away from our patterns and allow our new awareness to support some new choices through compassionate curiosity. Any change that we want to make must start with this. Start by being curious about the patterns that prevent you from having, but do so with compassion. There is an analogy here to trying to lose weight. One approach to losing weight is to do so with dislike of the weight and judgment toward yourself. This is as unkind as it is ineffective. The alternative is to become curious about the part of yourself who became overweight and to offer this part compassion and acceptance. This kindness, this approach through Love can open the door to new choices about food, exercise, and overall health. The new choices come from a place of reverence and desire to make choices that reflect Love of oneself. This works. Attempting to change from a place of judgment is futile while change from compassion and curiosity is holistic and transformative. Low Hanging Fruit So, we can use our compassionate curiosity to start choosing to have what we want. First, we become aware of the arbitrary conditions that we are unconsciously creating that stall and prevent our expansion into having that which we desire. Then we become compassionately curious about the patterns of thought and patterns of choice that perpetuate our continued wanting without having. The next thing is to simply ask ourselves if we are willing to make some new choices. In another previous post titled ‘Don’t let familiarity limit you‘ I talked about the power of making new, small choices to support your awakening and your freedom from stagnation. The same idea applies here. Start with the easy choices, the little ones, the low hanging fruit. Take baby steps. A choice can be an action, such as what we choose to eat, whether or not to meditate, or whether we say YES to a new opportunity. But it can also be how we choose to look upon a person, what we choose to think about, how we approach a task or whether we judge or accept ourselves for a choice that we make. Choices are everywhere. Start Having Your choice patterns are not hard to see. Once you identify a limiting pattern it becomes easy to see more of them. Just start by noticing, allowing, and then become curious about what new choice might be available to you. This path of opening and expanding, this having beyond wanting and indeed this path of spiritual growth is not an all or nothing proposition. It begins with seeing that to which we are committed, questioning those commitments, and then becoming curious about new choices that become available when we shift our commitments. It’s easy to see the change because the results will be different. They’ll be lighter, easier, less dramatic, more open and more free. Has there ever been a person who went out to the mountains to breathe fresh air who said, “Boy I think I’ve had enough of this air, can we go back to breathing in the smog and fumes now?” The opposite is true. A hint of fresh air leads to a desire for more – and more is available. One small choice leads to other small choices and eventually the scale begins to tip toward less wanting and more having – having everything we desire. It’s all right here after all. For what it’s worth, and for the knowing that all is well. The post How to stop wanting and start having appeared first on tenderfoot yogi.
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